Afraid Of Being Disown By Family-help!!!!

[nishom]

SALAAM,

I would like some advice.

A friend of mine is interested in proposing to someone who he is not related to, but are very good friends.

The problem is he is not sure whether she is interested to the same extent, despite enjoying each others company during work.

Another problem is that the last time someone in his family got married to a person from 'outside' the family, the person was disown by the family.

He wants to know who can he approach to find out if she is intersted in the same way. Rather than the parents, can someone else such as a brother or sister approach her and make the feelings known?

[F.Y.]

It would be a good idea to let his intentions known to his parents first. Im only saying this because if he first finds out that she likes him too, then they decide they wanna get married - there will be MAJOR problems and heartache if they then tell their parents who could say 'no'.

If his parents say 'yes', then he can go ahead and get his friend/mother/sister to appraoch her or her family.

Hope that helps a bit.
Peace

[- Qatada -]

:wasalamex


masha'Allaah.. i agree with sis F.Y - alot of people have been through the same experience.. and later, it ends up in heartbreak for both parties. So the best thing to do is for him to ask his parents first and tell them that it's only an idea, then after - if they agree, his sister or mother should go to the girls house and ask insha'Allaah.

If his family was to say no, and the girl had high hopes - then both your friend and the girl would feel hurt, whereas if the girl didn't know anyway - it would save atleast the girl from getting hurt. Which would save the boy from getting a even more deeper hurt, and save the girl from getting scarred too.


But what they're doing at work is really dangerous because it is already causing them to get attracted to each other, and get immoral thoughts - especially when they don't even have the right to do that.

So right now - the brother should try to back away from the girl and stay patient. If the proposal is succesful (through her parents) - then they should wait till they get married. Otherwise, they should try to avoid each other and move on.. i know it may seem harsh, but it will save them from alot of trouble later on insha'Allaah.. it's like a hole - the deeper you go on, the harder it is to get out.



Allaah Almighty knows best.


:salamext:

[Trumble]

The problem is he is not sure whether she is interested to the same extent, despite enjoying each others company during work.

Spend time with her outside work. In time her feelings will become obvious.

He wants to know who can he approach to find out if she is intersted in the same way.

HER!!

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[akulion]

salam alaikum,

There is always the risk of rejection when proposing - so best thing is to at least try - if u never try you will never know.

Also your parents cannot disown you Islamcally - if they do disown you then they are zalimoon (opressors). You should make this clear to them that Allah swt has commanded in the Quran itself tha you cannot cut the ties of kinship - and if they disagree then know that they are commiting kufr.

Also Allah swt has given the right to every individual to choose their spouce and the parents cannot refuse if they are practicing muslims.

Get an imam on your side with regards to this.

Nowadays I see too many muslims being opressed by their own parents via blackmail and force - it is time we stood up for our rights which Islam has given and crush the heads of those zalimoon once and for all.

Have faith that it is allah who provides.

Best duas and wishes on this endevour ameen.