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Ann
06-13-2006, 02:54 PM
:sl:
Im new to the board and new to Islam as well. I converted only a few months ago and though Im sure its the best thing I could do Im finding it difficult to maintain my faith. You see I was married...well, I mean I am married to a muslim man who I love so very much but Im afraid he no longer loves me. He helped me to learn about Islam and taught me many things, for which I am grateful, but do to some mistakes I made, and my not always respecting him as I should have, our marriage has suffered. Now he has decided he wants a divorce. We were living together in a muslim country but because of our problems I have returned to my home country, which unfortuneately is not muslim. I have no muslim friends here and now more than ever, Im feeling very alone, very lost and very depressed.

Last friday was a paticularly bad day. I went to a local mosque hoping to find any sisters to talk to but there were none to be found, and the brothers did not seem at all interested in helping me so I turned around and left.....(in tears). I miss my husband, I dont want to be divorced! I miss being in a muslim country, I dont know how Im gonna make it here especially without him.

I welcome any advice, and your prayers would be appreciated.
Thank you.
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~*miz*kurdiya*~
06-13-2006, 03:20 PM
aww hun go back to ur husband!!! seriously just talk to him!! no doubt he loves you too... and couples have ups and downs all the time!! theres been plenty of times where i can recall my parents having big arguement and a couple of times that they have seperated but alhumdulilah they stand strong now... sometimes things get really bad before they can get good again but have faith in Allah...
please sister go back to ur husband and try and make things work... start slowly...maybe just go over there even if you have to stay with friends or even in a hotel back in the muslim country so that u and ur husband can meet up and talk bout things... and inshallah you'll find things getting better...
you need to be around practising muslims so that they can advise you and help you deal with things in the islamic way...
you know respecting ur husband is very important in islam the same way as its important for him to respect you as his wife... but u seem to know that its due to the lack of respect you had for him that fights started out...
pls pls pls go back and try make things work... take it one step at a time and talk to him bout how u feel and let him know you love him and let him know you realise where you went wrong... marriage is so special dont give up on it too soon...
im sorry to hear that in the country ur at now theres not a strong sisterhood that you can turn to but Allah is the greatest and to turn to Him is more greater than anyone esle... He is closer to you than ur arteries and He will understand you better than anyone you try to explain the situation to... make a lot of dua...maybe this is a test for you to turn to ur Lord for guidance and comfort for Allah love His slaves that turn to Him...
inshAllah it works out for u sis... let us know if there's anything else u need help with
Reply

Daffodil
06-13-2006, 04:00 PM
Asalamulaikum

If he hasnt divorced u as yet contact him through whichever way u normaly communicate n tell him how u feel n how sorry u are etc etc. He needs to know how u feel, inshallah then u can go back to that country n be back together.
Reply

glo
06-13-2006, 05:45 PM
Dear Ann

That's a horrible situation you are in!
Can I ask how long you have been married, and how long you lived abroad?

Do you have friends and/ or family where you are now?
Or are you in a place full of strangers?

Contrary to the other advice given here, I would not rush back to your husband straight away. By all means communicate with him and stay in touch!
But, since you have given yourself some space and time, I suggest you use it for prayer, reflection and for finding out how you really feel right now!

I have spoken to other people (non-Muslims) who lived in the middle east for many years and found the switch back to Britain very hard because of the cultural differences!
Don't think of you stay in the non-Muslim country (wherever that might be) as permanent. Nothing will stop you from moving back to where you came from - once you are clear about your position, your feelings and your future plans.

But it seems that your own feelings are only a small part of this problem. Your husband's feelings seem to be the greater difficulty.
Is he determined to end your marriage?
You seem to feel that the break-down is your fault. Is that really the case?

I am probably not helping much. :-\
You are in my thoughts, and if you like I will pray for you!
I hope you will find God, his peace and his will in this situation somehow!

May God bless you!
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limitless
06-13-2006, 08:10 PM
Salaam,
I am so sorry to hear that. I mean, I know someone who has been in that kind of situation, the couple had given time to each other and then talked things over and got it straight :) . But it is then depended on your husband's feelings and what he actually wants. You know you are sorry for your mistake, but does he have to push it this far? I mean if i were in his situation I'd call back and accept your apology and well get over this issue! This is the time you should take to think things thoroughly, not emotionally. Think that, does your husband actually loves you and etc... . Pray to Allah, ask for his guidance and mercy, and inshallah you will recieve it soon. For now just pray and read Qu'ran :) that will help you. Try to think logically. I will pray for you sister. IF you have more concerns or questions, just ask any of us, we will glady help you out.

:w:
Reply

F.Y.
06-14-2006, 12:47 AM
Sister, it must be so tough for you.
I am sad that people at the mosque did not help you. Could you maybe get in contact with the Imaam of the mosque? If you find him and explain - he will be able to give you good advice, inshallah. Also, maybe you can talk to the Imaam's wife and become friends with her.
It must be very lonely and it must feel like nobody cares. Please do not give up hope and keep in touch with your husband - keep it simple. Don't rush into anything, take it slowly.
If you need any more help, I am sure the members of this forum can help you too, inshallah.

Peace
Reply

Ann
06-15-2006, 11:33 AM
Thank you all for your messages, I appreiciate it so much. Im doing my best to get thru the days. I just keep praying to Allah for guidance, patience and strength. I havnt talked to my husband in a few days now....and honestly, I'm not sure I want to. Some of you said I should go back to him right away and believe me I wanted that, but he had already made it clear he didnt want me there. I tried to call him a fewtimes but he didnt want to speak to me. I sent email... sometimes he replied quickly, sometimes not at all.

Before today I didnt really know what he wanted, sometimes I got the feeling he didnt even know himself. Sometimes hes was nice and sounded to me as if he wanted to work things out but other times he was just angry and said he never wants to see me again. But now......... the last few messages I got from him were particularly hurtful. For example, he made a point of reminding me of a lady in his home town that wanted to marry him before I came along. He told me about her along time ago but never seemed very intrested in her. Now however he says he wants to forget me and go to this lady, and that hes sure she would know how to respect him and that surley she is better woman than me and would be a better wife since she has been muslim all her life. Wow, I was speechless....... how can I even respond to that? And how can someone who was supposed to love me forever, now be so hateful? From there his words only got worse, if you can imagine that. And truthfully I dont know if he really means the hateful things he says or if he just wanted to hurt me, but if breaking my heart was the intended goal,....I'm sad to say, it worked.

I read once that during our times of trouble we should just say alhumdulilah and be sure that our God never gives us more than we can handle, and that we will be rewarded for our continued strength and faith. I certainly hope thats true. And thankfully, for the moment at least, my faith endures...though its not easy. Insha' Allah I will get thru this, and maybe, just maybe, someday soon I'll even be able to get thru one whole day without crying.....Insha' Allah.
Reply

glo
06-15-2006, 11:44 AM
It's good to see your post. I'm glad you came back, Ann. :thankyou:
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Now however he says he wants to forget me and go to this lady, and that hes sure she would know how to respect him and that surley she is better woman than me and would be a better wife since she has been muslim all her life. Wow, I was speechless....... how can I even respond to that? And how can someone who was supposed to love me forever, now be so hateful? From there his words only got worse, if you can imagine that. And truthfully I dont know if he really means the hateful things he says or if he just wanted to hurt me, but if breaking my heart was the intended goal,....I'm sad to say, it worked.
I'm so sad for you!
Sometimes people say the most hurtful and terrible things, when they feel hurt or angry themselves. That's no excuse for your husband, but then he is only human himself! Perhaps he needs time to find our for himself what his feelings really are.
And you need to decide for yourself how much forgiveness you can humanly find within yourself.

Have you been able to meet up with old friends or make new friends where you are at the moment?
I read once that during our times of trouble we should just say alhumdulilah and be sure that our God never gives us more than we can handle, and that we will be rewarded for our continued strength and faith. I certainly hope thats true. And thankfully, for the moment at least, my faith endures...though its not easy. Insha' Allah I will get thru this, and maybe, just maybe, someday soon I'll even be able to get thru one whole day without crying.....Insha' Allah.
Christians believe the same thing.
It can actually be very empowering.
At times, when I have felt rock-bottom, that thought has really helped me: If God doesn't burden me with more than I can handle, then he knows that I am strong enough to get through this!

I pray for peace and strength for you, to get through this situation.

Blessings.
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Daffodil
06-15-2006, 12:10 PM
Asalamulaikum sis

Firstly, Glo, I love ur posts, ur so lovely.

Sister, to me it sounds like as if ur husband is confused and is purposely trying to hurt u.

Dnt forget that Allah swt tests those whom he loves. n he loves u n yes say Alhumdulillah and Allah swt will grant u more then u desire.

Im glad to hear that ur faith is getting stronger. I pray Allah swt gives u the strength and patience to deal with this. Ameen, Wateva is written in ur fate only Allah swt knows. Only he knows what will come of this, in the meantime just be patient n try n put ur self with other gud decent practicing Muslims so that Inshallah they may be able to help u n support u n be there for u.

Its not easy hearing ur husband say such things but try n remember that Allah swt will reward u for everysingle tear and all the hurt n the pain if u bare it with patience.

Love u lots sis for the sake n pleasure of Allah swt.

We are all here for u.

xxx
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F.Y.
06-15-2006, 12:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Thank you all for your messages, I appreiciate it so much. Im doing my best to get thru the days. I just keep praying to Allah for guidance, patience and strength.
Dear Ann,
Its good to hear from you again. You must also remember to make dua to Allah to make things easy for you.


I havnt talked to my husband in a few days now....and honestly, I'm not sure I want to. Some of you said I should go back to him right away and believe me I wanted that, but he had already made it clear he didnt want me there. I tried to call him a fewtimes but he didnt want to speak to me. I sent email... sometimes he replied quickly, sometimes not at all.
If you feel you have done enough and he simply will not respond, then maybe you should just leave him be for a while. I am sure that when he is ready or he has some news - he will contact you. You have done and honourable and sensible thing by doing everything you can to keep in touch with him to show you are willing to work hard to make this marriage work - now it is up to him to respond in a like manner. There is no point if he is not going to do his share to make this marriage work. A marriage involves two people, not one. We cant force him either - let him decide and then let him get back to you.

Now however he says he wants to forget me and go to this lady, and that hes sure she would know how to respect him and that surley she is better woman than me and would be a better wife since she has been muslim all her life. Wow, I was speechless....... how can I even respond to that? And how can someone who was supposed to love me forever, now be so hateful? From there his words only got worse, if you can imagine that. And truthfully I dont know if he really means the hateful things he says or if he just wanted to hurt me, but if breaking my heart was the intended goal,....I'm sad to say, it worked.
Let's see what he decides. Give him time to think. I am so sorry for all the hurt you must be going through - I cant even fully imagine. It was rude of him to hurt your feelings by saying the other lady is better because she was bron muslim - nobody knows this. Only Allah knows who is better in faith. It must be heartbreaking to hear these things but remember - you are a strong person. Allah wouldnt do this to you unless he knew you would come out a winner - you will get reward for this in the hereafter if not in this life. And what better reward is there than success in the hereafter and pleasing your Creator? Tell yourself you are a stronf woman. You are here on Earth to please Allah and fulfil peoples' rights. To keep your mind busy and to stop thinking about this (it must be torturous) find a hobby you enjoy. Like knitting or reading or a sport. Try to perfect your daily prayers and increase the acts of worship you do, even if it just reading one line of Quran before you go to bed at night. Maybe you can donate a little bit to charity - whatever you can afford. It will be very fulfilling for you to know that your little bit is helping countless souls out there who are desperate for help too. Yusuf Islam (aka Cat Stevens) has a nice charity - maybe you could visit his site.
Insha' Allah I will get thru this, and maybe, just maybe, someday soon I'll even be able to get thru one whole day without crying.....Insha' Allah.
Its not bad to cry sister. It might be good to let it all out. But make sure you dont fall into a depressive phase of crying and crying. You are worth more than that and there are people out there who love you and people who need your help too. There are people who look up to you and admire you courage to practice your faith. And most importantly, Allah loves you and know, deep down, that He is planning something wonderful for you, inshallah, Ameen. When you're down - theres only one way to go and that is up. Its only a matter of time before there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep the faith. Make dua - rely on Allah to get you through this.

Peace to you dear sister. You will be in my prayers, inshallah.
Reply

snakelegs
06-15-2006, 08:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Thank you all for your messages, I appreiciate it so much. Im doing my best to get thru the days. I just keep praying to Allah for guidance, patience and strength. I havnt talked to my husband in a few days now....and honestly, I'm not sure I want to. Some of you said I should go back to him right away and believe me I wanted that, but he had already made it clear he didnt want me there. I tried to call him a fewtimes but he didnt want to speak to me. I sent email... sometimes he replied quickly, sometimes not at all.

Before today I didnt really know what he wanted, sometimes I got the feeling he didnt even know himself. Sometimes hes was nice and sounded to me as if he wanted to work things out but other times he was just angry and said he never wants to see me again. But now......... the last few messages I got from him were particularly hurtful. For example, he made a point of reminding me of a lady in his home town that wanted to marry him before I came along. He told me about her along time ago but never seemed very intrested in her. Now however he says he wants to forget me and go to this lady, and that hes sure she would know how to respect him and that surley she is better woman than me and would be a better wife since she has been muslim all her life. Wow, I was speechless....... how can I even respond to that? And how can someone who was supposed to love me forever, now be so hateful? From there his words only got worse, if you can imagine that. And truthfully I dont know if he really means the hateful things he says or if he just wanted to hurt me, but if breaking my heart was the intended goal,....I'm sad to say, it worked.

I read once that during our times of trouble we should just say alhumdulilah and be sure that our God never gives us more than we can handle, and that we will be rewarded for our continued strength and faith. I certainly hope thats true. And thankfully, for the moment at least, my faith endures...though its not easy. Insha' Allah I will get thru this, and maybe, just maybe, someday soon I'll even be able to get thru one whole day without crying.....Insha' Allah.
i think you shouldn't go back to him. here you've only been married a short time and he's already made it quite clear that he doesn't care about you. i hope you find someone who deserves your love - this guy doesn't.
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limitless
06-15-2006, 09:58 PM
:sl:

I have to agree with the brothers post, he clearly doesn't deserve you at all. I mean you are now in a different country and yet he is still hurting you, that's just not right, not cool, not at all a muslim thing to do, especially to a wonderful wife, you. You deserve someone who appericates you, your faith in Allah, I am just simply amazed even at these tough and struggling times you are holding on to the rope and calling for Allah swt's help and inshallah it will come to you, you just have to be paitence. You certainly will be rewarded not in this world, but in the hereafter. I am so impressed, you weren't born as a muslim sister, you reverted to Allah then married a muslim brother and enduring this inbearable pain, and going through such a horrific time yet you're faith in Allah is very strong, and praying to him , asking for his guidance, just unbelievable. You are an insipration to me, I was born into a muslim family, yet i have done nothing but sin and had little faith in Allah, but I am getting better :) (inshallah) i will become more like you, just pray and have faith in Allah. Truly you are strong sister, may Allah protect you from haraam doings, inshallah everything will work out for you, I will pray for you and ask Allah to guide you and give you more strength to get through this difficult time.

:w:
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Ann
06-17-2006, 01:15 AM
:sl:
Again thank you all for your kind words....

Another day has passed with no communication from my husband. I thought of calling him but decided against it. As F.Y. said maybe its best to leave him alone for awhile. I have a job here and Im working alot...that helps to pass the time and keep my mind occupied.

To Glo...in answer to your question about friends..I dont really have any here. The friends I had before I left this country and became muslim are not exactly the crowd I want to fall back in with and Ive not met any sisters here...so in that respect Im pretty much on my own. There is one very nice sister overseas who was a good friend to me when I was there, I miss her so much but talking to her gets expensive as she does not use the internet.

I do have family of course but they are not muslim either and honestly were not fond of the idea of me being married to a muslim arabic man to begin with, so though they do try to help they dont completely understand and sometimes I get the feeling they just want to say "told ya so!"...though thankfully to this point theyve restrained themselves.

Anyway, for now I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

Thanks again everyone
:w:
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glo
06-17-2006, 08:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Anyway, for now I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and see what happens.
I guess that's the only way forward, Ann.
Hang in there, and keep walking ...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Peace.
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DigitalStorm82
06-17-2006, 06:21 PM
Asalamu Alaikum Sister

It is a sad situation that you are in right now... I pray that you find peace soon.

No matter what the outcome of the marriage is... I want you to know that you have attained the ultimate goal, Inshallah. Paradise :-)

Smile for that!

We are all with you sis, don't feel you're alone in this... your pain is our pain.

W'salaamz,
Hamid
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ss25
06-17-2006, 07:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
:sl:
Again thank you all for your kind words....

Another day has passed with no communication from my husband. I thought of calling him but decided against it. As F.Y. said maybe its best to leave him alone for awhile. I have a job here and Im working alot...that helps to pass the time and keep my mind occupied.

To Glo...in answer to your question about friends..I dont really have any here. The friends I had before I left this country and became muslim are not exactly the crowd I want to fall back in with and Ive not met any sisters here...so in that respect Im pretty much on my own. There is one very nice sister overseas who was a good friend to me when I was there, I miss her so much but talking to her gets expensive as she does not use the internet.

I do have family of course but they are not muslim either and honestly were not fond of the idea of me being married to a muslim arabic man to begin with, so though they do try to help they dont completely understand and sometimes I get the feeling they just want to say "told ya so!"...though thankfully to this point theyve restrained themselves.

Anyway, for now I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

Thanks again everyone
:w:
Ann i am really sorry that you are going through this and you are displayin much strength in trying to overcome it (and remember all strength comes from Allah so He is helping you) Earlier you said he blames you for your past mistakes. Are these mistakes youve made before you reverted or after? your husband married you when you werent Muslim and all your sins(mistakes) committed then are washed away when you revert. If Allah can forgive them then surely your husband should be capable of doing so.

Marriages breaking is not a nice thing but sometimes these things happen, but they dont happen because of one persons failure in the marriage. It takes 2 people to start a fight and since it takes 2 people to MAKE a marriage it doesnt break because of one person only. Im sure there are cases when it does so forgive me if i seem to be generalising and moving off topic. from what you say of the way your husband treats you now and the way he let you go i doubt yr marraige "breaking" is jus because of you.

*sigh* i dont kno what to say or if what i have said even helps its jus that i dont think u shud b blaming yourself. when you pray remember to pray for Allah to make it easy for you. I really do hope everything works out for u and u make Muslim friends.

please forgive me if ive said anything harsh. :)

\/
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~*miz*kurdiya*~
06-17-2006, 10:29 PM
why didnt you call ur husband?? for goodness sake pls dont do the playing hard to get thing... sure he needs time to cool down and that but how long does he want? maybe he's waiting for you to call to see ur ur ready to try again.... btw by muslim country do u mean an arab country? im sorry if this causes offense to anyone but if ur husband is an arab its usual for them to be very proud and never want to admit their wrong and sometimes can be very arrogant... but i guess u gota love them for it... at the end of the day its ur husband not a complete stranger and subhanallah who knows u staying here longer and longer maybe bad for you due to the lack of islamic influence around you... im not saying u'll do anytihng unislamic but it could just make u fall into depression and despair and u wont have the comfort of ur husband or islamic sisters...
do you not want to know if he's ok? god forbid if something happened to him you wont know.. then how would you feel? you say you love him then show him you do... it doesnt mean running after him and degrading urself but being a strong muslimah and letting him know ur there for him that you love him and you want to try again... just dont sound to needy so that he doesnt think its just the emotions talking but realsies its something uve thought through islamically...
aaa woman just pick up the fone even if its a one minuet conversation just say salaam how u doing? just called to see if ur ok...you are? thats great alhumdulilah... ma'salaama bye....
no doubt he'll stop you putting the phone down and asking how u are.. if u'll be coming home or how he feels bout whats happened.. and then Bam conversation goes on and you explain to him u realised u dsirespecting him was wrong and so on and work things out... he may not say get the first plane back but at least its a start....
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ss25
06-18-2006, 03:16 PM
I tried to call him a fewtimes but he didnt want to speak to me. I sent email... sometimes he replied quickly, sometimes not at all.

Before today I didnt really know what he wanted, sometimes I got the feeling he didnt even know himself. Sometimes hes was nice and sounded to me as if he wanted to work things out but other times he was just angry and said he never wants to see me again. But now......... the last few messages I got from him were particularly hurtful.


~*miz*kurdiya*~ are u not readin wat ann writes....? she has called and he refuses to speak wif her and his emails have been hurtful... Ann the steps you take are definately yours to take.. take them by asking for Allahs guidance.. the advice you receive here is going to be very conflicting and in cases of marriage the decisions are best left up to the people involved.

please disregard anything i might have said or take them only as opinions of someone who only "knows" a minute percentage of your predicament.. again my apologies that you are in a tough position but my duas are with you Insha - Allah :)
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Ann
06-19-2006, 10:13 AM
Thanks ss25 and to everyone for your prayers and kind words. It really helps to know I can come here and vent...especially at times like right this minute when its 5am and even if I had a muslim sister close by I wouldnt dare pick up the phone and disturb her. As to miz kurdiya.. your strait forwardness made me smile but be sure Im not playing hard to get..that is the least of my intentions. I didnt call him that day just because I wanted to give him time to think and pray and be sure what he wants. I have called him since and asked how he is....hes very short with me and just wants to get off the phone. I continue to hope his heart will soften toward me but if not... I hope he will be happy in the decision hes made. As for me, I'll no doubt be sad for a while maybe a very long while....but Digitalstorm made a good point. No matter what the outcome of the marriage, there is a great goal ...insha Allah he and I both will obtain it.

Take care everyone
:w:
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Ann
06-19-2006, 10:17 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
there is a great goal ...insha Allah he and I both will obtain it.

Take care everyone
:w:

oops...I meant to say GREATER goal... but Im sure you get the picture.:statisfie
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glo
06-19-2006, 02:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Thanks ss25 and to everyone for your prayers and kind words. It really helps to know I can come here and vent...especially at times like right this minute when its 5am and even if I had a muslim sister close by I wouldnt dare pick up the phone and disturb her.
Good thing there is such a time difference between you and most of us, then. :)
I find that across the world there is always somebody on the internet somewhere!

No matter what the outcome of the marriage, there is a great goal ...insha Allah he and I both will obtain it.
Take care everyone
:w:
Keep walking with God.
And keep visiting us here to share how you are doing.

Blessings, sister.:thankyou:
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limitless
06-19-2006, 08:00 PM
:sl:

Ann, I am like not very good at advicing people, and myself I am so unsure about marriage, I mean lol, I am just afraid that I might hurt my future wife, similar to your case, I don't want to do that. To be honest, I am not even sure about anything , I just left it to Allah swt, if he wants me to get married then I shall, I won't deny it :) . I have a one question for you, at what age did you get married, and why? Like What made you choose a muslim brother over any other american individual who is not muslim. I mean look at the media, how it is portraying muslims. I am very interested to know, but if you don't want to share then it is fine :) .

:w:
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IbnAbdulHakim
06-19-2006, 08:20 PM


:sl:

subhanAllah! Such a situation. I think right now you need the comfort of ur dear close ones (family). Have beautiful patience as its loved by Allah and inshaAllah (by Allahs will) you will be wiv ur husband OR something better will happen becoz if i've learned anythin its that Allah ALWAYS gives sumthin BETTER then wat u lost IF u sincerely pray 2 him!

dont wry, Iman (faith) is da way out and feel content that u hav Allah... wat more do u need. Say Alhamdullilah (praise b 2 Allah 4 all i hav).

Remember Prophet Yaqub AS who lost all 14 children, his wives, his mansion, HIS HEALTH and yet he praised Allah!!! SubhanAllah!


Sis i hope everythin turns out betta 4 u! hope ma words helped inshaAllah!!

:w:
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Ann
06-22-2006, 12:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by limitless
:sl:

I have a one question for you, at what age did you get married, and why? Like What made you choose a muslim brother over any other american individual who is not muslim. I mean look at the media, how it is portraying muslims. I am very interested to know, but if you don't want to share then it is fine :) .

:w:
These are interesing questions you bring up Limitless and I dont mind answering them for you. Firstly I got married because for no reason I can truly explain it has simply been a desire of mine to be a wife and a mother from the time I was a young girl. And the fact is I believe marrying a muslim man was just meant for me. Believe it or not when I was young I used to dream that I was married and wearing hijab. ( A strange dream for a christian girl who didnt even know the word hijab til 20 yrs later and who at the time had never met a muslim ) And you are right the media does portray muslims in a bad light but it is in part thanks to their portrayal that I learned the truth. Keep in mind I was chrisitian myself...but some things the church taught just never made much sense to me. So I remember spending alot of time researching the Christian religion in search of answers. Then 9/11 happened and the war started and in the news it seemed every day was a new story about islamic terrorist. So I began to research Islam.... I began to try to understand why "these people" hate us so much.

In the end, there is still much about the "terrorists" I didnt understand but what I did learn was the true meaning of Islam and that being muslim is not synonymous with being evil. I began to understand that though my christian teachers were well intentioned they were a bit misguided and I began to pray for them and for myself. I chose a muslim brother as a husband because I wanted someone as a life parther who would help me to become a better person, a better muslim...I wanted someone who understands the teachings of our profit better than I do and who would share that knowledge with me and help me. I didnt know any american man who could do that and certainly no man who not muslim could do that.

As to my husband...he is a good man, he and are having a hard time right now. Maybe we will fix it and maybe not but I am sure he is a good man. Maybe we are just not good together... and maybe it is difficult for him because I am difficult sometimes. You must remember my life before Islam was very different and it is not easy to change 30 years of misguided teachings in my head. So there are times when I "lapse" for lack of a better word. Times when I become a bit rebellious and I dont want to listen to what he says. When that happens he thinks I dont respect him, when to me its just that sometimes I feel he forgets Im his wife not his child and though I need his help I dont want a dictator for a husband. Im sure we just need a better way to communicate but at the moment hes grown tired of trying. So as brother Abd"Majid said I must be patient.

Anyway as I said... my husband is a good man and In my heart I am sure he is better than the men I see around here. I see the way the look at and treat women. I hear how they talk about women and how they talk about "partying" and drinking. It makes me sad that to so many american men this is a way of life. Dont get me wrong though, Im sure there are christian men who are true to the teachings of the bible and who treat women well and who dont sleep around and dont drink. But sadly those kind of christian men are few and far between. For me though when I see the vast majority, when I hear them speak, it just makes me all the more certain that I will have a muslim man as a husband or no husband at all.

Truly I hope to fix things with my husband, I dont want any other man, I am happy with the one Allah gave me, even when things are difficult. But only Allah knows if it is best for us.... so I will continue to pray and I leave it in his hands.
:sl:
Reply

glo
06-22-2006, 07:38 AM
Hi Ann

It's very humbling to read your story. Thanks for sharing it. :)

Some of the things you say about having times of rebelliousness strike a chord with me. :giggling:
For me questioning, asking and doubting are part of my walk with life. It doesn't make for an easy walk, but it is part of me.
Perhaps it is part of you too ... especially if you are having to shed old hurts and bad experiences with your previous religion along the way ...

I strongly believe that God knows and understands those periods in our lives. He knows the struggles in our hearts and minds, and he will guide us through!

The problem is, husbands (and all humans) are less insightful and forgiving than God. So when your husband sees you 'rebel' against him, he will find it much harder to understand.

Have you tried visiting your local mosque again? How many Muslims live in your area?
Try not to isolate yourself. Seek like-minded people, if you can.

I will keep praying for you and your situation.

Peace.
Reply

Tania
06-22-2006, 12:34 PM
If do you want to be back with him, you have to change your attitude. Men can't change because by definition they are perfect, so you have to change. If that woman is only an excuse, based on what you said i can drow two conclusions:
1. somewhere during the marriage, you made him to feel he is less than you, like he would be not good enough for you. A man always remind about other women, when he wants to point out: look are others how are appreciating me, i am good, i am not a "someone"
2.he is hurt. Man are not reacting very well when they are hurt. if a woman has a headache thats it; for them its the end of the world and at least 12 hours you need to find the right treatment for his pain.But the whole good thing is exactly this feeling: hurt. It means he still has a feeling for you. The worst would have been to be polite and just say very calm: you are history, move on.
Action:
1. You need a spy.Someone close enough to can find out exactly what he cooks. I am telling that because many times we are analysing everything but often this"i have someone else" its the 100% true. And if thats the case, you have no option. Someone said: its true love when you are strong enough to give to your half the freedom to do what wants, even that means to loose him/her.
If this "i have someone else" its false, than you need to re-analyse every move what you have made and its the time for a big change:
1. you need to become one of the muslim women from there. that Means you need to study their behaviour: for example, in saudi, its common the wife to make to the hubby gifts. Everything what they are usualy doing. I think your working attitude its not good either, its like you are pointing out he hasn't enough money to keep you.
2.to make peace you need to remind him about the good moments spent in two, write about them more than to write about what happened lately. Also, you could ask him about his daily life, like i went today in park and i saw x what remind me about how did we.... In every word what you are writing he needs to see he is the master of the house and you are the lost cat from it.
Reply

Ann
06-22-2006, 07:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by mara
If do you want to be back with him, you have to change your attitude. Men can't change because by definition they are perfect, so you have to change. If that woman is only an excuse, based on what you said i can drow two conclusions:
1. somewhere during the marriage, you made him to feel he is less than you, like he would be not good enough for you. A man always remind about other women, when he wants to point out: look are others how are appreciating me, i am good, i am not a "someone"
2.he is hurt. Man are not reacting very well when they are hurt. if a woman has a headache thats it; for them its the end of the world and at least 12 hours you need to find the right treatment for his pain.But the whole good thing is exactly this feeling: hurt. It means he still has a feeling for you. The worst would have been to be polite and just say very calm: you are history, move on.
Action:
1. You need a spy.Someone close enough to can find out exactly what he cooks. I am telling that because many times we are analysing everything but often this"i have someone else" its the 100% true. And if thats the case, you have no option. Someone said: its true love when you are strong enough to give to your half the freedom to do what wants, even that means to loose him/her.
If this "i have someone else" its false, than you need to re-analyse every move what you have made and its the time for a big change:
1. you need to become one of the muslim women from there. that Means you need to study their behaviour: for example, in saudi, its common the wife to make to the hubby gifts. Everything what they are usualy doing. I think your working attitude its not good either, its like you are pointing out he hasn't enough money to keep you.
2.to make peace you need to remind him about the good moments spent in two, write about them more than to write about what happened lately. Also, you could ask him about his daily life, like i went today in park and i saw x what remind me about how did we.... In every word what you are writing he needs to see he is the master of the house and you are the lost cat from it.
Mara Im not sure im understanding all your post, but if you are trying to imply that the fault in this is mine, then I think youve missed the points where Ive already accepted my part of the blame in this matter. And the one thing you said that you are outright wrong about is my "working attitude" saying "its like im pointing out he didnt have enough money to keep me"... if thats what you think then you need to go back and reread my post. I mentioned that I was working alot to help occupy my mind, in other words to keep me busy and to keep me from worrying too much. I never once mentioned money or implied he was in inadequate in that respect.

Anyway thanks for your imput.
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Ann
06-22-2006, 07:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Hi Ann

I strongly believe that God knows and understands those periods in our lives. He knows the struggles in our hearts and minds, and he will guide us through!

Peace.
Thank you glo, I enjoy your posts so much they always make me smile and give me alittle lift.

God bless you.
Take care
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Tania
06-22-2006, 07:44 PM
Im not sure im understanding all your post, but if you are trying to imply that the fault in this is mine, then I think youve missed the points where Ive already accepted my part of the blame in this matter.

Arab men are never wrong. Even when its obvious they are wrong they accused the jinns for that. They are not doing mistakes, they can't admit it. I never wanted to imply the fault its yours or his , what i wanted to say if you want to save your marriage , you should give up to see the justice or true in his actions.


. I mentioned that I was working alot to help occupy my mind, in other words to keep me busy and to keep me from worrying too much. I never once mentioned money or implied he was in inadequate in that respect.
Usually men like to see the women crying; he will find out you are working .Did you ever thought, from distance he could understand wrong your attitude?
Reply

limitless
06-22-2006, 07:57 PM
:sl:

Ann, Subnallah. You just left me speechless. I mean just speechless. I can't think of anything to write, just impressed. I wish some muslim bros and sisters that I know in my area can a learn or thing from you, maybe I can as well :giggling: as a muslim I ashamed of myself I too was going into that path of evilness, but Allah had shown me the light before I was about to make ANOTHER wrong move in my life. I am so proud of you, and I will pray for you and Allah will reward you for this pain, he certainly will. "Theres patience in believers of Allah, but they know there is no darkness within his patience" my mom told me that i just translated to english. You are correct it is all christians I am sure of it, in my area and muslim brothers and sisters as well, into the partys, bf/gf, and you know the usual western and now becoming eastern life style, urban life style. I am gald to hear that you only prefer muslim, well you can only go for muslim brother which is stated in qu'ran :statisfie . I am very confident that your husband is not like any other muslim men, I pray everything will workout between you two. Ann, I want you to be stay strong, Allah knows how much you are suffering, how much you want this to be over, but he is testing and giving you this much pain because he Allah swt knows that you can bear this and get through it without any other issues. You are very a strong muslim sister that I have ever met. :) Sisters like you keep me motivating in my Islamic studies, keep me coming closer to Allah and last prohpets teachings and applying them to my daily live. You are just too AMAZING , WONDERFUL, and insipration to young muslim brothers, like me :) . You just pray to Allah, read Qu'ran and don't let the Shaiyteen get to you, believe me that is very HARD to do, but if a very sinful individual like me can over come that, you can easily over come that without any hassile. Remeber Allah knows everything he is watching you, and understands your pain, just have patience and Allah swt will reward you.
May Sllah give you more strength, patience, and keep you strong this difficult time, Ameen.

:w:
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glo
06-22-2006, 09:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
Thank you glo, I enjoy your posts so much they always make me smile and give me alittle lift.

God bless you.
Take care
Thank you, Ann. I'll have to keep posting to you then ... :giggling:

Actually, I feel quite strongly that you are out there, a long way away, having a tough time, needing friends. There are friends here, and despite the physical distance between us, the internet brings us all closer together.
I would like to keep in touch, knowing how things are going for you.

Stay strong, sister ... it's what us women are good at! :statisfie
Reply

Ann
06-24-2006, 08:29 PM
(SIGH) ...I am very sad today... again.... It seems things with my husband are not going to get any better. Ive tried to talk to him again and again but still I just get hateful words from him. I try to use nice words and say to him things from the quran and I tell him Im praying for him, but still hes just mean and hurtful. I cant keep putting myself through this, its making me crazy and so depressed. I never did find anyone here but I read many things from many islamic websites and I tried to tell him some of the things they said ...he told me he doesnt care what other ppl say. And he told me not to talk to him about Allah. He said something that made me very sad for him.. he said .. "If Allah will take you to heaven then I hope to go to hell, because I dont want to be anywhere you are"... I cant believe he said that. The man I married loved Allah, how can he say he doesnt want to go to heaven?

I married a man who I thought would teach me about islam and about being muslim but now I feel he is moving farther and farther away from Allah and away from the teachings of the prophet. I am so sad for him. My marriage may not survive all this, and I may hate being without him, but I dont want anything bad to happen to him and I certainly dont want him in hell. Allah pls help him! Amen.
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Tania
06-25-2006, 04:52 AM
Tell him straight: you are my life , i can't accept don't see you, don't be with you. I want to come back. Let me, please. Since i moved out my entire life its a living hell and i need your suport, your help. See what happen if you want to come back to him, live close to him.Even if he are so angry, he is still a man.


I forgot to tell you, never mention to him you are asking for advices. Men prefers to keep the things what are happening between you two, to remain there, don't share with other people.
Reply

glo
06-25-2006, 08:15 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
(SIGH) ...I am very sad today... again.... It seems things with my husband are not going to get any better. Ive tried to talk to him again and again but still I just get hateful words from him. I try to use nice words and say to him things from the quran and I tell him Im praying for him, but still hes just mean and hurtful. I cant keep putting myself through this, its making me crazy and so depressed. I never did find anyone here but I read many things from many islamic websites and I tried to tell him some of the things they said ...he told me he doesnt care what other ppl say. And he told me not to talk to him about Allah. He said something that made me very sad for him.. he said .. "If Allah will take you to heaven then I hope to go to hell, because I dont want to be anywhere you are"... I cant believe he said that. The man I married loved Allah, how can he say he doesnt want to go to heaven?

I married a man who I thought would teach me about islam and about being muslim but now I feel he is moving farther and farther away from Allah and away from the teachings of the prophet. I am so sad for him. My marriage may not survive all this, and I may hate being without him, but I dont want anything bad to happen to him and I certainly dont want him in hell. Allah pls help him! Amen.
Hi Ann

Do you think your husband really means these things?
You have known him for some time (I don't know how long, exactly). Is he prone to harbouring anger and resentment like this? Or does this seem unusual for him?

I have to be really honest with you.
I seem to remember you saying how you loved him for being a devout Muslim, who behaved differently (and better!) from other men in your culture.
He doesn't sound like a devout loving Muslim man to me right now. :(

I have said this before ...
Perhaps you should take some time to find yourself. Find your place with God, read your holy book, pray, seek other believers.
It doesn't sound to me like you husband is anywhere near ready to communicate with you!

I'm sorry, Ann. I wish I could say something more positive.

Peace and Blessings.
Reply

snakelegs
06-25-2006, 08:34 AM
i can't believe how most of the advice here is telling her not to leave this guy.
he is treating her like crap - why should she accept this?
if he was a non-muslim, what would your advice have been???
anne, i hope you put this man behind you and go on with your life and i hope you will find the love you deserve. you sure deserve better than to be treated like this.
Reply

F.Y.
06-25-2006, 08:54 AM
Dear sis Ann
As we all discussed, it may be better if you leave him be for a while - when he is ready to tell you something, let him talk to you. Let him call you. It may be very tempting because you want to sort it out and talk to him and you may be very frustrated.
That is understandable.
But I think I agree with glo's advice - do something for yourself for once. Stop putting yourself down - stop digging a black hole for yourself by constantly thinking about him and calling him. It cant be easy, but we have to start somewhere.
Tell yourself - there are only two people in your life (besides your family of course, but let's talk about them a little bit later) right now. There is you and there is Allah. That is all. Try to rely only on Allah - read salah, fast...make zikr. Think of things you are thankful about - and appreciate them with all your heart.
Read (books can be best friends!), take up a hobby - baking, a sport, sewing, knitting...etc. You need to nurture yourself - your self esteem has taken a huge blow. You need to build up your self-acceptance. You have to be proud of something you have done! And love Allah - He will bring you thorough this. Dont give up on yourself!
Peace and regards. :)
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DigitalStorm82
06-25-2006, 05:44 PM
Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

May Allah grant you patience.

One thing that makes Allah angry is a divorce. But, in this circumstance, you've tried so many times to work things out. It is apparent that he doesn't want to deal with you anymore... especially when he says things like he rather go to hell if your in heaven. Come on... thats just crossing the line. Even if he doesn't mean it... thats just stupid.

I think at this point... you need to do one thing... ACCEPT the reality. If you dont accept, and are ok with what has happened, you will never be able to move on... and it will keep hurting you.

Alhumdulillah, you became a muslim through your husband. You're in good graces with Allah, He knows what you're going through and the effort you've put forth to make everything alright again. None of this will go in vain, Inshallah.

Everything is recorded by the angels, and your husband will have to answer to Allah for the things he has said and done to you. But you dont need to think about that anymore.

A marriage is something 2 people share... not just 1 person doing everything for the other. so right now, you should focus on pleasing Allah... because everything in life is a test... and you have to pass this test by showing patience.

Inshallah, you'll be alright. Do what you think will please Allah and be most beneficial to your body and soul.

W'salaamz,
Hamid
Reply

Tania
06-25-2006, 07:59 PM
Because you said you love him i still believe you should not give up at your love. You can follow another strategy too. This strategy its very simple: don't call him for -lets say-2 weeks. In this time he will realise what it means to be without you. He now doesn't realise he could loose you for good, because you are still contact him.
Reply

person
06-26-2006, 10:59 AM
if you want your husband back then prove to him that you love him and that your the 1 for him. change your ways insha Allah and have sabr. Allah will make things easy for you
Reply

Ann
06-26-2006, 06:56 PM
Again I'll start by thanking thanking all of you for your advice. You all made some very good suggestions and good points and each of you gave me alot to think about. Ive prayed alot and am feeling much better and confident knowing that I did what I can do to this point to try and fix things with my husband. I think many of you are right in saying its time to just leave him alone for awhile, if he wants to work things out he will come to me when he is ready. But if the path he choses is divorce, well then I will accept that decision and move on with my life and just be thankful for all I learned going thru this experience. In the end I hope Allah will see that I tried and did what I could.

So again thank you all and I pray Allah will bless each of you for your efforts.

Take care
Reply

Tania
06-26-2006, 08:14 PM
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive. You have to let him an amount of time and after that its still your "duty" to call him back.And after how he talks you can realise if this time of silence have worked in your favour and he wants to be back.
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DigitalStorm82
06-30-2006, 04:59 AM
Asalamu Alaikum Sister Ann,

It's very good to know that you've finally found some comfort zone. Alhumdulillah.

We all can rest at ease now that you're ok by the grace of Allah =)

We're all here if you need us... don't hesitate to ask us anytime...

We're your family. =) May Allah's blessings and mercy be with you, Inshallah.

W'salaamz,
Hamid
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snakelegs
06-30-2006, 06:05 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by mara
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive. You have to let him an amount of time and after that its still your "duty" to call him back.And after how he talks you can realise if this time of silence have worked in your favour and he wants to be back.
duty????!!!!!
why do you want her to go begging after a person who has clearly shown he doesn't care about her?
ann, all the best to you and i hope you heal quickly from this rotten experience.
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Tania
06-30-2006, 06:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by snakelegs
duty????!!!!!
why do you want her to go begging after a person who has clearly shown he doesn't care about her?
ann, all the best to you and i hope you heal quickly from this rotten experience.
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.But if she loves him and she discovered that good man which deserve her love than i still believe she should "fight" for her love.
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I R Paki
06-30-2006, 07:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by mara
Tell him straight: you are my life , i can't accept don't see you, don't be with you. I want to come back. Let me, please. Since i moved out my entire life its a living hell and i need your suport, your help. See what happen if you want to come back to him, live close to him.Even if he are so angry, he is still a man.


I forgot to tell you, never mention to him you are asking for advices. Men prefers to keep the things what are happening between you two, to remain there, don't share with other people.
If your a girl, your right lol
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snakelegs
06-30-2006, 08:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by mara
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.But if she loves him and she discovered that good man which deserve her love than i still believe she should "fight" for her love.
maybe i am not understanding what you're saying.
because he's an arab (i don't remember ann saying that, but, anyway) she should adore him and put up with being treated this way? if he's treating her like this so early in the marriage...well, can you imagine how he'll treat her a year from now?
well, i guess you and i just see it differently. there seem to be a lot of people on this thread who think like you do.
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limitless
06-30-2006, 11:34 PM
:sl:

I don't. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way at all! That man should be ashammed for himself!!! I can't even see myself doing this, I'd cry and apologize to my wife many times and tell her that she doesnt deserve this! This guy is treating her so horribly :( it just angers me to witness and to know that there are men who are so pathetic and low life. I don't care if you think i am wrong, he needs some slapping from his mom to get it straight. But Ann I think you should be patience (very ironic of me to say this) and pray to Allah and just stop thinking about him for few days and let your mind loose. Go to islamic talk shows, better yet Musjid pray their and volunteer or umm read a novel , New harry potter book :) . Get yourself busy beside the job, hobby or go for a walk or read Al Qu'ran. I will pray for you sister and Allah is witnessing your pain and suffering good stuff will come to you I know it for sure! Allah give you more strength and give you more patience and help you get through this situation with ease, Ameen.

:w:
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Tania
07-01-2006, 05:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ann
I do have family of course but they are not muslim either and honestly were not fond of the idea of me being married to a muslim arabic man to begin with, so though they do try to help they dont completely understand and sometimes I get the feeling they just want to say "told ya so!"...though thankfully to this point theyve restrained themselves.
Snakelegs Its on the first page
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Tania
07-01-2006, 06:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by snakelegs
maybe i am not understanding what you're saying.
because he's an arab (i don't remember ann saying that, but, anyway) she should adore him and put up with being treated this way? if he's treating her like this so early in the marriage...well, can you imagine how he'll treat her a year from now?
well, i guess you and i just see it differently. there seem to be a lot of people on this thread who think like you do.
I am not a counselor, i don' t want to say i am 100% right and others are wrong but based on what i know about them i only pointed out they can't be handled like the european men. Are here arab sisters which could tell more about arab men, also, this are only general thing because you know are not two men with same character. But based on what i know the arab men:
  • don't ask too often advices from the women. Many of them are reacting quite badly if the woman begin to have certain ideas about how could this or that done and they finish to think she is rebelious.
  • the same rebelious nature they discover in the moment when woman wants to point out she has right. Instead to give her right over the issue ,they are looking forward what could do with her in future to cut off her big mouth.
  • if something bad is happening due to the woman misconduct - because like you got it above the man has always right- they expect the woman to try to fix the problem
  • they are very slow in taking decisions and in general when something negative happens often you can hear: it was God will to happen this not i could try this to correct the problem
  • they have high expectations in bed, like the woman would not have other problems to do

and so on.
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snakelegs
07-01-2006, 09:50 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by mara
I am not a counselor, i don' t want to say i am 100% right and others are wrong but based on what i know about them i only pointed out they can't be handled like the european men.
well, i don't want to say i am 100% right either (even if i do think so!) :giggling:
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~Stranger~
09-26-2006, 05:58 AM
After my knowledge the arab men are not really coming to their wive.
Exactly thats my point. Marrying with an arab is not the same thing like marrying with an european. After my knowledge they are quiet spoiled and stubbern and looking to the woman from up to down.
Arab men are never wrong. Even when its obvious they are wrong they accused the jinns for that. They are not doing mistakes, they can't admit it
if you want to save your marriage , you should give up to see the justice or true in his actions.
:sl:
tania im shocked to read ur posts.
u r actully asking the sister to be stepped on by this man just coz hes arab. and shes a human, right???
if what u r saying about arabs is right then she should actually stay away frm him, she wouldnt want such a creature to be a father for her kids. and he needs a reality check and need to know hes marrying a human being not a slave.
this is just outrageous

:w:
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جوري
09-26-2006, 11:19 AM
Ann
I tried to not read most of the posts here as to trying to give you as much an objective opinion as possible....
Couldn't help but notice some of them ... which were rather disturbing... I am not going to point them out for the sake of good manners....
firstly I'd like to apologize for how horrible this must be for you
secondly, I'd like to commend you on staying the course regardless of what a horrible example your husband may have given you of what men or Muslim men in general are like... I don't know his side of the story? ... but I believe very much your version as you perceive it to be true.
Thirdly, you are in m thoughts and prayers.....
Now, I think that only you truly in your heart know how to proceed from here, everyone can only give you a subjective view based on their life experience, upbringing, social, moral and religious principles that they hold dear and that varies from one to the next, as humanity itself is very different.. a few facts about men
They are as diverse and different as you and me, they use defense mechanisms whether Muslim, Jewish or Atheists, if they are prune to being less than stellar, wife batterer, or the other broad spectrum of things, they will be so regardless of creed. Bad behavior isn't endemic to a specific region or a particular religion. I think it would be very unfair to state that Muslim men or Arab men are such and such with assertion... I mean what is that based on? an epidemiological study? Some survey? scientifc data? or out of whim?... I have a brother, a father, a brother in law and someone whom I love very much who has passed away a couple of years ago, all of them as different as can be, all of them had incredible qualities, and some not so incredible ones.
Men come in different shapes and sizes and qualities, some are sensitive, some are firm, some are workholics, some are gentle, some are nonchlant, some poetic, some extremely religious, some complete losers, some are backbiters, but that is really no different from how women are like?...
I am reluctant to give you an advise otherwise on how to proceed. If you need a friend, then I am here for you to PM whenever you need to talk... But only you should/can decide for yourself what is the appropriate thing to do...
if you choose to reconcile that is all right
If you choose to move on and find life with a kinder, gentler human being, that is also all right ... believe me they are out there... I know there is a right person out there for you, whether that be with your husband after some counseling or therapy, and some mutual respect and understanding? or with someone else that God has in store for you, I don't know... But I do know that "mann Yathiq fi illah yaj3al laho mkhrajan" literally translates to he or she that trusts in God, God will find an escape. or a refuge....
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