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View Full Version : Andy Borowitz -- Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long Letters



rubiesand
05-16-2006, 10:11 AM
:giggling: This is too funny :giggling:


========

by Andy Borowitz

Days after receiving an 18-page letter from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President George W. Bush called the lengthy missive “an act of war” and demanded that Iran halt its production of long letters at once.

At the White House, aides said that writing a letter of such length to President Bush, who is known for his extreme distaste for reading, was the most provocative act Mr. Ahmadinejad could have possibly committed.

“Everyone knows that the last book the president read was ‘My Pet Goat,’” one aide said. “Expecting him to read an 18-page letter is really asking for it, and that Iranian dude must have known that.”

According to those close to Mr. Bush, the president was infuriated upon receipt of the 18-page letter and asked aides if it was some kind of joke.

The president then demanded that the letter be boiled down to a one- or two-page format, or possibly adapted to a DVD version, just as he had ordered for news reports on Hurricane Katrina.

In Tehran, President Ahmadinejad said he was “taken aback” by Mr. Bush’s refusal to read an 18-page letter, but said that all his future communications to the U.S. president would be in short, easy-to-read instant-messaging format.

In his first IM to President Bush, released to the press today, President Ahmadinejad writes, “Am building nukes. R U angry? LOL.”

Elsewhere, Air Force Gen. Michael V. Hayden vowed today that as director of the CIA he would push the agency to find new and better sources of false intelligence.

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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:20 AM
ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;D

LOL

This is too good to leave unforwarded to every 1 of my contacts!
Reply

Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:27 AM
Salaam

This is not funny, Why gain sin over a disbeliver mocking people isn't islamic this thread should be closed.
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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:28 AM
No body is mocking anybody, it is reality....
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:31 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
No body is mocking anybody, it is reality....
Salaam

And, so it's ok still to laugh at someone behind their backs.
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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:34 AM
yep!

I laugh at jokes made by my cousin, but he isn't always in the room when I'm laughing at him.
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Muezzin
05-16-2006, 11:36 AM
That IM is comedy gold! Great satire :D
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:36 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
yep!

I laugh at jokes made by my cousin, but he isn't always in the room when I'm laughing at him.
Salaam

Subhanallah, by the way the article is clearly 'Satire' if you wanna gain sin then by all means laugh but you have been warned.
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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:37 AM
Brother, I'm sure it isn't haram to laugh at funny things, it's not like any one of us made this joke in the first place.
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:40 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
Brother, I'm sure it isn't haram to laugh at funny things, it's not like any one of us made this joke in the first place.
Salaam

It's haraam to laugh at other people behind their backs or infornt of them if they wouldn't be happy about it, it doesn't matter if you made the joke or not you'll still be gaining sin if you participate and laugh.
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Muezzin
05-16-2006, 11:41 AM
Yes, but politicians are hardly happy about anything you say about them. Which is why I dislike them with a passion. :)
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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:42 AM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

It's haraam to laugh at other people behind their backs or infornt of them if they wouldn't be happy about it, it doesn't matter if you made the joke or not you'll still be gaining sin if you participate and laugh.
And the proof for this is?

(show me proof and I'll shut up)
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:48 AM
:sl:

Allah says in the Qur'an:

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is The One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful" (Qur'an 49: 12)

Abu Hurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

"Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of Allah said, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him."

Ibn 'Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) once passed by two graves and said:

"Verily, they (occupants of graves) are both being tormented and they are not being tormented for something major." In the report from Al-Bukhari:
"Rather, it is indeed something major. As for the first one, he used to go around spreading gossip (nameemah) and as for the other, and then he used not to protect himself from his own urine." [2]
The scholars say the meaning of "and they are not being tormented for something major" is "something major" according to their opinion or "something major" for them to have abandoned doing.

Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) also said:

"Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse; I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise."

Also Abu Mousa Al-Ash’aree narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

"I asked the Messenger of Allah: Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of Allah replied, "He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands."

And Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudree narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:

"When man wakes up in the morning each day, all parts of the body warn the tongue saying, ‘Fear Allah as regards us for we are at your mercy; if you are upright, we will be upright and if you are crooked, we become crooked."
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afriend
05-16-2006, 11:50 AM
But, urm...gEORGE bUSH ISN'T OUR BROTHER...:?
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 11:55 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
But, urm...gEORGE bUSH ISN'T OUR BROTHER...:?
Salaam

It doesn't it applies to everyone do you think the prophet would approve, remember bush is still a part of this ummah even if he's a kafir, we should make dua for him to be guided, may allah guide him to the straight path.
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Muezzin
05-16-2006, 12:01 PM
Does that mean if I say 'Adolf Hitler was a little piece of scum who deserved his coward's death and I hope he's punished in his grave and is burned in hell', I'm backbiting?
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Does that mean if I say 'Adolf Hitler was a little piece of scum who deserved his coward's death and I hope he's punished in his grave and is burned in hell', I'm backbiting?
Salaam

Yes.
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Muezzin
05-16-2006, 12:04 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Yes.
But he's dead. And was evil. And was not Muslim. There's no hope for redemption.

I mean, with Bush there is, because he's alive and can convert (though I sincerely doubt he would).
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Muslim Soldier
05-16-2006, 12:17 PM
Is it real?

LOL
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Muezzin
05-16-2006, 12:18 PM
Originally Posted by Muslim Soldier
Is it real?

LOL
Nope, it's a satire, a work of fiction. I still think that IM is hilarious. :D
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Muslim Soldier
05-16-2006, 12:54 PM
the IM was the best
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muzna
05-16-2006, 01:32 PM
its highly believable though...
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MinAhlilHadeeth
05-16-2006, 01:40 PM
BRO ISLAM-TRUTH... George Bush isn't our brother, and he isn't part of the ummah either. Did you know that the prophet (SAW) gave Abu Jahl that nick name (one of ignorance)?
Please correct me if i'm wrong, astaghfurAllah.
:w:
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 01:47 PM
Originally Posted by ~Mu'MiNaH~
BRO ISLAM-TRUTH... George Bush isn't our brother, and he isn't part of the ummah either. Did you know that the prophet (SAW) gave Abu Jahl that nick name (one of ignorance)?
Please correct me if i'm wrong, astaghfurAllah.
:w:
Salaam

Answer this when george goes to the grave what will the angels ask him, I've skiped the other two questions but focus on this one, who's your prophet thus he's part of our ummah, ummah means nation, thus even the kufar are part of it even though they dibelieve.
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MinAhlilHadeeth
05-16-2006, 02:04 PM
But he is not part of the ummah of Islam... which is what brotherhood is all about. How can a person who commits shirk be my brother? And he is an evil kaafir too!
:w:
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Ghazi
05-16-2006, 02:08 PM
Originally Posted by ~Mu'MiNaH~
But he is not part of the ummah of Islam... which is what brotherhood is all about. How can a person who commits shirk be my brother? And he is an evil kaafir too!
:w:
Salaam

I'm not saying he's your brother, and he's in the ummah if we like it or not, my point being is we shouldn't insult people behind their backs muslim or not.
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MinAhlilHadeeth
05-16-2006, 02:11 PM
That would be the more dignified thing to do perhaps, but I don't think it's haraam. Haraam is a strong word after all.
:w:
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mizan_aliashraf
05-16-2006, 02:13 PM
Salam
We tend to use the word 'Haraam' for everything that comes up without even considering the consequences. Saying something is Haraam is more or less signing on Allah's behalf. That is why it should be left to 'ulamaa
And allah knows best
Wassalam
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MinAhlilHadeeth
05-16-2006, 02:39 PM
Yes, the pious and rightly guided 'ulamaa....not those dodgy ones.
:w:
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anis_z24
05-17-2006, 02:33 AM
Salam,
[PIE]
I thought it was 8 pages, how did it become 18.
[/PIE]
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MinAhlilHadeeth
05-17-2006, 08:47 AM
That's what i thought too actually... maybe we saw a compressed version.
:w:
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saidaharther
05-19-2006, 12:23 PM
:giggling: :giggling:
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