How to get the best out of an argument

[nurul3eyn]

:sl:

I’m sure u all must have faced this situation of getting into an argument. And perhaps, u must have noticed that 9 times out of ten, an argument ends with both the sides more firmly convinced than ever that they are absolutely right. U see, u cant win an argument. U cant bcoz if u lose it, u lose it; & if u win it, u lose it. I mean, suppose if u win over the other person n shoot his/her argument full of holes & prove that s/he is wrong. Then wht? U will feel fine. But what about him/her?You’ve made him/her feel inferior! You’ve hurt his/her’s pride by putting him/her in an embarrassing situation! U think s/he will like u? It’s so true: "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."

To get the best out of an argument is to avoid it. Why prove it to someone that s/he is wrong? Y not let him/her save his/her’s face? A person’s self-esteem is threatened when s/he is told that s/he is wrong. U may be right, dead right & the other person may be totally wrong. Bu they don’t think so. And plz, never begin by saying: "I’m going to prove so & so 2 u." indirectly it means: "I’m smarter than u are. I’m going 2 tell a thing or two & make u change your mind." That is a challenge & anyone will be provoked when said this. If u’re going to prove it, then do it in such a way that no one will feel that u r doing it. There’s a wise saying: "be wiser than other people if u can, but do not tell them so." U can prove that u are right in a friendly way such as: "I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts." I assure u that no one will ever object to your saying that u may be wrong. Trust me, it works. That will stop the argument & inspire the other person to be as open & broad-minded as u are. It will make him/her want to admit that s/he, too, may be wrong! Let’s try to convince other people gently & tactfully. Instead of arguing with your spouse, children, friends, boss or anyone at all, why not sincerely try to see things from their point of view? There’s a reason behind why a person thinks & acts in a certain way. Try to figure that out. Tell them that u don’t blame them for so & so action of theirs, probably u might have done the same thing if u were in their place!

Sometimes our opinions give a slap on the other person’s face. Therefore, it’s very very important to show respect for the other person’s opinions. Consider other people’s feelings and ideas as important as your own. We are in such a hurry to shoot our next point, that we dont even pay attention to wht the other person is trying to say. If u are wrong, accept your mistake immediately & openly. Before the other person points out your mistake, do that yourself before the other person gets the chance. Your enthusiasm to criticize yourself, will automatically take out the idea of fighting from the other person’s head. There’s a wise saying: "Any fool can try to defend his/her’s mistake-and most fools do-but it raises one above the herd & gives one a feeling of nobility to admit one’s mistakes."



Source: Secretkeeper (Mshk).

[Mawaddah]

Great Read sis :happy: I myself extremely dislike arguments and prefer to just keep silent than to say something that will provoke the other person more.....and then when the other person has calmed down a bit then I try to bring up my points.....works better that way and usually there's not a full blown screaming in your face argument.....

But of course, these rules apply to anyone but my sister, I'd argue her to death lol :p

[H4RUN]

:sl:
top article...i mean you don't have to justify yourslef 2 anyone except your creator Allah (swt) event though we'll all inevitably fall into this trap of argueing, its the erm urges within:)
:w:

[Kittygyal]

salam.
good read sis ta for sharing :)
w.salam

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[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


masha'Allaah good post sister.


Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sal Allaahu alayhi waSalam) said: “I guarantee a house in the outskirts of Paradise to the one who forsakes argument even when he is in the right.” (Reported by Abu Dawood, 5/150; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1464).


:wasalamex