ADVICES FOR A MAN WHO DO POLIGAMY (TAADUD AZ ZAWJAH)
Akheel kareem who is being a husband...
Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam said: "Ad dienu nashihah", Ad Dien is advices. (Bukhari Muslim). And along with this hadith I will tell you some advices and these precious wasiyah which you must put it in front of your eyes. Please read it and put it deep into your soul.
>>> One <<<
Be taqwa to Allah Azza wa Jalla and be fair to all your wifes. You must know and be sure that Allah always watching everymoves that you make in your muamalah. Be fair between them (the wifes) on whatever you have and whatever you do. Dont you ever do something zolim or inclining to one side to one of your wifes. Put this hadith right in fonrt of your eyes :
"Whoever have two wifes, and then he leaning to one of them, then he will come in yaumul qiyamah with hos body tilted".
(HR. Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibnu Majah, and tashih by Al Hafidh Ibn Hajar in Bulughul maram and syaikh Albani in Irwail ghalil)
>>> Two <<<
Becarefull with your intention. You must never have the only intention in your mind JUST to fulfill your sexual desire. This is just a follower of syahawat, men who is always jumping in the park of syahawat, from a girl to another girl, they always follow their desire. This attitudes is a disgrace. And it could be, their intention is to do nikah mut'ah which is HARAM in Islam, it could be they marry with intention to do talaq and they wont be long with the girl they have married.
>>> Three <<<
Be someone who put Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam as your first model in whatever situation you have. He is your best model in everything. Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam was a husband who was so patient, well behaved, loving, distinct, mercifull, widehearted, and he could be a very gentle friend for his wifes but at the same time never lose his authority. He is the peson who have th most love to muslimah in this umah. He said:
"The best of you all is who have the best attitude to his wife, and Im who have the best behavior to wife of you"
(By At Thahawi from hadith Ibn Abbas, and also by Al Hakim)
Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam ever ordered Hassan bin Thabit radhiallahu anhu who was holding the camels reins, and above the camel was one of his (Rasulullah) wife who was sitting in Haudaj (somekinda like a tend which placed above the camel), and he said:
"be gentle to qawarir".
Rasulullah shallahu alaihi wasallam equate his wife as a qawarir, a bottle in its softness and clearness.
>>> Four<<<
Be kind to your wifes and forgive their mistakes and treat them best. Ask ahli ilmu (scholars) if you dont know about some rule in taadud. A husband who always feel Allahs oversight, then he will ask whatever he doesnt know. Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala said:
... فَاسْأَلُواْ أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِ إِن كُنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ
Ask the followers of the Reminder if ye know not?
( Al Anbiya: 7)
>>> Five <<<
Be fair between your children from each wifes. Be close to them all and mae their heart close to eachother, and ask one of your wifes to breastfeeding the children of your another wife. make them understand that theyre brothers and sisters in one blood. Dont you ever the syaithons doors between them.
>>> Six <<<
Try to educate your children with Al Qur'an and As Sunnah and teach them to practise both. Your wifes and your children are your responsibilities which Allah place onto your back. Do the amanah and make your self free from adhab Allah. Allah said:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ
O ye who believe! save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded.
(At Tahrim: 6)
>>> Seven <<<
Praise your wifes more, and make them understand and sure that theres no love except in obedience to Ar Rahman and in making husband ridho.
>>> Eight <<<
Dont you tell one of your wifes words to another wife. Dont you give one of them your secret or else they will spread it to the other, or they will feel proud cause theyre the one who keep the husbands secret while the others dont.
>>> Nine <<<
Dont your praise about one wife in front of another, such as her beauty, her cooking, her good akhlak, etc. Actually it will make your life clouded and can build or increase the hatred, Except if you feel by saying that can bring goodness (manfaat) to them.
>>> Ten <<<
Dont you hear to one of your wifes words about another wife and forbid her to say that kinda words, so then their tricks will be dead and burried in each of their hearts.
>>> The last <<<
You should understand about some of our wifes lacks and try as good as you can to be gentle to them and say to them whenever they do good things. Al Farooq Amirul mu'minin Umar bin Khattab radhiallahu anhu was someone who have a hard character and he always serious in Islamic law and always fair in his decision, he said:
"a man, should be like a kid to his wifes (means in his gentle and caring), although in front of peple he is an adult".
Taken from the book "Zawjati Zawjatani": by syaikh As Sayid bin Abdul Aziz As Sa'dani