Help, help, help!

[Pretty_najm]

Ya Allah!

Ok, here i go....I want to get married and have a family, but I am only 17 years old and my mom is like "wait until you've finished college" and she even said I couldnt move out of the house until i had my degree. I am trying my best to wait and be patient, but Im not sure how long I can wait. I want to have companionship, someone to talk to. How do I tell my ummi what I want, when she's set on me getting married in like 4-5 yrs?

All advice is welcomed, thanks to all!

Salams(Peace)

[*noor]

same situation here, sis.
my parents want me to at least get my bachelors degree first..........talk to ur mom.........maybe shes a bit more lenient than my parents.

[Cookie Monster]

:sl: :sister:

thats a difficult one.are u sure thats really wot u want? if uve thort about it deeply and ure 100% definite then u should do istikhaara. (if ure not sure how to do it then feel free to ask. )
sumtyms things arent really as gud as they seem. by doing istikhaara and asking Allah with pure intentions for advice u'll get the best advice. At the end of the day Allah knows wots best for you so ask the Almighty. Inshallah u'll choose the ryt path and make the ryt decision.
May Allah bless you and help u in every step you take. Ameen. :)

:w:

[Khayal]

:sl:
There is lots of work to do... lots of opportunities to pursue before marraige. at least finish your education.
your mom is right....:sister:

:w:

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[firdaw]

you know thats what all parents tell their kids first fish your education then get married. Your motherjust wants wats best for you she only to trying to help but get married now you can, but before you do try to make the best decison (Education or marriage) you pick it

[raiica]

by finishing your education first you get to learn how to be more independent so you wont have to rely financially/economically/emotionally on your husband. i guess its a method of teaching you self-reliance... and that's the positive point. remember that you dont need a man to feel complete! if you feel lonely, dont underestimate the power of friends. inshallah you'll understand :)

[Mezier]

by finishing your education first you get to learn how to be more independent so you wont have to rely financially/economically/emotionally on your husband. i guess its a method of teaching you self-reliance... and that's the positive point. remember that you dont need a man to feel complete! if you feel lonely, dont underestimate the power of friends. inshallah you'll understand :)

:sl:
Sorry sis. But I dont agree :X :rollseyes I think people need companionship to feel complete. I know I do, thats why I'm currently engaged. I do need my fiancee for emotional support, and so does she with me. And its great to have someone to turn to who you know will always share your happiness, your health, your rough times and for you to know that this person will always take some weight off your shoulders when you have a problem. Allah (swt) has put this companionship between the hearts of the husband and wife. And when this relationship is practised under islamic law, there is no feeling like it!

As for advice to the sister asking the question: Really think about it...and I mean really. Ask Allah (swt) for guidance. Then try talking to your mom and making her understand. Yeah, my mom wasnt to excited at first when I told her I wanted to ask a certain girl's hand in marriage since I was only 18 (I turn 19 in 2 months), but after talking to her I managed to convince her and my father to let me do it. Alhamulillah!

:w:

[Muslimaatan]

by finishing your education first you get to learn how to be more independent so you wont have to rely financially/economically/emotionally on your husband. i guess its a method of teaching you self-reliance... and that's the positive point. remember that you dont need a man to feel complete! if you feel lonely, dont underestimate the power of friends. inshallah you'll understand :)

i dunno y..i kinda agree..sometimes wen ppl get married fast without thinkin they regret it..but i dunno..ppl have different thinkin..some wanna get married 1st while otherz want education 1st..itz all cool, Alhamdulilah..:-D

[Hawa]

mother always knows best..

wise words..
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

So dont rush dear..marriage isnt all that its made out to be

[Dhulqarnaeen]

Assalamualaikum. Ukhty...we must know first that we must obey our parents as long as they dont ask us to do sins, thats first. And the second is, can you wait for another years?Do U have someone already who you like to marry?If you can wait for another years then thats the best, so you can also obey your parents. But if you have this feeling want to get married so much, and you already have someone who is good in his dien and you know him very well, then you must talk with you mother nicely and try to make her understand that you dont want to wait longer cause its not right and not good to delay a marriage. How to explain it to her? you have to learn first the dalil from Qur'an and sunnah about the ajr that we will have from a marriage.Like hadits thats said who ever able to get married, then they have to marry, a marriage can help us to low our gaze and protect uz from zina. Is in this hadits tell us "except if youre in study?" NO, so we may not and cant put a condition to this, cause whoever feels they have interest to different sex then they have to get married if they think they can effort a family.And its very wrong to tell our children that they have to finish study first than to get married, its very wrong. Cause a marriage is for our akheerat mostly and a study (especially a study about dunya things, such as economic and etc) is about dunya. And alot of couple who aremarried while studying. And its fun too masha Allah. It help them to concentrate more to their study cause you know why? Someone who have married can protect their eyes more, and someone who can protect their eyes can remember everything easier and can learn anything easier cause maksiyat (ex. if we see something not halal) can make someone forget what they have remembered easily. Dont we remember when Al Imam Asy Syafi'i rahimahullah complained to his teacher Al Imam Waqi' about his memorization.And Imam Waqi' told Imam Asy Syafi'i to avoid maksiyat. Cause ilm will never ever mix with ma'siyat. So, if your mother -hafidhahallah- said that if you marry now will disturb your study then you have to explain to her that so many people before you, also married while studying and it never disturb the study at all. And to make a marriage faster is sunnah and its better. But you have to be sabr, and talk nicely. If dont work now then you have to try talk to her again later. And if you have some man that you want already then ask him to propose you to your parent, if they accept then its better but if they reject the proposal with reason that you still study then you have to talk again and again with your parent. Why I said he has to propose first, cause if theres no proposal then your parent will just shout at you " why you talk like this, you talk as if there someone who wanna marry you!! we will discuss about it if there someone propose!!" and it will make your position weaker. If he has proposed then you will have a strong reason to tell your parent what you want and you can ask them to accept the man, Allahu a'lam. And we have some good lessons from this, those are:1.Rasulullah said:"utlubul ilm faridhotun 'alla kulli muslim", study Islam is wajib on every muslim. So we MUST study Islam for our self, and do what we learn and then we must teach it to our family. By learning Islam then we will know what is harom and what is halal. So when our children ask for a marriage then we will know best what to do according to Islam without do something which will cause our children will have sins. 2. We should know better that our children is our amal in akherah. Its better to send them to tahfidhul Quran,islamic ma'had that teach them tauhid,fiqh,hadits etc, so they can be saver on this world and akheerah. And sending them to general school will only cause them fitnah, cause there are ikhtilat (mix between girls and boys) and the lessons are all about dunya, so our children will be weak in their dien. And study about dunya is only fardhu kifayah (if one muslim have done it then the others free from the wajib) and study ilm is fardhu ain (wajib on every individual).And Especially if they have parent who also weak about Islam it will make it worse. And I just want to quote a fatawafrom our ulama salaf thats its harom to send our children to kafeer country to study, its fatawaa from our ulama cause it can give a lot of destruction to them. I hope this small advice can work and usefull insha Allah.

[Dawud_uk]

Ya Allah!

Ok, here i go....I want to get married and have a family, but I am only 17 years old and my mom is like "wait until you've finished college" and she even said I couldnt move out of the house until i had my degree. I am trying my best to wait and be patient, but Im not sure how long I can wait. I want to have companionship, someone to talk to. How do I tell my ummi what I want, when she's set on me getting married in like 4-5 yrs?

All advice is welcomed, thanks to all!

Salams(Peace)

assalaamu alaykum sister,

the sunnah is to marry earlier not later, try starting there to talk her around.

the haddith is actually 'o young man if you can afford it marry...' if i remember it correctly, look at the age of Aisha (ra) and some of the other women from the sahabah who married young.

insha'allah i have lots of son's and daughters and if so i intend on letting them marry young if they wish, anything from puberty upwards is the islamic time for marriage so really sister tell your parents islamically your getting a bit old as it is.

this is also actually your right in islam, you have every right to ask your parents to look for you and if they refuse they are withholding your rights and oppressing them, though these are still your parents so best to forgive them.

i am sure you wouldnt go down this route, but refusing to arrange a nikkah when it is requested without valid shariah course would be grounds for you getting your father dismissed as wali and another relative put in his place who knows your rights and will not oppress them.

you are doing the right thing sister wanting to marry in a halal way, i am sure if you keep bothering your parents they will realise your heart is set on this and let you get married insha'allah.

dont let people tell you that you got all these things before you so wait, these are their own excuses that Shaitan found for them, why let them push them onto you also?
why follow western ways of lifestyle when Rasoolullah (saws) has left us such a perfect example of how to live?

assalaamu alaykum,

Daw'ud

[Dhulqarnaeen]

Assalamualaikum, and the word "mother always know best" sometimes not work. And we already know the tafsir of surah Lukman ayah 14-15 that said:" We enjoined the human being to honor his parents. His mother bore him, and the load got heavier and heavier. It takes two years (of intensive care) until weaning. You shall be appreciative of Me, and of your parents. To Me is the ultimate destiny. If they try to force you to set up any idols beside Me, do not obey them. But continue to treat them amicably in this world. You shall follow only the path of those who have submitted to Me. Ultimately, you all return to Me, then I will inform you of everything you have done."
Its revealed after Saad bin Abi Waqqash was forced by his own mother to leave Rasulullah SAW. And She treated him that she will not eat and drink till she die if Saad wont leave Rasulullah. And Saad said to him:"Mother...eventhough you have 100 life and you kill your self one by one, still I will not leave Rasulullah. Then this surah revealed. With this surah we know, that we may not follow our parents order if its ma'siyah to Allah. And what happen if our parent not educated well in Islam? Like we often see in our community that there are parents who dont like their children wearing hijab, and grow their beard, in this case we cant say that our parent (mother or father) always knows best", and only Allah who is always knows best. But still from this surah we learn that although our parent told us to do somehing harom we still have to low our self in front of them and talk to them with soft voice, and may not make our voice louder than them.
And yes, woman who know best about their religion will need a man to feel complete, masha Allah. Cause only with men they can have their children and only du'a from our children we still can gain reward from Allah eventhough we already dead. And dont we remember when Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam told Aisha radhiallahu anhu:"do U wanna know a woman ahlu jannah?", and Aisha said yes. Then Rasulullah told her to go to house of fulanah. And then Aisha came to this womans house. She said salam, and from the inside asnwered the salam. And Aisha said she want to silaturrahim, but the woman told Aisha to come the next day cause she hasnt told her husband that Aisha will visit her. Then the next day Aisha came again with some kid, and when he came to the house, the woman told Aisha to came back again on the next day cause she only told her husband that only one girl who would come. Then on the third day the woman agree to accept Aisha into her house. And when Aisha in this womans house,she saw theres a stick on the table. And she asked the woman " whats this stick use for?", and she said " I put this stick so my husband can hit me with it if he doesnt like what I cook?". Masha Allah, of course Rasulullah said that this woman is ahlu jannah, cause shes so ikhlas to please her husband. And Rasulullah said " if one person may sujud to another, I will order women to sujud to their husband". So akhwat fillah, you all need a husband to make your life more complete cause its the ticket for you to get jannah and its jihad for every women. Do U think if you dont marry it will be easier for you all to enter jannah since Rasulullah said:"whoever doesnt like my sunnah then theyre not from my ummah"?. So yes, women need men to make their life more complete as much men need women to make their life more complete too. I have to explain it cause I read some posts above and there are some mistakes written by our akhwat, so I just want to correct them wallahul mustaan. If theres mistake I made then please correct me, Allahu alam

[Mezier]

assalaamu alaykum sister,

the sunnah is to marry earlier not later, try starting there to talk her around.

the haddith is actually 'o young man if you can afford it marry...' if i remember it correctly, look at the age of Aisha (ra) and some of the other women from the sahabah who married young.

insha'allah i have lots of son's and daughters and if so i intend on letting them marry young if they wish, anything from puberty upwards is the islamic time for marriage so really sister tell your parents islamically your getting a bit old as it is.

this is also actually your right in islam, you have every right to ask your parents to look for you and if they refuse they are withholding your rights and oppressing them, though these are still your parents so best to forgive them.

i am sure you wouldnt go down this route, but refusing to arrange a nikkah when it is requested without valid shariah course would be grounds for you getting your father dismissed as wali and another relative put in his place who knows your rights and will not oppress them.

you are doing the right thing sister wanting to marry in a halal way, i am sure if you keep bothering your parents they will realise your heart is set on this and let you get married insha'allah.

dont let people tell you that you got all these things before you so wait, these are their own excuses that Shaitan found for them, why let them push them onto you also?
why follow western ways of lifestyle when Rasoolullah (saws) has left us such a perfect example of how to live?

assalaamu alaykum,

Daw'ud

:sl:
Sister, that is the best advice ^^ in this thread. Take it.
Mashallah brother Daw'ud, I liked it! :)
:w:

[...]

assalaamu alaykum sister,

the sunnah is to marry earlier not later, try starting there to talk her around.

the haddith is actually 'o young man if you can afford it marry...' if i remember it correctly, look at the age of Aisha (ra) and some of the other women from the sahabah who married young.

insha'allah i have lots of son's and daughters and if so i intend on letting them marry young if they wish, anything from puberty upwards is the islamic time for marriage so really sister tell your parents islamically your getting a bit old as it is.

this is also actually your right in islam, you have every right to ask your parents to look for you and if they refuse they are withholding your rights and oppressing them, though these are still your parents so best to forgive them.

i am sure you wouldnt go down this route, but refusing to arrange a nikkah when it is requested without valid shariah course would be grounds for you getting your father dismissed as wali and another relative put in his place who knows your rights and will not oppress them.

you are doing the right thing sister wanting to marry in a halal way, i am sure if you keep bothering your parents they will realise your heart is set on this and let you get married insha'allah.

dont let people tell you that you got all these things before you so wait, these are their own excuses that Shaitan found for them, why let them push them onto you also?
why follow western ways of lifestyle when Rasoolullah (saws) has left us such a perfect example of how to live?

assalaamu alaykum,

Daw'ud

Just what i was thinking brother - mashaallah good advice.:)

[IceQueen~]

has anyone watched Khalid Yasin's lecture to do with teenagers getting married? i'm sorry i just completely forgot what it's called...?
but it addresses this sister's problem really well masha allah...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

has anyone watched Khalid Yasin's lecture to do with teenagers getting married? i'm sorry i just completely forgot what it's called...?
but it addresses this sister's problem really well masha allah...

:sl:

Would really appreciate it if you could say what br.khalid yaseen says. I am going thru the same thing u c :hiding:

:w:

[IceQueen~]

:sl:

Would really appreciate it if you could say what br.khalid yaseen says. I am going thru the same thing u c :hiding:

:w:

his conclusion was basically that its best to get teens married off as soon as possible even if they are both still doing education, cos its better than the fitnah delaying marriage can cause.
but he also said that if for some reason you can not get married right now then you should fast.:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

his conclusion was basically that its best to get teens married off as soon as possible even if they are both still doing education, cos its better than the fitnah delaying marriage can cause.
but he also said that if for some reason you can not get married right now then you should fast.:w:

:sl:

jazakAllah khair, thats pretty much what ive been doing... fasting..

:w:

[*noor]

if you think about it, your mom is probably right
if u get married, you might change your mind about finishing your education and then regret it later on.

[Pretty_najm]

Alhumdullilah and jazakAllah to you all for your advice! I am grinning with excitement and nervousness...Insha-Allah, I will take in all the advice and future advice, make dua/Istikarah and, Insha-Allah, Allah will help and guide me in my decision.


JazakAllah again!

[Dawud_uk]

assalaamu alaykum,

i know plenty of brothers who married early, but that is probably because loads of the families around me are pathans and they seem to push this sunnah more than others.

was once sitting in a friends front room chatting and was talking about his neice and nephew who were 13 and 15 i think.

anyway, when he mentioned this it made something click because i knew his brother was only 30 so you do the maths yourselves!

it is kept quiet because of legal reasons but yes, if my future children wish to marry after they have passed the start of puberty then insha'allah will find them a pious partner they like and if still at school then they can live with me and the mrs.

a few 'young' couples i know have an arrangement where they live with one family during the week whilst going to school and then at the weekend stop with the other family and that seems to work well.

the other lesser option is to do the nikkah, but not move in but i say this is the lesser option because although you could spend time with that person then you still never really get to know someone until you have lived with them or travelled with them and you need to get to know your spouse 'worts and all.' i.e good and bad.

for those who say what if they grow appart?
well surely being married to someone, spending your time together in pleasing Allah will if there are changes make them grow closer together?

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

[IceQueen~]

assalaamu alaykum,

i know plenty of brothers who married early, but that is probably because loads of the families around me are pathans and they seem to push this sunnah more than others.

was once sitting in a friends front room chatting and was talking about his neice and nephew who were 13 and 15 i think.

anyway, when he mentioned this it made something click because i knew his brother was only 30 so you do the maths yourselves!

it is kept quiet because of legal reasons but yes, if my future children wish to marry after they have passed the start of puberty then insha'allah will find them a pious partner they like and if still at school then they can live with me and the mrs.

a few 'young' couples i know have an arrangement where they live with one family during the week whilst going to school and then at the weekend stop with the other family and that seems to work well.

the other lesser option is to do the nikkah, but not move in but i say this is the lesser option because although you could spend time with that person then you still never really get to know someone until you have lived with them or travelled with them and you need to get to know your spouse 'worts and all.' i.e good and bad.

for those who say what if they grow appart?
well surely being married to someone, spending your time together in pleasing Allah will if there are changes make them grow closer together?

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

subhanallah! i think brother Dawud has given the best advice which closest to the sunnah of the prophet (saw). May Allah reward you bro :amin: :w:

[clueless_gurl]

asalamualaikum sis........ u shud really think b4 takin the biggest step of ur life....... marriage isnt just support.... its the first step to compromise and alot of responsibilities..... ur mom's right on my account.... shes been through the stage and knows how life is..... do not make haste in this decision but first think maturely and with a cool mind........ will u be able to take it? after education....(God forbid) if n e thing bad happens at least u will be able to support ur children and yourself...... yet i mite be wrong

Try an istikhara....... but keep in mynd that wutever the result is....... u have 2 follow it......... PEACE BE UPON U!

[Rabi'ya]

:sl:

again i would reccommend brother Dawud's advice..he seems to know what hes on about.mashAllah

defintiely some good points there

May Allah make it easy on you sister, and give you sabr...ameen

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:

[Muhammad Waqqas]

Tell her that you want to get married in an instant and will not listen to a word. Give her a dead line. If he agrees, great! if she dosen't. Give her another dead line. Keep repeating the process untill she agrees.

[syilla]

before u get married... u'll sure feel so eager and longing (for companionship) to get married.:statisfie

but after u got married... hmm...then u'll know how hard it is being a wife and mother.:heated:

i guess... this is the 'fitrah' that Allah has created so that young people will get married as soon as possible:rollseyes

[Musaafirah]

:sl:
I must say that bro Dawud has given the best advice on the thread so far..Masha'allah!
:w:

[Hijaabi22]

Ya Allah!

Ok, here i go....I want to get married and have a family, but I am only 17 years old and my mom is like "wait until you've finished college" and she even said I couldnt move out of the house until i had my degree. I am trying my best to wait and be patient, but Im not sure how long I can wait. I want to have companionship, someone to talk to. How do I tell my ummi what I want, when she's set on me getting married in like 4-5 yrs?

All advice is welcomed, thanks to all!

Salams(Peace)

ERM why get married wen u can still be YOUNG FREE SINGLE:rollseyes :rollseyes

WAIT FEW YRS

[Dawud_uk]

ERM why get married wen u can still be YOUNG FREE SINGLE:rollseyes :rollseyes

WAIT FEW YRS

maybe because she loves Allah and his messenger and wishes to follow the command of Rasoolullah (saws) by marrying young?

[Pretty_najm]

maybe because she loves Allah and his messenger and wishes to follow the command of Rasoolullah (saws) by marrying young?

Yes, I do love Allah and His messenger(PBUH) and I want to do the right thing by getting married soon or considering it soon. And also marriage is a beautiful thing to me, i know it wont be all peachy but everything has its ups and downs, no?:) Being single kinda stinks for me...ever heard the saying 'single and ready to mingle'? Im single but dont wanna mingle with the haram. I desire a husband for many reasons, the main being to please Allah and because i feel that I am ready, mentally...but anyways, im still debating

JazakAllah to you all!

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Sis have patience and keep speaking to your parents. But if you feel it's something you really want to do, they can't make you wait.
:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Sis have patience and keep speaking to your parents. But if you feel it's something you really want to do, they can't make you wait.
:w:

:eek: really? But then the thought of marryin when theres soo many other troubles which aint been settled not to mention other brothers/sisters in the que gets in the way, and then its bak to fasting and coping... some people have too many obstacles :heated: May Allah help them!!

[babagrr]

Assallaamu alaykum

I think I'm from a different planet for most people seem to enjoy painting the picture of marriage as one of saddness, pain, difficulty, backwardness and well, I don't know what else.

If indeed they are not of the Muslim faith, let them then refute the below verse.

(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

If Allah thought that marriage was going to restrict you from reaching goals like studying or working, he would have said that we should only consider marriage when we're done studying or when we're 21, 25 or a burden in our parent's homes.

[Hijaabi22]

maybe because she loves Allah and his messenger and wishes to follow the command of Rasoolullah (saws) by marrying young?

mashaallah

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
Your parents know what is best for you so do as they say.