Major Question--

[yathrub]

:sl:
I am in a little delima rite now. See, there is this wun brother i really like. And he likes me to. well he says he loves me :wub: . And i know actions speak louder then words. But he hasn't yet asked to marry me. But almost everything he says indicates he is planing to. And he tells his friends that too. We are partly the same culture but he is mixed with somthing else. And his father wants him to marry a girl from this mixed side of him. and my mother would perfer for me to marry someone out of the other mixed side of the culture but she said she wont force. Im 16 and the brother is the same age as me. And i have no walee nor mahrim. At least non that i know of.

heres the delima:
parents dont know about it and dont know how to tell them, very shy, and too young in america to get marraied.
confused :confused: and scared. dont know what to do. very :'( sad situation.undefined

[ahm]

:sl:

No offence, but I don't think a 16 year old guy raised in the west is old enough mentally to support you. You should be looking for a guy 20/21 for marriage. Has this 16 year old got a job? What about school education? Can you handle that situation? Think ahead, what will it be like? Will you live together or live separately with parent's till you get your own place? What if you don't have parental support, where will you stay? What if you become pregnant unexpectadly? I'm not saying "don't get married", just think about this proposal calmly and rationally. As you have no Wali, you have no guardian to look out for YOUR interest, you are vulnerable. Hence you have to be EXTRA careful and scrutinise a proposal. You do not want to jump into marriage head-over-heel, then fall out after 6 months. THINK.

You should avoid talking to each other as shaytan and your hormones may take over. Speak to a well known, English speaking imam in your area - preferrably of a large mosque to advise you aswell. Speak to other good knowledgable Muslims in your area for advice on marrying a 16 year old guy.

:wa:

[yathrub]

Jazakalahukhairun for the reply.
and yes i am quite aware of the western society. and how
unstable i could be if i were to preceed in marraige.
and this brother only been in america for 3 years. he was raised
in an islamic country. my plan is to wait till i am round the age 20 or so
insha'allah and i do avoide much talking or contact and i try
to control my feelings by bussing myself with msa & islamic stuff.
but the other problem is the parents. still confused :confused:

[bro_faz]

Salaam alaykum!
One thing - you probably hear this all the time but to me it seems u r dating which is haraam

And take my advice you may not be mentally stable to do so, I'd be happy for you if you told ya parents are he was able to support you and i think you should tell your parents! because you will make them unhappy if you don't and islam gives parental respect a high status with Allah SWT if you upset them you upset me!

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[ahm]

:sl:

well on the other side you have to be dutiful to your parent's, especially your mother. If she wishes you to marry from a certain community, then is that not easy for you to fulfil? Do you HAVE to marry this guy? No. Keep your options open. Have some good Muslim, trustworthy person, speak to your mother about it (marrying into a different race). Make sure to have good people check this guy out, because the man in a marriage can make divorce easier than the wife. Don't marry just to hurt your mother, or show your "independence". Ask her if she knows any good proposals herself. If you are shy, then get someone else to ask her for you. Having been married herself, your mother may notice something in a proposal that you may not.

Long "betrothals" are not good ideas. Inform him to return with a real proposal when you (and he) are ready. Meanwhile keep your options open, avoid getting emotionally attached.

:wa:

[Abubakar]

:sl:

Little sister, I can see from your post that you are a thoughtful and modest woman.

Firstly I do not know your family and their different personalities so keep that in mind when you read my advice.

As a general approach I would recomend that you discuss marriage in a general way with your mother. Also at sometime including marrying someone from a different culture in your conversations. Do not rush the conversation but do this over a period of time. Your mother has been married for sometime, obviously, and loves and cares for you. Listen to her and think about what she says.

Remember that you may be of an age and maturity to marry but in general men mature more slowly than women. I do not know the man but it is a very big ask of a man of his age to be able to support you both financially and emotionally.

A long engagement is not easy in our religion as both parties are still developing not together but separately so you may grow away from each other. Do minimise contact and do not be alone with him as both of you do not want to get drawn into zina.

I suspect the answer is to wait and for him to approach your parents when he is in a position to support you.

I hope this is of some help.

[YoUnG-sOuLjAh]

:sl:
yea i agree wit da above statements. sis u's still kinda young but still smart..do da ryte thang n keep it sunnah u noe wat i mean..dont rush..when its time its time..when its not its not..and if ya dont have it yo way..dont trip cuz its qaddarul'allah na'mean..u gots to accept it n be happy wit it...n also pray istakarah n insha'alllah u'll be guided. if ya start to have doubts occupy urself wit doin' khair..insha'allah everything will be all good. :) n im proud of ya tryin to keep ya head up n ask yo muslim peeps for advice :applaud: masha'allah. i noe sum peeps who look to teen magazines for help..but u look to islam.

[Genius]

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who is 16 when you yourself are 16. Talk to your parents get that out the way don't delay and in future go to an Imam/Scholar for advice, Internet forums are the last place you should be looking for answers.

[Danish]

:sl:
i say u r too early. Wait till u both r 20, if u r still serious then marry, in the mean time distant urselves

[snipeaac]

Im not gonna feed you this "too young" stuff. It's "mature" that you must look at. Living in the west, this guy isnt mature... can he support you? If yes then maybe its a consideration.

ill be back for more if u want lol

oh confused = istikhara