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Helena
09-29-2006, 11:05 AM
:sl:

this is serious....i need some advice for someone........i need to help this person somehow and someway......

the matter is that the person is stuck between the two parents....instead of speaking calmly together about anything.....it ends up screaming and shouting to each other...and this certainly does not solve the matter....at all....

both parents argue for nothing...it can be over a small thing...it turns out to be something major......

as the person believes the father has been cursed....has completely changed...stopped praying....has no idea why........

the father is nearly reaching the age of 65 or over....has a illness...he shud be prep himself..never knw when death can approach him anytime....

he dsnt see/ feel anything for his children.....rejects them to help....calls his wife a complete liar.......its like theres a wall between them...something has come between them.......love has disappeared...greed has entered....

the advice i gave the person before...has stated that why isnt Allah(swt) listening to the persons duas.....why cant happiness be in the family....why cant the arguement completey stop.....


any advice inshalah........

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
09-29-2006, 11:20 AM
:sl:
The above is actually very similar to what I'm experiencing.
...has stated that why isnt Allah(swt) listening to my duas
Another thing I can relate to, when people say "have patience" etc, it actually makes me more impatient/angry...

What keeps me going though is when I read ayats like the following:
Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested.
And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test).
[Surah Al Ankabut 29:2-3]

Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allah?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!
[Surah Baqarah 2:214]
Try showing them to your friend.
Also from hadith:
A person's life in this world is not stable. One passes through alternating periods of happiness and dismay, strength and weakness. wealth and povert, health and sickness etc. A true believer is one who maintains a clear level of Eemaan throughout the wordly fluctuations. He continues to remember Allah and ascribe the bounties to Him; and he turns to Him in submission, asking for relief from his affliction. This is described by the Messenger (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) who said:

"Indeed amazing are the affairs of a believer ! They are all for his benefit; if he is granted ease of living he is thankful; and this is best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres; and this is best or him." [Muslim]
And Allah (SubHanahu Wa Ta`ala) said (which means);

"Certainly, We shall test you with fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits; but give glad tidings to the patient - those who, when afflicted with calamity say, "Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return." It is those who will be awarded blessings and mercy from their Lord; and it is those who are the guided ones." [2:155-157]

Thus, a believer shows gratitude and thankfulness for all the wonderful blessings that Allah grants him. And he displays patience and submission during sickness and hardships, hunger, or other afflictions.

HARDSHIPS BENEFIT THE BELIEVER
Allah has decreed that, in this life, hardships and disasters strike both believers and non-believers. For a non-believer, they are inconveniences that hinder him from proceeding with his normal involvment in the wordly life. For a believer, on the other hand, they are instances of rest and rememberance, tests that promise great rewards, and indications of atonment and expiation of sins. Regardless of how little is the harm that strikes a believer, it carries with it good news of forgivness and elevated rank (in Jannah). The Righteous Predecessors used to be pleased when a hardship afflicted them, seeing it as a token of Allah's forgiveness and benevolence.

EXPIATION OF SINS
Abu Hurayrah (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet(Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"Hardships continue to befall a believing man and woman in their body, family, and property, until they meet Allah (SubHanahu Wa Ta`ala) burdened with no sins." [Tirmithee]

SIGN OF ALLAH'S LOVE
Abu Hurayrah (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
" Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity" [Bukharee and others]

SIGN OF EEMAN
Abu Hurayrah (Radhiallahu `anhu) and Ka'b Bin Maalik (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"The parable of a believer is that of a fresh and moist plant; the wind tilts it this way and that way; and so is the believer; he continues to be subject to affliction. And the parable of a hypocrite is that of a firm cedar tree; it does not shake - until it is uprooted all at once." [Bukharee and Muslim]

SIGN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
The prophets and righteous people are afflicted the most, and their rewards are the highest. Sa'd (Radhiallahu `anhu) reporeted that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"The most in their suffering among the people are the prophets, then the best, then the (next) best. One is afflicted in accordance with his deen (faith). If his deen is firm his affliction is hard, and if his deen is weak, his affliction is light. Indeed, one would be so much subjected to adversity until he walks among the people without any sins. " [Ahmad, Tirmithee]

EARLY PUNISHMENT
Anas (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"When Allah wills good for a servant of His, He expedites his punishment in this life; and when He wills retribution for a servant of His, He holds his sins for Him to judge him by them on the Day of Resurrection." [Tirmithee]

MULTIPLICATION OF REWARDS
Anas (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"The amount of reward is in accordance with the amount of suffering. When Allah (SubHanahu Wa Ta`ala) loves some people, He tries them (with affliction). He who then is content (with Allah's decree) has achieved the acceptance (of Allah), and he who is dissatisfied (with Allah's decree) will attain the anger (of Allah)." [Tirmithee]

REWARDS FOR SICKNESS
One should not look to sickness as a gloomy episode, but should remember the great good in it. It is one form of affliction with which Allah (SubHanahu Wa Ta`ala) tests His 'ibaad (servants), giving them a chance to aquire rewards, as was explained above, as is further emphasized below.

REMOVAL OF SINS AND ELEVATION IN RANKS
Abu Hurayrah (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"Whenever a Muslim is afflicted by harm from sickness or other matters, Allah will drop his sins because of that, like a tree drops its leaves." [Bukharee and Muslim]

Abu Sa'eed al-Khudree (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"A muslim is not afflicted by hardship, sickness, sadness, worry, harm, or depression - even if pricked by a thorn, but Allah expiates his sins because of that." [Bukharee and Muslim]

Sa'eed said, "I was with Salmaan (Radhiallahu `anhu) when he visited a sick man in Kindah (in Persia), and he said to him: 'Expect good because Allah (SubHanahu Wa Ta`ala) makes a believer's sickness an expiation (for his sins) and a period of rest. However, when a disbeliever falls sick, he is like a camel whose owner ties it then lets it loose - it does not understand why it was tied nor why it was freed.'" [Bukharee]

'Aishah (Radhiallahu `anha) narrated that once some pain afflicted the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) causing him to suffer and turn about in his bed. she said: "Had one of us done this, you would have blamed him." He (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) replied:
"An ailment is intensified for the righteous. Whenever a believer is afflicted by a hardship, whether it is a thorn or more, a sin is taken off from him because of it, and he is elevated by one rank (in Jannah). " [Ahmad]

RETAINING REWARDS FOR DEEDS BEFORE SICKNESS
Usually, when a believer falls sick, he would not be able to do the same amount of good (prayer, fasting, helping Muslims etc.) that he used to do when he was well. But Allah out of His great mercy, continues to record for him the good deeds that he was forced to stop because of his sickness. Abu Moosa Al-Ash'aree narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"For a travelling or sick person, his deeds will be recorded in accordance with what he used to do when he was resident or well." [Bukharee]
'Abdullah Bin 'Amr reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"No (believing) person gets sick, but (his deeds) will be recorded for him in accordance with what he used to do when he was well." [Bukharee]
Anas (Radhiallahu `anhu) reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"No muslims body is afflicted by Allah, but He will record (his deeds) for him in accordance with what he used to do when he was well - as long as he is sick. Thus, if He takes his life, He forgives him; and if He cures him, He washes him (from sins)." [Bukharee]
'Uqbah Bin 'Aamir reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"Each days deeds are sealed with it. Thus, when a believer gets sick, the angels say, 'Our lord! Your servant such and such, You have restrained him (from doing good this day).' And the lord replies, 'Seal his day in acordance with his (usual) deeds, until he is cured or dies.'" [Ahmad]

REASON FOR THE REWARD
'Atta Bin Rabaah reported that ibn 'abbaas (Radhiallahu `anhu) told him, "Do you want to see a woman from the people of Jannah (paradise)?" He said "Yes." He said: "It is this black woman. She came to the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) saying, "I have (epileptic) seizures, and I get exposed, so supplicate to Allah for me." He (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:
"If you wish, be patient and you will attain Jannah; or if you wish, I will ask Allah to cure you."

She replied, "I will be patient ! But my body gets exposed (because of the fall), so supplicate to Allah for me that I do not become exposed." And he (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) did." [Bukharee and Muslim]

The scholars have differed in opinion as to whether a sick person will be rewarded for the sickness itself or for being patient during it. The correct opinion is that if he is patient and submits to Allah's will, as in the above hadeeth, he would be rewarded for both the submission and the sickness, otherwise, he would not be rewrded at all; because he resented Allah's decree. This is what should be understood from Ibn hajar al -'Asqalaanees words:

"The authentic hadeeths are clear in that the rewards are recorded once affliction strikes a Muslim. As for patience and acceptance, they are virtues for which a person may get additional rewards over those for the affliction."
'Abdullah Bin 'Amr reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu `Alayhi Wa Sallam) said:

"If a Muslim is pricked by (as little as) a thorn in the wordly life, and he seeks its reward from Allah, some of his sins will be removed, because of it, on the Day of Judgement." [Bukharee]

I heard Allah's Apostle (Sal-allahu-aleihi-wasallam) saying, "Allah said, 'If I deprive my slave of his two beloved things (i.e., his eyes) and he remains patient, I will let him enter Paradise in compensation for them."
Narrated by Anas bin Malik (Razi Allah Ta'lah Anhu); Sahih Bukhari transmitted it. Vol 7:#557 of Sahih Bukhari.


Allah's Apostle (Sal-allahu-aleihi-wasallam) said: "Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shown resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it".

Narrated by Suhaib ibn Sinan ar-Rumi (Razi Allah Ta'lah Anhu); Muslim transmitted it. Hadith No.5297 of Mishkat al-Masabih.
Allah's Apostle (Sal-allahu-aleihi-wasallam) said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials."
Narrated by AbuHurayrah (Razi Allah Ta'lah Anhu); Sahih Bukhari transmitted it. Vol 7:#548 of Sahih Bukhari.p
Other than that, I'm afraid I have no real solution. :-\
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Munaa
09-29-2006, 11:25 AM
:sl:

Ok If the father is ill and elderly maybe the mum should be patience and calm so ask the person to have a word with the mother since the father won't take any words.......I had a friend who was in the same situation as this but the parent end it up divorcing hope that don't happen....about the father not praying maybe they should start from the basic in ISLAM advice the dad to pray bcaz someone who don't pray will never have peace...praying is the only thing you can communicate with allah and also helps you to solve problems....advice the person to pray and make duas maybe this is a test for him/her....tell him/her to not give up or think about their dad someone who is cursed bcaz that is no good.....good luck..
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Helena
09-29-2006, 11:26 AM
jazaks for that......:D :D :D ......the ayats will def help the person inshalah...

because have given her the book called 'dnt be sad before'.....it did help the person.....

i did mention about this life is jus a test....alhamdulilah jazaks for explaining it fully....

will print da info out inshalah...wen i see the person for taraweeh...will discuss wid da person further inshalah...

dua and patience is a weapon for a believer...u gotta have total faith in Allah(swt).........
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Woodrow
09-29-2006, 11:28 AM
As with all things all causes of a problem need to be examined. From what you have written my suspicion is a medical problem. Either a series of micro-strokes or early symptoms of Alzheimers. Both of which will cause extreme personality changes. Unexplained anger, even violence is the most frequent change.
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- Qatada -
09-29-2006, 11:32 AM
:wasalamex



The Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

"Caution will be of no benefit against divine decree, but du' a benefits all things, whether they come down or not. I therefore advise you to make du'a, O servants of Allah"!

(Ahmad, Abu Ya'la and al-Tabarani)




The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:


"The supplication of a slave continues to be granted as long as he does not supplicate for a sinful thing or for something that would cut off the ties of kinship and he does not grow impatient.'' It was said: "O Messenger of Allah! What does growing impatient mean?'' He (Peace be upon him) said, "It is one's saying: `I supplicated again and again but I do not think that my prayer will be answered.' Then he becomes frustrated (in such circumstances) and gives up supplication altogether.'' (Sahih Muslim)




..put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). (Qur'an Aal Imraan 3:159)



..and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). (Qur'an Surah Anfaal 8:46)




"There is no Muslim on the face of the earth that asks Allah for anything except that Allah gives it to him, or averts from him a similar evil, as long as he does not ask for something evil or for breaking the ties of kinship"
(Al-Tirmidhi).



Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying, etc.). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me. (Qur'aan Surah al Baqarah [2]: 152)



Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.(Surah ar-Ra'ad [13]: 28)





more:
http://www.islamicboard.com/cyber-co...dying-out.html



Best Times to make Du'a (Supplication.)
http://www.islamicboard.com/basics-i...plication.html


:salamext:
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Helena
09-29-2006, 11:33 AM
Originally Posted by Munaa
:sl:

Ok If the father is ill and elderly maybe the mum should be patience and calm so ask the person to have a word with the mother since the father won't take any words.......I had a friend who was in the same situation as this but the parent end it up divorcing hope that don't happen....about the father not praying maybe they should start from the basic in ISLAM advice the dad to pray bcaz someone who don't pray will never have peace...praying is the only thing you can communicate with allah and also helps you to solve problems....advice the person to pray and make duas maybe this is a test for him/her....tell him/her to not give up or think about their dad someone who is cursed bcaz that is no good.....good luck..
shukran thats wot exactly i told the person yesterday...reading salah....communicatind wid Allah(swt) and reading thw quran to find cure to ur solution...as it lies there...as we are unaware of.....

the person dad....his always been practising.....but since recently he went backhome....he returned and jus comp stopped praying.....

but for the month of ramadan....the person father has started to pray.....may Allah(swt) shower him with him mercy in this special month inshalah....show him the righteous path inshalah.....dunya is nothing...jannah we all are striving for.....

i have told the person to discuss wid the persons father or mother.....but it dsnt seem to work........it goes in one ear and comes out from another ear...

the divorce thing...the mother did mention that...but the person dsnt want that at all....both the persons parents means alot to the person....
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nishom
09-29-2006, 11:36 AM
Salaam,

This sounds a lot similar to the situation in my family where there are a lot of conflicts within and between my mom and dads family, a lot of unneessary arguements and no connection betweeen husband and wife and children and parents.

Its a situation that is extremely hard to deal with, can lead to depression (as i know) and is extremely destructive to the family environment and to ones emotional and psychological state of mind.

Being a practising Muslim, I have prayed to God for years to improve the situation, but things have not changed.

This has indeed led to me questioning whether my prayers are being accepted or whenther i am praying properly.

You said that the person feels his father is cursed as he has stopped praying. Well this is similar to my case. Despite the fact that I pray, read Quran and do Zikr and attend Islamic circles, I feel that these are not having an impacton my heart. This has been going on for 4-5 years now.However despite this I carry on with my prayers because I know that if I stop, this would be the ultimate curse.

My advise would be to carry on praying and have hope in God. Do not despair as I have done for so long. Also, tell your friend to be positive when they are in the house with theior family. Talk to them, give them dawah, buy them gifts, offer them to make tea or dinner, take them out, enjoy your time with them. I have learnt that when the family environment is as such as you describe and there is no love or connection between members, a negative atmosphere builds. Once embeded for years it may seem the norm. However you should try to change this by being more positive.

By one member of the family trying to do something positive, inshallah, everything will start to slowly improve. By being more positive and not despairing about the situation the family environment is bound to improve, inshallah.

Another good thing, in addition to prayer, would be to get the family to sit down and to sart talking about their problems in a civil manner and try to reolve them as a family. This, i have found is indeed very hard as if the relationships between family members is so bad that all ypu do id despair, you dont really bel;ieve they will sit down togetjer. Rather, when i have tried to discuss the probs with my dad especially, he dismisses them and starts blaming me and my siblimngs for the problems!!!-What nerve!

I would like to say that the advise ive given here has not been practised by myself despite going through similar problems. Im still at the stage where i despir a lot about the relationship between my mom and dad and betwenn me and my mom and dad.

However I do have faith that God is listening to my prayere , and will answer them. TRhis is a matter to be patient with. Many people in the world, I am are suffering greater calamities than me so we shoul be grateful that God has given us a family and a roof to live under and food/ water. God tests us in many ways. This is a ytest from God so we should rise up to the challenge.

Another intersting point you made is that you feel a veil has been cast between the husband and wife and between the children and the parents so that no connection is felt on all sides. Sister, this is exactly, exactly the same situation as in my family. My dad often threatens to divorce my mom. my mom has even told me she never had any feelings for dad and only married him to escape her family probs. Furthermore, dad always says to me 'you are not my son.' I have no connection with him and i dont know what provokes this response from him. I try to stay away from him and refrain from ever talking to him, because i know that if i do, it will only result in pain.

My question is does this sound like a curse? i know that in islam we believe in black magic where people who practise it can cause divisions between husband and wife.
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Helena
09-29-2006, 11:36 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
As with all things all causes of a problem need to be examined. From what you have written my suspicion is a medical problem. Either a series of micro-strokes or early symptoms of Alzheimers. Both of which will cause extreme personality changes. Unexplained anger, even violence is the most frequent change.
this cud be....but i cant remember wot exactly the fathers illness is......why wud there be unexplained anger or personality changes?
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Helena
09-29-2006, 11:45 AM
bro nishom...jazaks for ur help.........may Allah(swt) guide u.....and protect u from da shaytan...and be on the path righteousness....inshalah inshalah inshalah....

am gna print all the info out......it wud def help the person...inshalah...

u mentioned something about curse...being in the person shoes......the person may feel that it is a curse...as her mother thinks that...and her family members......its a total big change.....i dunno....
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