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Umar001
11-16-2006, 09:36 PM
Assalamu Aleykum Wa Rhametulah,

Am so confused, I don't know what I'm meanto do,

I told my mum I was muslim, everyone was like when you tell her at least she'll know and things will get easier, but they havent.


I told her I became Muslim, she told me that when we go back to africa on holiday she's going to make me talk to their christian equivalent to sheikhs. So I wasnt that bothered, I look forward to it in some ways, but life hasnt changes she still offers me haram food, and she knows its haram for me, today she even said I should pray for them, like we were about to eat, and she was like 'you pray for us' and I was like 'nah' and then my little brother prayed and she was like 'bow your head!' and I mean she knows im not christians but she's acting like I am. I cant pray at home because I cant relax and my mum wud go crazy if she saw me praying, so I just pray when she's not here i.e. if im at home during the day and at night when my bro is home he covers for me while I pray, but my prayer doesnt feel good cos my mind is pre occupied, also I need to get married for certain reasons but this again will not be a great thing cos she doesnt want me to be a muslim, plus she told me wearing hijab is extremism.

I dont know what to do, I also want to go egypt to study arabic and I was talking to a brother who had some stuff sorted and he could get me some places, but again I dont think I can even go without her permission.

It just feels like I cant live my life no more, Im suffocating, I prayed and prayed to find the right path and follow G-d and now I found it my mother wont let me walk.

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :) :)
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snakelegs
11-16-2006, 10:48 PM
this is really sad. it takes a lot of strength to become a muslim when you are still living at home. i know kids who were kicked out of the house for this "crime".
aren't you an adult legally? if so, you have a right to ask (and expect) your mother to respect your choice.
is moving out an option?
she doesn't realize that she should be thankful that you are not messed up with drugs or all the other harmful things kids get in to these days - that your biggest sin is praying!
i wish you all the best.
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Umar001
11-17-2006, 02:08 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
this is really sad. it takes a lot of strength to become a muslim when you are still living at home. i know kids who were kicked out of the house for this "crime".
aren't you an adult legally? if so, you have a right to ask (and expect) your mother to respect your choice.
is moving out an option?
she doesn't realize that she should be thankful that you are not messed up with drugs or all the other harmful things kids get in to these days - that your biggest sin is praying!
i wish you all the best.
Hmm, I dont know why but Im gonna kinda stick up for her, in her eyes its the more of forsaking God and Jesus and so on, I mean we come origanlly from a country that has alot of muslims, though they are very different, as in they seem to do alot of non-islamic stuff lol.

I mean, before becoming Muslim I had heard the stories and known people who had been kicked out and so on, i kinda knew it wudnt happen cos our culture aint like this, for example she hasnt told anyone, so kickin me out would only raise questions, as for the moving out, well I live in london houses are expensive to buy or rent, it seems abit too much at the moment, though I wish I could move out, would love to move into a masjid :happy: as for the being happy on her behalf that im not doing drugs and so on, i always used to say that to her before, since i've always been sorounded by people who did drugs and got drunk, but always look at the positive is what I was told, which is kinda true, though I thin in her sight, leaving christianity is worse than those things.
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snakelegs
11-17-2006, 02:30 AM
this is good - that you are able to look at it from her eyes. this is what compassion is. also viewing it with compassion will make it easier for you to accept that her concern comes only from her love for you and what she thinks is best for you. i guess, in her view the fact that you have left christianity means you will go to hell and of course, she doesn't want that for you. so hold on to that compassion - love her and at the same time, follow your religious convictions as well as you can under the circumstances.
it is sad that so often religion often divides people.
it would be easier for her if she could understand that you have not left god. after all, you are still living your life as a religious person - you have not turned your back on god and started to live an immoral life.
i guess about all i can think of is show her how much you love her and appreciate her genuine concern for you and show her that you are still the same son that you were before.
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Selising
11-17-2006, 06:54 AM
What are you doing? Studying or working? While waiting for your mother to calm down and accept the fact that you are now a muslim, not a christian anymore, at the mean time, are you able to talk bit by bit about Islam. Few words about Islam in a day. things like Islam does not approve drugs consumtion; Islam does not approve alcohol drinks; muslim lad must respect the mother but not obey them 100%, depending on what was the order; Islam teach this and that and that and that

Tell her that Islam is the religion approved by God. Christian was before ISlam, when Islam came, God ordered us to follow Muhammad PBUH. Muhammad is a man who respects people even the old jews lady who cursed him everyday. Islam is not a religion created by Muhammad since he cannot read nor write. Words in Al-Quran are the best Arabic words which no man can write in such way

She will be irritated, or course, but you need to tell her about the beauty of Islam. Avoid arguments. One day I pray, with your hard work, she will at least accept the fact that u r a muslim if not embrace ISlam.
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north_malaysian
11-17-2006, 06:56 AM
I dont know that Christians have bad attitude towards ex-Christians...
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glo
11-17-2006, 07:10 AM
Eesa, you have my sympathy.

I don't know if this will help you, but I also very restricted at home in living my faith.
I pray and read my Bible upstairs alone or when I am out of the house, I listen to Christian radio when my husband is not at home. Going to church and prayer meetings used to cause real tensions.

I know it is not quite the same as your situation at home, but I want to share with you that I strongly believe having so much resentment at home has made my faith stronger!
Sometimes I wonder whether my faith might have fizzled out, like I see happening with other converts, if it hadn't been for me having to stand up for my faith all the time!
Perhaps this is a blessing for you ... try and see it that way, if you can ...

Just one other thought: try and remain respectful to your mother's faith, even if you don't share it ...
Being asked to pray is not okay (unless you could say a Muslim prayer?) - but can you not show your respect by bowing your head, when somebody else is praying?
That's what I would do, if I was eating in a Muslim/Hindu/Jewish etc household ...

I have found that by showing my husband respect, and by walking a very fine (and difficult!) line between going along with his wishes and stil living according to my own faith, I have softened his heart considerably! He is much more relaxed about my faith, than he used to be, and I know that God is working in him daily!

One more thing: when things were really tough, I used to remind myself that my husband was not acting the way he was because he was mean or nasty - but because he loves me and worries about my well-being!
I am sure your mother is the same! It is love and concern that makes her say and do these things. Try and remember that ...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Eesa.
I know how hard it must be for you!

May God's peace be with you and your family.
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Muslim Knight
11-17-2006, 07:17 AM
Bro Isa there's nothing much I can say but our hearts and thoughts are with you.

I pray that God give you strength and make ease your life. Allah ma'as Sabirin (God is with those who have patience). Ameen!
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vpb
11-17-2006, 07:22 AM
it is really interesting cuz all the people that have started practicing islam as a muslim should do, they allways have problems with the mothers, never with the fathers, all my friends (including me) had problems with mother but never with the fathers hmmm. my mother wouldn't let me pray but making dua , she agreed with that, then there was absolutly no chance to discuss about going to pray at the mosque, it was like 1+1=2 but day by day with dua her heart got softned she agreed, so now I dont have any problem at all with the prayer. and try to be better in all ascpets that u were before, and never ever don't get in e debate with them, cuz remember you can understand them but they can't understand you (cuz it's the guidance), so dont get in any debate with them and just be better then u were before and try to prove that Islam makes u a better person. brother make dua, and don't stop. and never say "I tried to make dua, but it does not work", my advise is just keep making dua, Allah swt accepts the dua of his slave who prays to him. Allah swt is very merciful. Please take my advice.
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~Stranger~
11-17-2006, 07:23 AM
:sl:

it needs a lot of courage to tell ur parents uve converted to another religion and it'd be very surprising if they had accepted that. know that this is only a test and insha'allah one day when ull get over it, ull look back and smile. there r many revert stories similiar to urs like this one:

[pie]
Little Secret Steps Toward Islam


My name is Julianne (Noora) Scasny. I was born in the United States
to a mother who is Syrian (Arab) Christian and a father who is white
European descent. Both are Catholic. When I was 15 years old I
wanted to be a nun in the Roman Catholic church. So I was close in
relationship to God — or so I thought — and never really had this so-
called personal relationship with Jesus (peace be upon him).
Anyway, in my world history class we were studying Middle Eastern
history, which I was very interested in, and we stumbled on the
subject of Islam. There was a student from Egypt and he was
correcting the teacher on the misconceptions about Islam. I just
remember saying to myself, "Wow! he is correcting the teacher.
Usually the teacher corrects the student!" After that day in class I
asked him what was the difference between Catholicism and Islam. He
said, "Not that much." I was not satisfied with this answer, so I
studied Islam on the computer at school. He introduced me to his
family and one day I asked his mother if I could have a copy of the
Qur'an in English.

Al-hamdu lillah (all praise to God), she gave me an English
translation by Yusuf Ali, and I couldn't put it down. To me, when I
read the Bible, it seemed like there was always some meaning behind
what was being read because the words had been changed, but the
Qur'an spoke to my heart and I knew it was from Allah. So I became a
Muslim in my heart, al-hamdu lillah.

When my parents found out I was interested in Islam, they tried to
forbid me from befriending Muslims. My mom called the lady who gave
me the translation of the Qur'an and told her, "Stop talking to my
daughter about Islam, you are confusing her." I remember my first
`Eid Al-Fitr (Feast of Breaking the Fast), I told my dad I had to
work as an excuse to go to `Eid Prayer. Well, he ended up finding
out that I went to the masjid. There was not one located near my
home and I couldn't drive, so I got a ride from my Muslim Pakistani
friends. That was the first time I saw the Muslims all together
performing the same ritual. Anyway, my dad brought me to my friend's
house and told her mom that he didn't want her to give or lend me
any more literature about Islam. She was very respectful and
said, "I won't, but when she is in my home she is free to read
whatever she wants."

Afterwards my mom made me go talk to the priest of the Catholic
church to talk about Islam and the dream I had. My dad started to
search my room every so often and took my copy of the Qur'an, prayer
clothing, literature, and threw them out. I used to cry so much
because of this. I even had to hide my Qur'an in the air-
conditioning vent! My dad took the lock off my door, so I had to
pray in secret when my parents were sleeping. It was so hard. My dad
used to tell me, "As long as you are living under my roof you will
obey my rules and you will go to church and be Catholic." I didn't
know what to do. I asked my friend's parents what to do and they
told me listen to my parents. Well, I did and for the next four
years my life was a total disaster.

Four years later at the age of 20, I called the lady who had given
me the Qur'an to ask about the new masjid that was being built. She
told me, "Come and see for your self." Well, ironically this masjid
was in a building that was used originally as a teenage nightclub!
And my own sister previously was arrested for being drunk. Subhan
Allah (glory be to Allah)! So I went to the dinner at the masjid and
that feeling all came back to me.

The power of the Adhan brought me to tears. I told myself, "I don't
care what my parents say. I don't care what anyone says! I want this
feeling. I want to be a practicing devout Muslim! I am sick of
trying to do things my way! I submit to the will of Allah Almighty."
Al-hamdu lillah, that Ramadan I made Shahadah in the back of the
masjid in front of a group of women because the imam was afraid of
what my parents would do if I made Shahadah out loud in front of
everyone. I started wearing hijab that Ramadan.

My parents to this day will not stop telling me "Take that thing off
your head! Can't you dress younger or wear shorts?" I just tell
them "Look at the pictures your people paint of Mary. What does she
look like in those pictures? She looks like a Muslim woman!" My own
grandparents told me to go to hell! My mom used to cook pork and lie
and say it was beef! I would ask my dad "Please don't take the dog
downstairs where I pray" — I was living in the basement of my
parents' house — and he would say "This is my house" and he would do
it anyway. Then I desperately argued with him "You don't bring the
dog to church, do you?"

My mom would force me to get a job while I was in college, even in
places where they serve alcohol. I used to beg the people at the
masjid for money, crying my eyes out for help to Allah. Al-hamdu
lilah, Allah is so Merciful, He gave me a husband and I got married
at age 21. And now a little over a year later at the age of 22 I'm
pregnant with my first baby. Of course my family keeps bothering me
about Islam, but I'm so grateful to Allah. I try to give my parents
da`wah all the time and pray for them, but Allah guides whom He
wills.

I just sit here sometimes and look at the Muslims and think how you
people don't really know what it is like to have parents who don't
believe in your religion. I just look at some Muslims and become
sick because I wish my parents were with me, but then again Muslims
are my family now.

Muslims should be united as one in the constant worship of Allah, in
sha' Allah (Allah willing) through prayer, dhikr, reading Qur'an,
good manners, and not fighting among themselves. May Allah
strengthen the faith and piety and fear of Allah and good manners of
every single Muslim. [/pie]

insha'allah ull find me many more stories about how reverts dealt with their families when telling them they became muslim HERE

i can only pray that Allah softens her heart and make her accept ur new faith and see the beauty of islam

I dont know that Christians have bad attitude towards ex-Christians...
well its like we have bad attitude toward ex-muslims :?
:w:
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snakelegs
11-17-2006, 08:43 AM
Originally Posted by Selising
What are you doing? Studying or working? While waiting for your mother to calm down and accept the fact that you are now a muslim, not a christian anymore, at the mean time, are you able to talk bit by bit about Islam. Few words about Islam in a day. things like Islam does not approve drugs consumtion; Islam does not approve alcohol drinks; muslim lad must respect the mother but not obey them 100%, depending on what was the order; Islam teach this and that and that and that

Tell her that Islam is the religion approved by God. Christian was before ISlam, when Islam came, God ordered us to follow Muhammad PBUH. Muhammad is a man who respects people even the old jews lady who cursed him everyday. Islam is not a religion created by Muhammad since he cannot read nor write. Words in Al-Quran are the best Arabic words which no man can write in such way

She will be irritated, or course, but you need to tell her about the beauty of Islam. Avoid arguments. One day I pray, with your hard work, she will at least accept the fact that u r a muslim if not embrace ISlam.
with all due respect, i think this is poor advice and i think if he were to start preaching to his mother, at this point it would only make everything worse. now is definitely not the time for this.
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vpb
11-17-2006, 10:23 AM
agree with snakelegs, it will just make things worse. telling about things which Islam forbids will nothing do to her, because you already don't do them so she doesn't see any danger for that that's why those things don't get her attention. the only way to make her agree with your beliefs is just to be patient , stay out of debates . Make dawah to her with your good behaviours even with better ones that u had before. Parents don't want "talk talk" they want the proofs. Make dawah with your body.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
11-17-2006, 10:53 AM
Allah says:

do they think that we will leave them to say they believe without testing them?


khabbab RA asked the prophet saws to pray for relief and victory because he was persecuted to the extent where they created permanent holes in his back and made him lie in the sand with hot armor and the prophet saws still asked him to be patient !


Bro you ARE in the best ummah and upon the RIGHT path, stay firm.

I pray Allah gives you sabr and strength.

Ameen !!!

:salamext:

:)
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Snowflake
11-17-2006, 11:28 AM
:sl: ... SubhanAllah! May Allah make things easier for you Isa bro. Ameen.

I dont know what to do, I also want to go egypt to study arabic and I was talking to a brother who had some stuff sorted and he could get me some places, but again I dont think I can even go without her permission.
Why can't you go without your mother's permission? Brother, Islam does not stop you from disobeying your parents for your deen. It is better for a muslim to struggle for a noble cause than to live and die as a slave.

I know you feel despair but that's natural. But faith requires speaking out against oppression. How else would Islam have spread or will spread? You must look at the sacrifces made for Islam by the early muslims.

Do not stop praying because it will make your mother angry. Your duty to Allah comes first. Take inspiration from the early muslims. Do you know the story of Bilal (ra)? He was a slave of Umayyah ibn Khalaf who was cruelly tortured when he embraced Islam. The torture went on for days and eventually he was chained and placed out in the hot desert sun with no cover and when he refused to bend he was tortured by a boulder being placed over his body, smashing him. Hadrat Abu Bakr approached Umayyah to protest about the cruel torture who refused to relieve Bilal from punishment. Abu Bakr offered to buy Bilal. The asking price was an exorbitant amount of five ounces of gold (about $2,000 dollars in today's price). Abu Bakr agreed and Bilal was freed.

The Qur'an says in Surah Al-An'am, 6: 162
'Say, my Prayer and my nusuk (sacrifice), my living and dying - all belong to Allah, the Lord of all the worlds' (al-An'am 6:162).
Can your mother punish you more my brother? Without sacrifice we cannot turn our deen into reality.

The Qur'an, 29: 2-3:“Do people imagine that they will be left at ease because they say 'We have faith!' and will not be tested? But certainly We tested those who were before them..”
I know things are hard for you and I commend the way you are struggling to liveas a muslim in such oppressive conditions. I appreciate that new muslims have it alot harder than born muslims and I have alot of respect and sympathy for those brothers and sisters.

But at the end of the day bro, you have to do what is right as a muslim. Let your mother, shout, rant and rave all she wants, but keep quiet and do not answer her back rudely. Above all, please do not let it come between you and your worship of Allah.

If you have to leave home to do that then so be it. If I'd been a brother I wouldn't have hesitated to offer you a home, where you'd be free to practice your deen. Sadly I can't. So it is down to you to change your circumstances.
I pray just as Bilal (ra) was rescued by Abu Bakr (ra), Allah swt helps you out from your oppression. All the best inshaAllah.


Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Whoever is not concerned with the problems of Muslims is not one of us.” [Hadith]

We read these and similar verses of the Quran, Hadith, and sayings of our leaders, yet often we forget the implications of the powerful message contained in these statements: the need to sacrifice our wealth, time, pleasures, desires, comfort, and if need be, our life for Islam. There are examples of Sahaba who sacrificed their lives.

Yasar and his wife, Sumayya, and their son, Ammar, had no tribal affiliation. Therefore they were "foreigners," in Makka, and there was no one to protect them. All three were savagely tortured by Abu Jahl and the other infidels. Sumayya, Yasar's wife, died while she was being tortured. Sumayya, an innocent woman, is cruelly torn into pieces with spears. She thus became the First Martyr (Shaheedah) in Islam. The First Martyr in Islam was a woman and not man. A little later, her husband, Yasar, was also tortured to death, and he became the Second Martyr (Shaheed) in Islam.

In this manner the wife and the husband made their choice in the eternal conflict between light and darkness, good and evil, truth and falsehood, right and wrong, and Islam and paganism. The choice was difficult but they had no hang ups in the matter, and gladly paid for it with their lives! They made their lives an oblation (religious or charitable gift) for Islam. The Quraysh had stained their hands with innocent blood!
In the honor-roll of martyrs, Sumayya and her husband, Yasar, rank among the highest. They were killed for no reason other than their devotion to Allah and their love for Islam and Muhammed Mustafa (SAW). Those Muslims, who were killed in the battles of Badr and Uhud, had an army to defend and to support them. But Sumayya and her husband, Yasar, had no one to defend them. They bore no arms, and they were the most defenseless of all martyrs of Islam. By sacrificing their lives, they highlighted the truth of Islam and they built strength into its structure.
Their martyrdom was a triumph of Faith over materialism. Friend and foe were flabbergasted to see them defy death. They made the "tradition" of sacrifice and martyrdom an integral part of the ethos of Islam.
I hope that helps.

:w:
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Umar001
11-17-2006, 02:46 PM
:sl:
and
Peace be upon those who follow guidance
and
May Allah lead us all closer to Him.

Thank all yall for the replies, which are all very helpful,

Originally Posted by snakelegs
i guess, in her view the fact that you have left christianity means you will go to hell and of course, she doesn't want that for you.
That's what it boils down to.

Originally Posted by Selising
What are you doing? Studying or working? While waiting for your mother to calm down and accept the fact that you are now a muslim, not a christian anymore, at the mean time, are you able to talk bit by bit about Islam. Few words about Islam in a day. things like Islam does not approve drugs consumtion; Islam does not approve alcohol drinks; muslim lad must respect the mother but not obey them 100%, depending on what was the order; Islam teach this and that and that and that

Tell her that Islam is the religion approved by God. Christian was before ISlam, when Islam came, God ordered us to follow Muhammad PBUH. Muhammad is a man who respects people even the old jews lady who cursed him everyday. Islam is not a religion created by Muhammad since he cannot read nor write. Words in Al-Quran are the best Arabic words which no man can write in such way

She will be irritated, or course, but you need to tell her about the beauty of Islam. Avoid arguments. One day I pray, with your hard work, she will at least accept the fact that u r a muslim if not embrace ISlam.
This approach works for some type of poeple, but not my mom, she thinks she knows everything to know about Islam, she isnt the academical type that will sit down and look at the religion objectivly, it's just "I know this and I know that" even with Hijab, she told me, although she has never read an Ayah nor Hadeeth, that wearing Hijab is extreme.

Originally Posted by vpb
it is really interesting cuz all the people that have started practicing islam as a muslim should do, they allways have problems with the mothers, never with the fathers, all my friends (including me) had problems with mother but never with the fathers hmmm.
Hmm, well I dont live with my father I aint seen him in more than 10 years, but I think I'm gonna write him a letter and explain islam to him, inshaAllah im tyring to keep more optomistic since he's a doctor so he should, inshaAllah, be abit more rational.

Thank ya for the story sister stranger :)

Muslim_Sis, thats the thing though, I mean if I was being tortured or if I was at war, at least I can get shuhada, and thats something for me to look forward to, here, I cant do nothing, I cant argue, I cant say uff, I cant pray in peace, I cant go out, I cant wear what I want, and theres no shuhada in it. All that is happening time is going by, am not getting to learn what I want as much as I would like, then after however long am gonna look back and see how much time has been wasted because people wont let me do what I wanted to do. I;d find it easier to fight like they did back in the days against their own family than having to sit here day in day out.

So thanks everyone, for your kind words, thanks Glo for that comparison, thanks IbnAbdulHakim for the reminder.

And Glo, as for bowing the head, I mean, I kept quiet, I didnt move around, I just didnt bow my head because thats how they pray and I dont want to take part in a prayer that I disagree with thats all, but I kept silent and didnt disrespect anyone.

Further more, I should have just said Surah Al Fatiha in English when she asked me to pray, ARGH!
And May Allah Guide us All Closer To Himself.
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Dua
11-17-2006, 06:57 PM
May Allah bless you, brother.
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Snowflake
11-18-2006, 01:55 PM
:sl:
Muslim_Sis, thats the thing though, I mean if I was being tortured or if I was at war, at least I can get shuhada, and thats something for me to look forward to, here, I cant do nothing, I cant argue, I cant say uff, I cant pray in peace, I cant go out, I cant wear what I want, and theres no shuhada in it.
Bro, you have to be strong. Not feeling comfortable when praying isn't a reason to miss salah. Sometimes we're all in situations when we don't feel comfortable praying (yes even muslims in muslim households have tension) but that's the test isn't it? To separate ourselves from wordly going-ons and worship our Creator?

If your mother catches you praying, she'll probably shout or whatever. But there you'll be trying to focus on your salah. Will Allah not reward His servant for his struggles? Jihad isn't only for martyrs bro. This is your inner jihad.

No one and nothing stays in one state. If you keep on praying and your mother keeps preventing it, how long can or will she do it for? She can't tie you down physically, so she will eventually only wear herself down by her own verbal objections.

And if you want to go abroad to study deen then you gotto be practical about how it's going to be done. Are you working? If not you need to find work. No one will help you all the way so at the end you need to be financially independant.

Once you have means to fulfil your needs then I don't see why you can't move out. Others can support you to an extent but not fully. You must find the courage inside you to make the changes.

I hope to see a new stronger and braver Isa emerge from these difficulties. May Allah help and guide you. Ameen.

:w:
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Hijrah
11-18-2006, 02:10 PM
Assalam-u-alaikum Bro Isa,

May Allah raise your Iman and keep it high
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