Forgive And Forget

[SirZubair]

Asalam Alaikum.

Those of you who are on my Emailing List, you would have already read this.. well, if you bothered reading it when i emailed it abit over a month ago icon_razz.gif

Anyway..

Ahhhhhhhh... alrite, time for some deep thinking.

I've been thinking sometime ago about the meaning behind
"Forgive and Forget".

To me, 'forgive' and 'forget' are not TWO parts, to me
they are 1/2 1/2 and they make a WHOLE.

Say for example... if i say "Jack"... what does that
mean to you?

Nothing.
Right?

If i say "Jill", what does that mean to you?

Nothing.
RIght?

NOW if i say "Jack and Jill", what does that mean to
you?

Unless you've been living under a rock all these
years, you would know Jack and Jill.
... you might not come across jack and jill on a daily
basis, but you would surely have a fair idea of who
jack and jill are..

Now, look at this scenerio,..

* Time in *

A man cheats on his wife.
She finds out about his affair.
After many fights, she tells him that she has FORGIVEN
and FORGOTTEN about it.

So they decide to move on from that bad experience and
carry on being together.

Afew years later, they are sitting down, having
dinner.

The wife looks angry.

The man says "Whats wrong dear?"

The wife says "YOU LET THE DOG SLEEP IN OUR BED LAST
NIGHT, I TOLD YOU BEFORE, I
DONT WANT THAT MUTT SLEEPING IN OUR BED!"

The husband says "Sweetheart, it was raining outside,
and our heating system is broken, Lassie (the dog)
would have frozen to death downstairs in the
garage,.."

The wife says "Oh, so first you sleep with your
assistant in our bed, and now you let the dog sleep in
our bed!"

The husband says "Whatever happened to FORGIVE AND
FORGET??"

The wife says " I FORGIVE, BUT I DO NOT FORGET!"

* TIME OUT *

Now ask yourself... Is it possible to do one without
the other?

In my opinion (and i like to think it is the opinion
of any elite rational minded person..) the female is
Lying to him, and Herself by saying that she has
FORGIVEN him.

The concept of 'forget' in 'forgive and forget' is...

.. You learn a lesson from it, you dont let it happen
to yourself again ( ofcourse it is sometimes out of
our control ), you come to the realisation that these
things happen,..
.. but you should stop associating the PERSON (that
you say "i forgive you" to) to the ACT that you CLAIM
to be FORGIVING him for.

Because at the end of the day, if you are saying that
" I FORGIVE but i do not FORGET",.. all you are really
saying is " I FORGOT TO FORGIVE"

Kheir, that is just my opinion on "Forgive and forget"

Make out of it what you will

I pray that Allah swt guides us all.

Wa'salaam

-Shaykh Zubair

( According to some bloke (President of some country), Shakespeare was an Arab Immigrant whose real name is Shaykh Zubair...)

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

Good post brother.

Sometimes, if the person keeps repeating their behavior, its hard to forgive and forget. At that point I think instead of having a grudge, just be cautious without getting yourself too emotional over it. Easier said than done.

Nice to have you back btw. Eid mubarak.

[SirZubair]

Nice to have you back btw. Eid mubarak.

Nice to be back Sis Labibah. :) Not sure how long i am back for, but yeah, i am back..

..just to stop Talha ('Alpha Dude') from crying, he missed me :okay:

[SirZubair]

Next time Talha... next time.. Be patient ;)

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[lolwatever]

:w:
If you cared that much, how come I wasn't on the mailing list?!

Good post, didn't think you were so deep lol.

typical :X

*he's got a block detector too* :hiding:

[The Ruler]

:sl:

hmm...true...but i dont know...i've said that i can forgive and forget a lot of times and i usually do forget...maybe because i've got a poor memory :hmm:

:w:

[AhlaamBella]

I've never really thought about it....jazakallah bro.

[Maimunah]

[

The concept of 'forget' in 'forgive and forget' is...

.. You learn a lesson from it, you dont let it happen
to yourself again ( ofcourse it is sometimes out of
our control ), you come to the realisation that these
things happen,..
.. but you should stop associating the PERSON (that
you say "i forgive you" to) to the ACT that you CLAIM
to be FORGIVING him for.

Because at the end of the day, if you are saying that
" I FORGIVE but i do not FORGET",.. all you are really
saying is " I FORGOT TO FORGIVE"

Kheir, that is just my opinion on "Forgive and forget"

Make out of it what you will

I pray that Allah swt guides us all.

Wa'salaam

-Shaykh Zubair[/B]

( According to some bloke (President of some country), Shakespeare was an Arab Immigrant whose real name is Shaykh Zubair...)

true say bro:)
we should learn to forgive others:) so that Allah will forgive us
wasalaam

[chacha_jalebi]

salaam

good post old zubary :p :D:D:D

welcome back :D

[Pk_#2]

JZKZ!

forgive and forget :D

[IbnAbdulHakim]

-Shaykh Zubair

that part cracked me up :lol:


bro i agree, a LOT of people lie n say they forgave and forgot, bout how hav u forgiven if u aint forgot?

very good post mashaAllah :)

[Pk_#2]

Sometimes it's hard to forget, as it may have already been hard to forgive dat person anyways, :D

never know.... .

Forgiving is a type of jihaad, lool

forgetting? well i have bad memo :)

[Umar001]

I think it is possible to forgive but nor forget, like, I scarred my brothers finger when he was little, he doesnt hold it against me now, meaning im forgiven but he aint forgot about it.

plus remember how many times someone has wronged u, jus cos one remembers it dont mean it aint forgiven.

I think im makin sense :p

[snakelegs]

i think it's possible to half forgive, but i agree - without the forget part, it is never complete. the forget part is very difficult, and the re-building of trust and respect is even harder.
yes, i think as tasmiyah_B said, it is a type of jihad. (as a non-muslim, i can't think of a term that would convey what jihad does, so i'm borrowing your word - hope i don't get shot, lol). :hiding:

[Sadia25]

good post bro!!

[Salmaan]

It is easy to forgive, but it is not easy to forget. :rollseyes

[Mawaddah]

Masha'allah that was a good post.

I myself have thought about this many times.....

As I have been in situations where I have to 'forgive and forget' (who hasn't).

But then there've been times when it's just so tempting to bring forth all that which has past and hurl it into that persons face when they're being particularly nasty.

So far alhamdulillah.........I've been able to control myself. Of course, I can never 'forget', but I can stop associating it with the person. After all, part of completing your forgiveness is that you dont bring it back up again just to cause that person to feel guilty isn't it?

Alhamdulillah but this was a nice post. :)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Masha'allah that was a good post.

I myself have thought about this many times.....

As I have been in situations where I have to 'forgive and forget' (who hasn't).

But then there've been times when it's just so tempting to bring forth all that which has past and hurl it into that persons face when they're being particularly nasty.

So far alhamdulillah.........I've been able to control myself. Of course, I can never 'forget', but I can stop associating it with the person. After all, part of completing your forgiveness is that you dont bring it back up again just to cause that person to feel guilty isn't it?

Alhamdulillah but this was a nice post. :)

i guess you can call never bringing it up "forgetting it" because even though you may think it, you have still assured that person that you wont let that cause enmity between you two...

does that make sense :?

[amirah_87]

As Salaamu Alaykum,

That was a good post Akhee,

But it's sooo hard subhanAllah!! :heated:

I can forgive easily but forgettin' comes a lil' later!! :-\

[*noor]

:sl:

this was a great post brother

I have no problem forgiving people, even though it may take a while to forget but eventually I get over it.

But I do have this problem where I try to forgive myself but then memories keep coming back then I wonder if I really forgave myself or not. It's weird. Does anyone else ever have trouble forgiving themselves and forgetting. Its much harder than forgiving others and forgetting what they did. Any insight?

[Mawaddah]

i guess you can call never bringing it up "forgetting it" because even though you may think it, you have still assured that person that you wont let that cause enmity between you two...

does that make sense :?

Yes it makes perfect sense Akhi.

I guess it is 'forgetting' it in a way.........Or maybe it seems that way to the person who committed the offense because if you never bring it up he may well think you forgot it, when actually sometimes you havent....

But then like the bro said, you haven't forgiven someone completely if you keep on bringing up the past.

Boy it's hard!!!!

[*noor]

But then like the bro said, you haven't forgiven someone completely if you keep on bringing up the past.

so true sister

[SirZubair]

"But it is so hard!"

Thats what Jihad is all about. Its a struggle. :) Self-Purification is not a one-hit wonder, it is a lifetime commitment.

[Woodrow]

I agree with all who said the forgetting is the most difficult part. It is strange we can forget the date of our Mother's Birthday, but we can't seem to forget that a brother stole a penny from us.

I think the closest to forgetting that most of us can attain is to make an effort to never mention something again, no mattere how angry or hurt we become in the future. We must also make an effort to change our thought whenever we think about it.

[seek.learn]

Salaam o alaikum,

SubhanAllah. What a point you do bring up brother.

These are the little details of life I sometimes feel many of us (including myself) dont ponder upon. Truly if we did ponder upon the Qur'an, it brings to light all of what you say. Forgiveness and patience are taught to us oh so beautifully in surah Yusuf. Never once did Prophet Yusuf (A.S) mention again what injustices his brothers had carried out against him. And in the end, when all was revealed, what does Prophet Yusuf (A.S) say?

"He said: "No reproach on you this day; may Allah forgive you, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy!" 12:92

And not just that! When he (A.S) meets his father, he in no way counts all his sufferings. He says:

"...He (Allah) was indeed been good to me, when He took me out of the prison, and brought you (all here) out of the bedouin life, after Shaitan (Satan) had sown enmity between me and my brothers..." 12:100

SubhanAllah!

If one is not willing to put aside those memories, never bringing them back again, and being just with the person/party in question, it just cannot be called forgiveness.

Atleast that is how I see it.
WAllahuAlim.

May Allah(SWT) forgive me and us all, and have mercy on us and guide us. May He grant us the understanding of His Qur'an and true patience and strength to act upon it's lessons. Aameen.

JazakAllah brother. Excellent thread.

Alaikum Salaam