please help

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

It’s been awhile that my relationship with my mother is decreasing. I love her and would do everything to make her happy but it seems like she thinks otherwise. No matter what I do, she always makes me feel as if I am mistreating her. Just like a couple of hours ago I had an appointment with my optometrist and she came with me. I live in a French area and my mother does not speak French. When I was about to choose my glasses she suddenly left the place. I went after her asking what was wrong and then she told me that I will be the cause of her death. She told me that Allah (swt) will punish me for not respecting her and all. Shocked as I was I asked her what I had done and she told me that she came all the way with me and that I hadn’t even asked the doctor to speak in English for her to understand. Furthermore, she told me that I had not responded to her question when she asked but the thing is that at that same time, the doctor was asking me questions about my vision. She then started crying, told me that I treat her like an object and that I am the worst of the family and that my brothers never treat her in that way and all. :cry: :cry:

Now whenever something like this happens she always tries to ignore me and if I try to talk to her she believes that it’s because I need her or I am using her or something:cry: . She also goes on and shares the event with my dad by adding some bits n pieces to it and then my dad gets mad at me. I really don’t know what to do. She does not want to listen to me when I try to explain myself and sums everything up by saying that I have a psychological problem, which I don’t. :cry: :cry:

Can anyone help me….it would be much appreciated. JazakAllahkhair in advance.

:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

I have been through similar things sis and it isnt easy.
Sis, maybe this will help.
http://www.islamicboard.com/cyber-co...my-mother.html

[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah sis. I hope, InchaAllah that some of the advices given will help.
I hope that everything has settled up between you and your mother.

Wassalam

[AnonymousPoster]

Not really - she started up again yesterday. I like to read up on emotional abuse. Take a look. http://eqi.org/eam1.htm

Take care sis. Be patient and tread carefully.

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[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah sis,

I'll keep you in my duas Incha'Allah...Incha'Allah, some change will happen during this blessed month

[Snowflake]

:sl:
It seems like your mother is highly sensitive about your feelings for her. I can only guess that she expects a lot of love and affection from you and when she senses it lacking she can't control her emotions. That is what probably makes her emotions go haywire.

All you can do is to include her in your decisions. Ask her opinion on things as you'd ask a friend and just try that little bit harder. Parents can be funny sometimes and don't totally behave as we'd like them to. But they are only human and can't be perfect all the time. Show her more affection. Trust me it works when my mum is mad at me. If she gets annoyed, I know it's hard and you need all your willpower, but put your arms around her and say, "Awwww mom you do look cute when you're angry*giggle*." Honestly she'll feel flattered, and her anger will evaporate, even if she doesn't show it. It always makes my mum smile a teeny weeny bit ;)

Other than that sis, pray hard to Allah to heal the differences bewtween you both and remember you are being tested on how you treat your parents. Just be more patient and a bit more forgiving. InshaAllah your goodness will rub off on her.
:w:

I forgot to add... the other day I was reading a book my mom had. It said that women can't eat food from their husband's house without his permission. I was laughing at how absurd that it and my mom went mad..lol. She was like, "I don't know what islam you read about but you will go to Hell!" ;D:offended:

That made me laugh even harder!! :giggling: :giggling: :giggling: I just have to agree to disagree with her and hope she believes in 'my' Islam one day. :rollseyes

[Hijaabi22]

:sl:

It’s been awhile that my relationship with my mother is decreasing. I love her and would do everything to make her happy but it seems like she thinks otherwise. No matter what I do, she always makes me feel as if I am mistreating her. Just like a couple of hours ago I had an appointment with my optometrist and she came with me. I live in a French area and my mother does not speak French. When I was about to choose my glasses she suddenly left the place. I went after her asking what was wrong and then she told me that I will be the cause of her death. She told me that Allah (swt) will punish me for not respecting her and all. Shocked as I was I asked her what I had done and she told me that she came all the way with me and that I hadn’t even asked the doctor to speak in English for her to understand. Furthermore, she told me that I had not responded to her question when she asked but the thing is that at that same time, the doctor was asking me questions about my vision. She then started crying, told me that I treat her like an object and that I am the worst of the family and that my brothers never treat her in that way and all. :cry: :cry:

Now whenever something like this happens she always tries to ignore me and if I try to talk to her she believes that it’s because I need her or I am using her or something:cry: . She also goes on and shares the event with my dad by adding some bits n pieces to it and then my dad gets mad at me. I really don’t know what to do. She does not want to listen to me when I try to explain myself and sums everything up by saying that I have a psychological problem, which I don’t. :cry: :cry:

Can anyone help me….it would be much appreciated. JazakAllahkhair in advance.

:w:

:eek: :eek: dats bang out of order mannnn, think U need to sit down n TALK to ya mum

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

sis Muslimah_sis, thanks for your advice but I've tried it before and it only made it worse. Whenever I try to make her feel better she thinks that its only because I need something from her when all I want is her forgiveness.

-----------, I doubt that talking with her will bring me anything. Even when she is happy and I talk to her about it, she gets mad and tells me to leave her alone. I don't know what to do:cry:

[anonymous]

:sl:

sis Muslimah_sis, thanks for your advice but I've tried it before and it only made it worse. Whenever I try to make her feel better she thinks that its only because I need something from her when all I want is her forgiveness.

-----------, I doubt that talking with her will bring me anything. Even when she is happy and I talk to her about it, she gets mad and tells me to leave her alone. I don't know what to do:cry:

salams sis...

i kinda had similar thing with my parents.. dey where suspicious of me with regard to certaint hings. neway, even b4 the problem happened i kidna noticed n use 2ask my frends 4 advise about it n stuff...

and when the problem started gettin pretty deperssing... i ended up showin my parents all the letters i sent to my friends askin them 4advise.. it was sooooo hard 4me to do coz u know its like the last thing i'd wanna show my parents! but i did... and the fact is... they got pretty shaken n i've noticed quite a change.

so u kno wat my advise is? show ur mum this thread.. n tell her 'if i was wat u think i am, y would i bother askn ppl 4 help'.

she'll get a reality shock trust me. its not like she'll accuse u of tryin 2 defame her.. coz ur posting as anon so that even makes it more believable to her.

:)