format_quote Originally Posted by
Al Habeshi
You know sister, to be honest with you, any decent man would know not to upset or bully or put hardships on anyone, I wasn't muslim but I have always wanted to treat my wife in a good way, I mean its a normal decent thing, someone who is in your care, your wife, someone who wants to be cared about, how could anyone mistreat such a person, I mean even with wife beating and all the other stuff, in alot of cases men don't need the Qu'ran to know that they shouldn't beat their wifes because she didn't cook dinner or any stupid stuff like that, men know that their wife is a human and feels humiliated and ashamed if they are bullied, any decent guy would know that, but alot of guys who do treat women bad, they would turn a blind eye to prohibitions in alot of cases even if they read it again and again.
Alhumdulillah, there are men who are decent enough to know how to treat their wives and not just because religion says so. But I'll explain what I mean.
Even decent men can abuse their wives rights. Not because they don't know that religion disallows it, but because their culture allows it. A decent man might not beat his wife for not cooking dinner but he will still regard her as an unfit wife. But he will feel insulted that his wife hadn't shown him enough respect by making his dinner when she knew he'd be home to eat it. He may be decent in many ways but he won't refrain from giving her slap in the face if she raised her voice to him.
I speak of the cultural beliefs of a large number of people in Pakistan. Men's right are stressed over and over and passed on from generation to generation by elders. Even by women themselves. because that is what they have been taught.
And as our relgious leaders are men, they pick out the hadith and verses that confirm men's rights, but conceal women's rights. You know why? Because giving women their rights would clash with their culture. A culture in which they like to keep women oppressed. These hadith are never questioned -people follow blindly. The majority of people don't even know about woman's right to inheritance, or the right's of a wife e.g. maintenance etc..
That's what I mean that instead of following hadith, (which many have not even read themselves, but heard through others) if people were to read and understand the Quran, there'd learn the whole truth. And not just what has been picked for them to hear.
When it comes to rights of inheritance and authority over a wife, even the most decent men will abuse a woman's rights. There are people who think the son is the sole inheritor of wealth - again because hadith of women's rights are concealed or not given enough importance and because it fits in with their culture. To give a daughter a share means her in-laws will get it. So that right is denied for cultural reasons.
By reading the Quran themselves, men won't fall into any misconception. There's no danger of hearing only what others have wanted them to hear. Cultural beliefs will be questioned and I doubt any man will beat his wife or abuse her rights, if understands the Quran.
As a new muslim, probably raised in the west, I don't expect you to have much knowledge of muslims who've mixed culture with religion. But the truth is bro that in places like that most men are only decent as long as they hold all the power. And in their own words, imaams are the most corrupt people in society. :-\
:w: