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doodlebug
09-25-2006, 01:14 AM
assalamu aleiykum

Pretty soon after I am married we will be staying one day with my future husband's friend and wife.

My question is this:

I know that we are not supposed to look at members of the opposite sex but since this other man is married and I am married, do I have to not look at him when he talks to me? I found that quite difficult when I went to a lecture a week ago and the lecturers were all looking at the ceiling when answering the womens' questions. I would think I'd get a headache from deliberately trying not to look at him while he talks to me!

So...do we really have to lower the gaze to all men we're not related to or are married men ok to look at when we talk?:?
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lamya
09-25-2006, 05:30 PM
Walaikumassalaam sis,
It is hard not to look at someone while you are speaking to them but then both women and men are supposed to lower their gazes and this is best for them.
Even if someone is married or not, one should lower their gaze from those whom one has to cover from. First of all, try your best not to speak to the man because he is your na mehrem anyway, but if he does ask something then do make sure tht ur gaze is not directly at him, you can look sideways or downways.
I do believe tht it isnt tht hard because alhumdulilah, i lower my gaze if i have to speak to any man, i do not look at them directly, but of course sometimes my gaze accidently falls on their face,then i avert it.
Since i have started doing that i hav found tht it saves one from a lot of evil thoughts and it causes a closeness towards Allah.
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DigitalStorm82
09-27-2006, 08:45 AM
I've witnessed that as well... The imaam of my mosque did that... he was looking somehwere else while answering questions of this woman.

I think its all in the level of your Imaan... if you have that high level of Imaan and not look at them as you talk to them... may Allah grant you His mercy and blessings... because its definitely worth it!
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Inshallah
09-27-2006, 08:49 AM
Yeah i know a imam that lives close to my house whenever a girl passes by he looks the other way but than again that's why he's a imam.
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Malaikah
09-27-2006, 09:01 AM
:sl:

Does lowering your gaze mean that you cant even look at them when they talk to you? :uuh:
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sacred_rose
09-27-2006, 09:02 AM
yeah i guess it does but i lower my gaze only on the streets but when im talking to someone i have to look them strat in the eyes lol:)
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Muezzin
09-27-2006, 09:04 AM
Originally Posted by cheese
:sl:

Does lowering your gaze mean that you cant even look at them when they talk to you? :uuh:
I'm desiging a blindfold for that. It has eyes drawn on the other side to ease tension and promote understanding in everyday occurences such as being stopped by police for being Asian.

:p
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Woodrow
09-27-2006, 09:20 AM
This was actually a difficult thing for me to get used to. As in Western culture maintaining eye contact is considered an essential to communication and is considered a sign of respect when some one is speaking to you.

However, after understanding the reasons and the advantages I am able to be comfortable with it and have learned that when properly done it is a sign of respect and not of ignoring the other person.
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- Qatada -
09-27-2006, 09:27 AM
:salamext:


There's quite a few useful links on this topic:


Twenty Tips for Lowering the Gaze
http://www.islamonline.com/cgi-bin/n...service_id=393


http://www.jannah.org/articles/gazelow.html


http://muttaqun.com/gaze.html



Limits of looking at one’s fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her?
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...t=lower%20gaze


Means of helping oneself to lower one’s gaze
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...t=lower%20gaze


more:
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?pg...=eng&pglist=15



I just want you to remember sister that the people that are non mahram to a woman, and live close - may be the biggest threat to her.

We know this because of countless ahadith such as:

“The in-law is death.” (Bukhari & Muslim)



Therefore it may be extra important that you lower your gaze and cover up infront of that man.



Allaah Almighty know's best.


Peace.
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Fatimab
09-27-2006, 11:45 AM
Alhamduallah when i use to go hadeeth classes and the teacher was talking, i had lowered my gaze lol i just cant look at him...
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flower of dusk
09-27-2006, 12:43 PM
lol... speaking of this.. i jus realised the other day that i actually find it difficult to look at a member of the opposite sex whether i'm walkin' thru a street or tlking to them.. well.. i dnt reali tlk to them much either ..
so.. kinda oppositte...:)
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- Qatada -
09-27-2006, 12:57 PM
:wasalamex


Masha'Allaah, that's a good thing. It's naturally part of the fitrah to be like that, and it's common for men too.


Sahih Bukhari Narrated Abu Said: The Prophet (peace be upon him) was shier than a veiled virgin girl. (See Hadith No. 762. Vol. 4 - Bukhari)


But we also know that he (peace be upon him) was brave etc. The only difference is that he had hayaa (modesty) at the right times.



Allaah Almighty know's best.
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doodlebug
09-27-2006, 01:14 PM
Well I'll do it in Egypt when I'm there but here I cannot because it would be considered rude. Especially in my job, where I interview many people, if I did not look at them it would be very rude of me.
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snakelegs
09-28-2006, 02:55 AM
Originally Posted by doodlebug
Well I'll do it in Egypt when I'm there but here I cannot because it would be considered rude. Especially in my job, where I interview many people, if I did not look at them it would be very rude of me.
i'm curious about this. would "intent" apply at all? as in the case above, where the intention is strictly business only?
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doodlebug
09-28-2006, 02:11 PM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
i'm curious about this. would "intent" apply at all? as in the case above, where the intention is strictly business only?
That's a good question. I tried yesterday to do it. I was in a store getting lunch as I'm not fasting yet and a very high up person in the company came in. I lowered the gaze but he came to me and said hi so I had no choice but to look at him since it would have been taken as extremely rude not to do so.
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