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ahm
05-09-2005, 01:05 PM
Marriage: Lack of Faith or Lack of Focus?

By Hwaa Irfan

09/03/2001

The Holy Prophet (SAW) has said, "A person who does not marry on account of his poor financial condition does not have faith and confidence in Allah."

With this in mind, many Islamic countries have adopted the hosting of mass weddings. As one of many gifts given during the month of Ramadan, Egypt hosts mass weddings for low-income and physically handicapped couples. The decorated tables and entertainment provided for the couples and their guests are a blessing.

Earlier this month, Iran's Interior Ministry married 700 couples in one day and 850 couples on the next. They expect to marry 14,000 couples. The general director of the project, Ahmad Bahraini, said to Associated Press writer Ali Akbar Dareini that the purpose is to "...encourage marriage among our young people, and invite the public to hold modest celebrations in order to save money."

Many young Iranian men do not get married before they are 30 because it is too difficult for them to save enough money to cover the expenses of marrying. Yet maintaining modesty in the expenses of marriage is what the Prophet of Islam (SAW) recommended, and the example he set when he married his daughter, Fatima Zahra, to the fourth Caliph, 'Ali ibn Talib.

Bride Zahra Nowruzi said, "I'm spending the happiest days of my life." Her groom, Rostam Bahadori, 27, a Geography graduate is looking for work, but he expressed that he's not really worried. "If I can't find a job, I can work on a piece of land for my father."

This choice is not always available to Muslims living in westernized societies, but many other choices can have implications that delay the decision to marry. Among the socialites in Cairo, Egypt, there can be an average of three weddings a week that are laboriously planned for the public's attendance. Yet, there are many divorces.

Muhammed Hefzy is of the opinion that, "...we suffer from a distinct lack of romanticism surrounding our lives. Bachelors from these communities argue that:

1) Many girls convince themselves that they love men that they want to spend the rest of their lives with, but their underlying reason for wanting to marry is to break away from the control of their parents and they assume marriage will bring them independence.
2) For this reason, many young people will never know what it is like to experience love and companionship.
3) There is a failure to see the difference between being loved and cared for and paying for someone to care for you.
4) Men are scared of losing their privacy. It is considered that most women are too insecure to handle a request for privacy and feel that some thing is wrong; that their husbands do not love them any more.

Across communities and social classes, one finds Muslim women who have limited experience dealing with people outside of their immediate families. It is a trend for them to marry because of their belief that they will gain independence by doing so. Then, within a year or so, their commitment towards their husbands changes once they realize that the dreams they had pictured in their minds (that songs and films have inspired) are different from the reality of their lives. Imaginary icons are then either broken, or they are imposed on husbands (sometimes on wives).

Without their realizing it, a mutual distrust develops that begins to form the direction in which each spouse relates to their marital partner. Couples either adjust and accept the disparity between expectations and reality, or a crisis occurs that gives them a second chance in their marriage, or they drift apart within the marriage, or ultimately they separate or divorce.

We go "off-course" when we lose touch with our inner beings, or if, in fact, we haven't yet developed that inner understanding of ourselves. Distracted by the daily demands of life in the form of school, employment, and eventually marriage, we might not have ascertained what we really want. This can set up a pattern for choosing a wrong partner.

Rasul'ullah (SAW) said, "...A person who will marry for the sake of wealth and beauty will ultimately be deprived of both, and he who will marry for the sake of piety and faith will be blessed with wealth and beauty from Allah."

The right choice in marriages involves a person that we can bring out the best in, and vice versa, in order to form a family that can provide security and peace of mind and heart. We need to look for mates who can satisfy our needs and goals.

If a couple with a healthy, functional marriage is blessed with children, the family environment will provide a sound foundation for them in choosing the best marital partner and making the right decisions in their lives.

To wives, Rasul'ullah (SAW) said, "Invite your husbands to do good before they persuade you to do wrong deeds."

To husbands, Rasul'ullah (SAW) said, "You men must make yourselves tidy and be prepared for your wives, as you would like them (your women) to be prepared for you."

Sources:

Hendawi, Hamza. "Arabic Talk Show Stirs Controversy," Associated Press, February 2001.

Dareini, Ali Akbar. "Mass Weddings Encouraged In Iran," Associated Press, February 2001.

Amina, Hujjatul-Islam Ibrahim. Principles of Marriage Family Ethics, Islamic Propagation Organization

Hefzy, Muhammed. Much Ado About Marriage, Engima, February 2001.
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swanlake
05-09-2005, 01:20 PM
:sl:

Good and beneficial post. Jazaakallaah kheyr
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Unique
05-09-2005, 06:16 PM
Salam
Yeah, lots of people nowadays go for money, looks etc and spend unbelievable amounts on their weddings. The price of it all is incredible when you add it all up as so much of it could have been put to better use. But I know a few people now that, Masha allah want simple weddings but dont seem to be able to because of their families. For example, the parents are worried that the bride/groom can't have simple wedding clothes because the guests might dress up in more expensive outfits.

Amongst others, its almost like a competition to see who has the better (meaning more expensive) wedding.

Oh well, may Allah swt help them and us and guide us to the straight path. Ameen

Wassalam
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Uthman
05-10-2005, 10:04 PM
:sl:

JazakAllahu Khayran for the inspiring article. :) What it said was very true. :)

Originally Posted by Unique
may Allah swt help them and us and guide us to the straight path.
Ameen. :)

:w:
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