Inconveniencing Women In Matters Of MarriageReply
Shaykh Saalih bin Humayd
Jumaadal Aakhirah 28, 1423 (September 6, 2002
All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the Worlds. May peace and blessings of Allaah be upon the Messenger of Allaah, his household and companions.
Fellow Muslims! The comfort of this worldly life will not last and the fates of the creatures have been predestined. Consider death and calamities. May Allaah bless a man who spends his life in righteous deeds, prepares for the Day of Resurrection and examines himself in all conditions.
“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. Let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what you do.”
Brethren in faith! Islaam freed men from slavery of ignorance, illuminated their hearts and removed them from ignominy of disbelief to glory and light of Eemaan. It explained the right of every male and female Muslim and gave it to them completely. It gave each of the male and female what suits his nature.
During the days of ignorance, woman was like a commodity purchased and sold at will and she did not use to own or inherit. Her situation was so pitiful that people of those days debated as to whether she has a soul or not; was she created from the clay of Aadam or from Satan? Was her worship valid? Would she enter Paradise? She was strictly restricted and her husband was given absolute right to dispose off her wealth. Many rules were enacted to wipe away her right and remove her humanity. She lived a hopeless, wretched, rightless and ignominious life. She would be burnt along with her husband when he dies and she would be buried alive for fear of poverty. Allaah gives an example of how females were treated in those dark days when He says,
“And when the news (of the birth) of a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself of the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.”
He also says,
“Indeed, lost are they who have killed their children, foolishly without knowledge, and have forbidden that which Allaah has provided for them, inventing a lie against Allaah. They have indeed gone astray and were not guided.”
As for the right of woman in marriage, she would be married against her choice under different kinds of illegal marriages and if her husband became annoyed with her, she would be left suspended, neither having a caring husband nor being a divorced woman.
When Allaah willed that the sun of Islaam should shine and that the Messenger Muhammad should bring the light of Islaam, the darkness of the days of ignorance and all kinds of oppression and blind imitations declined; and there was a call that, “Surely, the only religion with Allaah is Islaam.”
The just Islaamic rules then came, wise ordinances were revealed and compassionate conduct became prevalent and obligations were promulgated; all in a comprehensive way that includes the rich and the poor, the high and the low, the male and the female. All are commanded to follow this ordinance and respect its limitations.
“These are the limits ordained by Allaah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allaah, then such are the wrong-doers.”
Islaam is a religion that reforms what whimsical desires have corrupted and cures the diseases of the time of ignorance. Such is the ordainment of Allaah “and who is better in judgment than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith.”
It is then in the light of this perfect ordainment that affairs of woman are discussed side by side with those of man. Allaah says,
“Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female. You are (members) one of another.”
(Aal ‘Imraan 3:195)
“For men there is reward for what they have earned, and likewise for women there is reward for what they have earned and ask Allaah of His Bounty. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Knower of Everything.”
Fellow Muslims! Islam regards woman as an honoured human being who must be thanked and respected. It gave her, her denied rights and removed injustices from her. She should not be inconvenienced or inherited. She should rather be accorded her rightful position as a mother, sister, wife and daughter. She should be treated well and her misdeeds must be dealt with patiently. Allaah says,
“Live with them honourably, if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good.”
Brethren in faith! There is an issue in which the stand of the time of ignorance and the stand of Islaam became distinct. On this issue, the stand of Islaam is decisive and clear for it leads to religious, psychological and honour purity. Islaam’s stand on it reflects belief in Allaah and the Last Day and the negligence of the stand of Islaam leads to ignorance and egoism. The issue relates to preventing a woman from marrying a qualified suitor if each of them is interested in the other. Allaah addresses the Muslims in this regard,
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their husband if they mutually agree on reasonable basis. This (instruction) is an admonition for him among you who believes in Allaah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous and purer for you. Allaah knows what you know not.”
Fellow Muslims! Preventing women from marrying suitors of their choice is exercising arbitrary control over their feelings and emotions as well as violating their honour and humanity. And this is as a result of the lack of fear of Allaah or an act of immodesty and lack of respect for the rights of the kith and kin. It is also a travesty of justice, wisdom and noble conduct. This prevention causes a woman great inconvenience and does have a painful effect on her life.
Preventing woman from marrying a qualified suitor of her choice is a kind of injustice, that aims at exploiting woman’s shyness, innocence and good-mindedness. This is often done for tribal or selfishness considerations. The guardians’ goal should rather be the betterment of their daughters' religious and worldly life.
Brethren in Islaam! Prevention does come in different forms, among which is that explained by Allaah in the above verse. When a woman was divorced in less than three times, and had finished her period of waiting; and her former husband wished to have her back with a new contract and she also wished to go back to him; her guardian would prevent her from that for no sound reason but only because of mere outdated traditions of the time of ignorance. Hence the revelation of the verse.
Another form of prevention is mentioned in many other verses of which is the saying of Allaah,
“They ask you legal instruction concerning women, say: Allaah instructs you about them, and about what is recited unto you in the Book concerning the orphan girls whom you give not the prescribed portions (as regards Mahr and inheritance) and yet whom you desire to marry.”
In this form, the guardian refuses to marry her to other men because he wants to marry her to himself because of her wealth. In Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree, Aaishah said, “This verse was revealed concerning the orphan girl who is put under guardianship of a man and he would want to have a share of her inheritance, he would then want to marry her for that purpose and would prevent her from marrying another man so that he would not have a share in that wealth.”
Another form of inconveniencing woman is what Allaah addresses in His Book when He says,
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit woman against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them.”
This is a form whereby a man causes great discomfort for his wife when he dislikes her, treats her harshly and denies her rights so that she may be forced to give him money in order to get herself freed from him by Khul’. In this form, the woman frees herself from the man by returning to him the Mahr that she has taken, and in some cases, she pays what is more than that. So whatever money the man takes from his wife in this way is forbidden.
Another form of inconvenience is to prevent the woman from marrying a qualified suitor whom she likes; out of avarice for her money or salary or out of greediness of getting higher Mahr or monetary gains for himself and members of his family. This act is perpetrated by only mean people for financial gains.
Fellow Muslims! There are some actions that amount to preventing woman from marrying and driving away suitors. An example of this is that, some guardians speak arrogantly and superciliously in the public and scorn other people when they speak. This prevents potential suitors from asking for hands of their daughters in marriage as a result of their ostentation and self-delusion. Ibn Taymiyah said, “A form of preventing a woman from marriage is when people turn away from asking a man of the hand of his ward in marriage because of his sternness.”
Another great errors in this regard is to restrict marriage to relatives and cousins alone, if the woman does not like that. This is done out of tribal arrogance or for unIslaamic traditions. Restricting a woman to marrying only one of her relatives if that is against her wish is an act of injustice and oppression and also an act of tribalism that Islaam abhors.
Muslims must keep away from conditions that lead to suspension of marriage or suspension of its consummation. For there is no clear benefit for these conditions like delaying consummation of marriage for many years for purposes of completion of studies or employment or a business that has no specific period.
Brethren in faith! Youths must be assisted to remain chaste through marriage with qualified parties who are religious and good mannered, so as to achieve psychological stability.
Fear Allaah, therefore, dear Muslims! Fear Allaah, dear guardians in your wards, for if you do not do that, there will be temptation on the land and huge corruption, and you will be exposing young men and women to immorality and corruption. The guardian is shepherd and shall be held accountable for his flock. He should endeavor to know the condition of his wards, know their needs, honour their feelings and derive ways to protect them and seek for their good and happiness. A scholar said, “If a woman chooses a qualified suitor and the guardian also chooses another qualified suitor, hers should be preferred, and if the guardian refuses he has prevented her from marrying.”
Fellow Muslims! There are three crimes in preventing woman from marrying qualified suitors of her choice. The guardian commits a crime against himself by disobeying Allaah and His Messenger, he commits a crime against the woman by preventing her from marrying the suitor of her choice and he commits a crime against the suitor by denying him a right given to him by Islaam that is exemplified in the words of the Prophet, “If someone with whose conduct and religion you are pleased comes to for marriage, marry to him.”
The scholars say that if any guardian refuses to marry his ward to a qualified suitor whom she is pleased with, he should be stripped of his guardianship and that should be transferred to the next qualified guardian or to the authority, based on the saying of the Prophet, “The ruler is the guardian for one who has no guardian.” (At-Tirmidhee)
The scholars also say, “If the guardian repeatedly refuses marriage proposals with no just cause, such a guardian becomes sinful and his religion and faith diminish.”
Fear Allaah then, dear guardians, and shun the deeds of the time of ignorance that are repulsive to Islaam and common sense and that are only based on outdated customs and narrow-mindedness. Fear Allaah and rise up to fulfill your responsibilities.
Ibn Abi Ahmed
06-12-2005, 04:08 PM
Shaykh Saleh bin Humaid.Reply
O People! I advise myself and you to fear Allaah, for he who does not fear Allaah will go astray. Allaah says that which means: “O you who have believed, if you fear Allaah, He will grant you a criterion,” (Al-Anfaal: 29), to judge between right and wrong.
Servants of Allaah! He who fears punishment, then the furthest thing to him becomes within his reach and he who harbours false hopes and wishes to live long, his performance and actions become weak. Indeed, the future is near. Your Lord did not create you in vain and will not leave you unavailing, so take provision from this life by which you can protect yourself tomorrow.
The time of death is concealed and wishes are deceiving. Funerals pass by people, and they prepare them, pray over the deceased, accompany them and carry them to their final abode. You see people viewing them causally and perhaps they might get slightly saddened or grieved, but very soon they become overwhelmed again with the ravishment of this life and the heedlessness of living.
Respected brothers! Life is evidence against those who are heedless and their days lead them to wretchedness. How can one hope for the reward in the Hereafter without righteous deeds? How can someone wish to repent while being heedless and hoping to live longer?
Woe to the people of heedlessness! When they are given something, they are not satisfied and when they are deprived of anything, they become discontent. They enjoin that which they do not do themselves and forbid what they do not refrain from. They continuously criticize others and compromise with themselves.
O people of heedlessness! How many people trusted life but it betrayed them and how many were assured by it, that were let down? How many swindlers got deceived in it? And, how many arrogant people became degraded and honorable ones humiliated by it? Power in this life alternates, it is never stable. Its sweetness soon becomes bitter and its bitterness sweet. People of might become overpowered. Life is short, the great things in it are few in number and this life very soon turns out to be as though it never even existed. Its happiness eventually turns into sorrow, health into sickness, and wealth into poverty. Its days are deceiving and it commands people with evil. It consists of vanishing pleasures, afflicting adversities or death. Its structure is soon destroyed, people unite but soon separate, and everything on earth turns into dust.
People of heedlessness are never satisfied, regardless of how much they may accumulate. They do not achieve all they wish for and are not prepared for what they are approaching. They collect but do not benefit from it, build that which they will not live in and hope for things that they will never achieve. Allaah says that which means: “Let them eat and enjoy themselves and be diverted by (false) hope, for they are going to know.” (Al-Hijr: 3)
One who wishes to live long, builds and demolishes and estimates but with a wrong estimation. He says something but does not do it, plans but does not implement them, and things happen which are the opposite to that which has been planned. He does wrong and delays repentance, then death comes and then he will not benefit from his deeds; his family and friends leave him and there are no longer any excuses. Allaah says that which means, “Then have you considered if We gave them enjoyment for years. And then there came to them that which they were promised? They would not be availed by the enjoyment which they were provided.” (Ash-Shu’araa’: 205 – 207)
Oh people of heedlessness! O Muslim brothers and sisters! The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said in a Hadeeth: “Abundantly remember the destroyer of pleasures (meaning death)” (An-Nasaa’i). This is the advice of your Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam which consists of a few words but is concise; short but effective. Indeed, he who remembers death as it should be remembered will hold himself accountable and question himself about his deeds and aspirations. But one who has a heedless heart, as Imaam Al Qurtubi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: "Needs long speeches and embellished statements." Abundantly remember the destroyer of pleasures, which will separate those who are united: “None will remember it (meaning death) while in hardship but will feel ease and while at ease but will feel disturbed”. (Tabaraani)
I swear by Allaah! Each one of us will come to an end, and each soul will die. The earth will eat our flesh and drink our blood - just as we walk over it, eat from its fruits and drink from its water. Then it becomes like Allaah says, which means: “And the Horn will be blown, and whoever is in the heavens and whoever is on the earth will fall dead except whom Allaah wills. Then it will be blown again, and at once they will be standing, looking on.” (Az- Zumar: 68).
Your Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam stood at the edge of a grave and cried as related in a Hadeeth; he then said: “O my brothers! For this, prepare yourselves”. (Ibn Maajah) A man asked the Messenger sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam: “Who is the most wise of people O Messenger of Allaah?” He replied: “The one who remembers death most often and the one who is well-prepared to meet it; these are the wise; honorable in this life and dignified in the Hereafter.” (Ibn Maajah & Tabaraani). In another Hadeeth, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: “The wise one is he who reproaches himself and acts in preparation for what is after death.” (Ahmad)
Al Hasan, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: “Death has exposed the reality of life and left no reason for one with a sound mind to be happy in it." Yunus Ibn ‘Ubayd said: "The remembrance of death deprived us from enjoying our families and wealth." Also, Mutarrif said: "Death spoils for the people of pleasure, their enjoyment. So look for pleasure in which there is no death. The people of Paradise do not die, so their lives will become comfortable, and they do not become sick, so they live a pleasant, eternal life.”
O Muslims! Remember death and all its hardships, the rattling of ones soul in the throat and remember the terrifying screams one will give; for he who remembers death often, Allaah will bless him with three things: immediate repentance, contentment of the heart, and vigor for worship. Moreover, he who forgets death will be afflicted with three things: delay in repentance, discontentment, and laziness in worship.
Death is enough of a reason to break hearts, shed tears, destroy pleasures, divide people and ruin all hopes. The dead are made to be lonely after having lived with their families; they live in darkness after having been in the light; in tightness after having lived in wide space, and under the soil after having walked the earth. They become bare-footed, naked and alone. The grave is their dwelling, dust is their shroud, and mortal remains are their neighbors, who cannot hear a call nor respond to it. They lived long and owned much, but it did not benefit them when the command of their Lord came. So their homes became graves and what they collected was lost. Their money went to their inheritors, their wives re-married and what they were promised came to them. Allaah says that which means: “Then did you think that We created you uselessly and that to Us you would not be returned?” (Al-Mu’minoon: 115)
Have you ever thought, O servant of Allaah, about the day that you will die? - The day that you cannot delay and in which regret will not benefit you? Remove the cover of heedlessness from your heart for you will soon be standing before the One who knows the whims and whispers of the hearts, Who asks about the actions of the eyes and holds one accountable for what he hears. Allaah says that which means: “That Day, you will be exhibited (for judgment); not hidden among you is anything concealed..” (Al-Haaqqah: 18)
Contemplate death, for it prevents one from disobedience, softens a hard heart, stops one from trusting this life and makes one feel ease at the time of hardships. Remember death so that you may be saved at the time of regret. Al Hasan, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: "O son of Aadam! Fear Allaah, and let two things not happen to you at the same time: the hardships and agony of death, plus sorrow and regret. Beware of agonies and regrets, for death will come to you suddenly and no one can describe to you what you will face and see. Beware, so as not to die while in a state of disobedience, otherwise you will meet Allaah with no excuse."
Respected brothers! Where are those who are afraid of not having enough provision? Where is he who is terrified of the lengthy distance of the journey and hostility of the road? All he took from this life is an old garment and a morsel of food. He was chaste through life, guided, and so little provision sufficed him. He was ashamed of himself in front of his Lord, remembered death, and therefore preserved his head (meaning his senses: eyes, ears and tongue) and stomach (meaning did not eat or drink except that which is lawful). He sought the reward of the Hereafter and gave up the adornments of this worldly life. He favored that which is everlasting over that which is vanishing - this is indeed the wise and clever one.
So fear Allaah, may Allaah have mercy on you, and be aware of Allaah, and watchful of that which He entrusted you with. Remember that you will be standing before your Lord, being judged according to your deeds and you will regret your negligence. Allaah says that which means: “Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your (full) compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained (his desire). And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” (Aal ‘Imraan: 185)
O Muslims, repent to Allaah before death. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Hasten to do good deeds before you become busy. Are you waiting for such penury which will make you unmindful of devotion? Or such prosperity which will make you corrupt? Or such disease which will disable you? Or such senility which will make you mentally unstable? Or sudden death? Or the Dajjaal (Anti-Christ), who is the worst apprehended (sign of the hour)? Or (are you waiting) for the Hour? - that will be most grievous and bitter”. (At-Tirmidhi)
Now that you are aware of the suddenness of death, do not be like those who hoped for the reward of the Hereafter without performing righteous deeds, and who delayed repentance, due to the false hope of living longer.
Visit the graveyards frequently for it reminds one of the Hereafter, and take a lesson from those who are under the earth and have lost connection with their families and loved ones; death came to them at a time which they did not expect and horror came to them in a way which they did not anticipate. Let he who visits the graves ponder and think of the situation of those who have passed away from his friends. They gathered money and had a high hopes, but suddenly they lost all their wishes and their wealth did not benefit them. The soil of the earth changed the nice appearance of their faces and their bodies became scattered in their graves. Their wives became widows and their wealth and homes were all distributed. Allaah said, which means: “(It will be said to them), “And you have certainly come to Us alone (i.e., individually) as We created you the first time, and you have left whatever We bestowed upon you behind you.”(Al-An'aam: 94)
So, fear Allaah, may Allaah have mercy on you, and work for the Hereafter, for it is a dwelling in which there is no death for its inhabitants. Its structure does not wear out, youth does not age and its pleasure is never-ending. Its beauty, enjoyment, and women do not change and its people live under the mercy of the Most Merciful. Allaah says that which means: “Their call therein will be, “Exalted are You, O Allaah,” and their greeting therein will be, “Peace.” And the last of their call will be, “Praise to Allaah, Lord of the worlds!” (Yoonus: 10)
06-12-2005, 05:39 PM
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhReply
All Sermons by Shaykh Saleh bin Humaid will posted in this thread InshaAllah
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