format_quote Originally Posted by
c'est*moi
Why doesn't it say if a husband doesn't obey his wife!
:sl:
I'm not sure if you're referring to any specific quote posted so far, but from the Islamic perspective the husband is the guardian and democratic leader of the household. The husband and wife are supposed to consult and cooperate with eachother in making decisions. A woman must obey her husband but the husband is also required to cooperate with his wife and consult her as the wife has greater standing over the children [see
the immense status of the mother in islam].
Concerning leadership in the family, Shaykh Abdullah Ibn Bayyah writes:
Islamic Law likes to have all matters clearly defined. The Prophet said: “Three people should not go fourth without appointing one of them to be their leader.” [
Sunan al-Bayhaqî (9/359) and Musannaf `Abd al-Razzâq (4/58)] This means that there should be some delineation of responsibility.
The family has a leader appointed for it, and this leader is the husband. This does not mean, however, that he can just do as he pleases, say what he pleases, and bark orders left and right. Quite the contrary, the husband and wife have to manage the household by way of mutual consultation. Allah commands them to engage in consultation in matters of weaning: “If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them.” [
Sûrah al-Baqarah: 233]
This is a matter that most acutely affects them both. How then should it be for a matter that has its greatest effect upon the woman?
In brief, if the husband commands his wife to do something that is not contrary to Islamic Law, then she should obey him. However, it is not permissible for him to order her to do something that will be detrimental to her or cause her to lose out on something good. If, on the other hand, her work causes problems like excessive mixing with men or has other negative consequences, then he is within his rights to tell her not to wok and she should comply with what he says. This is in accordance with the view of the majority of scholars. [
SOURCE]
Shaykh Nizâr Ash-Shu'aybî categorizes the types of obedience to one's husband into four categories. The
first is obedience in regards to something obligated by Islam. Anyone who leaves this would be sinful, regardless of who they are.
The
second category involves obedience to one's husband in a matter that will either benefit him or harm him, and this is required for her unless she has an excuse.
The
third category involves being obedient to him in something that relates to her personal affairs, whether her wealth, her friends, etc. Here she does not have to obey him, it is entirely up to her; she should consider the benefits and harms and act accordingly.
The
fourth category involves obedience to him in something that is sinful, and here she should never obey him no matter what he says. [
SOURCE]
Evidently, the first and fourth category are not specific to a marital relationship at all.
For those who would argue that the husband and wife should be identical in terms of leadership and their role in the family, they need to come to terms with the fact that modern psychology and medicine (
not to mention common sense!) have
conclusively debunked the notion that men and women are identical in their skills and abilities. The role of the husband and wife is
complimentary,
equitable and
balanced, not identical.
:w: