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Jeness18
02-23-2006, 12:54 AM
Does anyone have a funny joke? I need to hear a joke to cheer me up...and one to make me laugh. For some reason, I realized...I have no jokes...only ones I hear from other people. I want to hear a variety of jokes...

Why is the ocean friendly?

Cause it wAvEs :giggling:


Funny... I wanna laugh!:okay:
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Shadow
02-23-2006, 01:25 AM
hello
try this link they have loads of jokes
http://www.islamicboard.com/halal-fu...nny-jokes.html

i sometimes read them and most of them are pretty funny, most likely atleast a few will make you laugh
Reply

Jeness18
02-23-2006, 01:29 AM
Originally Posted by Shadow
hello
try this link they have loads of jokes
http://www.islamicboard.com/halal-fu...nny-jokes.html

i sometimes read them and most of them are pretty funny, most likely atleast a few will make you laugh

Yeah...thanks.. some are really funny in a cruel way lol
Reply

gr8man
02-23-2006, 01:04 PM
Asalimualikum
Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
Waikumsalam
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gr8man
02-23-2006, 01:10 PM
Asalmaualikum another one
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
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Malik
02-23-2006, 09:05 PM
;D
Originally Posted by gr8man
Asalmaualikum another one
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"
that was funny
Reply

Nawal89
02-23-2006, 10:06 PM
^lol, i've read it before, but in malay ;D.
Reply

czgibson
02-23-2006, 10:12 PM
Greetings,

One for the philosophers, this:

What's the difference between a stoic and a cynic?

A stoic is what brings the baby, a cynic is what you wash it in. :D

Peace
Reply

Takumi
02-23-2006, 10:14 PM
Where do you learn how to greet people?

A "high" school.
Reply

Kittygyal
02-23-2006, 10:16 PM
wow keep it low bro
Reply

Jeness18
02-24-2006, 01:14 AM
Originally Posted by Takumi
Where do you learn how to greet people?

A "high" school.
:giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: :giggling:

SOOO FUNNY! I didn't get it at first...and once I did...I couldn't stop laughing.
Reply

Cheb
02-24-2006, 01:32 AM
Fill in the blanks with anyone you want to make fun of :)

"One day, _____ was working on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running to him shouting:


"Omar, Omar... your daughter Layla just died in an accident". ____ was in panic ... not knowing what to do, he jumped from the 13th floor. While going down, he was near the tenth floor, when he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Layla! When he was near the fifth floor, he remembered he was not married! When he was about to hit the ground, he remembered he was not Omar."
Reply

*charisma*
02-24-2006, 02:27 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Nasruddin and the conqueror

A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin:

"Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?"

"God Forbid," said Nasruddin.

The newlyweds

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the
morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't
understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are
you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.

Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?

Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.

Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
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sweetangel16
02-24-2006, 02:54 AM
funny!:D
Reply

Takumi
02-24-2006, 02:55 AM
Why did the farmer quit his job?

He didn't like the "celery"
Reply

ABWAN
02-24-2006, 02:57 AM
Assalamu alaikum wr wb

well this is not exactly a joke per se...this is just a comedy skit by some brothers from MSA Dallas..

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...3574001&q=kobs

Thought it was funny!
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gr8man
02-25-2006, 02:57 PM
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.

He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."

The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"

He said "That same stupid guy called again
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The Ruler
02-25-2006, 04:11 PM
LOL da jokes r funnnyyyy ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Inshallah
02-27-2006, 06:29 AM
2 indians immigrate from india to canada. They've lived in canada for 1 year and they see how cool white people are and they wished they were the same. One day they were passing by a store and it said "Be white for $10" They both get really excited wow we can be white for only ten dollars one of them said, the other says you go try it out and if it works i'll do it 2. So one of them went and came back after 20 minutes, his face was all white and he looked like a canadian white person. His friend is amazed and says wow it really worked, you look so cool now and so white, his friend replys back to him: Shutup paki and walks away.
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gr8man
02-27-2006, 08:22 AM
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I’m a divorce lawyer."
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gr8man
03-01-2006, 07:14 AM
why in operation doctor ware a mask.becaues if they do any mistak so no one see his face.
Reply

handhuvar
03-02-2006, 07:14 PM
Originally Posted by Jeness18
Does anyone have a funny joke? I need to hear a joke to cheer me up...and one to make me laugh. For some reason, I realized...I have no jokes...only ones I hear from other people. I want to hear a variety of jokes...

Why is the ocean friendly?

Cause it wAvEs :giggling:


Funny... I wanna laugh!:okay:
:sl:
i like jokes too :)

i liked this one and thought of sharing this with u
forgive me if u dont like.
keep the speakers on

http://funnies.com/link.php?linkid=5684&id

hav a good laugh :giggling:
Reply

gr8man
03-03-2006, 06:54 AM
WORLD'S GREATEST IDIOTS
Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."

Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
A: Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.

Did you here about the idiot who won the 'Tour De France'?
He did a lap of Honour!

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!
Reply

MRR
08-03-2006, 08:46 PM
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in your genes.
Reply

MRR
08-03-2006, 08:59 PM
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.
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TheRightOne
08-04-2006, 02:38 AM
loool A "High" school
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shihab1
08-04-2006, 08:45 PM
what do u do wen u c a spaceman?

PARK in it man!!!!

:giggling:
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al-fateh
08-04-2006, 09:35 PM
LOL funny
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amatu
08-04-2006, 09:38 PM

funny joke :giggling:
Reply

afriend
08-04-2006, 09:39 PM
Originally Posted by shihab1
what do u do wen u c a spaceman?

PARK in it man!!!!

:giggling:
LOOOOOOL!!!!!!1

I got that slowly but when it came it was FUNNY! :p
Reply

amatu
08-04-2006, 09:41 PM
ive got a joke
here it is


A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
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afriend
08-04-2006, 09:51 PM
LOL^

Yeah I heard that ;D ;D
Reply

Kittygyal
08-04-2006, 09:58 PM
Originally Posted by amatu
ive got a joke
here it is


A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

ROFL!! ;D what joke lolz
Reply

amatu
08-05-2006, 11:46 AM
ive got another joke

An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]) (Qur'an 56:35-36)." Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.
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amirah_87
08-07-2006, 03:38 PM
as salaamu alaykum,

i heard of that hadeeth before...some ppl have completely misinterpreted that hadeeth and say ..that old ppl DONOT enter paradise..die whilst your young!! :X

I need something to make me laugh real bad :uhwhat:
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amatu
08-09-2006, 08:04 PM
im sorry sister i shouldnt have put that joke
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