I am too shy

[AnonymousPoster]

Salam sisters and brothers my problem is that i am too shy i dont like to sociolise with others i never go out i stay at home all de time, the only time i go out is to attend college, my mum told me to be more open to speak to my guest at times, my friends also told me to be louder i just cant do that is kind of upsetting because i kno am nice person wen u get to know me but many people are put off because am not really talktive and am not sending a good first impression.

Where am from people love the loud and confident people and that is something am not is kind of upsettin :(

[Hijaabi22]

Hey Be;lieve It Or Not Guys But Im Actually Quite Shy Too But Only At First When I Meet New Ppl.....but Hey Thats Normal Just Open Up A Little Trust Me It Aint That Hard

[seeker_of_ilm]

:sl:

Sounds rather like me.

[Hijaabi22]

why are guys shy 4??/ hmm dats dumb man lolololololol only messin

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[seeker_of_ilm]

why are guys shy 4??/ hmm dats dumb man lolololololol only messin

:sl:

I'm not so much shy, rather I'm quiet when I meet people. I'm cautious, to know my limits, because some people get offended rather easily, so I try to get a measure of the person first.

I hate public speaking though

[Hijaabi22]

cool cool^

[glo]

Salam sisters and brothers my problem is that i am too shy i dont like to sociolise with others i never go out i stay at home all de time, the only time i go out is to attend college, my mum told me to be more open to speak to my guest at times, my friends also told me to be louder i just cant do that is kind of upsetting because i kno am nice person wen u get to know me but many people are put off because am not really talktive and am not sending a good first impression.

Where am from people love the loud and confident people and that is something am not is kind of upsettin :(

I used to be painfully shy when I was younger.
I don't know how old you are, but chances are you will gradually overcome your shyness as you get older and gain confidence in yourself.

I understand that very shy people can sometimes be perceived to be a bit proudor not interested in others, because they don't say much. But there are non-verbal signals you can give to show your friendliness - such as smile or be helpful. :)
Once people get to know you, they will see your qualities, and not just your shyness.

Try to set yourself challenges. There is a saying that says 'Do something everday that scares you!' +o(
Try and make yourself talk to people!
Don't try to be perfect, or to impress.
Just look at it as practice!

Twenty years ago I was very shy - now I can speak publicly in front of groups of people wihtout even hardly feeling nervous.
You can do it, but you must be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't push yourself too hard, and don't be too hard on yourself when you sometimes hide inside your shell! Nobody is perfect! :rollseyes

Peace.

[Hajar]

:sl:

Just be yourself, dont be afraid to show who u really are.. there is nothing to be ashamed of. U can be a lil talktative there is nothing wrong with that. Just go with the flow..u should feel good about yourself and who you are.. then everything will go easy inshaAllah...:)


:w:

[F.Y.]

Salam
I was really really shy was I was younger. Take glo's advice and do something that's a bit 'risky' - something that puts you out of your comfort zone. If you meet new people, tell yourself to 'gather a bit of nerve' and look them in the eye and say 'hello' and smile. Force yourself to do it a few times - then you'll become used to it.
If you want to change - you have to take the first step. Once you are comfortable doing this, then you can have a few questions ready that you ask them. Like, "Where were you born?" "What do you study - do you enjoy it?" and other appropraite things you can think of. If you cant think of anything - just smile and at the end when you have to go, tell them it was nice to have met them and that you hope to see them again. Be confident - you wont lose anything by being confident.

Peace

[Ghazi]

:sl:

Confidence comes into two forms, there's the crazy hyper people who are loud and there's the people with good social skills. I've got a bit of a moter-mouth so since I've been practasing I've tried to calm down cause with confidence it's about making people feel at ease around you so they open up but this sometimes leads to fitnah cuz you might send of the wrong signels to certain people, my advice is go to the local mosque and talk to random sisters there this will help cause it'll take you out of your comfort zone and force you to intract with strangers just take it slow and say :sl: and take it from there.

[Halima]

Me too :embarrass

My advice: eat properly, study hard (if your in school), exercise regurlarly - hopefully these things will make you more confident :)

.

How can this break shyness? :?

[Woodrow]

How can this break shyness? :?

wa alaikum salaam sister,

I was wodering the very thing myself. Then I thought about it. A confident person feels good about him/her self. Excercise and proper nutrition are 2 ways to feel physicaly good. A good healthy feeling person, feels good and shows it by exhibiting confidence.

Years ago before I went into the USAF I was quite shy and did not engage in much conversation. After a few months of excellent nutrition and very much physical excercise, I was turned into the epitome of confidence. I believed I could physicaly conquer any challange and my demeanor showed it. OK, I went a bit over board in the wrong direction. but, good health did a lot to give me enough confidence to last a lifetime, even now when I no longer have my health.

[Sohrab]

Dale Carnegie to the rescue :) .... kidding.
But really i believe shy people...as i once was...are a bit too conscious about themselves. Infact sometimes they even become selfish, if they think deeply. If you like reading books on human behaviour and attitudes, and confidence...here are some helpful references

Quran/Hadith (dont' just recite...try 'reading' them as you'd read the da vinci code)

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey

Write Better Speak Better by Reader's Digest Books

Public Speaking/Increasing Self Confidence by Dale Carnegie.

All these books have small treatment tips for variety of confidence and personality problems, and remember, if you wanna learn how to swim, you gotta get into the water first.

Good Luck

[Halima]

:sl:

Alot of people label me as 'quiet' although sometimes I don't see myself to be that way. As I have grown older I have become a bit more reserved and shy partially because of my culture. My mother is a very shy woman and for example just the other day at the mosque I was sitting with a group of sisters and she went and sat all alone.

I had asked her to come and join, but instead she hesitated. See Islam promotes modesty, however, it is not good to be too excessively shy..because that can lead you to paranoia.

Yes, physically eating well and attaining the proper nutrition, ignites one's self-esteem in a way.


:w:

[yasin]

Is your shyness out of anxiety?

[syilla]

in islam... shyness is one of the 'iman'.

but confident is different...

you have to be confident in everything you do.

You have to have confidences and it is important in Islam.

i think you are lacking in confidence.

[Skillganon]

EDIT: When it come's to knowledge don't be shy without compromising modesty

[syilla]

Maybe this could help you understand more about being shy.

source : http://www.islamicvoice.com/august.98/prophet.htm#SHY

When it is virtue to be shy

It is important for a believer to have a keen sense of shame, for it is a great help in avoiding what is forbidden, We quoted a Hadith in which the Prophet clarifies that even the earliest of Prophets have stressed the importance of this virtue. He quotes them as saying: “If you have no sense of shame, then do whatever you like.” We also mentioned that since the Prophet was the best example of a man who practiced what he preached, he himself had a refined sense of shame which manifested itself in the fact that he never demanded anything which belonged to him by right, and the fact that if he disliked something, he would not express his dislike in words, but his feeling would be apparent in his face. We carry on with our discussion today, hoping to throw more light on this virtue and how it is translated in practical life, on the basis of the Prophet’s guidance. We have a story, related by Aisha, the Prophet’s wife, which states that her father, Abu Bakr, who was the Prophet’s closest companion and a man who enjoyed great respect in the Muslim community, asked permission to see the Prophet. The Prophet was reclining on Aisha’s bed, wearing a woolen jumper, which belonged to her. The Prophet allowed Abu Bakr to come in without changing his position. Abu Bakr spoke to him about whatever he wanted, and left. Later, Umar who was the second closest companion to the Prophet and was later to become the second Caliph to succeed him, also sough to see the Prophet. Again, the Prophet allowed him to come in maintaining his reclining posture on his wife’s bed. Umar explained his business and left. A short while later, Uthaman came and asked to see the Prophet. The prophet sat up and told his wife to tidy up her clothes before he allowed Uthman to come in. After Uthman had left, Aisha asked the Prophet why he did for Uthman’s visit what he did not do for the visits of Abu Bakr and Umar. He explained: “Uthman is a shy person. I felt that if he were to come in when I was in that position that he might be too shy to explain to me his business”.

In this story we see the prophet taking quick measure so that his visitor would not be overcome by his shyness if things appear too causal. The Prophet would not have done this. If it was wrong to be too shy the prophet would probably have mentioned his position and encouraged his visitor to explain the purpose of his visit trying to show him how to overcome shyness. The Prophet ‘s teachings, however, show that he valued shyness as a virtue, which is a credit point for any person to have. Anas ibn Malik quotes the Prophet as saying, “Shyness would adorn any situation, and aggressiveness would detract from any situation.” The same story of the Prophet’s attitude to a visit by Uthman is releated in a different way, which perhaps explains better how highly the Prophet valued shyness. It is again attributed to Aisha who states:” The Prophet was in a rposition in my home, with his thigh uncovered Abu Bakr sought to see him and left him come in. Abu Bakr explained what he came for. Umar then was admitted and he talked to the Prophet. Uthman later sought to see the Prophet. The Prophet sat up and tidied up his clothes before letting in Uthman and talking to him. When left I said: Messenger of God, Abu Bakr came in and you remained in your casual position. Umar then came in and you maintained the same position. When Uthman came in, you sat up and, tidied up your clothes.” He answered: “Would I not feel shy in the presence of a man who inspires shyness in angels?’

Perhaps we cannot appreciate the importance of being shy and having a keen sense of shame until we have reflected on this Hadith by the Prophet. “Faith is divided into 70 odd points. The most important of which is to believe that ‘there is no deity except God’ and the last of which is to remove what is harmful from the path of people. To be shy is one of the characteristics of faith.” (Related by Al-Bukhari).

We note here that the Prophet singles out shyness as a branch of faith although he mentions that faith has more than 70 points. This highlights its importance. There is, however, a special reason for the specific emphasis laid on shyness in this Hadith. Everything related to faith is normally a conscious effort. One has to take a positive action in order to fulfill it. This is clearly the case with the two points the Prophet mentions in his statement: One has to state clearly that he believes in the Oneness of God in order to fulfill the most important point of faith. Similarly, he has to take a positive action in order to remove what may be harmful to others, from their way. To be shy, on the other hand, is a personal characteristic. It is normally an instinctive attitude. This may cause some people to overlook it as a part of faith. Shyness, however, is not always instinctive. A person may make an effort to acquire such a habit, in the same way as he trains himself to do habitually any good thing, such as a person making an effort to be generous. Even when ‘shyness comes naturally to a person, using, it in accordance with Islamic values requires a conscious attitude of mind which ensures that a person is rewarded for it. It is indeed what a person does consciously that merits reward from God. It is in this respect that shyness is considered a characteristic of faith and a person is rewarded for it. There is no doubt that a naturally shy person finds it easier to have this Islamic virtue. This applies to many other virtues. Generosity, for example, comes much easier to certain people than others. That does not detract from the value of their generosity.

Some people suggest that a shy person may put himself at a disadvantage, by not claiming what is rightfully his. A person may lend another some money but feels too shy to claim it back when he needs it, or when the borrower delays repayment unnecessarily. The lender may prefer to borrow the same amount of money from a third person to asking the first borrower to pay him back. Even in such a situation, the Prophet tells us that to be shy is preferable. Abdullah ibn Umar relates that the Prophet passed by a man who was speaking to his brother and counseling him not to be too shy. The Prophet said to him: “Leave him alone. Shyness is a part of faith”. Perhaps the Prophet noticed that the man was in a difficult position, listening to his brother’s advice. He wanted both of them to realize that a balanced attitude was preferable. He, therefore, counseled the first one not to be too hard and explained the virtue of being shy.
Top

[aamirsaab]

:sl:

Salam sisters and brothers my problem is that i am too shy i dont like to sociolise with others i never go out i stay at home all de time, the only time i go out is to attend college, my mum told me to be more open to speak to my guest at times, my friends also told me to be louder i just cant do that is kind of upsetting because i kno am nice person wen u get to know me but many people are put off because am not really talktive and am not sending a good first impression.

Where am from people love the loud and confident people and that is something am not is kind of upsettin :(

Dang, i got cloned again!
I went through a very similar experience. I used to lack confidence in speaking cus I was busy thinking what people would think, I was also shy. Then I watched House and mastered the art of sarcasm. Slowly I began answering more questions in class, I even managed to slip in a few one-liners. People then perceived me as not only intelligent but humorous - I was no longer the quiet pakistani. I've been recently called Einstein :D

[Muezzin]

:sl:

Dang, i got cloned again!
I went through a very similar experience. I used to lack confidence in speaking cus I was busy thinking what people would think, I was also shy. Then I watched House and mastered the art of sarcasm. Slowly I began answering more questions in class, I even managed to slip in a few one-liners. People then perceived me as not only intelligent but humorous - I was no longer the quiet pakistani. I've been recently called Einstein :D

Now you're the loud Paki. That's really nothing to be proud about you know. :p

[Ayesha Rana]

It is good to be shy friend. In Imam Nawawis Riyad-us-Salihin book i read that the prophet saw two brothers and one was scolding the other because of his shyness. The prophet came forward and stopped him with the reason that shyness is a quality.
I also read that it is good to be modest cos modesty does not lead to doing wrong.

[thc]

There is a difference between islamic shyness and other shyness. Some muslims are too shy to say the azaan or lead a prayer in front of others and that is where one has a problem

[ss25]

Me too :embarrass

My advice: eat properly, study hard (if your in school), exercise regurlarly - hopefully these things will make you more confident :)

Trust me: good food and enough exercise is one of the things you should try.

i agree with alpha dude... exercise and feeling good bout yrself on the outside -not to show off or for any unislamic purpose- helps u feel better on the inside..

i also am very shy on my first meetings wif people and yeah prob 8 outa 10 will not bother givin u a chance but there will b the 2 who will take the time and effort and once u start feelin confident on the outside itll come on the inside and u wont care about yr quietness... :)

[amirah_87]

I Don't See Anything Thing That's Wrong With Being Shy Or Mot Socialisng That Much!!!
As A Matter Of Fact ..that's Me Too , I Like To Keep To Myself Most Of The Time!
Another Thing..the Prophet Salallaahu 3alayhi Wass Salam.. Was A Very Shy Man..

[Helena]

:sl:

In reality am shy too...dnt really open up easily...but wid cuz and stuff i'll be more interactive....

sometime i'll keep it all in...but as for this forum as am not seeing anyone....i have opened up...my shyness has faded away...if i see someone on the forum...face to face...i'll be a quieter person....

:w:

[amirah_87]

Yeah..i'm Like You , On The Net I Tend To Open Up More Than In Real Life:?:?:?

[umm_amina04]

Assalamu alaikum sister,
I don't think that being too shy is such a bad thing. In islam the women's vioce is part of her owrah so technically she should try to limit to how loud she is to use her vioce. When I was younger i used to be very shy and reserved I didn't associate with many people and did not was to be like the girls that flirted with all the guy's either. But the more people I met and the older I got i realised how to read people such as who are your friends are and who your friends aren't..... If you love the way you are then enjoy life as you wish to enjoy it within the boundaries of Islam. Don't try to be someone that your not because people will notice you sure, but they'll also distinguish what's real and what's fake...............think about it be your self and don't worry about what other's might think.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah
ur suster in islam umm_amina04

[afriend]

lol

I hate socialising too, I'd rather stay at home than get free food all day (i.e. a wedding;D).

Sometimes, you just have to be a bit sociable, not with the opposite gender of course, but if it's just females in your family, it's good to talk a bit. RasoolAllah(SAW) would socialise if he was invited to someone's house.

However, I have the same problem, like today, I pressed for the stop on the bus, but the driver didn't stop, I just couldn't get the words out for some reason, I was like "IQRAM SAY SOMETHING!!" But I just couldn't do it....

And My friends also want me to talk and talk at times, I can do that, but sometimes, I'm just not in the mood, if your friends say that why are you not talking or sumthin like that, just say I'm not up for it, or something like that, if they are true friends, they would understand.

[~Stranger~]

Salam sisters and brothers my problem is that i am too shy i dont like to sociolise with others i never go out i stay at home all de time, the only time i go out is to attend college, my mum told me to be more open to speak to my guest at times, my friends also told me to be louder i just cant do that is kind of upsetting because i kno am nice person wen u get to know me but many people are put off because am not really talktive and am not sending a good first impression.

Where am from people love the loud and confident people and that is something am not is kind of upsettin :(

:sl:
subhanaAllah u r exactly like me
:w:

[Mezier]

:sl:
i am kurdish and in my culture we have a saying that translates somewhat into this "a shy girl brings more than an entire people" which means if shes got the quality of shyness, she is worth more than entire populations/peoples/tribes/etc...

so if your a girl, its a good thing :)

:w:

[Re.TiReD]

:sl:


i was a very. VERY, very shy student at school but now that i'm at college i've kinda opened up :D

the first thing is finding out WHY you're shy? maybe you've got problems, low self confidence or maybe you just dont like meeting new people?

but one thing i've learnt is that if you remain shy you lose out a lot, you become the girl or guy at the back of the crowd or class who never gets any attention :playing:

lol but Insha'Allah you should go out...meet new people...and overcome your shyness!! :D :w:

[IceQueen~]

some people call me quite and others say I'm a total chatterbox!
if i meet new people i like to sit quitely and watch for a while to see how/what they are and how i can blend in-once i feel more easy i open my gob like this>>:D

(they probaby wish i'd shut up :D)

[Salmaan]

Salam sisters and brothers my problem is that i am too shy i dont like to sociolise with others i never go out i stay at home all de time, the only time i go out is to attend college, my mum told me to be more open to speak to my guest at times, my friends also told me to be louder i just cant do that is kind of upsetting because i kno am nice person wen u get to know me but many people are put off because am not really talktive and am not sending a good first impression.

Where am from people love the loud and confident people and that is something am not is kind of upsettin :(

:sl: :)

insha'Allah always keep reciting the verses 25 to 28 of Surah Ta-Ha of The Qur'an. (also see its english translation)

insha'Allah by its recitation Allah will give you self confidence insha'Allah

also, insha'Allah keep doing zikrullah (remembrance of Allah), 5 times prayers, recitation of the Qur'an, and insha'Allah always seek Allah's help for anything and everything. Allahu akbar !

Allah is not in need of the creation, but the creation is in need of Allah.

:w:

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:

Qur'an 20:25

Qala rabbi ishrah lee sadree


[Musa (Moses)] said: "O my Lord! Open for me my chest (grant me self-confidence, contentment, and boldness).






20:26

Wayassir lee amree


"And ease my task for me;





20:27

Wahlul AAuqdatan min lisanee


"And make loose the knot (the defect) from my tongue, (i.e. remove the incorrectness from my speech) [That occurred as a result of a brand of fire which Musa (Moses) put in his mouth when he was an infant]. [Tafsir At-Tabari, Vol. 16, Page 159].





20:28

Yafqahoo qawlee


That they may understand my speech.




http://quranicrealm.com/viewverses.php?q=20&langs=393

[MH-UK]

:sl:

I am very shy as well.

JazakAllah Khair for the advice.

[glo]

I think some people here are confusing being shy with being quiet.

People can be quietly confident - sure of themselves and liking themselves, but just quiet and content with it.
Being shy - wanting to say or do things, but not feeling able to do it, is something entirely different. It often goes together with a lack of confidence and self-esteem, and usually isn't a good thing.

We should all like ourselves. We are as God has made us - that's got to be a good thing! :D
Why worry what other people think of us???
It is what God thinks of us, that matters.

Peace :)

[zash2]

SALAMZ
i 2 am shy.. i go red infront of everyone n ma earz go boilinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! :$ but Inshallah try phsycin ur self up make ur self b prepared for bein public.. i admit wen derz presentationz i h8 it neva once av i njoyd it.. but think of it lyk u av no option.. itz best for u... if u tak ur tym n study wa u need 2 do wel den nufin bad can hapen 2 u.. u try ur best n Inshallah it wil work out.. wen it cumz 2 frendz.. make dem one by one.. dnt start wid big groupz as u may feel intimidated.. if u dnt feel confident for ur self ... it wil b harder for u 2 aproach ppl.. let dem knw how u r wa u lyk wa u dnt lyk find comon groundz 2 talk about ul c itz a piece of cake.. even tho i find it hard myself :P
Inshallah all wil work wel for u :)
take care