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anonymous
05-04-2006, 02:24 AM
Salam everyone

the reason that i am using the anonymous account is that i dont want anybody to judge me or my family.

my problem is that there are so many things going wrong in my family right now. i'm only 17 and i cant take it. i pray 5 times a day and i try my best to pray each prayer right on scheduele, alhamdulillah. both of my parents pray too, alhamdulillah. the problem is that none of my siblings pray. i try to tell them that they have to pray but they dont listen, and sometimes my brother even mocks me for trying to be religious.
how do i get them to see that they have to make salah?
i know that it is impossible to force somebody to pray because Islam does not force anybody. but i need to find a good way to get them to understand that they need to pray.

i know that we should seek Allah in the good times as well as the bad.
nonetheless, there have been many problems at home lately. my parents keep on fighting about almost everything. three of my siblings got injured in the past 2 months, and i even got kinda sick.
i think that this might be a punishment from Allah because my siblings dont pray and for my parents and I because we dont stress them about salah.

i dont know what to do. i need some advice.
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extinction
05-04-2006, 02:36 AM
How old are your siblings? Maybe if you tried and explained to them the virtues of reading salaah...and tell them that if they don't this is the punishments on discarding salaah. Try and have a family reading of hadith on virtues of good deeds and stuff ......eventually it will sink in inshaAllah. Make dua for them of course. About the sickness I heard when a person is Ill it is actually from Allah to help your sins get forgiven
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 02:39 AM
my siblings are 9, 10, 10, 12, 14,16,and 18. im relieved to hear that sickness is from Allah to help get sins forgiven cuz ive been asking for forgiveness for ma past sins.
thanks
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extinction
05-04-2006, 02:44 AM
well alhamdulillah quite a few of them are young the onea that are younger than you try and get them to read collectively with you in a very calming manner bribe them if you have to lol till they get in the habit themselves(it really works!!) as for the 16 and 18 year olds I'm sure they can be tough but try to explain to them with a more mature aspect by telling them about the shortness of this life and never-ending life of the here after and how salaah plays a big role in the after-life...try a calm approach....and pray...inshaAllah pray Allah will guide me and them also...ameen
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 02:52 AM
thanx for trying to help hafizmo, but its not that easy. every time i try to tell them about the rewards of being good muslims, my brother (16) kinda mocks me for trying to be good and all. he thinks its a joke. even if im praying, he would be loud and i cant concentrate. or he would blast the radio. i know listening to music is haram, even though im addicted to it, ive been trying to listen to quran more. and if i put on the quran, he puts on the music and its like hes in a whole other world than i am. thanx for listening.
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syilla
05-04-2006, 03:08 AM
firstly you have to establish a bond with them...

put a side first on making them to salah...(here in malaysia most parents have this problem... coz they didn't teach their children from small and make it a compulsory)

establish a bond... by cooking to them... talking to them nicely... loving them no matter what they do (by showing off in motherly way)

i know my answers are quite general... but lets wait for the others to answer.
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Safa
05-04-2006, 03:22 AM
Assalamu alaikum,

You have to put a lot of work into it because they don't have the habit of praying by themselves. You have to devote a lot of your time to spend with your siblings. I think you can make your younger siblings pray along with you. Tell your parents to sit and talk with your older siblings because chances are they won't pay attention to you.

It takes time and effort and in the end it's all in Allah's hands, you can only do so much. Keep praying for your family and stay strong InshaAllah.

Wa 'alaikum salaam.
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 03:44 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by syilla

establish a bond... by cooking to them... talking to them nicely... loving them no matter what they do (by showing off in motherly way)
i do cook for them and actually i am sort of like a mother figure to them if you think about it cuz my mom works and i do a lot of the cooking since i have only four classes and im still in high school. im the first person that they come to for help if my parents are not there. i dont get it.
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syilla
05-04-2006, 03:46 AM
you have to think like them... try to think like teenagers...

try to make islam fun...

usually teenagers think that religion is lame...
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 03:47 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by syilla

usually teenagers think that religion is lame...
i dont
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syilla
05-04-2006, 03:49 AM
true... but most are...

that's why we don't understand them.

try asking questions and get to know what they really understand about islam
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 03:50 AM
please make duaa ppl.
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syilla
05-04-2006, 03:53 AM
i will...

May Allah help you and make every tasks you're doing become easier everyday....
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anonymous
05-04-2006, 03:54 AM
Ameen

Jazakam Allah
Reply

Takumi
05-04-2006, 04:07 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Salam everyone

the reason that i am using the anonymous account is that i dont want anybody to judge me or my family.

my problem is that there are so many things going wrong in my family right now. i'm only 17 and i cant take it. i pray 5 times a day and i try my best to pray each prayer right on scheduele, alhamdulillah. both of my parents pray too, alhamdulillah. the problem is that none of my siblings pray. i try to tell them that they have to pray but they dont listen, and sometimes my brother even mocks me for trying to be religious.
how do i get them to see that they have to make salah?
i know that it is impossible to force somebody to pray because Islam does not force anybody. but i need to find a good way to get them to understand that they need to pray.

i know that we should seek Allah in the good times as well as the bad.
nonetheless, there have been many problems at home lately. my parents keep on fighting about almost everything. three of my siblings got injured in the past 2 months, and i even got kinda sick.
i think that this might be a punishment from Allah because my siblings dont pray and for my parents and I because we dont stress them about salah.

i dont know what to do. i need some advice.
Dear anonymous,

May Allah reward you for your genuine concern about His commands and truly guide you and your family.

I must commend you for at a very young age you're beginning to understand your responsibility to be "musleh" (the one who seeks to make other people good). It's not enough that one is "saalih" (a good person), our deen commands us to try to make sure that the noor of Islam radiates from us and touch others too.

I'm not quite sure what your methodology is, since you haven't specified, but I'm sure you've tried your very best and from your post I gather that your effort has been futile.

This is how I see it, is there anyone from your sibling whom you are very close to, who takes you as a confidant or looks up to you? This is from the sunnah of the prophet; ie to call those who are close to us and we are dearer to them than others. Work on these siblings first. If you're only one person, it's kinda hard to change all of them. I don't mean that you ignore others, but concentrate a little bit more on those whom are closer to you. Insha Allah, if you succeed, they will become your helper in your household like the hawariyoon of Eesa a.s.

There are not many things that you can employ in your house as I don't know whether you're still going to school or working; either or you must not lose heart and you should have a realistic goal.

Our duty is to call upon people towards Allah, but the ultimate guidance comes from Him. When the prophet died, Islam was not as spread out as it was during the Caliphate of Umar Abd Aziz, but that does not mean that he was a failure.

Most of the time, many callers of Islam wish to see the result of their work to materialize within a short time. This is not the sunnah of this work. Prophet Nooh spent almost 1000 years on his people, and yet less than a 100 became worshippers of Allah.

You must see that your responsibility is to initiate the process of change NOT to see the change itself. With that in mind, I believe, you will be a little bit more forgiving to yourself and your patience will gradually increases.

Keep up the good work and always call upon Allah to help you. Be kind and generous and be the best example that you can in your actions, words and treatment of your parents. Indeed, action speaks louder than words.

Keep us updated.
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extinction
05-04-2006, 04:15 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
please make duaa ppl.
inshaAllah
Reply

DigitalStorm82
05-04-2006, 06:14 AM
They will start praying by themselves... you should focus on the idea of loving Allah. Once they love Allah they will pray because they love him and not because somone told them to do so...
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Nafiisah
05-04-2006, 07:13 AM
May Allah guide u. Ask for enlightment. Do try to make ur bros n sis read the Qur'aan n hadiths n maybe ur parents cud instil these habits in them all.
I understand it all is hard cuz islam has to be spontaneous and it is a whole way of life, not just one aloof part.Try to make 'em understand that. If they observe well, inshallah they will see the ephemeral glitter of this world.
Inshallah, u will find light.
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Nafiisah
05-04-2006, 07:15 AM
make them understand that this life is but ephemeral and that we all hav to return onto our lord, who creatd us.
Reply

Snowflake
05-04-2006, 11:07 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Salam everyone

the reason that i am using the anonymous account is that i dont want anybody to judge me or my family.

my problem is that there are so many things going wrong in my family right now. i'm only 17 and i cant take it. i pray 5 times a day and i try my best to pray each prayer right on scheduele, alhamdulillah. both of my parents pray too, alhamdulillah. the problem is that none of my siblings pray. i try to tell them that they have to pray but they dont listen, and sometimes my brother even mocks me for trying to be religious.
how do i get them to see that they have to make salah?
:sl: sister, (sorry about the long post, but plz read it all. I hope it helps)

Your concern for your siblings is commendable. But without understanding the importance of salah and other religious obligations, people, young or old find it difficult to fulfill their duties. I find that the best way to get children to want to practice Islam is to instill in them, love for Allah, fear of His punishments and the merits of his rewards and blessings.

This is not too difficult but requires time and patience. It is simply not effective enough saying they have to pray because that's what Allah has told them to do. A child's mind is very limited in it's knowledge of Allah. To many Allah is just someone who created the world. To create awarness of Allah is of utmost importance before they understand the concept of worship.

Because children find it easier to believe what they can see, you have to look at the world through the eyes of a child and work with that. For example, point to the clouds and say something like, "Isn't it amazing how Allah makes rain fall from clouds." Then go on to say that without water we couldn't survive, so we should thank Allah for this blessing. Praise Allah out loud and let them witness it. Let them see the love you have for Allah and how praise-worthy He is.

Other examples, to create awareness of Allah in a childs mind is to get them to see how the human body works. Children know that to make a TV work, it has to be plugged in to the mains. They know remote controls, mobile phones etc, need batteries to work. Now get them to see how they can move their limbs just by willing to do it. Tell them how amazing it is that we don't need batteries or have to push buttons to make our arms and legs work. Use examples of the sun and it's light and heat. Teach them how different parts of the tongue recognises different flavours. I'd give more examples but my post would get really long. But look around and when you give them an example, tell them that Allah created all these things and for that we should be grateful to Him. Say how horrible it would be if we couldn't see. Make an impact by enforcing the message by saying, if we couldn't see we'd not know if a fly fell into our drink and we drank it, yuk!!!! Make it fun by adding silly little things like saying, "Wow we'd bang our heads together if we couldn't see where we were going, so we should thank Allah for giving us sight." Roll your eyes, use animated expressions at such times and children will love listening to you, and they'll want to know more.

I have been and still give examples like that to my own son who is now 8 years old, mashaAllah. And alhumdullilah a few days ago, he said to me that it's amazing how Allah made different teeth for cutting and chewing and the tongue for pushing the food back in to our mouth. Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised but I was gobsmacked! Firstly because I'd never given him that specific example, but he'd realised that through the other things I'd be making him aware of. This is why I know it works. Alhumdullilah, he sometimes prays salah with me on his own accord and bless him, sometimes he tells me to wake him up for fajr. :wub

The main thing is that without me forcing him, he has recognised Allah as the Creator of all things as the Most merciful and Kind and the Punisher for those who disobey Him. I have explained that Allah can see through walls and is always aware of what we do when we think no one is watching us. And I also have told him that we have two angels present who are recording all our good and bad deeds and that this record will be presented to Allah on the day of Judgement. Then from that Allah will decide whether we go to Heaven or Hell. I give some descriptions of Heaven and Hell, so he grows up knowing the score. I don't think children should be coveted from the harsh realities of life. I show him poverty related pics and tell him how lucky we are to have food and a home to live in etc.. Finally I remind him that we are lucky that we are not in that situation and for that we must thank Allah and do what pleases Him, because to Him we shall all return. InshaAllah, the seeds have been planted and I feel that getting my son to pray salah and carry out his religious and moral obligations won't be as difficult now as it would've been if I'd just ordered him to do something out of the blue.

It would be a good idea to buy some children's islamic books and read to them. If money is an issue, there are plenty of childrens sites (islamic) which you can let your siblings browse and begin to open their minds, ready to accept and acknowledge a muslim's way of life. Let them listen to nasheeds, that are easy to understand praise Allah. Yes it takes time, but they will walk the path of Islam more comfortably if you walk with them, hand in hand, rather than pushing them from behind.

my parents keep on fighting about almost everything.
When parents pray salah, yet fight in front of the children, salah has no meaning left for children. They can't associate anything positive with it. This may be one of the reasons why your brother disses salah as something meaningless.


Parents especially, don't like to know that their children think they have some fault with them. The last thing they'd like is their young daughter coming up to their face and telling them that their behavior is affecting the entire family. Yet they need to be made aware.

I suggest the following:
*If you can, purchase a book/cd/tape, on parental duties in islam and anything else that you think your parents may benefit from and gift it to them. If you cannot do that, find info online and print them out. Say you are learning and ask them to read through it and give their views. Play relevant islamic lectures which they can hear if they are not willing to sit down and listen to.

*find out about islamic lectures held at the local mosque and get everyone to go along.

*ask your parents how it would be best to teach your siblings Islamic studies. It will make them think what they have taught them and what their own duties to their children are. As parents are the first role models in every childs life, their behaviour will affect what their children learn. Once these problems have been tackled, it will be easier to deal with your brother's behavior and although he may be hard work, with patience and gentle coaxing, he will eventually begin to see his faults.

Whatever we do, we must always ask Allah to help us solve our problems. Pray for your family sincerely and Allah will help your intentions and make your goals easier to achieve.

I pray everything works out as you wish inshaAllah. MashaAllah keep up the good work :)

Here are some helpful links inshaAllah
http://members.tripod.com/oum_abdulaziz/rights.html
http://www.simplyislam.com/52371.html
http://www.crescentlife.com/family%2...bout_islam.htm

:w:
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A(SMILE ITS ME)
05-04-2006, 01:36 PM
salaam,
Q DO THEY ATTEND ANY ISLAMIC INSTITUTION
I.E MOSQUES ETC.


I feel u must carry on how u are and inshaalah they will follow.
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Khaldun
05-05-2006, 08:30 AM
:sl:

All you can do is keep reminding.

And enjoin prayer on your followers, and steadily adhere to it; We do not ask you for subsistence; We do give you subsistence, and the (good) end is for guarding (against evil).[Surah Taha Ayah 132]

O you who believe! save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones; over it are angels stern and strong, they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded.
[Surah Tahreem Ayah 6]

And always remember.

...For only the delivery of the message is (incumbent) on you, while calling (them) to account is Our (business). [Surah Ra'd Ayah 40]

Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases, and He knows best the followers of the right way. [Surah Qasas Ayah 56]

And try to find comfort in the stories of the prophets Alyhimusalam. Luut who couldnt guide his own wife or Nuuh who lost his son and Ibraheem who pleaded with his father, last but not least the Prophet who couldnt guide his beloved Uncle.

Never give up though, May Allah make it easy for you.
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anonymous
05-06-2006, 05:11 PM
Jazakum Allah everyone......ill be sure to include all of you in my duaa' just keep me and my family in your duaa's please.
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Snowflake
05-07-2006, 08:23 AM
^InshaAllah sis

Check these sites out sis. Hope they are helpful InshaAllah.

http://www.themodernreligion.com/fam...mamericans.htm
http://www.zawaj.com/articles/22_tips_parents.html
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anonymous
05-14-2006, 06:23 PM
Jazakum Allah everyone for your advice and duaa's
Alhamdulillah Allah has accepted the duaa's and now my parents are stricter on my siblings about Salah, now they started pray and we even pray Isha in congregation, the whole family Alhamdulillah. but they're still working on fajr prayer cuz sleep gets them there. anyways continue making duaa' that Allah will help them to keep making Salah and inshaAllah do their fajr prayers as well

Jazakum Allah khair again everyone.
ill keep everyone in my duaa' as well inshaAllah.
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