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AnonymousPoster
10-11-2006, 11:30 AM
:sl:

I need some advice. I find it hard to remind my friends sometimes that they are doing something bad.. for example... so many of my friends wear make-up with their hijab! and i find it hard to tell them to stop wearing it, or to even mention it to them that they shouldnt be wearing make-up in public, as it is haram etc.. i tried the subtle approach (e.g. doesnt your husband dislike that you wear make-up in public?) but it doesnt work!!!

Also one of my friends prays insanely fast and i just cant bring myself to tell her to slow down...

and its not just my good friends, even girls who i talk to every now and then, i would call them my good friends or anything, as ive only meet them rather recently.. but i cant bring myself around to telling them that what they are doing is wrong.

I guess part of the problem, is that with some people i tell them, and i tell them heaps of times... but they still do it.. :? i think this discourages me a lot, i mean, if my good friends dont even take my advice, then what will i expect from others?

So.. any advice?

:)
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anonymous
10-11-2006, 11:42 AM
salams sis

you're in same situation of prophets, they always kept reminding their peopel to stop doing bad things but they never listened, including thier own family members.

The key is, consistency, and we have to remember that our job is to remind people constantly, and it's upto Allah to guide whomever he wills.

Just like the prophet was so upset that his own uncle wasnt lstening to him, until allah revealed the verse "You don't guide whom you love, but Allah guide whom he wants".

So keep it up sis, remember, you gotta imagine usrelf on day of judgement, your friends will be your enemies if you stop reminding them coz thent hey'll say 'but she gaev up and kept quiet and if it wasnt 4 that we would hav changed'.... so by reminding them, ur being a tru friend n dey wont hav xcuse against u on DOJ insahlah :)

take care all the ebst sis!! keep it up!
salamz
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------
10-11-2006, 11:43 AM
:sl:

Erm...well whenever I find myself in that situation...I think...Is it better to say the word of Allah swt to them...or just ignore it totally when you know they are doing it wrong? I ask myself - What will I answer to Allah swt - that I was ashamed of Islam? - No...I'm not...NEVER! So that's when I pluck up the courage to tell them that what they are doing is wrong.

But, however, I don't tell anyone that they are doing something wrong when I do it myself, because that's being a hypocrite.

Hope that helps, Insha'Allah.

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-11-2006, 12:15 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
So keep it up sis, remember, you gotta imagine usrelf on day of judgement, your friends will be your enemies if you stop reminding them coz thent hey'll say 'but she gaev up and kept quiet and if it wasnt 4 that we would hav changed'.... so by reminding them, ur being a tru friend n dey wont hav xcuse against u on DOJ insahlah :)
:sl:

Can they really use that against me? Even though its their own fault they didnt listen to me and discouraged me?

Am i sinning by not reminding them?

Also whats the smartest way to go about these things? i dont think i am good at reminding people because i worry that they will get offended.
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DigitalStorm82
10-11-2006, 12:47 PM
Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

I have learnt that a direct approach almost never works... so what I suggest it that you take your friends to Halaqas or Jummah khutbah or even some islamic seminars... Have a sheikh give a lecture on it... and then you can reflect on it afterwards with your friends...

Ask them what they thought of the lecture... perhaps you can talk to someone in the MSA in local college... and have them bring a sheikh in and give a lecture on hijaab and proper muslim ettiquetes..

Remember, Allah guides whom He wills... so your job is to give the message... not enforce it.

May Allah guide us to the right path. Ameen.

W'salaamz,
Hamid
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anonymous
10-11-2006, 12:56 PM
salams sis

Can they really use that against me? Even though its their own fault they didnt listen to me and discouraged me?
the verse clearly says "friends (on that day) will be enemies, except the pious ones"... also the end of surat ahzab.. when the ppl try to blame the higher ranked ones for their sisn n ask allah to double their punishment.

also, sis the prophets where discouraged even more! and they where physically attacked and even their life was at risk. Our responsibility is to deliver the message even if our life is on the line. Discouragement, rebuke, mocking is all part of path of prophecy. and it's no where near than what the prophets faced :) and what some people face today.

gettin picked on n discouraged is soooo normal, but you know what, i swear when you do it for sake of Allah, WALLAHI no matter how much pppl pick on u, they ALWAYS see you as being in a more dominant position over them even tho they dont show it.

lol even one of my teachers a few years ago... he reeeealllllllly disagreed with my views, but he goes "the fact that you're the only one vs. the erst of the class puts u in such a powerful position"

subhanallah also i know of bros who use 2b real bad n stuff.. n they say that when individuals use 2 tell em off n advise em, even tho they use 2pretend 2b careless n just laugh at the prsn, deep down they felt real sour.

and even Allah tells us in the quran, that many of these ppl who pretend to be against u, deep down they know their wrong... it's only a matter of time inshalah they'll heed your advise.

and remember, it's pleasing Allah wat we're after first n foremost :)

Am i sinning by not reminding them?
Yeh, the fact taht you know something they don't (or you know soemthing they aren't practising) implies that its your responsibility to adivse them and remind them.

Because Allah doesn't only punish the people who do the bad deeds, he also dishes out a punishment for people who kept quiet.... notice the people of the sabbath, allah didn't only punish the people who ate teh fish.. he also punished the ones who kept quiet. and he saved thsoe who enjoined good and forbid evil (even tho their friends n relatives mocked them).

also.. people of Salih, allah didnt only punish th epeople who killed the camel, he punished the etnire city for keeping quiet ont he crime, except the people who where constantly reminding people and enjoinin good n forbidding evil.

so many other examples... but in short, what good is knowledge if it's not served to people ? and truth isn't always suppose 2be sweet :)

Also whats the smartest way to go about these things? i dont think i am good at reminding people because i worry that they will get offended.
personally... it varies with situation, sometimes if people are doing somethign wrong and having fun about it, embaressing the entire group n telling them 'subhanallah don't u guys fear Allah' 'wat do u think u guys doin' 'we'res the maturity' etc can be very effective. They tend to hav a shock n not respond.. but you got to really dig it in to them.... especially if they're ur friends its even more effective.... that also works when ur dealin with ppl who can b real stubborn.

but keep in mind, once the message is sent across... dont break ties with them, leave them after you've advised them (that way they will feel pretty bad). but once you meet them return as usual with them (smile n say salams etc..), it adds to their guilt inshalah.....

on the other hand.. sometimes its useful to advise individuals in private... remind them of the hereafter and the responsibilites they have towards Islam.

Don't worry about offending people.... just be sincere with ur advise/admonition, and at same time don't just break up with them... you'll find that they will take u more seriously compared to sayin 'maybe makeup isnt a good idea' n then just changin topic...

But always keep in midn to keep well mannered, never get offended when people tell u off or laugh at you... eventually you'll find it comical to see that ppl pull green faces when u advise them and u c urself laughin off their baseless attacks whent heyt ake a go at u. lol trust me its funny... its ur chance to shine as well.

also.. make dua for ur friends behind their backs, it's so effective.. the more sincere u are about it, the mroe Allah will help you inshalah...

sorry dis was xtra xtra long lol..... would hav written more.. but dis might be enuff lol.
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anonymous
10-11-2006, 01:07 PM
Originally Posted by DigitalStorm82
Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

I have learnt that a direct approach almost never works... so what I suggest it that you take your friends to Halaqas or Jummah khutbah or even some islamic seminars... Have a sheikh give a lecture on it... and then you can reflect on it afterwards with your friends...

Ask them what they thought of the lecture... perhaps you can talk to someone in the MSA in local college... and have them bring a sheikh in and give a lecture on hijaab and proper muslim ettiquetes..

Remember, Allah guides whom He wills... so your job is to give the message... not enforce it.

May Allah guide us to the right path. Ameen.

W'salaamz,
Hamid
no way! trust me it does. if you're consistent about it.. it alwaysss works.. you ALWAYS will see the effect of it. i know ppl who are pretty direct about things..... lol sometimes it results in people poppin their eyes out from rage agaisnt them... but its only a matter of weeks they come back apologisin for their rudeness to the bro n stuff...

and anyway.. Allah and his messenger are the best examples of dawah.. .and the dawah they gave was direct, a lil bit of indirectness is useful... but its nto always the solution.

most of the time ppl just go lecture, and think the lecturer is talking about everyone but them... and they leave the lecture all hyped n happy about themselves.. n the next day tehy're back to square zero.

lol
tc all the best
salams
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anonymous
10-11-2006, 06:41 PM
Also one of my friends prays insanely fast and i just cant bring myself to tell her to slow down...
in those cases, talkin 2 the pesron in priv is best way2 do it. most likely they'd listen.. u can say sumfn like "oh sis, u know, i use 2pray real quick.. but then i read the hadith where prophet kept sendin the prsn to pray again when he done dat coz his prayr was invalid, n so i realised it was wrong.... its better 2not do 10million rakah's a sec...".... (even tho u prob never did pray fast, but there's nothign wrong with sayin dat.. it will make her more receptive inshalah...
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AnonymousPoster
10-12-2006, 12:19 PM
:sl:

Mashaallah... good advice. JK! it helps
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AnonymousPoster
10-12-2006, 12:29 PM
wa iyakum :D

cool hadith 2encourage us: Aisha said that the prophet PBUH said:

"Whoever seeks the pleasure of Allah through the anger of people, Allah will make him sufficient of the plots of the people. And whosoever seeks the pleasure of people through the anger of Allah, Allah will make him a dependent on people and never attain their complete pleasure with him."

sahih.
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