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AnonymousPoster
10-23-2006, 08:47 PM
:sl: I was wondering if a husband can stop his wife from working? Lets say he ears enough but the wife worked hard to get that degree and extra money wouldnt hurt. What happens then?:w:
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~Stranger~
10-23-2006, 08:57 PM
:sl:

She wants to work but her husband refuses

Question:
My husband does not let me work or study, but I think that I am able for that. Does he have the right to prevent me from working or studying? He is not listening to me and that hurts my feelings.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Both spouses must refer to the sharee’ah concerning all matters in their lives. Whatever is the ruling of sharee’ah is what they must apply and follow. This is the way that leads to happiness and ease in this world and in the Hereafter, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“(And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination”

[al-Nisa’ 4:59]

With regard to women working and going out of the home, we say:

1 – The basic principle is that women should stay in their houses. This is indicated by the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance”

[al-Ahzaab 33:33]

Although this was addressed to the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), all believing women should follow them in that. It was addressed to the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) because of their honoured status and because they are the example for the believing women.

This is also indicated by the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Woman is ‘awrah, and when she goes out the Shaytaan gets his hopes up. She is never closer to Allaah than when she is in the innermost part of her house.” (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan and Ibn Khuzaymah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 2688.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning women praying in the mosques: “Their houses are better for them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 567’ classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood).

2 – It is permissible for a woman to work or study so long as a number of conditions are met:

- That this work is suited to the nature and aptitude of women, such as medicine, nursing, teaching, tailoring and so on.

- The work should be in a place that is for women only, with no mixing between the sexes. It is not permissible for a woman to study or work in a mixed school.

- The woman should wear proper Islamic hijaab at work.

- Her work should not lead to her travelling without a mahram.

- Her going out to work should not involve her committing any sin, such as being alone with the driver, or wearing perfume where non-mahram men will be able to smell it.

- That should not lead to her neglecting her duties of looking after the house or taking care of her husband and children.

3 – What you have mentioned about your being able and willing to work, teach or study is something good. Perhaps that will help you to serve Allaah, such as teaching Muslim girls in your house or in the Islamic center – subject to the conditions mentioned above – or doing something that will benefit you and your family, such as sewing and the like, which will be a means of stopping boredom.

You could also join one of the Islamic Open Universities, which will let you enroll in a distance-learning program, so that you can increase your knowledge and understanding of Islam, as well as attaining a higher status before Allaah. For the angels lower their wings for the seeker of knowledge, and the inhabitants of the heavens and the earth pray for forgiveness for the scholar, even the fish in the sea, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi (no. 2682), Abu Dawood (3641), al-Nasaa’i (158) and Ibn Maajah (223); this hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

Ask Allaah to bless you with righteous offspring, because in raising these children a woman will fill her time and will not feel bored, and she will be rewarded for all of that, praise be to Allaah.

Remember that it is obligatory to obey your husband unless he tells you to do something sinful. So if a husband tells his wife not to go out to work or to study, she has to obey him, and this will lead to her happiness and salvation. According to a hadeeth narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of its gates you wish.’” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 661).

But the husband should not exploit this right to hurt his wife’s feelings or ignore her opinion or go against her wishes. Rather he has to fear Allaah and try to consult with his wife and discuss with her, and explain the shar’i ruling to her, and give her permissible alternatives that will make her happy, develop her potential and achieve some of what she wants.

We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-23-2006, 09:13 PM
:sl: So basically I wasted 5 years of studying. All gone out the window because of me obeying my husband. He has a job but thats about it, he doesnt earn that much and I would personally want more luxuries for me and my child. Could I have prevented it? I heard this days many sign a contract and he cant go against it, why on earth would a man not let his wife work?
Iif she fufills her duties with the children and the house then what`s is his problem?:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-24-2006, 08:13 AM
:sl:

how should we know what his problem is? hes your husband,you ask him why he doesnt want you to work.

maybe he thinks you cant cope? or doesnt trust the place you want to work at?
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Tania
10-24-2006, 09:41 AM
He can't stop you. The husband main duty is to ensure his wife happiness. If keeping you at home doesn't make you happy it means he failled to fulfill his first duty. Simple.
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-24-2006, 09:48 AM
islamically you must obey your husband unless he goes against the teachings of Islam.

Your priority is, Allah and the prophet SAWS and then your Mother but due to numerous hadith stressing the importance of obeying your husband i seriously think you should think twice before disobeying him.

and remember Allah and his messenger come first before your wishes/whims and desires.

:salamext:
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AnonymousPoster
10-24-2006, 09:55 AM
[removed quote]

how should we know what his problem is? hes your husband,you ask him why he doesnt want you to work.

maybe he thinks you cant cope? or doesnt trust the place you want to work at?
^ i agree... talk 2 him... ur married 4 gods sake u should be open with each other about stuff.... creatin threads like this isnt gonna make either of u ne happier...

wat, so wat if ppl said he cant stop u? u gonna run away n work? and u think das gonna solve the problem?

and... dunya is so finite man, look forward to whats gonna come in akhirah....

and read up on the prophets wives, they could hav told the prophet to giv them better living standards (and it wasnt hard 4 the prophet to demand sadaqah or more income or more share of the state's money).... but they understood how valueless life is compared to whats in store for them :D

but if u really insist... talk to him n make dua 4 allah to giv u wats best 4u :) im sure he'll be open minded to u inshalha... perhpas he doesnt understand ur concerns or they havnt been made as clear 2 him as u did make it to us... :?

salamz.
Reply

Kamilah
10-24-2006, 09:58 AM
:sl:

you have a very sceptical approach to all of this, marriage is about compromise, remember sister this duniyah is temporary we live in this world to work for the Akhirah, althought we all want luxury in life, if we have to compromise our deen to get all this ...then what are we living for? putting our deen at stake for this world is not a wise thing to do.
Allah has promised us paradise in the hereafter so we all need to work towards that..

if you really want to work why not use your expertise to work from home or something, within the guidelines of Islam, your husband may be open to this idea.
Reply

Tania
10-24-2006, 09:59 AM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
islamically you must obey your husband unless he goes against the teachings of Islam.

Your priority is, Allah and the prophet SAWS and then your Mother but due to numerous hadith stressing the importance of obeying your husband i seriously think you should think twice before disobeying him.

and remember Allah and his messenger come first before your wishes/whims and desires.

:salamext:
I think you are missing the point of marriage:rollseyes The husband should always be concerned by his wife happiness because she is the weak part of marriage. Instead to act like a big man in front of a weak woman, he should listen her and allow her to be happy. :-[
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IbnAbdulHakim
10-24-2006, 10:21 AM
Originally Posted by Tania
I think you are missing the point of marriage:rollseyes The husband should always be concerned by his wife happiness because she is the weak part of marriage. Instead to act like a big man in front of a weak woman, he should listen her and allow her to be happy. :-[
but if he doesnt, take it as a test from Allah and expect your reward in the hereafter, it is only a 2 second thing, sacrifice a job... it seems so little to me !
Reply

Muhammad
10-24-2006, 10:44 AM
:sl: and Greetings,

Let's try to focus on the topic at hand here... please remain respectful of other faiths. Also remember that not all advice given here may fully conform to Islamic teachings.

Questions like these are often difficult to answer without knowing the precise circumstances and of course knowledge of what Islam says in the first place. We would need to know things like what kind of a job it is - how much time it would require of you and how this might affect children, the nature of the work and its environment etc. I think you should bear these in mind and they may help to understand your husband's decision.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
10-24-2006, 11:14 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: So basically I wasted 5 years of studying. All gone out the window because of me obeying my husband. He has a job but thats about it, he doesnt earn that much and I would personally want more luxuries for me and my child. Could I have prevented it? I heard this days many sign a contract and he cant go against it, why on earth would a man not let his wife work?
Iif she fufills her duties with the children and the house then what`s is his problem?:w:
:sl:
. Subhanallah. how did you know that you were going to get a husband who didn't wan tyou to work. theres no way u could have known, so u didn;t waste it.

:sl:
Reply

Silver Pearl
10-24-2006, 12:03 PM
:salamext:

Dear sister, this is an issue which is best suited if it were raised with your husband. There are rights a husband has over his wife and there are rights that a wife has over her husband. Talk to your husband and see what the real problem is, it may just be that he is trying to look out for you and does not mean any harm by it.

"La yukalifu llahu nafsan ila wus3aha."

I hope the best for you and your husband, a belated Eid Mubarak ukht:) .
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-24-2006, 05:14 PM
Some brothers and sisters in here like to Quote Ahadiths that will only suit their point of view. Let's not forget that the prophet (SWS) used to work for his first wife Khadija. Not to mention Aisha (RA) used to teach grown men. I don't see anything wrong with work. In fact I can quote tons of Hadiths myself that speak of How God favors those who work hard and loves those who do a good job. As for can he stop you or not? to be honest I think that is something that should have been discussed prior to marriage, sort of like how many children you want if at all. along with other major things that are sure to be a pain if not resolved early on so you are both on the same page. This thread will only create discord and different point of views from the most conservative to the most liberal. each with sources attesting to their point of view. You should proceed with what is BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. not in accordance with what others deem appopriate. Being miserable isn't conducive to a good marriage. And COMROMISE WORKS BOTH WAYS. A WOMAN IS EQUAL TO A MAN ACCORDING TO THE PROPHET (sws) The Prophet said: 'Assuredly, women are the twin halves of men.' (Sunan Abî Dawûd, Sunan At-Tirmidhî, Musnad Ahmad). So she is no less a human being. However I do strongly agree that this is something between her and her husband. Lots of women whose husbands die young find themselves in a predicament having to take handouts because their husbands refused them some work autonomy. My aunt lost her husband at a very young age and had three children and all her life had to live on who gives her what! Please reflect deeply on the future. Nothing is certain. Just like we do for the after life we should do for this life..... A good Muslim is one who is wise... not one who is short sighted
:w:
Reply

Muezzin
10-24-2006, 05:22 PM
What career path would you like to take? For all I know, the case may be that your husband is concerned that with both parents working, your child may be neglected.

And just to clear up any confusion, if I was married I'd readily let my wife work if she really wanted to (so long as it wouldn't have a detrimental effect on the kiddywinks).
Reply

lolwatever
10-25-2006, 02:21 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
Some brothers and sisters in here like to Quote Ahadiths that will only suit their point of view. Let's not forget that the prophet (SWS) used to work for his first wife Khadija. Not to mention Aisha (RA) used to teach grown men. I don't see anything wrong with work. In fact I can quote tons of Hadiths myself that speak of How God favors those who work hard and loves those who do a good job. As for can he stop you or not? to be honest I think that is something that should have been discussed prior to marriage, sort of like how many children you want if at all. along with other major things that are sure to be a pain if not resolved early on so you are both on the same page. This thread will only create discord and different point of views from the most conservative to the most liberal. each with sources attesting to their point of view. You should proceed with what is BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. not in accordance with what others deem appopriate. Being miserable isn't conducive to a good marriage. And COMROMISE WORKS BOTH WAYS. A WOMAN IS EQUAL TO A MAN ACCORDING TO THE PROPHET (sws) The Prophet said: 'Assuredly, women are the twin halves of men.' (Sunan Abî Dawûd, Sunan At-Tirmidhî, Musnad Ahmad). So she is no less a human being. However I do strongly agree that this is something between her and her husband. Lots of women whose husbands die young find themselves in a predicament having to take handouts because their husbands refused them some work autonomy. My aunt lost her husband at a very young age and had three children and all her life had to live on who gives her what! Please reflect deeply on the future. Nothing is certain. Just like we do for the after life we should do for this life..... A good Muslim is one who is wise... not one who is short sighted
:w:
salams sis... ur being biased too.... here's an article written last yearish.... refute it line by line fi u disagree inshalah....

not trhyin 2 start a combat.. but i think this is a balanced view:

put it this way, in Islam.. u hav the household, the main responsibility of the man is to finance his family, the main responsability of teh woman is to manage the home and upbring the children. There's no difference about that. And we know for fact, that in Islam, the man is fully responsible for his wife.. he has to spend on her and everyone else. The woman has full right to NOT spend a cent on her husband if she chooses, she can do what she pleases with her money. -ofcourse she will be rewarded very very greatly if for example she chooses to help her husband out financially, but the bottom line is, she is not to be put into a position where she has to stress herself tryin2feed the family- Similar to the way that it's not right for the promotion manager to be forced to do the finance manager's jobs.. everyone has a responsibility, and if u want efficiency, each worker should excel in their field.. otherwise the business will fail (read economics about market failiure (inefficiency) lol.. its application is the same when it comes to family issues ;) )

Also, we know that in Islam, the husband should also help his wife out in house management, he is encouraged (As our prophet himself did), to help his wife with cooking and all related household activities, and he also has full responsibilty 2 take part in upbringing the children.. now.. what's this got 2do with ur question?

Let's say the wife decides to work, and we leave the kids to themselves, who is going to take care of the kids? who will teach them manners and knowledge? lets say we put them in childcare... the fact is, everyone knows that childcares do NOT teach them anything, they let the kdis do wat they please, hence they either become spoilt, or they become brats (its a fact.. checkout any kid who's lived in these institutions all their lives and compare them with well bred kids). Also.. what benefit is it when the children become strangers to their parents.. during the night they are asleep, and during the day they only see their parents during breakfast.. , and when the parents get back home, they are too tired to communicate with their children.

One might say 'but they're only lil kids', THE FACT IS, (there are a number of psychology papers on this matter, by kafirs too.. tareq suwaydan has a compilation of psychological assesment of children written by kafirs..) during the kdis first 3 years of childhood, they are THE MOST IMPORTANT, in terms of their upbringing.. it will determine their mindset, their behaviour etc.. so who is going to be there to nourish them.

HOWEEEEVVERRR... there are points to be made... FIRSTLY... THE wife herself has FULLLLLLL RIGHTTTTT to an EDUCATIONNNNN AND Qualification (especially when the education environment meets islamic requirements)!! It's important for woman to be good examples for their children, and be educated mentally and spiritually - that's not an attack at sisters who didn't go uni! but it's definately not something that's un-praiseworthy to be good in multiple disciplines-. Secondly... what i mentioned, does not mean that it is haram for women to work... what it DOES mean however.. is that the children are always the first priority. And that the burden should never be placed on the wife to go earn money and feed the children, that is the husband's primary responsibility. Also, women taking care of the home does NOT imply that she isn't encouraged to research, invent, write and make dawah. Islamic history is full of women who have made great contributions in many fields, including Islam. In other religions, women where not (till recently) allowed to even attach their names to scientific researches, Marie Curie is an example.. she had to attribute some of her inventions under her husband's name because of some prejudice against women back then (and even now, but in a dfiferent manner) here.. read 4urself:

"But, in a culture in which most women -- especially married women -- lacked the economic power or legal right to produce or market an invention in their own name, many products and processes developed by women were publicly credited to a husband, a father, a brother, or a male partner, making women's successes invisible. " excerpt from "Women in the history of technology - women inventors", by Susan Davis Herring..

In Islam, this absolutely wrong, Women (as well as men) are encouraged (in fact it is an obligaton), to learn, educate, invent, propagate.. just read into the lives of female companions and see their contributions, and not once will you find for example.. a class given by Aisha attributed as being given by her husbadn instead..

She IS allowed to run a business, she is allowed to work, she is allowed 2 earn income... Khadijah, the wife of prophet is excellent example of that, she was a business lady.. and she was rich.. however, as long as all that does NOT interfere with her responsibilities.. AND.. that the work she is doing is halal (same condition for guys btw..). But she should not be put in a position where she faces a work overlaod, caring after the home as well as work.. and hey.. u might ask "why cant the guy n girl swap responsibilities"... lol.. i refer u 2 ur IB psych text book.. checkup females and males and how the left half (or is it right half) hemisphere of brain is more dominant for whcih sex.. ull notice that females are excellent in emotionally relating to their children, apart from other things which they can only do, such as nursing the babies and many other things. Also.. men tend to be able 2handle stressful stiuations without being 2 emotionally overloaded by it... alot of kafir psychologists admit this.

And... finally... compare non Muslim households with proper Islamic households... compare things like divorce rates, household stability.. and many other things.. and checkout the reasons for this.. it all comes down 2 family structure.

So the final answer.. it is not haram for a female 2 earn income.. as long as the former is kept in mind.

as for the original poster, you got to understand your situation is more than just 'can u go off n work'... seriously you'er gonna hate yourself and your money when u see that it just adds misery n tension between u n ur husband..... talk it outttt, n we cant judge based wat u say, coz we gotat hear his story of things too....

and make sure its quarn n sunnah das the judge bewteen u both... not dunya desires n whims.

i reeeeeeallllly wish u all the best :D, may allah grant u n ur family best of both worlds ameeen. Remember those who are lower than you that should empty up alot of the stress inshalah :) and keep around ppl who don't evaluate you by ur posessions but value u by ur piety.

take care salams
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AnonymousPoster
10-25-2006, 05:16 AM
One is biased when pertinacious when defending folly and trusting too greatly in one's own wit. I didn't give an opinion one way or another. as I inherently believe it is her business, her and her partner in life! As for the roles you have assigned women and men in some utopia, citing imaginary papers by kafirs, well I am not even sure how to comment on that? I don't live in hypothetical to loan credence to an already shady argument. That is actually what I call biased as you wish her to yield her reason to your way of thinking.
Consider sisters from all facets
Sisters who can't have children
sisters who have been widowed
sisters whose husbands are handicapped (I know of one personally whose husband cannot work because of a debilitating accident)
Sisters whose husband's income cannot provide for the family.
And after all is said and done. I'd still advise not to give a definite answer with how another human being should live their life especially with something as sensitive as this. We all know what you think you should do in your own life, and we commend you it is great and NOBLE. But this isn't a uniform world, and people's situations differ. Who will take care of the kids? well again that is their problem. People manage!
My parents used to leave me with grandma to provide for me and my siblings and to make ends meet. I don't believe that my mother working has made me morally degenerate. I believe I was brought up right. I have morals, and standards and I love being a Muslim. My brother is an Imam plus his other job and my sister, I haven't met a human being that gives more of her salary to charity than she. This is a real life situation not a hypothetical one.
:w:
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lolwatever
10-25-2006, 05:22 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
One is biased when pertinacious when defending folly and trusting too greatly in one's own wit. I didn't give an opinion one way or another. as I inherently believe it is her business, her and her partner in life! As for the roles you have assigned women and men in some utopia, citing imaginary papers by kafirs, well I am not even sure how to comment on that? I don't live in hypothetical to loan credence to an already shady argument. That is actually what I call biased as you wish her to yield her reason to your way of thinking.
Consider sisters from all facets
Sisters who can't have children
sisters who have been widowed
sisters whose husbands are handicapped (I know of one personally whose husband cannot work because of a debilitating accident)
Sisters whose husband's income cannot provide for the family.
And after all is said and done. I'd still advise not to give a definite answer with how another human being should live their life especially with something as sensitive as this. We all know what you think you should do in your own life, and we commend you it is great and NOBLE. But this isn't a uniform world, and people's situations differ. Who will take care of the kids? well again that is their problem. People manage!
My parents used to leave me with grandma to provide for me and my siblings and to make ends meet. I don't believe that my mother working has made me morally degenerate. I believe I was brought up right. I have morals, and standards and I love being a Muslim. My brother is an Imam plus his other job and my sister, I haven't met a human being that gives more of her salary to charity than she. This is a real life situation not a hypothetical one.
:w:
erm how about giv a better critical analysis .. paragraph by paragraph coz u didnt really pick out where the author of that went wrong.

and the author quoted kafirs coz he's dealing with ppl who are influenced by kafir mentalities.. like urself. the bit in bold for example.

salam
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akulion
10-25-2006, 05:26 AM
In a nut shell: Yes he can

There is no argument amongst scholars who follow the Quran and Sunnah on that point of view

Bro Aku
Reply

lolwatever
10-25-2006, 05:34 AM
Originally Posted by akulion
In a nut shell: Yes he can

There is no argument amongst scholars who follow the Quran and Sunnah on that point of view

Bro Aku
yeh tru sed... its his decision at the end, so sis just speak to him not us. even if we all say yeh u can run off... Allah is gonna judge u at teh end of the day and u hav to play by his rules not ours...

so its more than just us givin u biased views....

all the bset
ameen
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-25-2006, 05:48 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
erm how about giv a better critical analysis .. paragraph by paragraph coz u didnt really pick out where the author of that went wrong.

and the author quoted kafirs coz he's dealing with ppl who are influenced by kafir mentalities.. like urself. the bit in bold for example.

salam
I don't see much of an argument to actually critique it!
Much less dignify the rest of your comments. I have no beef with you--really! And truly not interested in your assessment or understanding of religion or the world around you as it relates to yourself or others!
Again I maintain to the original poster. This is something between you and your husband not LI you and your husband. God judges actions based on intentions. Not what others deem appropriate! Most importantly he is just!
:w:
Reply

lolwatever
10-25-2006, 06:15 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
I don't see much of an argument to actually critique it!
Much less dignify the rest of your comments. I have no beef with you--really! And truly not interested in your assessment or understanding of religion or the world around you as it relates to yourself or others!
Again I maintain to the original poster. This is something between you and your husband not LI you and your husband. God judges actions based on intentions. Not what others deem appropriate! Most importantly he is just!
:w:
i agree with bold bits... das wat i sed in all my posts pretty much.

so r u annoyed at my posts or neutral or wat or cant b stuffed readin or...? i didnt get wat 'no beef with u' meant........ u mean u dont like eating beef around me? :p

salamz :D
Reply

Tania
10-25-2006, 12:58 PM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
your husband not LI you and your husband. :w:
She came here to listen other opinions too, searching after ideas-it would have been improper for the members of LI don't reply to her question.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-25-2006, 03:57 PM
Originally Posted by Tania
She came here to listen other opinions too, searching after ideas-it would have been improper for the members of LI don't reply to her question.
Greetings Tania:
People have replied. Ultimately with "you need to resolve with hubby, not LI staff"
As you can see otherwise there is no consensus, much less the answers received might not have been what she wants to read! to me anyhow, this is the equivlant of asking "how many children should I have with husband? he wants three and I want none.
you can see what route this would take hence forth. With the loads of it is his right to have kids and the others who see this as her body and can do to it what she pleases. There will only be fervor and nothing will be resolved as ultimately. It is a very very private matter.
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