Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife

[madeenahsh]

family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations.
Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.

Etiquettes of the husband:

It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.

It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.

The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.

Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.

From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.

The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.

The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.

There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.

And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.

Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.

Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.

If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.

Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).

What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.

The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.

If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.

Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.

Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.

Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.

Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.

Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.

Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).

Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.

Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.

When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.

It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.

There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses.
This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.

[Zuko]

excellent article man... lets hope people actually read it..... anyway, masha'allah...

[SolaceinIslam]

let's hope those who read it will implement it:-)

[niqaabii]

i hope my husband to be is reading all this ....and i hope that he acts upon it aswell :)

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[taebah]

Jazaakum Allahu khairan,
I sent it to my fiance to read.. Insha Allah we all benefit from it. It is easier knowing this stuff going in, than having to learn it the hard way later on.

[........]

nice to read..hope all of husbands can be like that:)

[libyanhero]

i hope my husband to be is reading all this ....and i hope that he acts upon it aswell :)

lol mashallah a niqaabi, yah I am like that can't say I am perfect but you know there is brothers out there who Allah has saved for good mutiqeen women

[madeenahsh]

Asalaam alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Baaraktullaah feekum, There are many beneficial Articles in this section regarding Rights of Husband's, rights of Wifes and etiquettes, Very Enlightening , SubhanAllaah just NEED to look back in the section . Just incase U need more about this . So reminding you to look back InshAllah , not tryna Promote anyone here just the benecifial Articles which we can benefit from InshAllaah kheir.

May Allaah subhanawa'Ta'Allaah make the Akhis Best Husband's and shower them with ilm andbest hikmah requierd in this level in life, and May Allah subhanawa'Ta'Allaah make all the Ukhits very righteous women who are striving to be among the beloved and best Servants of Allah by Obeying their Husband's ( only one ofcoz 4 each)and doing All wats needed to be among the Greatest Women of Janahtul Firdawus.
Barakatuallahi feekum
Wasallam alykum

[sabr]

its sad but its true there are so many muslims out there who don't have a clue about how to treat their wife/husband, and many claim to be or at least think they are such good muslims just because they have a beard or wear the hijab. its so disheartining to see muslims with such attitude problems and so much pride in their hearts with such little deeds. we muslims forget that ISLAM is a way of life and that means everything from our clothing to our behaviour towards people muslim or not, pray to Allah that he guides us all in the right path in everything that we do.

[meknesi]

mashallah very good article may Allah make myself and all brothers in islam be like that to there wives inshallah. Ameen

[MetSudaisTwice]

salam
jazakallah for that article
mashallah a great post
wasalam

[ummbilal]

salaam alakum all

Allhumdulilah great article a must read for all muslims married or not,

[Rabi'ya]

MashAAllah this is a good article.We can all learn fromit, married or not...male or female...

Jazak Allah for posting..

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:

[Zuko]

MashAAllah this is a good article.We can all learn fromit, married or not...male or female...

Jazak Allah for posting..

:w:

Rabi'ya:rose:

Too true... I didn't know alot of this stuff... Al-Hamdulillaah it cleared up some dumb misconceptions I had... :)

[madeenahsh]

Asalaam alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

SubhanaAllaah , Masha'Allaah That your all tryna Benefit from the articles
Advice to my self 1st then to my sisters and brothers is We should truly take the full benefit and not be so called ""slak"" ,InshAllaah by applying and practising is best benefit we can ever take Ha
Barakatullahi feekum"
Wasallam alykum

[TEH]

The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.

Really? I thought the dude was the head of the household, but the woman was the heart... :p

And besides, I think its the hubands job to provide food for his wife isnt it... :D

Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.

I dont think thats always true... :)

Its funny how the majority of the people who post in a husband thread are the ladies...

:p

[muslimrebel]

mashallah it was a beautiful subject dis one.....alhumdulillah it has made me realise somethings i must not do wen i get married inshallah in a few months

[Fatma Mahmoud]

Excellent article. I have heard so many horror stories of Muslim brothers mistreating their wives and it is a sad thing to hear but it is because of the lack of knowledge they are given before they marry. May Allah guide us all in the direction we must go when it is time for marriage. Ameen.

[eyes_of_mine]

Really? I thought the dude was the head of the household, but the woman was the heart... :p

And besides, I think its the hubands job to provide food for his wife isnt it... :D



I dont think thats always true... :)

Its funny how the majority of the people who post in a husband thread are the ladies...

:p

Its a great article, and I agree exactly with TEH on the points he raised, especially the sense of humour :thumbs_up

[handhuvar]

salaam
nice picture :)

[Mezier]

:sl:

Jazakallah for the article. Gonna read it to my fiancee and see how happy it makes her when I tell her that I'll go by it. even though ive already promised her to be like that 1000000000 times, once more wont hurt :P

Salaam

[handhuvar]

:sl:

Jazakallah for the article. Gonna read it to my fiancee and see how happy it makes her when I tell her that I'll go by it. even though ive already promised her to be like that 1000000000 times, once more wont hurt :P

Salaam

:sl:

thats a good diccission i guess.
we are sent here to this world for others happiness. u cant seek happiness on ur own. u wil get it from somebody else like wise others wil need u. think of others. wish u all the best

[M H Kahn]

Excellent article. I have heard so many horror stories of Muslim brothers mistreating their wives and it is a sad thing to hear but it is because of the lack of knowledge they are given before they marry. May Allah guide us all in the direction we must go when it is time for marriage. Ameen.

:sl:
The opposite cases may not be fewer too ! There are many wives who are too ferocious to find peace with them.

[renak]

It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.

This is my favorite part of the article.

[madeenahsh]

Asallam alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

MashAllaah tabarakAllah

Wasallamalykum

[*noor]

I find the article very helpful, even though I am not married. Good article, madeenashh

[safiya0631]

salams
da article was great n everyone should read it even if ur not married.
wsalam