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Dua
11-14-2006, 07:33 PM
Assalam Alaikum, everyone. :)

I just wanted to know whether you all prefer living in joint families.. or do you think it is better off alone? What do you think are the pros and cons of joint/not joined family system?

:w:

PS: I'm extremely sorry if I'm posting in the wrong category!
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GARY
11-14-2006, 07:39 PM
I didn't answer the poll because I have not done this, but I am very interested to see those you that do, if you like it or not. What benefits do you find in this arrangement?
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Al_Imaan
11-14-2006, 08:17 PM
i think it might be good to live in an extended family since everyone would be together...but it also causes more conflicts due to the variety of different opinions
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zanjabeela
11-14-2006, 08:28 PM
:sl:
The only pros come about when people really see eye-to-eye on the main issues. And there has to be the ability for all parties to compromise in times of conflict. If there is not enough true mutual respect it will be a disaster. I don't see these pros very often. Most cases of extended families that I have seen have been more destructive for family harmony. Sad but true, from my experience.

I strongly doubt I would ever concede to doing this. I don't like the idea of my sister-in-law living with us (she doesn't, anyway) and I don't want to live with my in-laws (in the distant future!). If I am going to be living with somebody's parents, I might as well stay unmarried and live with my own. I love them, they love me, we understand each other--and it took a good long time and work to reach these understandings. Imagine how much longer it will take for me reach this level of understanding with parents-in-law who would be complete strangers? Forget it!

I hope I did not misconstrue the topic, and you are really asking about extended families in terms of living with in-laws. :D
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GARY
11-14-2006, 09:24 PM
Is anyone here currently living with this arrangement that is happy with it, and views it as a positive experience?
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Sister Hoddan
11-14-2006, 09:29 PM
assalaamu 3alaikum,

Living with the inlaws is not impossible but the times have changed. People were more used to this kind of arrangement before but I do not think the majority of people appreciate it now. Besides, I`ve seen more reasons that indicate that it is far better to live separetly. I do not like the idea of having non-mahrams in the house; especially when married as it can lead to many evils sub7anAllah(I`m sure many people know of at least one incident or two). If one can afford to live separatly then do so by all means. If not, then make plenty of du3a that ALLAH finds you away. Fi amanillah,

Ukht Hoddan
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cihad
11-15-2006, 10:57 AM
no way

i know lotsa people who lived that way- my father even did

its not nice ,you cant solve your own problems without everybody sticking their nose in.

lotsa grown ups with lotsa different opinions will always cause conflict cause they think their opinion is superior to others

thats jus what i think
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S_87
11-15-2006, 11:02 AM
:sl:

regarding living with extended families-ive lived both ways and to be honest i prefer living without the extended family all under one roof. i guess if they were close by thats different.
plus i think i would do everyones head in and vice versa. its nice for a while like on holiday etc but on a day to day basis? no thanks!

regarding in laws, well it depends.
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lolwatever
11-15-2006, 11:47 AM
aa
u mean liv in same house? im not sure abt that... but i think alone is better.. more privacy i guess?

comes down to individual cases i guess :D my family back home all live like next door to each other (literally)... and they only claim to own their houses coz they seem to be at each others place every day 24/7 ...... but they love their life so das cool 4 em :statisfie
salams
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Snowflake
11-15-2006, 11:50 AM
The extended family system is only successful where everyone is aware of each others rights morally and Islamically < and that is rare. I can think of many advantages of living together but seeing the state and atmosphere in homes living under this system I've seen nothing but back-biting and conflicts that often end with everybody separating from each other.

I remember a time when my nan lived peacefully with her 2 married sons and their wives. The 2 unmarried sons lived there too. There was one kitchen and everyone cooked/ate together. Then the differences began to surface and as a result the 2 daughter-in-laws began cooking in their part of the house and my nan in hers. So there were like 3 kitchens on the go at one time.

It was all good for me as a visitor though as I'd eat where I liked the food and sometimes even at all 3 places one by one. ;D

But seriously speaking, unless everyone is a good and forgiving, it's better to live apart than live together and ruin relationships.
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Malaikah
11-15-2006, 11:52 AM
:sl:

I reckon its a terrible idea if it means non-mahrams have to live together under the same roof.
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Snowflake
11-15-2006, 12:01 PM
^I agree.
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IbnAbdulHakim
11-15-2006, 12:34 PM
i like my relatives and i wanna keep it that way :D

so i sed no :p
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lolwatever
11-15-2006, 12:38 PM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
i like my relatives and i wanna keep it that way :D

so i sed no :p
:lol: i agreee with cheese point das important factor as well...
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Dua
11-15-2006, 09:28 PM
Assalam Alaikum.

First of all thanks a lor for the response everyone. :)
Most of you have voted for NO, and that clears up my concept a bit.

I agree that living with non-mahrams under one roof is a big nuisance, but what about those who cannot afford a seperate home for themselves?

PS: I myself do not live in a joint family.

Wassalam
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learningislam
11-15-2006, 10:25 PM
:salamext:

Originally Posted by cheese
:sl:

I reckon its a terrible idea if it means non-mahrams have to live together under the same roof.
^^^ exactly.....and that is what happens in most of the cases. 2 or 3 families living in the same house, so its like cousins all around.
I have not lived in joint family system.....but i know of so many families....who have, and ended up like Muslimah_Sis said.

Originally Posted by lolwatever
but i think alone is better.. more privacy i guess?
i agree.
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
But seriously speaking, unless everyone is a good and forgiving, it's better to live apart than live together and ruin relationships.
there may be some , who would find it easy and comfortable to live in joint
family system.....but then, not everybody is good and forgiving.

:wasalamex
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zanjabeela
11-15-2006, 11:33 PM
Originally Posted by Dua
Assalam Alaikum.

I agree that living with non-mahrams under one roof is a big nuisance, but what about those who cannot afford a seperate home for themselves?

PS: I myself do not live in a joint family.

Wassalam
:sl:
I guess it rather depends on the circumstance. If you are already married, and your husband loses his job, and you are forced to give up your own home, then that might be a reasonable temporary alternative...which could become permanent, in the event that everyone finds they like it and can work around things.

But, for a couple who cannot afford their own accomodations, and they know this prior to marriage, should marriage even be on the table? I think the ability to afford your own life's expenses is a critical point to consider prior to even thinking of marriage.
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IbnAbdulHakim
11-15-2006, 11:36 PM
^ but in the west it seems that accomodation is easily found for a couple and a wedding is peanuts if you do it the completely sunnah way.

btw i doubt anyone would feel comfy living with too many non-mahrams.... you just wont feel any freedome.

:salamext:
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Dua
11-17-2006, 06:40 PM
Some really good views..
Yes, I agree that a lot of patience and compromise is needed when so many people are living under one roof. But many say that kids need more mature hands (most probably grandparents) as they are growing up.

Also, they say that parents have a right to live with their sons as they get older and married. They need their support in old age.

What would you say in this case?
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lolwatever
11-17-2006, 06:54 PM
^ if the child can't afford to accomodate them in a seperate home, then ofcourse yes.

salams
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