Hatred in family

[zahideen]

I am experiencing extreme family problems at the moment and I feel betrayed and depressed.

I am the eldest son of five siblings and our father passed away many years ago. My three elder sisters took over the family responsibilities as our mother is illiterate and controlled both brothers as if they were our mother.

I was opressed and humiliated by my elder sisters but due to my upbringing I never even lifted my head to argue or complain about their behaviour.

Gradually over a period of time due to the constant pressure and my already affected state of mind from my father's sudden death I decided I needed to move out of the family home for my own sanity. I moved very close to the family home as I dearly love my mother and wanted to be close if she needed me.

However, my sisters always controlled my relationship with my mother. Our father left behind a huge amount of wealth and this became more important for my sisters. They did not want our mother to give any money to her sons or to help them in any way. As time passed, I met a muslim girl and we decided to get married. My mother and sisters were extremely unhappy about the situation but instead of discussing the issue with me they pretended to accept my wife and agreed to our marriage.

At the wedding they humiliated my wife who was naive herself at the time and refused to dress her as a bride. They borrowed clothes and jewellery from my sisters and put them on her and then demanded these items back after the ceremony and people had left.

Again due my family's disrespect and humiliation, I distanced myself from them as I did not feel able to challenge their behaviour out of respect for my mother and sisters. I though it would be better to walk away. During this time, my sisters tried everything they could to break my marriage causing severe tension in my relationship with my wife.

Therefore again being unable to raise my voice to them or to say anything to them I just asked my mother if I could move in with her or she move in with me to prevent my sisters from interfering with my relationship with my mother and my wife. Again, I was met with hostility and my sisters refused to allow me to make any progress. I was shut out from the family for fear that I may take their money. It was thought that my wife would probably take all the family money and throw our mother into the street. I could no longer take these comments and criticisms and decided to cut ties with the family.

After five years of not seeing my family, I received a telephone call from my sister saying that our younger brother had thrown our mother out of the family home and she had nowhere to go. I was told that all the family property and money had been distributed amongst all the siblings leaving me out of the picture and the greed had taken over the younger brother. When I intervened my brother became hostile and threatening towards me. He refused to have a conversation or to discuss the problem. If I try to go and see him he calls the police and makes false allegations. I then discovered that my sisters had helped my brother to forge my signature and transfer property and money into his name and theirs. They had betrayed me. I became enraged and wanted answers for their wrongdoing, however since I have started to challenge their behaviour they have gone into hiding. My sisters refuse to allow me to see my mother. I am not able to call her or visit her as if I go their house, they call the police. If I telephone they put the phone down. I have asked people to intervene but they do not open the door. Only Allah knows how much I have tried to speak to my mother but there is no opportunity to see her even for one minute. My siblings control her.

How can this be right? How can I see my mother?

I feel distraught and betrayed and do not know what to do. I tired taking several people with me to see if they could help but they never open the door. I then start to receive death threats that if I contunue to bother them they will kill me and my children. I try hard to pray to Allah Almighty to help me find a way to reach peace with this problem but there does not appear to be a way out. I have tried to get help from third parties but they are also insulted and abused and turned away from the house. I have tried the courts and have even suffered severe financial losses myself but still the problem gets worse.

I then went to umrah to ease my tension and ask for Allah's guidance but I feel so weakened physically and mentally that I just cannot see a solution to my probelm. Is there anyone out there who can help my anguish as I feel I am drowning.

*edited by Rabi'ya to make it easier to read inshallah*

[Rabi'ya]

:sl: brother

subhanAllah truly a heart touching story.

I would encourage you to continue to seek Allahs guidance. Make duaa and complete nafl rakaat too inshaLlah.

With regard to your family, have you tried asking your local imam to approach them? perhaps he may be able to come to some agreement with them. As a resepcted leader of the community they may listen to him, especially if you are not there. Try explaining to him and asking him for advice.

Ill keep you in my duaas brother

May Allah guide you..ameen

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:

[gamsta3]

Keep your head down. Give in to the demands of your siblings if it means u can see ur mother, AS to the money and feeling humilitaed by ur elder siblings, i say, for the sake of your deceased father and ur mother, be the one who overlooks other peoples mistakes even if u do really feel wronged. And take it from me, if u feel u r in a terrible problem, there is far worser than that.

[AvarAllahNoor]

What kind of family is this!!

Dude it seems like a really bad situation, but as your sisters are the culprits, along with your brother. You should only concentrate on building ties with your mum (however possible) until your sisters learn (if ever) they have become consumed in the fire of maya (mammon) and with thise they've decieved you and your mother and your wife. - Like the chap above suggests try the local Imam as he may be able to pursuade them to talk in a civil manner. May everything all work out for you.

Waheguru J Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh!

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[zahideen]

I have given into everything already. I have taken nothing or wanted nothing. It is their paranoiya that prevents me from seeing my mother. She still has some property and money and they are paranoid that something can still come to me. Even if I tell them I am not interested they do not listen. They have made my mother believe I am a bad person. She has no trust or faith in seeing her own son. I cannot convince someone who is not willing to listen and has closed their heart to someone.

I appreciate there are far more worse problems in life but my dilemma is that if I do not make peace with my mother soon and she passes away, I will never find peace in my life. If a mother is given the highest place of respect and kindness and paradise lies at her feet, I am right to be distressed as I have no way of seeing her or building my relationship with her. I know that Allah is the knower and seer of all things but I cannot sit back and do nothing. I am experiencing a severe injustice.

[AvarAllahNoor]

I have given into everything already. I have taken nothing or wanted nothing. It is their paranoiya that prevents me from seeing my mother. She still has some property and money and they are paranoid that something can still come to me. Even if I tell them I am not interested they do not listen. They have made my mother believe I am a bad person. She has no trust or faith in seeing her own son. I cannot convince someone who is not willing to listen and has closed their heart to someone.

I appreciate there are far more worse problems in life but my dilemma is that if I do not make peace with my mother soon and she passes away, I will never find peace in my life. If a mother is given the highest place of respect and kindness and paradise lies at her feet, I am right to be distressed as I have no way of seeing her or building my relationship with her. I know that Allah is the knower and seer of all things but I cannot sit back and do nothing. I am experiencing a severe injustice.

This i can understand. But no matter how many children a mother has be it 5/10 a mother loves ALL he children regardless and if one doesn't return, no matter what people say she feels it in her heart. Your siblings have no right to do this

I'm assuming she isn't working so perhaps you can go round when the sisters aren' around, no?

[zahideen]

My mother is an elderly weak woman who is being manipulated. She must have feelings for me but she seems to be threatened by all the siblings to not see me. I do not know how their threats are working but they have succeeded in ousting me from the relationship.

[DigitalStorm82]

Asalamu Alaikum,

Bro, this is the saddest thing I've come across... May Allah make it easy for you.

I don't know what country you're in... but with everything that you've said.. they seem to have you beat at every angle.

I don't know whether this idea will work or not... but if everything has failed... maybe its worth a try.

Try seeing a doctor... a psychiatrist and get him to issue a court order to force your siblings to allow you to see your mother... based on the stress the situation induces on you... perhaps the law can force your siblings to let you see your mother.

its a far fetched idea... but thats the first thing that came to my mind.

Religiously, I'd say, you've fulfilled your duty of keeping ties with your mother as commanded in Quran.

Those who break Allahs Covenant after ratifying it, and sever what Allah has ordered to be joined (as regards Allahs Religion of Islamic Monotheism, and to practise its legal laws on the earth and also as regards keeping good relations with kith and kin ), and do mischief on earth, it is they who are the losers.
( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #27)

Allah knows all and see's all... it's sad that you can't see your mother... but if everything fails... It's best to make peace with the situation or it'll haunt you forever.

If you don't end up seeing your mother in this life... rest assured... you'll see her in the next life...

May Allah make it easy for you, Inshallah.

W'salaamz,
Hamid

[syilla]

your post really remind me hadith on inherit wealth...

does anyone have this hadith?

*i'm sorry...if i've no good advice for you. May Allah help you always.

[DigitalStorm82]

Allah commands you as regards your childrens (inheritance); to the male, a portion equal to that of two females; if (there are) only daughters, two or more, their share is two thirds of the inheritance; if only one, her share is half. For parents, a sixth share of inheritance to each if the deceased left children; if no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased left brothers or (sisters), the mother has a sixth. (The distribution in all cases is) after the payment of legacies he may have bequeathed or debts. You know not which of them, whether your parents or your children, are nearest to you in benefit, (these fixed shares) are ordained by Allah. And Allah is Ever AllKnower, AllWise.
( سورة النساء , An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #11)

Unfortunately, his siblings dont care about the commands of Allah when it comes to inheritance.

Peace & Blessings,
Hamid

[syilla]

not that one...

about the other one...

the one that rasullullah saw asked...who among us who loves othe ppl wealth than their own wealth...
and sahabah answers no one...
and then rasullullah saw said...it is better to loves your own wealth than others....

errm...something like that...correct me if i'm wrong

[Ashley]

I am experiencing extreme family problems at the moment and I feel betrayed and depressed.

I am the eldest son of five siblings and our father passed away many years ago. My three elder sisters took over the family responsibilities as our mother is illiterate and controlled both brothers as if they were our mother.

I was opressed and humiliated by my elder sisters but due to my upbringing I never even lifted my head to argue or complain about their behaviour.

Gradually over a period of time due to the constant pressure and my already affected state of mind from my father's sudden death I decided I needed to move out of the family home for my own sanity. I moved very close to the family home as I dearly love my mother and wanted to be close if she needed me.

However, my sisters always controlled my relationship with my mother. Our father left behind a huge amount of wealth and this became more important for my sisters. They did not want our mother to give any money to her sons or to help them in any way. As time passed, I met a muslim girl and we decided to get married. My mother and sisters were extremely unhappy about the situation but instead of discussing the issue with me they pretended to accept my wife and agreed to our marriage.

At the wedding they humiliated my wife who was naive herself at the time and refused to dress her as a bride. They borrowed clothes and jewellery from my sisters and put them on her and then demanded these items back after the ceremony and people had left.

Again due my family's disrespect and humiliation, I distanced myself from them as I did not feel able to challenge their behaviour out of respect for my mother and sisters. I though it would be better to walk away. During this time, my sisters tried everything they could to break my marriage causing severe tension in my relationship with my wife.

Therefore again being unable to raise my voice to them or to say anything to them I just asked my mother if I could move in with her or she move in with me to prevent my sisters from interfering with my relationship with my mother and my wife. Again, I was met with hostility and my sisters refused to allow me to make any progress. I was shut out from the family for fear that I may take their money. It was thought that my wife would probably take all the family money and throw our mother into the street. I could no longer take these comments and criticisms and decided to cut ties with the family.

After five years of not seeing my family, I received a telephone call from my sister saying that our younger brother had thrown our mother out of the family home and she had nowhere to go. I was told that all the family property and money had been distributed amongst all the siblings leaving me out of the picture and the greed had taken over the younger brother. When I intervened my brother became hostile and threatening towards me. He refused to have a conversation or to discuss the problem. If I try to go and see him he calls the police and makes false allegations. I then discovered that my sisters had helped my brother to forge my signature and transfer property and money into his name and theirs. They had betrayed me. I became enraged and wanted answers for their wrongdoing, however since I have started to challenge their behaviour they have gone into hiding. My sisters refuse to allow me to see my mother. I am not able to call her or visit her as if I go their house, they call the police. If I telephone they put the phone down. I have asked people to intervene but they do not open the door. Only Allah knows how much I have tried to speak to my mother but there is no opportunity to see her even for one minute. My siblings control her.

How can this be right? How can I see my mother?

I feel distraught and betrayed and do not know what to do. I tired taking several people with me to see if they could help but they never open the door. I then start to receive death threats that if I contunue to bother them they will kill me and my children. I try hard to pray to Allah Almighty to help me find a way to reach peace with this problem but there does not appear to be a way out. I have tried to get help from third parties but they are also insulted and abused and turned away from the house. I have tried the courts and have even suffered severe financial losses myself but still the problem gets worse.

I then went to umrah to ease my tension and ask for Allah's guidance but I feel so weakened physically and mentally that I just cannot see a solution to my probelm. Is there anyone out there who can help my anguish as I feel I am drowning.

*edited by Rabi'ya to make it easier to read inshallah*

aww that is soo saad it made me cry:cry:
wel im not a muslim so i wont know wat advice to give u but like every one said i will pry for u and hop that u find peace and love cuz u deserve it
have faith in ur god wat ever happens im sure he hasnt abondoned u ,who knows maybe this is a test from him to test u how much faith u have in him and if u still believe in him, and if he doesnt help u in this life maybe he will help u in the hereafter im just saying im no expert and like i said before im not a muslim but at times like this i wish i were

hop u peace and happiness my dear friend:)
god will ease ur pain

[DigitalStorm82]

Maybe one day you will be a muslim too... Inshallah :)

[Ashley]

yh mayb who knows u never know the futur:statisfie

[Quruxbadaan]

I am experiencing extreme family problems at the moment and I feel betrayed and depressed.

I am the eldest son of five siblings and our father passed away many years ago. My three elder sisters took over the family responsibilities as our mother is illiterate and controlled both brothers as if they were our mother.

I was opressed and humiliated by my elder sisters but due to my upbringing I never even lifted my head to argue or complain about their behaviour.

Gradually over a period of time due to the constant pressure and my already affected state of mind from my father's sudden death I decided I needed to move out of the family home for my own sanity. I moved very close to the family home as I dearly love my mother and wanted to be close if she needed me.

However, my sisters always controlled my relationship with my mother. Our father left behind a huge amount of wealth and this became more important for my sisters. They did not want our mother to give any money to her sons or to help them in any way. As time passed, I met a muslim girl and we decided to get married. My mother and sisters were extremely unhappy about the situation but instead of discussing the issue with me they pretended to accept my wife and agreed to our marriage.

At the wedding they humiliated my wife who was naive herself at the time and refused to dress her as a bride. They borrowed clothes and jewellery from my sisters and put them on her and then demanded these items back after the ceremony and people had left.

Again due my family's disrespect and humiliation, I distanced myself from them as I did not feel able to challenge their behaviour out of respect for my mother and sisters. I though it would be better to walk away. During this time, my sisters tried everything they could to break my marriage causing severe tension in my relationship with my wife.

Therefore again being unable to raise my voice to them or to say anything to them I just asked my mother if I could move in with her or she move in with me to prevent my sisters from interfering with my relationship with my mother and my wife. Again, I was met with hostility and my sisters refused to allow me to make any progress. I was shut out from the family for fear that I may take their money. It was thought that my wife would probably take all the family money and throw our mother into the street. I could no longer take these comments and criticisms and decided to cut ties with the family.

After five years of not seeing my family, I received a telephone call from my sister saying that our younger brother had thrown our mother out of the family home and she had nowhere to go. I was told that all the family property and money had been distributed amongst all the siblings leaving me out of the picture and the greed had taken over the younger brother. When I intervened my brother became hostile and threatening towards me. He refused to have a conversation or to discuss the problem. If I try to go and see him he calls the police and makes false allegations. I then discovered that my sisters had helped my brother to forge my signature and transfer property and money into his name and theirs. They had betrayed me. I became enraged and wanted answers for their wrongdoing, however since I have started to challenge their behaviour they have gone into hiding. My sisters refuse to allow me to see my mother. I am not able to call her or visit her as if I go their house, they call the police. If I telephone they put the phone down. I have asked people to intervene but they do not open the door. Only Allah knows how much I have tried to speak to my mother but there is no opportunity to see her even for one minute. My siblings control her.

How can this be right? How can I see my mother?

I feel distraught and betrayed and do not know what to do. I tired taking several people with me to see if they could help but they never open the door. I then start to receive death threats that if I contunue to bother them they will kill me and my children. I try hard to pray to Allah Almighty to help me find a way to reach peace with this problem but there does not appear to be a way out. I have tried to get help from third parties but they are also insulted and abused and turned away from the house. I have tried the courts and have even suffered severe financial losses myself but still the problem gets worse.

I then went to umrah to ease my tension and ask for Allah's guidance but I feel so weakened physically and mentally that I just cannot see a solution to my probelm. Is there anyone out there who can help my anguish as I feel I am drowning.

*edited by Rabi'ya to make it easier to read inshallah*

Asalaamu Alaikum

wallahi brother that is unfortunate and i would be extreamly upset more so about the way that they as your family are not letting you see your mother

I mean does your mother not want to see you

Im having a hard time understanding how they can control a sane adult woman
does she not miss you
how can they say you cant see ur son??? does she just say alrighT??
it makes no sence
ESPECIALLY after one of your brothers threw her out of the house why would she go back to them and not come and try to find you
and why wouldnt they give her any of the money under her own name?????

firstly your siblings theyre greed and evil doings is between them and allah and i pray that the most merciful ease your struggle and make this situation easier on you

I say you call the police tell them about the forged documents and tell them that it isint your signiture
than you get your mother a place of her own or put the money in her name so she can do with it what she wills and so that shes no longer dependant on your brothers and sisters
Inform them that these people are manipulating your mother
thats soo unfortunate what happend

may allah bring you ease Ameen

[mlsh27]

Asalaamu Alaikum

wallahi brother that is unfortunate and i would be extreamly upset more so about the way that they as your family are not letting you see your mother

I mean does your mother not want to see you

Im having a hard time understanding how they can control a sane adult woman
does she not miss you
how can they say you cant see ur son??? does she just say alrighT??
it makes no sence
ESPECIALLY after one of your brothers threw her out of the house why would she go back to them and not come and try to find you
and why wouldnt they give her any of the money under her own name?????

firstly your siblings theyre greed and evil doings is between them and allah and i pray that the most merciful ease your struggle and make this situation easier on you

I say you call the police tell them about the forged documents and tell them that it isint your signiture
than you get your mother a place of her own or put the money in her name so she can do with it what she wills and so that shes no longer dependant on your brothers and sisters
Inform them that these people are manipulating your mother
thats soo unfortunate what happend

may allah bring you ease Ameen

I agree. But instead of calling the police, get a lawyer. In this situation all the police will do is to tell you to hire a lawyer. Besides getting a lawyer, make sure you have copies of all the documents, i.e your father's will if he had one, the forged documents by your sisters and so forth. If you cannot get those, they can be subpoenaed for them, meaning if they do not provide the documents, they can be arrested. Anyways, if/when you get a lawyer, he/she will help you with all the details. InshaAllah everything will work out.

[Quruxbadaan]

yea even better a lawyer

[zahideen]

Dear Brothers and sisters,

All your words of advice are a great comfort to me to see how you all feel my anguish. I would probably not have written anything on this forum, had I not tried every possible option that there was. I had lawyers assisting me and I had taken my brother and sisters to court to reslove the matter, but because I lost my case my mother believes in their strength over mine. My brother and sisters made false allegations against me which the courts believed even after the forgery was proved. The unjust and unfair English legal system took away any fairness that could have resulted. I now believe that I am truly being tested by Allah Almighty. Everything I have tried has failed and only He knows my innermost feelings. I do not think there is any solution to this problem. I just have to give in to the problem and put my trust in Allah to help me ease my mind.

Jazak Allah

[Quruxbadaan]

yea brother put your trust in allah taala

he is the best of planners and he is the one whom nothing can exisist without his will

so be patient

you have a wife and children now right??? do your best to raise your children as good muslim people and live your life as worry free as possible

your family will answer to allah for the wrong doings that they have done

May allah reward you and keep your feet firm Ameen

Maa salaama

[snakelegs]

I just have to give in to the problem and put my trust in Allah to help me ease my mind.
Jazak Allah

it is possible that this is all you can do. and devote all your love to your wife and children.
it might be possible to go to a lawyer or notary public and sign something that states that you relinquish all monetary claims now and in the future. it seems that sheer greed is their main motivation. i have seen it destroy families and relationships before.
if your mother ever leaves the house to shop, whatever - you may be able to see her at least long enough to tell her how much you love and miss her. but this is not really a long term solution.