Hi JMF.
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Masha'Allaah what you're going through is a really emotional stage, and a stage in life where shaytan will try his utmost to divert you away from the light of islaam.
Why is that?
It's because he's arrogant and envies the children of Aadam, he never prostrated to Aadam when Allaah Almighty commanded him to. He felt he was superior to Aadam so he never obeyed Allaah, out of his arrogance, he prayed to Allaah that he could live till the day of judgement, to lead all the children of Aadam astray.
He's so jealous of the children of Aadam, that he actually
pinches every single child when their born, except he failed with 'Eesa/Jesus (peace be upon him) [because he touched the placenta covering instead.]
So do you think this guy's going to make this path seem easy to you? Do you think he want's you to get to paradise? He's done a good job of leading the majority of mankind to enter the hellfire.. so what can we do? Follow their way and be controlled in this temporary world by the enemies of Allaah, or stay patient in this world with Allaah Almighty on our side - knowing that we will die one day, and insha'Allaah - we will be blessed with a paradise which is for eternity, where a person will never die and can have anything he/she desires.
But you know this yourself, it will take sacrifices. Paradise isn't free, and any person who's ever strived for it knows this. You might feel scared, alone, but Allaah is there to help you out, even if it seem's that the whole world is against you.
You say that you're scared of what the people around you will say, you're scared about what society will say about you. You might even get abused, but anything that ever happens - it is by the will of Allaah. Allaah test's the believers, to erase their sins, and to raise their ranks in paradise.
Ask yourself, if you're afraid of other's reactions - aren't you scared of Allaah's punishment if you were to turn away? And if you feel that people will turn against you, do you think that the people would punish you similar to how some of the sahabah (companions) of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) were treated. Khabbaab (may Allaah Almighty be pleased with him) was thrown onto red hot stones, and he could smell his own skin melting, and Bilaal (may Allah Almighty be pleased with him) was tortured in a similar manner, except in the hot desert. But you know what the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said? He said that you people are too hasty, because from among the nations before you, there were believers whose skin was combed off with iron combs, and a saw was placed on their head, and their body would be cut unless they gave up their faith.
But, realise this -
Those who persecute (or draw into temptation) the Believers, men and women, and do not turn in repentance, will have the Penalty of Hell: They will have the Penalty of the Burning Fire. (Qur'an Surah Burooj 85:10)
This is much more longer lasting, and is a much more severe punishment than one can even imagine [70x hotter than the fire of this world.] Much worse than being being abused by our friends and relatives, or being burnt on coal, or even having yourself cut in half with a saw in this world.
Say alhamdulillah (praise be to Allaah) He, the Almighty has guided you to the truth. Out of all of the non muslims from among mankind - Allaah, the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth chose you. So you should take you're step forward insha'Allaah.
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: Allah the Almighty said:
I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
(1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be".
[Bukhari & Muslim]
You have the gift, and how many time's has Allaah blessed someone with a gift - but the person expire's without opening it up, due to shaytan's distractions .. So hasten yourself to benefit from it, you're not doing it to benefit us, but to benefit your own soul.
By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it;
And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;-
Truly he succeeds that purifies it,
And he fails that corrupts it!
[Qur'an Surah Shams 91: 7-10]
Allaah Almighty know's best.
Peace.