Disowning?

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

:sl:
I need some advice. Yesterday I got into an arguement with a girl. This girl used to be really close to me a few years ago. But then we grew apart because she started to lose her islamic identity, and eventually she stopped praying all together. But I didn't give up hope. I tried to give her as much Da'wah as possible, and make Du'a for her. Yesterday when I saw her she wasn't wearing her Hijab. This really made me upset. I tried to speak to her about it in a nice calm way. She just kept ignoring my comments and turning away. This made me even more upset. So I started to tell her about the story of Nabi Nuh (as) and how the people used to turn away from him, and thrust their fingers into their ears, and how disliked this was to Allah 'azza wa jal. She then started to thrust her fingers into her ears in imitation of the people of Nabi Nuh (AS). I was really astonished. I asked her if she was mocking the Qur'an, but she continued to thrust her fingers in her ears, and started jesting at me to her friend. I didn't mind that she made fun of me, but my face grew hot at the thought of her mocking the words of Allah 'azza wa jal. I tried to make her stop, but she just told me to 'shut up'. I was with another girl, so I was silent for a moment and contemplated something I had listened to the night before. In the lecture 'Anger- a satanic trait' by Abu Yusuf Riyadh Ul Haq. In that lecture he spoke of how The Prophet (SAW) would nver get angry at what people did to him, but he would get angry for the sake of Islam, and the situation of the Ummah. And he also spoke of cases of the sincere sahaba disowning their own family because they mocked Islam, and living to their word. I did not make an oath, but I really felt like I shouldn't speak to her until she changes. It's not as if I can help her, she refuses to listen. So I just got up and silently walked away with my other friend. The whole situation has made me very upset.

Have I done the right thing?

:w::rose::peace:

[Ghazi]

Salaam

I suggest you keep the door open and just inform her you'll be there for her you never know she might come back to the straight path.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

but the thing is how can i befriend such a person who mocks the Ayat of Allah? It just seems impossible to me. If I even speak one kalimah about islam she turns her face and tries to silence me.
"Who shall guide them after Allah has sealed their hearts?"
I really feel the best I can do now is make du'a....

[Ghazi]

Salaam

well from what I've heard anyone who mocks the quran or any aspect of the religion has left islam, because how can one believe if they're mocking the deen, if all fails only thing one can do is make dua.

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[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Yes, that's what I thought.... jzk.

[Pinkie]

:sl: Sister,

I was in a situation kind of similar last year. The situation was this girl was dating a Christian and as a result she was disrespecting her parents too since they did not approve (and Islamic ruling altogether). I would explain ayats, hadiths and the aspect of marriage from an Islamic point of view to her and she would still ask me questions trying to find a permissible excuse for her behavior. I would keep explaining until she said she would leave Islam for her boyfriend because she loves him:rollseyes . After that I stopped because it was absolutely useless. If you read 2:18 you will know exactly what I mean.

Please sister, do not feel discouraged. You did the best you could and Allah Ta'ala will reward you for your efforts, Inshallah. As for this girl, it is up to the will of Allah Ta'ala if she will return or stay on the path of those who have gone astray.

[aakhirah]

:sl:

Unfortunately, nowadays, so many Muslims treat Islam as if they're doing it a favour by belonging to it. SubHaanAllah! I refer to examples like the ones given in this thread (where we fear for these Muslim's Imaan). We as an Ummah need to realise that we need Islam and Allah, and definitely not the other way around. Allah is al-Ganiyy and we are al-fuqaraa'.

If Allah disowns us, we have no hope! We pray to Allah to keep us firm and steadfast, and for Him to keep us in His protection forever. Oh Allah, we love You and everything that reminds us of You.

:w:

A.

[mizan_aliashraf]

Salam
Carry on making du'a for her and try your best with da'wah. If possible, try speaking to her one-to-one, as she'll most likely listen to your words and take them in. I have had many similar experiences with people and most of the time its the friends they keep in their company that drives them away from Islam.
May Allah guide us all
Wassalam

[MetSudaisTwice]

salam
may allah give that sister guidance and may allah protect us all
continue to make dua for her and keep reminding her of islam inshallah
wasalam

[julie sarri]

:sl: you should try to remind her that when she mocks the quran shes not hurting allah(swt) shes hurting her self and she will be juged for it just try making dua for her :w:

[bezimany 071]

youre a very strong sister.....mashaallah....im proud of you....Allah will open the heart of those He chooses and close the hearts fo those He chooses ( i keep telling this to everyne for the past few weeks i dunno but it just keep poppin up)....you did a right thing......all you have to do is stay on your deen......if she doesnt come correct now, she might come later......but all in all Allah is giving her a test right now.....and she is doing some things that you cant understand, maybe she sins on purpose too, maybe inspite......and maybe she will come back to Islam stronger than she ever was.....
if you care for her keep up on thoe dawahs and du'as.....and inshaallah everything should be ok......
just dont pressure her into anything......sometimes you can throw most obvious truth to someone and they will deny it....this is all a test

peace
bez

[Mainul_Islam]

a'oozubillaahi min ash-Shaitaan ir-Rajeem!

how can sum1 go astray so much?? :'(

[Hijaabi22]

:sl:
I need some advice. Yesterday I got into an arguement with a girl. This girl used to be really close to me a few years ago. But then we grew apart because she started to lose her islamic identity, and eventually she stopped praying all together. But I didn't give up hope. I tried to give her as much Da'wah as possible, and make Du'a for her. Yesterday when I saw her she wasn't wearing her Hijab. This really made me upset. I tried to speak to her about it in a nice calm way. She just kept ignoring my comments and turning away. This made me even more upset. So I started to tell her about the story of Nabi Nuh (as) and how the people used to turn away from him, and thrust their fingers into their ears, and how disliked this was to Allah 'azza wa jal. She then started to thrust her fingers into her ears in imitation of the people of Nabi Nuh (AS). I was really astonished. I asked her if she was mocking the Qur'an, but she continued to thrust her fingers in her ears, and started jesting at me to her friend. I didn't mind that she made fun of me, but my face grew hot at the thought of her mocking the words of Allah 'azza wa jal. I tried to make her stop, but she just told me to 'shut up'. I was with another girl, so I was silent for a moment and contemplated something I had listened to the night before. In the lecture 'Anger- a satanic trait' by Abu Yusuf Riyadh Ul Haq. In that lecture he spoke of how The Prophet (SAW) would nver get angry at what people did to him, but he would get angry for the sake of Islam, and the situation of the Ummah. And he also spoke of cases of the sincere sahaba disowning their own family because they mocked Islam, and living to their word. I did not make an oath, but I really felt like I shouldn't speak to her until she changes. It's not as if I can help her, she refuses to listen. So I just got up and silently walked away with my other friend. The whole situation has made me very upset.

Have I done the right thing?

:w::rose::peace:

Sis I think that what you are duin for your mate is mashaAllah wicked!!:) May Allah(swt) reward you for all your efforts and guide your friend on the straight path...but sister you cant jus cut off all ties with her, from what Ive heard you seem to have had a tyt bond with her.... I dont think its fair on her part........ I mean I myself dont wear a hijab :hiding: :hiding: :hiding: but if my mates decided not to talk to me because of this then Id be well hurt!! Plus sis theres loadsa ppl out there hu dont cover like they meant to.... Dont get me wrong, Im not sayin that what she did was right, I mean no1 has the ryt to mock Islam or our way of life Im jus sayin.......keep tryin with her inshaAllah :okay: :happy: :happy:

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

:sl: Sister,

I was in a situation kind of similar last year. The situation was this girl was dating a Christian and as a result she was disrespecting her parents too since they did not approve (and Islamic ruling altogether). I would explain ayats, hadiths and the aspect of marriage from an Islamic point of view to her and she would still ask me questions trying to find a permissible excuse for her behavior. I would keep explaining until she said she would leave Islam for her boyfriend because she loves him:rollseyes . After that I stopped because it was absolutely useless. If you read 2:18 you will know exactly what I mean.

Please sister, do not feel discouraged. You did the best you could and Allah Ta'ala will reward you for your efforts, Inshallah. As for this girl, it is up to the will of Allah Ta'ala if she will return or stay on the path of those who have gone astray.

:sl:
2:18 Deaf, dumb and blind. So they will not return [to the right path].
Man that was SO what was on my mind! She knows ALOT about the religion, due to the fact that she used to practice. She's older than me too, so in some situations she used to have more hikmah. But now.... *sigh* Ya Allah please guide her!

I know many sisters who do not cover. Most of them do not know much about the deen. I don't cut people off because they sin, what angered me was that she mocked the deen, while being quite versed in it. To me it felt like she was stepping into a whole new world of sin. I was really angry, but alhamdulillah I was sitting down (I was in the mall so i couldn't exactly lie down in front of all those non mahrems:)).

Allah guides whom He wills....

:w::rose::peace:

[arehat]

yAH I DNT THINK U SHULD GIVE UP!!!!

Keep trying and make lots of duasss!

[Umm Safiya]

:sl:

Subhân'Allâh, this sounds just like my situation..
The sister I spent most of my time with really went astray.. She started dating, clubbing, drinking, listening to music etc., and she used to be sooo smart, and she knows alot about the deen actually.. She's the one who helped me praying, being 100% sure about Islâm etc.
But the best thing you can do, is make du'â, give her da'wah, but don't be like: What are you doing, sister, that is haraam, you have to cover yourself and so on.. Because, she already knows that she is sinning.. Just have patience, don't talk to her as much as before, if you can get influenced by her, but don't cut of all relations with her..
I talked to the sister, but she didn't wanna listen, so I told her, that it was up to her, I couldn't do anything really.. But I kept sending her islamic messages, articles and stuff like that, telling her to turn off the music, and kept asking her if she wanted to pray with me.. And now alhamdulillâh, she listens to qur'ân.. Not all the time, the music is still there, but at least she changed that part a bit.. & she is thinking about wearing hijab again, and dumping her boyfriend.. So, really have patience & make du'â for her.. It's really hard, especially if the sister is really close to you!

May Allâh ta'âla guide us to the straight path, ameen!

:w:

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

the problem isn't that she sins. Pretty much everyone does that (some more than others). The problem is that she mocked the ayat of Allah! I want to know if this is enough to stop speaking to someone (at least until she sees some sense). I feel like i'd be betraying Allah if I spoke with such a person:(.

[Malsidabym]

the problem isn't that she sins. Pretty much everyone does that (some more than others). The problem is that she mocked the ayat of Allah! I want to know if this is enough to stop speaking to someone (at least until she sees some sense). I feel like i'd be betraying Allah if I spoke with such a person:(.

The problem is that she mocked the ayat of Allah! I want to know if this is enough to stop speaking to someone

Yes of course! You should stop talking to her immediately. Never again speak to her or mention her name. You must punish her and show her that islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her. You truly have the right to be the judge of 'such a person'.

[Umu 'Isa]

Yes of course! You should stop talking to her immediately. Never again speak to her or mention her name. You must punish her and show her that islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her. You truly have the right to be the judge of 'such a person'.

You must punish her and show her that islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her. You truly have the right to be the judge of 'such a person'

ummmm.. islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her? who are you to say such things? Only Allah swt decides who can be forgiven and who cant be. In fact the ONLY sin that cannot be forgiven is SHIRK (associating partners with Allah swt) No one has the right to judge this girl except Allah swt!

[Malsidabym]

ummmm.. islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her? who are you to say such things? Only Allah swt decides who can be forgiven and who cant be. In fact the ONLY sin that cannot be forgiven is SHIRK (associating partners with Allah swt) No one has the right to judge this girl except Allah swt!

I agree completely. I was showing through sarcasm how this might seem to her friend that is likely going through a socially confusing time. It would be better to be a friend and nonjudgemental. I assumed the sarcasm was obvious enough that anyone reading would see what was truly being said.

The "such a person' highlight should have given it away.

[irsha]

Why can't you just be her friend anyway, I have friends who sometimes mock my way of life, but they usually do it unthinkingly. Why don't you just say something like this- "I accept that you are no longer a practising muslim, but please don't mock Islam as it hurts me deeply and I consider you a good friend, and friends should respect each others views"

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Yes of course! You should stop talking to her immediately. Never again speak to her or mention her name. You must punish her and show her that islam is intolerant and has no forgiveness for sinners like her. You truly have the right to be the judge of 'such a person'.

Do you know me or my friend, no? Then please shut up.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Why can't you just be her friend anyway, I have friends who sometimes mock my way of life, but they usually do it unthinkingly. Why don't you just say something like this- "I accept that you are no longer a practising muslim, but please don't mock Islam as it hurts me deeply and I consider you a good friend, and friends should respect each others views"

Mock me, that's oen thing. Mock my deen, prophet, Lord, that is another. In Islam we do not tolerate Muslims mocking Allah,The Messenger or our religion. Obviously we have to be tolerant when none Muslims do it, because tehy may not be educated on Islam. Anyway, i'm trying to do the right thing in Islam, not what society at the moment feels is right.

[Malsidabym]

Do you know me or my friend, no? Then please shut up.

It is unfortunate that you have decided to respond in such a rude way.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The Muslim does not slander, curse, speak obscenely or speak rudely.”

I offer again the rationale behind the post that you refer to.

I agree completely. I was showing through sarcasm how this might seem to her friend that is likely going through a socially confusing time. It would be better to be a friend and nonjudgemental. I assumed the sarcasm was obvious enough that anyone reading would see what was truly being said.

Perhaps you might reconsider your response.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

It is unfortunate that you have decided to respond in such a rude way.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The Muslim does not slander, curse, speak obscenely or speak rudely.”

I offer again the rationale behind the post that you refer to.

Perhaps you might reconsider your response.

Ok. That is very nice. You are the nicest person in the world. And to sum up your character, you're just nice.
Happy now?

[Malsidabym]

Ok. That is very nice. You are the nicest person in the world. And to sum up your character, you're just nice.
Happy now?

No. As you are obviously still upset with me. I apologize. Perhaps I am not the right person to offer advice to you about your relationship with your friend. Good luck.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Well seeing as I was looking for islamic advice, perhaps not.

[Malsidabym]

I don't think you need to be a muslim to understand relationships and the way people feel. It is just a matter of trying to see it from the other persons point of view. I truly am sorry for offending you but my explanation for my post still stands. I assume from the explanation you gave of your friends behavior that she is a young person, and drawing on my own experience as a young person I would say it is likely your friend is confused about life/religious/social issues. Now is a time when you should be understanding so as not to drive her away from religion/god entirely. Once again, sorry for offending you.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

ok.

[irsha]

Mock me, that's oen thing. Mock my deen, prophet, Lord, that is another. In Islam we do not tolerate Muslims mocking Allah,The Messenger or our religion. Obviously we have to be tolerant when none Muslims do it, because tehy may not be educated on Islam. Anyway, i'm trying to do the right thing in Islam, not what society at the moment feels is right.

I have noticed how rude you are to people who just offer some friendly advice. I didn't say anything about what society feels is right, I was just offering advice, as did others, from someone who has been through similar things. Perhaps your friend was turned away from your way of life because of your rude attitude.

[Kittygyal]

I have noticed how rude you are to people who just offer some friendly advice. I didn't say anything about what society feels is right, I was just offering advice, as did others, from someone who has been through similar things. Perhaps your friend was turned away from your way of life because of your rude attitude.

can we stop being harsh to this sis please and fear our lord!
thanx

take care

[irsha]

Harsh? people offer friendly advice, just trying to be nice and she nearly rips our heads off! It seems to me, that she has made her mind up to ban her asd a friend and is just looking for validationor accolades.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

I have noticed how rude you are to people who just offer some friendly advice. I didn't say anything about what society feels is right, I was just offering advice, as did others, from someone who has been through similar things. Perhaps your friend was turned away from your way of life because of your rude attitude.

Hmm, I was rude to you? Ok. Well please accept my heart felt apology.

[Kittygyal]

Harsh? people offer friendly advice, just trying to be nice and she nearly rips our heads off! It seems to me, that she has made her mind up to ban her asd a friend and is just looking for validationor accolades.

sis just chill out please take it easy :happy:

take care

[irsha]

I am chilled, just had a cold shower, sorry if I was touchy, but I just find sometimes that muslims never listen to anyone but people who say they are musilms, and it is insulting that our opinions are often valued so little ( I am not saying she did that, but it came across that way)

[Kittygyal]

I am chilled, just had a cold shower, sorry if I was touchy, but I just find sometimes that muslims never listen to anyone but people who say they are musilms, and it is insulting that our opinions are often valued so little ( I am not saying she did that, but it came across that way)

sis you've got that all wrong NOT all muzlims don't listen to people!

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

I am chilled, just had a cold shower, sorry if I was touchy, but I just find sometimes that muslims never listen to anyone but people who say they are musilms, and it is insulting that our opinions are often valued so little ( I am not saying she did that, but it came across that way)

I'm sorry I came across that way to you. And i'd like to add that I was anything but rude to my companion. She was being extremely rude to me all day, and I said nothing to her. She even tried to punch me at one point.... weird I know. And when she insulted my Lord, I just slently walked away, although very very mad. I'm sorry, if that's rude, but i just can't get any politer than that hehe.
And I do value your points. I just wanted to know the islamic ruling on this matter. But thank you very much for taking the time and effort to contribute:).
-Peace

[irsha]

Thank you, I am sorry too for being touchy. If she tried to punch you, then mabye you should move on.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Thank you, I am sorry too for being touchy. If she tried to punch you, then mabye you should move on.

I didn't give all teh details because I didn't want to backbite my sister in Islam. But now things are actually turning for the better. I've given her some time to reflect on her life, and from what i've heard she's doing that. I will leave her to Allah to guide her if He wills.

[irsha]

I hope things work out for you, a good friend is a valuable thing, not to be thrown away too lightly, I am glad you are giving it some more time.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

I hope things work out for you, a good friend is a valuable thing, not to be thrown away too lightly, I am glad you are giving it some more time.

I'm not generally an un-patient person. And because of the way I am dressed and the area that I live in, I am quite used to insults. All praise is due to Allah, it only makes me stronger each time it happens.:)

[irsha]

I know what you mean, its hard to be different, believe me, I know.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

I know what you mean, its hard to be different, believe me, I know.

Yes. There's this qoute that always gives me confidence and patience :
"Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient."
I believe it is from the Qur'an.
What gives you strength?

[irsha]

I just pity them for their intolerance, I believe intolerant people are not confident with who they are. Plus, I have plenty of friends who just accept me the way I am, and I accept myself for the way I am.

[Ninth_Scribe]

She then started to thrust her fingers into her ears in imitation of the people of Nabi Nuh (AS). I was really astonished. I asked her if she was mocking the Qur'an, but she continued to thrust her fingers in her ears, and started jesting at me to her friend.... snip... So I just got up and silently walked away with my other friend. The whole situation has made me very upset. Have I done the right thing?

:w::rose::peace:

The answer to that depends on "who" you talk to... which has been my problem here all along (and I thank everyone on this forum for helping me to identify this as being my problem).

I would not condone walking out on family or anyone I professed to care about. That's just plain faithless! You don't let go, but you stand your ground and keep your conviction in the sight of this person.. because that's what they need to see. Why else would they behave that way?

Of course, you could listen to Abraham, who didn't even bother to spend the energy to go rounds with his father over the idols. Thought it would be easier to just tell his dad to f off... and -iss off to Egypt.

But the trouble with Abraham's solution is that we've all multiplied on the face of the Earth, so when we disagree, we have no more land to -iss off to. We're do we go when we don't want to have to deal with each other? Deep Space?

In the end, we need to completely understand each other... we owe this much to each other. So we have to face-off and contend with these issues because they won't go away on their own. You want your friend back? Show your friend what they're getting back... a friend. And friends don't quit on each other! They don't -iss off on each other just because....

I *hate* when people do this!

Ninth Scribe

The poetry that comes,
from the squaring off between,
and the circling, is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

I don't think it was nice how you described the beloved prophet Abraham (as):(. His father attempted to kill him, I don't think anyone would stand around after that unless they wanted to end up six feet under. And he wasn't rude to his father, he said he would continue to pray for him.
She is not my friend at the moment, she made that choice quite a long time ago. She is still my sister in Islam, and that was the only reason I decided to hold on. I don't think I completely described everything that happened, but we have alot of history. I still think I did the right thing though.

[Ninth_Scribe]

I don't think it was nice how you described the beloved prophet Abraham (as):(. His father attempted to kill him, I don't think anyone would stand around after that unless they wanted to end up six feet under. And he wasn't rude to his father, he said he would continue to pray for him.
She is not my friend at the moment, she made that choice quite a long time ago. She is still my sister in Islam, and that was the only reason I decided to hold on. I don't think I completely described everything that happened, but we have alot of history. I still think I did the right thing though.

My family is crazy too... seriously. My son dragged the family name through the sewers for four years! He had to test every single arbitrary line of the laws to be sure they were really there.... I've spent thousands in courts, this, that, the other. I have no clue how I survived it all, but he's a beautiful person now. If you can hold it all together... somehow.... everyone gets through it and past it, and beyond it. It's beautiful.

I'm sorry you're so disappointed, but life is full of that if it's all you open your eyes to.

Ninth Scribe

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

True, byt blood is thicker then water. Even in Islam we have more duties to our blood relations. But I guess I've come to the conclusion that it is Allah who guides, I can't force faith down her throat. But i'm not going to stand around and watch her sin. She doesn't want me to remind her of God, then i'm not going to be held accountable for watching her sin on the day of Judgement. Allah knows best.
-Peace

[Ninth_Scribe]

True, but blood is thicker then water. Even in Islam we have more duties to our blood relations. But I guess I've come to the conclusion that it is Allah who guides, I can't force faith down her throat. But i'm not going to stand around and watch her sin. She doesn't want me to remind her of God, then i'm not going to be held accountable for watching her sin on the day of Judgement. Allah knows best.
-Peace

When Allah sees his children lose faith in him... he mourns their loss. So you may mourn also. It is not your responsibility to Judge. That is for other agencies. Yes, blood is thicker than water, it is what binds you, so you remember that you have made strong obligations and commitments to these others who came with you. There is where you find the strength.

I never suggested that you fold before her. But it is your obligation to teach her faith. You can not do this by showing your strength, only your mercy in the pain she has caused you.

I pray for your family, and for the greater family that suffers this day with it.

Ninth Scribe

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Thank you. And i think the best kind of way to spread islam is in your own example.
-Peace