Speaking to friend about marital problems?

[786rani]

i know it sounds stupid but in islam is it permissable for a woman to speak to a friend for advice about a personal problem involving here husband or vice-versa.
rani

[searchingsoul]

I sure hope so because I tell my friends everything about my husband.

[mlsh27]

Same here! I don't know what I would do without my Mom's & friends' help! I would be divorced!

[searchingsoul]

I think women need to stick together so they can control men.

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[Malaikah]

i know it sounds stupid but in islam is it permissable for a woman to speak to a friend for advice about a personal problem involving here husband or vice-versa.
rani

:sl:

um.. i guess it would depend how personal you mean, i assume things can get pretty personal between husband and wife...:rollseyes

perhaps you should elaborate?

[searchingsoul]

:sl:

um.. i guess it would depend how personal you mean, i assume things can get pretty personal between husband and wife...:rollseyes

perhaps you should elaborate?

Are you not allowed to talk about intimate details?

[lolwatever]

^^ yeh the hadith says that the husband/wife arent' allowed to disclose things that are v v v vv v v personal...

that's different to sorting out legal matters though... general disputes, negligence or things like that..

salams

[mlsh27]

What if the negligence is personal?

[searchingsoul]

^^ yeh the hadith says that the husband/wife arent' allowed to disclose things that are v v v vv v v personal...

that's different to sorting out legal matters though... general disputes, negligence or things like that..

salams

Then how can you make fun of your husband without him knowing?

[Quruxbadaan]

Im sure it wouldnt be nessisary to get into intimate detail

I mean DETAIL?? is it really going to help if you go into DETAIL??? about intimacy
as in

he did this and than that in this order like that?? (replacing this and that with actual descriptions)

[SirZubair]

I think women need to stick together so they can control men.

Hah !

Dreams are free ! :uhwhat

[lolwatever]

Then how can you make fun of your husband without him knowing?

you're not suppose to :offended: :offended: :offended: same applies husband to wife.

hint hint: there's a word that starts with b... back**ting.. play hangman?

[searchingsoul]

you're not suppose to :offended: :offended: :offended: same applies husband to wife.

:D :D :D Just a joke.

[Quruxbadaan]

I dont think i would be able to tell somebody about my intimate life its just not me i just couldnt do it

[searchingsoul]

I dont think i would be able to tell somebody about my intimate life its just not me i just couldnt do it

I would only feel comfortable sharing this information with a very close girlfriend.

[umm-sulaim]

Gotta say ladies, Islam does prohibit us from talking about certain issues like between husband and wife kinda issues, on the basis of it being just gossip or just cos you wanna tell someone for the heck of it...
Theres a hadeeth narrated be Aisha radhiyaAllahu anhaa that the prophet may Allah be pleased with him told her a story about women in jahiliyyah (time of ignorance) there was 10 of them and they promised eachother they would all talk about their husbands...its a long hadeeth..its in muslim and i think in bukhaari too...
the scholars use this hadeeth to prohibit women from talking about their husbands as its something that was done in the time of ignorance,
however Allah does say in the qur'aan "waasul7u khayr" and bringing together (people in dispute) is good...
so if you do have a problem, genuinley you can seek aid and advise from someone mum, big sister, close friend...,
in islam we're encouraged to ask the scholars as they will advise you according to the book of Allah and the sunnah of the prophet alayhi salaatu wassalaam, and as muslims thats where we seek our guidance from...
Allah says in the qur'aan "fas a'luu ahla dhikri in kuntum laa ta3lamuun"
then ask the people of remembrance if you do not know...

wassalaam.

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

na3am ..well said ukthi!!....just wanna check sumthing with you...

maa huwal hadeeth 3an dhaaka an-nabiy wa abuhuu..wa'amratuhuu taquul nahnu kdaa wa kadaa...fa qalaa daliqhaa ...falamaa tazawwajah maraa thaaniy qalaa ibiqahaa.. aw bihaadhal ma3naa...al-qissa hawl man??...

just thought that would be a good daleel too...ayyi baab fee bukhariy aw muslimin huw??

jazakillah khayr big sis ;)

[lolwatever]

^^ ibrahim and ismail ;)

he didnt say 'divorce her', he told her to tell ismail "to change teh doorstep" when he comes home.. and ibrahim went back home and when ismail heard it, he understood the riddle, which meant 'divorce your wife and marry someone else'

and the new wife he said about her 're-inforce your doorstep', and when the new wife told ismail that, he understood the riddle which meant 'stick close 2ur wife, she's good'.
salams

ps: sorry i dont know much arabic.. i'm just guessing ur asking about that incident..

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

hey.....:giggling:...na3am..he did'nt sy dovorce!!..i was rushing to catch my sister whilst she was on break!!!...looks like i missed her!! :-\

jazakAllaahu khayr akhee :thumbs_up , you would'nt happen to know which chapter it's in , in the saheehayn would you!!??

well your arabics pretty good to get what i was chattin' bout.....;D

wassalaams

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum..

"to change teh doorstep"

was'nt it the front gate!!....:?

Wallaahu A3lam

[lolwatever]

ass salaamu alaykum..



was'nt it the front gate!!....:?

Wallaahu A3lam

the word is '3atabatal baab'... i thought it meant doorstep.. maybe your right? dunno

[lolwatever]

btw sorry i made a mistakeh when i referenced it to bukhari, i got it from here

http://groups.msn.com/mUsLiMTeEnZzZ/...58040962644024

and basically the commentator (it sounds like ibn katheer) sayst hat the hadith has some 'gharaabah' in it, and it's like its likely ibn abbas (the narrator) learnt it from an israelite story... allahu alam.

[amirah_87]

wa alaykum ass salaam,

it says its in the 'saheeh', i think that's bukhari?

yeah, when something's said it's in the saheeh...generally like that ..they mean in Bukhari!!....wallaahu a3lam

if you have the hadeeth ith you akhee..could you post it up!!...jazakallahu khayr :)

btw that happened when Ismail was 14.. pretty young mashalah

subhanAllah, really...i did'nt know that!..mahsaAllah!!

the word is '3atabatal baab'... i thought it meant doorstep.. maybe your right? dunno

hmmm...you know i just checked in the dictionary...and it says doorstep,threshold..guess you were right...:-\

i wonder how the doorsteps back in those days were like!!??:?

[lolwatever]

^^ salams sis, sorry i retracted those comments :embarrass :embarrass i saw the sahih under a different hadith on the same page, reeeally sorry..

but yeh he was 14.. hehe yeh young mashalah..

actually i think doorstep sounds more appropriate than a frontgate lol.. if your doorstep is firm and solid, it's a methaphor representative of a 'well establisehd, peaceful household'... and when a doorstep is screwed, it's a metaphor representing problems when you enter the house..

frontgate isn't as important as doortep, you can still come in and out of ur house without a front gate :D ;) :p as long as the main doorstep is in good condition lol

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

and basically the commentator (it sounds like ibn katheer) sayst hat the hadith has some 'gharaabah' in it,

it's gahreeb....:ooh:

and it's like its likely ibn abbas (the narrator) learnt it from an israelite story... allahu alam.

na3am, also ibnu katheer yahkeey katheerun min al-israaeliyyaat!!...:X

so Allahu a3lam abouts it's authenciticty...i'll check with one of my teachers inshaAllah!!

[lolwatever]

but they're cool stories tho :D i dont midn ibn katheer narrating them because he's honest and he says what's false and what's not.. so that's cool..

oh and he didn't say the hadith is ghareeb, he said it contains 'gharaabah', and in specific he said the ghareeb was in a variation of that hadith, so i guess someone might wanna go digup what the scholars final judgement on the hadtih was? (because ibn kathir didnt giv any final judgement).

salamz

[Malaikah]

:sl:

^um thats interesting and all, but what does it have to do with 1st post??

ibnu katheer yahkeey katheerun min al-israaeliyyaat!

curious, does this mean that ibn katheer talks a lot about the israaeliyyaat? lol um like lolwatever my arabic sucks.

[lolwatever]

^^ yep ur right, ur arabic is pretty good mashalah if u understood that..

ps: my arabic sux more.

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

salams sis, sorry i retracted those comments i saw the sahih under a different hadith on the same page, reeeally sorry..

that's okay inshaAllah! :peace:

actually i think doorstep sounds more appropriate than a frontgate lol.. if your doorstep is firm and solid, it's a methaphor representative of a 'well establisehd, peaceful household'... and when a doorstep is screwed, it's a metaphor representing problems when you enter the house..

doorstep...loool!!
hmmmmm...Allahu A3lam but i guess your more right than I!! :?

frontgate isn't as important as doorstep

frongate..as in the frongate's in the middle east , those huge big one's that leads to the courtyard and the main house & that can only be opened from whoever's inside...:D
not these pixie ones we have in England...:giggling:

as long as the main doorstep is in good condition lol

lol .... it still don't make sense to me, maybe cause i thought it was a frontgate all these years :X

BTW: in the link you gave me...where's the hadeeth!!??...i still can't see it :uhwhat:

[lolwatever]

ps: it's relevent coz the reason y ibrahim told him to divorce was coz she was going on about personal matters that where just 'too personal' to talk about.. accodrng to amirah coz i didnt read the full hadith i quoted :p

[lolwatever]

amirah, key in the word ''3atabah' and it will take u down to the hadith.. salamz

[Malaikah]

:sl:

^i thought it was becuase she wasnt happy with her condition of life and complained that they were poor ect? :?

[lolwatever]

^^ i dont think so, but ill read it now.. now im curious 2 find out lol
salam

[lolwatever]

woa cheese mashalah! you're right!!

based on what the second wife said, the first one seems to be a winger lol, coz they seemed pretty well off from what the second wife said. (meat was a luxury back then)

salamz

[amirah_87]

:sl:

^i thought it was becuase she wasnt happy with her condition of life and complained that they were poor ect? :?

ass salaamu alaykum,

yeah, that's why!!

akhee... under which chapter is the hadeeth in!!.... key in 3atabat ..where :?:?

[lolwatever]

قال عبد الله بن عبَّاس قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: « فألفى ذلك أمَّ إسماعيل وهي تحب الأنس، فنزلوا وأرسلوا إلى أهليهم، فنزلوا معهم حتى إذا كان بها أهل أبيات منهم. وشبَّ الغلام وتعلّم العربية منهم وأنفسهم وأعجبهم حين شب، فلما أدرك، زوّجوه امرأة منهم. وماتت أم إسماعيل، فجاء إبراهيم بعد ما تزوج إسماعيل، يطالع تركته فلم يجد إسماعيل، فسأل امرأته عنه؟ فقالت: خرج يبتغي لنا. ثم سألها عن عيشهم وهيئتهم؟ فقالت: نحن بشرٍّ نحن في ضيق وشدّةٍ وشكت إليه. قال: فإذا جاء زوجك فاقرئي عليه السلام وقولي له يغيّر عتبة بابه. فلما جاء إسماعيل كأنه آنس شيئاً، فقال: هل جاءكم من أحد؟ فقالت: نعم جاءنا شيخ كذا كذا، فسألنا عنك فأخبرته، وسألني كيف عيشنا فأخبرته أنا في جهد وشدة. قال: فهل أوصاك بشيء؟ قالت: نعم أمرني أن أقرأ عليك السلام، ويقول لك غيّر عتبة بابك. قال: ذاك أبي وقد أمرني أن أفارقك، فالحقي بأهلك، وطلقها وتزوَّج منهم أخرى، ولبث عنهم إبراهيم ما شاء الله. ثم أتاهم بعد فلم يجده، فدخل على امرأته فسألها عنه؟ فقالت: خرج يبتغي لنا، قال: كيف أنتم؟ وسألها عن عيشهم وهيئتهم، فقالت: نحن بخير وسعة، وأثنت على الله عز وجل، فقال: ما طعامكم؟ قالت: اللحم قال: فما شرابكم؟ قالت: الماء. قال اللهم بارك لهم في اللحم والماء. قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: ولم يكن لهم يومئذ حب. ولو كان لهم حب لدعا لهم فيه قال: فهما لا يخلو عليهما أحد بغير مكة إلا لم يوافقاه. قال: فإذا جاء زوجك فاقرئي عليه السلام ومُريه يثبت عتبة بابه. فلما جاء إسماعيل قال هل أتاكم من أحد؟ قالت: نعم أتانا شيخ حسن الهيئة، وأثنت عليه، فسألني عنك فأخبرته فسألني كيف عيشنا؟ فأخبرته أنّا بخير. قال: فأوصاك بشيء؟ قالت: نعم هو يقرأ عليك السلام ويأمرك أن تثبت عتبة بابك. قال: ذاك أبي وأنت العتبة، أمرني أن أمسكك. ثم ما لبث عنهم ما شاء الله. ثم جاء بعد ذلك وإسماعيل يبري نَبْلاً له تحت دوحةٍ قريباً من زمزم، فلما رآه قام إليه فصنعا، كما يصنع الوالد بالولد، والولد بالوالد. ثم قال: يا إسماعيل إن الله أمرني بأمر، قال: فاصنع ما أمرك به ربك، قال: وتعينني؟ قال: وأعينك. قال: فإن الله أمرني أن أبني هاهنا بيتاً، وأشار إلى أكمة مرتفعة على ما حولها. قال فعند ذلك رفعا القواعد من البيت، فجعل إسماعيل يأتي بالحجارة، وإبراهيم يبني حتى إذا ارتفع البناء، جاء بهذا الحجر فوضعه له فقام عليه، وهو يبني وإسماعيل يناوله الحجارة، وهما يقولان» «رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ» . « قال: فجعلا يبنيان، حتى يدورا حول البيت، وهما يقولان: » «رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ» .
ثم قال: حَدَّثَنا عبد الله بن محمد، حَدَّثَنا أبو عامر عبد الملك بن عمرو، حَدَّثَنا إبراهيم بن نافع، عن كثير بن كثير، عن سعيد بن جبير، عن ابن عبَّاس قال: لما كان من إبراهيم وأهله ما كان، خرج بإسماعيل وأم إسماعيل ومعهم شَنَّةٌ فيها ماء. وذكر تمامه بنحو ما تقدم.

وهذا الحديث من كلام ابن عبَّاس وموشح برفع بعضه، وفي بعضه غرابة، وكأنه مما تلقاه ابن عبَّاس عن الإسرائيليات، وفيه أن إسماعيل كان رضيعاً إذ ذاك

[lolwatever]

^^ there u go lol.. its from that page.. towards teh middle
ok better get back 2 topic b4 the mod or creator ofthis thread eats me alive

im going into hiding now..
salamz

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

LOL!!....jazaakAllahu khayran akhee!!...

yeah back on topic...well this is sorta ....right :p

[Mawaddah]

^ yeah it's really off topic but I got some good Muraaja3ah just now masha'allah :giggling:

So I guess the answer is already clear? We shouldn't just go and talk about everything and anything about our family or our husbands/wives to other people just for the sake of talking, because who knows? in doing so we might hurt our husbands/wifes / family's honor and reputation and as we know Rasulullah peace be upon him said :

Inna Dimaa'akum Wa Amwaalakum Wa A3raadhakum 3alaikum Haraam Kahurmati Yaumikum Hadhaa....

Verily Your (Muslims) Blood, and Wealth and Honour is Sacred as how this day of yours today is sacred..."

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

Maw!!...fee shahrikum haadhaa wa fee balidikum haadhaa!! ;)
reminds me of our sheikh yahya hafidhahullah :'(

you heard about the qissat withthose 13/11 sahaabiyyat talkin'/describing there husbands..??
what we would say about that!!??

i think it was hadeeth umm darr or abu darr or aisha :hiding:

ya Allah i need to do more muraaja3ah BIG TIME!! :(

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

here's the hadeeth:
Narrated 'Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."


Some of those descriptions make me laugh...but , Allaahu a3lam i don't wanna say nothing about the sahaabiyyaat rahimahunnallaah...
but i wonder if the Prophet said anything about them talkin' about their husbands like that ..or maybe the ulamah have said something concerning this!!:?:?

wallaahu a3lam!

[umm-sulaim]

Loooooool!!!! wow mashaAllah guys, soorry had to go sis, kaana 3indee mugaabalah ma3al mudeerah,
wow lolwatever brought more than i could have done any way tabaarakaAllah!!!
me too got those fawaa'id back, thanks for that lolwatever, its good revision !!
Its hadeeth aisha right?
and the prophet says to her kunti laki ka abee dhar kaan li ummee dharr>>..so sweet!!!

ok imma have to pop out soon again so if i go wassalaam tayyib.

[lolwatever]

LOL! those women are crackups.. lollll

just imagine them talking all so passionately together whispering hoping no one will hear a word, and all of a sudden it's on display to the entire Ummah ;D

[umm-sulaim]

I know right, subhanaAllah they never knew centuries down the line we'd still be talking about them and using them as daleel!!
But their arabic is so beautiful....i like the way each one when she talks about her husband makes it rhyme, zawjee mass al mas alarnab, wa ree7u ree7u alzarnab...
its too good!
sis mawaddah we can use these examples in our hajam lol!!!

wassalaam.

[amirah_87]

Loooooool!!!! wow mashaAllah guys, soorry had to go sis, kaana 3indee mugaabalah ma3al mudeerah,
wow lolwatever brought more than i could have done any way tabaarakaAllah!!!
me too got those fawaa'id back, thanks for that lolwatever, its good revision !!
Its hadeeth aisha right?
and the prophet says to her kunti laki ka abee dhar kaan li ummee dharr>>..so sweet!!!

ok imma have to pop out soon again so if i go wassalaam tayyib.

ass salaamu alaykum,

Aaaaaah i see...:sister:

looool...i luv that hadeeth too..it sounds way better in arabic...i'll try get that one up for us inshaAllah *if i can find it*

LOL! those women are crackups.. lollll

just imagine them talking all so passionately together whispering hoping no one will hear a word, and all of a sudden it's on display to the entire Ummah

that's funny isn't it....yeah it's weird how we all know about it now!!...:giggling: Allahul Musta3aan!

[lolwatever]

^^ lol i just read it now in arabic, i must say their poetic way of speaking is amazing..

its cool how talking in poetic form was something that ppl could do off the top of their head.. there's veeery few ppl i know who can do that today.. it kilsss english poetry too.. actually what is english poetry? it barely rhymes :S

neways back to topic.. lol so yepp that'sss the sort of personal ifno that shouldn't be revealed i guess.. i actually thought that stuff was semi-okish... but looks like its not.. especially if u make a public prosecution out of it lol

salamz

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

it sounds soo dry in english....the arabic one is wicked right!!.. :D
subhanAllah..yeah i dislike english poetry too :uhwhat

i know they always used to speak in that poetic form in those days...even the prophet sallaahu 3alayhi wasallam!!

LOL...some stuff in there are like..:ooh; like the one who said my husband eats alot....heheheee..;D

anyways...back on topic inshaAllah :X

[Malaikah]

:sl:

^so is the hadith with the 11 women showing that what they said was ok, or that it wasnt ok?

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

^so is the hadith with the 11 women showing that what they said was ok, or that it wasnt ok?

i dunno ukhti..i brought it on in refernce to what me and maw were talkin' about!!....
we say that it is not allowed to talk about our spouse...and then i remembered this hadeeth (which is saheeh) , which has in it that they were talkin' about their spouses...
i just wanted to know inshaAllah if anyone knows what the ulamaah have said about it....:?:?

[lolwatever]

if you analyse it based on the hadith about 'kufr al-'3asheer'... it becomes evident that the 10th lady seems to be the best of the lot, and the rest are ranked accordingly lol...

;D

salamz

[umm-sulaim]

Scholars use this hadeeth to show that it is not ok for women to talk about their husbands, cos its something that was done in the time of ignorance, and the prophet always tried to change the habits of jaahiliyyah (era of ignorance).

wassalaam.

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum

Like duuuuuuuuuuh!!...:hiding:

what's wrong with me....;D that was in the time of the jaahilyyah...and we're not supposed to take anything that was done from that right!!

jazakillah big sis.... i think i need to eat ,(maa akaltu al-futuur ):X need to fuel my brain mate , that's probabaly why it's playing dead! :p

that sorted it out for me jazaakillah ukthiy!! ;)

[umm-sulaim]

wa iyyaaki, adh-haan mabthuuthah lol....sorry had to say that,

lolwatever, yeah the 10th is good, but i never thought about the ranking part lol...

wassalaam

yeah, sis, check fat7ul baree, it might be in there, or shar7 nawawee, might be in there too..

[lolwatever]

^^ lol we can always assign the same rank to the other 10 :p

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff, so yeh i guess may allah reward them and its not like they knew it was haram so they probably get reward for us remembering them

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us, to transform their errors into reward (plus he didnt mention their names or anything) so yeh :)

salams

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum,

don't call me mabthutha..you turning into "Mean Maw"!!

i'll check in fath al-baree inshaAllah...i didn't take the hadeeth number down or the baab.. :'( so it's gonna take a while inshaAllah...*sighs*

shall i post it up in arabic..cause that's what's it's in and i could'nt be asked to do a detailed translation in english sis :X

[Mawaddah]

Whoa!! :eek: This thread has been sprinting along hasn't it!!

Jazakumullah khair for bringing that Hadeeth, Aisha bint ash-Shaikh placed that Hadeeth in her book Naseehati Lin Nisaa' , but I can't remember under which Mawdhoo3 she placed it under? :? I used to keep the book at my office but I took it home recently so I can't check right now :(

But yeah I guess everyone gets the point insha'allah!! ;)

Ok let's quit using this thread as our muraaja3ah because I'm sure not many people understand what we're babbling about :giggling:

Princess..........what's with us and hijacking threads? :X

;D ;D ;D ;D

don't call me mabthutha..you turning into "Mean Maw"!!

:Evil: ;D

[amirah_87]

^^ lol we can always assign the same rank to the other 10 :p

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff, so yeh i guess may allah reward them and its not like they knew it was haram so they probably get reward for us remembering them

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us, to transform their errors into reward (plus he didnt mention their names or anything) so yeh :)

salams

ass salaamu alaykum,

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff,

yeah i agree with you :thumbs_up

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us

maybe...*nods head* Wallaahu a3lam!! :peace:

[Dhulqarnaeen]

i know it sounds stupid but in islam is it permissable for a woman to speak to a friend for advice about a personal problem involving here husband or vice-versa.
rani

:sl:
Fas' aluu ahlud dhikri inkuntum laa ta'lamuun: Ask Ahlid dhikr (Syaikh, Ustadh or something who have enough knowledge) if you dont know.
According to this hadith then its best to ask ahli ilm if you have problems. If you think your friends is a tolibul 'ilm and her Islam is good and amanah in keeping your secret and she can be objectife, then its fine insha Allah. Just you may not take her opinion totally, cause shes not ahlu ilm and her opinion can be wrong.
And many household destroyed cause of the third person who came into their life. At first maybe the wife or the husband asked their friends or parents or someone else about their problems, and all they did just provocating them, and it wont solve the problems but it make the problems worse instead.
So I suggest if you have problems with your husband then you should talk to him, heart to heart and openminded, youve gotta have a lot of communication with him, and talk about eeeeeeeeevery little things that happen in your life. So many problems in a marriage end up with a divorce just because of less communications, Allahu A'lam.

[Dhulqarnaeen]

:sl:
:D :D :D I was so surprised just now, after I replied to this thread then I look above my writing and I found the same persons as in sunnah thread :ooh: ;D Sis mawaddah, amirah Umm Sulaim, I was deathly surprised, I thought I have replied in the wrong rooms ;D

[akulion]

It is better not to confide personal matters with a non mahram

For example please put yourself in a situation where your husband may be discussing private bedroom affairs of yours with a male friend of his...how would you feel?

Or even less, personal matters between the 2 of you...

So in Islam we are recommended to keep private matters of husband and wife within the family by consulting elders such as parents or other family members :)

[Azhar786]

[S][/S]
i agree with u yes we should keep it within the family

[Azhar786]

I sure hope so because I tell my friends everything about my husband.

:sl:
may i ask wat u mean by eveythin? there is some things u cant tell!!
:w:

[lolwatever]

ass salaamu alaykum,

here's the hadeeth:
Narrated 'Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."


Some of those descriptions make me laugh...but , Allaahu a3lam i don't wanna say nothing about the sahaabiyyaat rahimahunnallaah...
but i wonder if the Prophet said anything about them talkin' about their husbands like that ..or maybe the ulamah have said something concerning this!!:?:?

wallaahu a3lam!

ne1 got the link to this hadith or reference... i need it urgently... i cant rem where i saw this.

arabic or english is fine :)

jazaks!

:w:

[Muhammad]

:sl:

I think it's on Islamqa:http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref...en%20abu%20zar

Reference: Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4893) and Muslim (2448).

[lolwatever]

omg jazak allah khayr!!! :D