Muslim Teenagers' Issues with "American Culture"

[gamblerxix]

Salaam everyone,

To begin, I am a young teenager who is 18 years old of age. I live in a Moasic country, Canada. As to you all, I read many forums so far, and most of them relate to "white girls" marrying or dating or being love with a muslim brother. I am young and very "hot headed" when it comes to issues like that. I know one particular muslim sister who is currently dating a sik male. I told her not to do this it is against the islam, it is not right for you as a female to be flirting, and dating guys and especialy that are not muslim. She replied to my advice by saying i am "ugly" "really ugly" . I gave her advice because of she is muslim. So I just left her , was I wrong to do that? Do I still continue to help her. And my other question is that, how can a muslim teenger as myself, who moved to Canada very long ago possibly 15years ago. I am facing a difficult changellge that I am very attracted to females in my city. I try to control myself but it is very difficult, I am stuck. One mind of me say that I should ask and tell the girl I like and stuff, but then other mind says no, it is against islam i shouldn't even be talking to girl or look at her. I have very basic knowledge about islam I learn and listen to wise brothers and sisters along the way. What do I do? And sometimes I have the urge to have sexual contact with the opposite sex as well, I am trying my very best to avoid that but sometimes I think I might commit a very unforgivable sin and Allah might or probably will punish me in this world. Please, thank you.

Salaam and peace.

[Looking4Peace]

Did you ever consider marriage? if you are urging for sex so much and know someone suitable to marry then why not.
also i didnt clearly understand the "white girl" thing, a muslim is a muslim why concern yourself with color.

[Ghazi]

:sl:

Bro I'm also 18 living in a kufur country I understand where your comming from if your tempted into zina either fast or consider marriage, also regarding the sister you adviced her and the decison was up to her.

[gamblerxix]

Lol no way I just wanted to ask and see if there is any difference in your answers as to what I hear from my other fellow muslim people , my temptation can be controlled by praying daily five slahs and asking Allah to forgive me for my past mistakes and to help me through this temptation time. To the "white girl", it is not me it is my eldest brother and mostly well basically my family. They are more into religion of islam than me, but they are so "racist" towards any women. Especially brother. I tell them but they just... . My mother personally dislikes every women who is not "south asian"my brother (eldest one) thinks the opposite of my mothers view. My mom is racist and makes such awful comments it just hurts me to hear them, she prays five times (hopefully I think), and does all those things in islam yet she is so prejudice towards woman and men especially the "whites". How can I help my mom not to be like this, anyway? thank you.

Salaam and peace.

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[gamblerxix]

Salaam everyone,

Oh and at the same time she says muslims are not suppose to be racist and so judgemental...I don't really understand my mom anymore. She confuses me and sometimes makes up islam rules that my brother proves her wrong but I dont know, only Allah truly knows my mother andwhat is in her heart.

Salaam

[Al-Mu'min]

Salamuailakum.

Try giving the sister some booklets about Islam. Maybe she doesn't know about her religion very well. Some info will give her emaan and that will be enough for her to stop. Be patient with her and Allah will reward you for your efforts.

About your temptations, try lowering your gaze whenever possible. Temptations arise when you look at the attractiveness of the opposite sex. Soon you will be used to this and it will be so much easier for you. Also try being with some good muslim or non-muslim friends who do not engage or talk about sex in a disrespectful manner.

Always remember that this life is a test. So ask forgiveness if you fall into sin and pray to Allah to make you strong.

Salaam.

[gamblerxix]

Thank you very much brother. I will try to :) . Also, I don't think that sister wants to talk to me anymore if she trys to she just uses inapproiate language towards and etc.. . Then there are two other muslim brothers who I attempted to tell them not to do this but they say " i am too much religious" they make it a joke and laugh about it, they think being boyfriend/girlfriend is the new style and etc. I Don't it is not worth it , it affects your education in high school and such. But they dont see my view that way.

[lavikor201]

Whatever your religious beliefs are, I suggest you find friends who are about as religious as you are, so you will feel more comfortable.

[z5a0b4]

It is a big problem and sometimes i also do not know what to do.

[gamblerxix]

I live in a populated area of Ontario, specifically southern area, and we are very close to usa so it has a great influence upon us. There are no longer any religious people expect two people which are females and yes I have a questions regarding them as well. One is my friend she is same age as me we agree on several topics, for example: we agree on that sex comes after marriage (she is very strong on this topic), she doesn't want a bf either because lol umm...well ...i am not sure why but I will ask her if i get a chance, she is certainly not prejudice and respects everyone. But my question is that Am I allowed to be friends with her even though she is Christian? We don't talk about you know how guys and girls talk like get really deep into topics which relate to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. please help and thank you.

Salaam

[lavikor201]

Your in a tough situation living in an area where you have no one to really relate to when it comes to your beliefs.

Being a religious Jew it can be hard for me sometimes even in Israel! Since I am much more religious than many of my friends. I feel at peace when I go to Temple and pray with others like me.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl: brother,

I too am living in a Western country, and trust me i know exactly what your going through. I went through the same thing some time back, and Alhamdullilah i was able to see the right from the wrong and get my priorities straightened and Alhamdullilah I stayed strictly with Islam.

I think the first and foremost thing that you should do is, get a few good muslim practicing brothers and make them your freinds. Hang out with them, talk to them, chill with them, play with them etc. The people you hang out with greatly effect you. Therefore, if your freinds are pious people, then Inshallah they will have an effect you and strengthen your Iman and you theirs. Automatically you will find life alot easier as there are no other forces acting upon you. I.e. there is hardly any fitnah.

Second, sex, yes it does come to mind often when there are many shameless people walking around, and when it is considered the norm by the twisted minds of the people. As the Prophet (SAW) commanded young muslim males to get married as soon as they could, and if that was not possible, he commanded them fast. Inshallah, apply that into your life and you will notice a change. Just remember this hadith:

Narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (saw) said, "Hell is veiled in desires and Paradise is veiled in hardships". (al-Bukhaari and Muslim )

Third, it is normal that you will get made fun of for your Iman. Dont let that deter you in the least. Remind your muslim brothers and sisters of Allah, and remember that your job is only to remind them, and keep reminding them each time you see them do something wrong. Inshallah, maybe one time they may listen.

Lastly, have patience brother. Indeed Allah is with those who are patient.

:w:

[syilla]

i think you are strong...but you have to maintain it.

i suggest you find a muslim friend and try to avoid the bad one.

Or you should make your schedule tight so that you won't have time to think unnecessary stuffs.

May Allah show you the way.

[lavikor201]

Do your friends who are Muslim pray 5 times a day?

[Joe98]

To Gambler 19

Why arn't you attracted to Muslim women?

[Looking4Peace]

cause they arent dressed skantly :giggling:, but i dont recall him saying that anyway :?

[gamblerxix]

To be honest, I put a lot of thought to the fact of this "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships and the attraction. I do feel physically attracted to specifically any women, but you see muslim women rarely speak to any men (that practise islam rightfully), contrast to Christian women they are very abroad and open minded, I am not saying Christian women are bad it is just that in their culture or umm the way they were brought up . I do apologize sincerely to any Christian sisters and to the muslim sisters, that I may have offended. I have came to down to a conclusion that whenever I do feel any attraction to any women I just pray inside my mind and try not to get my interests in them.
I am afraid that I have failed on making muslim friends as you know I have been betrayed by one, and that muslim brother goes to same school as I do, still he ignores me and envys me so much that it makes me sick to my stomach how can muslim people treat me so disrespectfully. one time when I was attempting to learn how to read or recite Qu'ran some of the muslim people they laughed or as I thought they did because I was older then them and trying to learn. My past experiences with them make me don't want to be friends with them, they are too much involved with this new urban culture, using inappriate language the "gangster" style talk, and wearing their pants below the waist-line.

Right now I have one arabic muslim friend , Emad. He is in my first period class though I asked him to hang out but he refused because his mother does not like that sort of thing, which I respect and everything and comprehend why she does that to him. And thank you everyone and sister I am trying to get busy that advise was given to me from my mom exactly like that I am trying my best to pray 5 slahs. Oh and most of my muslims that I used to knwo and that i know do not pray 5 times i think not to surre only Allah knows.

Salaam

[Dhulqarnaeen]

Salaam everyone,

1. To begin, I am a young teenager who is 18 years old of age. I live in a Moasic country, Canada. As to you all, I read many forums so far, and most of them relate to "white girls" marrying or dating or being love with a muslim brother. I am young and very "hot headed" when it comes to issues like that. I know one particular muslim sister who is currently dating a sik male. I told her not to do this it is against the islam, it is not right for you as a female to be flirting, and dating guys and especialy that are not muslim.

>>> :sl: . Akhee -hafidhakallah- First you should do is "tholibul 'ilm" (seeking knowledges) more, study Islam according Al Qur'an and sunnah with Ahlussunnah wal jamaah understanding. And try to read books of our scholars thats explaining about "ZINA", the sins that it brought, and the doors that lead us to it, and how to avoid zina according to Islam, and how salafus shalih protect them self from fitnah, fitnah to them self (by eyes, hands and all) and fitnah to their dien. You have to do this: "tholibul ilm" as Rasulullah said "tholibul ilm faridhotun 3la kulli muslim", seeking knowledges (Islam) is a must for every individuals of muslim. So if you do this, then you will have power in your explanation, in your da'wah to that girl. Cause you talk not only with your head, not only with with your opinion, but much stronger and distinct cause you will bring along daleel/hujjah/explanation from Qur'an and sunnah. And if the girl still have iman then Im sure her heart will be trembling when she heard about Qur'an and sunnah. (as you know sunnah means words, behavior, and taqreer (agreement from Rasulullah with the actions of the companions radhiallahu anhum) from Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam). If the girl still stubborn then your responsibility on her is finish. The most important thing is you have warned her about her sins and mistakes, and the rest leave it to Allah Azza wa jalla as He says " Laa yukalifullahu nafsan ila wus'aha", Allah will not burden His slave more than their limit.And also remember what arabic phrase said:"faqhidus shai laa yu'thy", someone who dont have anything then they cant give anything, so if you dont have knowledge enough then you dont have anything to give.

1. She replied to my advice by saying i am "ugly" "really ugly" . I gave her advice because of she is muslim. So I just left her , was I wrong to do that? Do I still continue to help her.

>>> She's following her temptation of course. To advice her then you should see:
1. Is she in mood to accept explanations. So you have to see wether its a good time to advice her. If you see shes not in a god mood then advice her another time.
2. You should see wether she did that cause of shes egnorant? Or maybe she accept wrong explanation from someone? Cause maybe someone had explained to her that having boyfriend is ok in ISlam as long as she can take care of her self well, and so on. Its happen trust me. Then when she think its ok then she will believe what she do is right/no problem its also go along with her passion. So thats why I encouraged you akhee to tholibul 'ilm cause it will be more efficient if you talk wth Quran and sunnah. And if you only talk with your own opinion then thats what she will do, maybe she will insult you "ugly" or maybe she will shout at you like "why dont you take care of your own bussiness! Look at you? Do U think youre better than me!!", so its so so important while giving advice you also HAVE to do self introspection. Practise Islam your self better then you can give advices to others. If you dont do this then they will agains you easily and insult you.

1. And my other question is that, how can a muslim teenger as myself, who moved to Canada very long ago possibly 15years ago. I am facing a difficult changellge that I am very attracted to females in my city. I try to control myself but it is very difficult, I am stuck. One mind of me say that I should ask and tell the girl I like and stuff, but then other mind says no, it is against islam i shouldn't even be talking to girl or look at her. I have very basic knowledge about islam I learn and listen to wise brothers and sisters along the way. What do I do? And sometimes I have the urge to have sexual contact with the opposite sex as well, I am trying my very best to avoid that but sometimes I think I might commit a very unforgivable sin and Allah might or probably will punish me in this world. Please, thank you.

>>> Akheel kareem, its not only you who experience that. I think every normal men will face that kinda problem.
1. But what make it different is "ilm" (knowledge). Dont we ever hear hadith said "the most people who are afraid to Allah is Ulama (scholars)". Why the scholars have the most fear? Cause He know and recognize Allah, His Siifat, His punishments, and they have strong iman cause they see all proves in Quran and sunnah. So if we have knowledge more then our fear to Allah will also incresed insha Allah.
2. Low your gaze and fasting. If you able to marry then you should marry quick cause youre trapped in a environment thats full with fitnah. And if you able to have more than 1 wife then you should marry more than one wife, its all done to avoid fitnah of women and its help insha Allah. If fasting cant help then you should hijrah to muslim country.

Akheel kareem, afraid Allah, go to the graveyards sometimes and you should realize that we will be in there sooner or later insha Allah. Then you will know that its so wrong and its a suffering of loses if you replace the beautiful life in heaven thats forever with a short temporary comfort in dunya. Its really not worth it Wallahi. And if you ever do zina then you should afraid how if malakatul maut take your soul while you doing that? Wal iyadhubillah. May Allah protect us from that kinda things taht can bring suul khatimah.(BAd ending in life) So stay istiqamah yaa akhee and often remember death and akheerat is good for you, all of us. :w:

[/QUOTE]

[lavikor201]

To be honest, I put a lot of thought to the fact of this "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationships and the attraction. I do feel physically attracted to specifically any women, but you see muslim women rarely speak to any men (that practise islam rightfully), contrast to Christian women they are very abroad and open minded, I am not saying Christian women are bad it is just that in their culture or umm the way they were brought up . I do apologize sincerely to any Christian sisters and to the muslim sisters, that I may have offended. I have came to down to a conclusion that whenever I do feel any attraction to any women I just pray inside my mind and try not to get my interests in them.
I am afraid that I have failed on making muslim friends as you know I have been betrayed by one, and that muslim brother goes to same school as I do, still he ignores me and envys me so much that it makes me sick to my stomach how can muslim people treat me so disrespectfully. one time when I was attempting to learn how to read or recite Qu'ran some of the muslim people they laughed or as I thought they did because I was older then them and trying to learn. My past experiences with them make me don't want to be friends with them, they are too much involved with this new urban culture, using inappriate language the "gangster" style talk, and wearing their pants below the waist-line.


Salaam

I don't assume to know a whole lot about Islam... but I am guessing that making fun of somone who is trying to be more religious is a "no no"

Are there any Mosques that you can go to that have events where you can meet Muslim teens like yourself?

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Well akhee I think you should leave the girl as you have done your job, if she doesn't listen then that is up to her. If you are getting these feelings then i adviuse you to get married if that is possible. If not then fast often and stick to the sunnah, and lower your gaze. That is best for you akhee.
:w:

[gamblerxix]

Thank you everyone, again. Especially to Dhulqarnaeen brother. I appericate your greatest advise and I have decided to fast which I will. And My urge for sexual contact with opposite sex has decreased or gone, now, that was a couple of weeks ago, but now I am doing better also, I don't think I am ready for marriage yet :) and I probably do not want to get married (posted a topic on that). Thank you everyone.

Wsalaam.

[Skillganon]

My Advice is have lot of Fizzy drink. It Might help.

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
Bro Ahmed pretty much said what I would've. Inshallah, if you stick to the advice given you'll be fine - most people have been through the same/similar tribulations so don't be afraid to ask 'cus we aren't afraid to answer.

..She replied to my advice by saying i am "ugly" "really ugly"...
.

Slap her eyebrows off next time she says that. Then we'll see who's ugly.

[HeiGou]

Slap her eyebrows off next time she says that. Then we'll see who's ugly.

There is enough incitement around here. Please do not add to it even in jest. I know you did not mean that but even if she's being a b*tch, it does not justify violence.

[aamirsaab]

:sl:

There is enough incitement around here. Please do not add to it even in jest. I know you did not mean that but even if she's being a b*tch, it does not justify violence.

Seeing as it's you, ok. No more incitement from me.