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View Full Version : For Getting Baby to Sleep, Sticking to a Plan Is What Counts



Lina
12-13-2006, 09:21 PM
:sl:

By DAN HURLEY
Published: December 12, 2006

After years of colicky debate over which method is best for getting babies to fall asleep by themselves, experts have a soothing new message: just about all the techniques work, so pick one you are comfortable with and stick with it.

Despite their apparent differences, most of the behavioral approaches reviewed in the October issue of the journal SLEEP were supported by evidence that they resulted in infants and toddlers learning to fall asleep independently at bedtime and when they woke during the night. Of the 52 studies examined in the review, 49 showed positive results, with 82 percent of the infants and young children in the studies benefiting significantly.

“The key to this whole thing is parents being consistent,” said the senior author of the review, Dr. Jodi A. Mindell, a psychology professor at Saint Joseph’s University in Philadelphia and chairwoman of the task force organized by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine to assess the techniques.

She added, “They need to pick a plan they can absolutely follow through on.”

Even Dr. Richard Ferber of Children’s Hospital Boston — so strongly linked in the popular imagination with the so-called cry-it-out method that it has come to be known as “Ferberizing” — agreed in an interview that no single approach worked for all children.

“Clinicians should try to make a diagnosis for a given family as to why that youngster is having problems, and then try to tailor the choice of treatment to fix that problem,” he said. “When an intervention is chosen that works not only for the child’s problems but for the family’s philosophy of child-rearing, it’s going to work that much better.”

Still, some methods in Dr. Mindell’s review were supported by stronger evidence than others. The strongest evidence was found for the toughest and the easiest approaches.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the easiest option is preventing sleep problems in the first place, through simple parent education, whether one-on-one training, group classes or booklets. Such programs typically encourage parents to have a peaceful, consistent evening routine in which children are placed in bed “drowsy but awake” to help them develop independent sleep skills. Three well-designed randomized trials have found that the babies of parents who had such training slept significantly better than those whose parents did not.

At the tough extreme is the cry-it-out method, formally known as “unmodified extinction,” in which parents are taught to put a child down for bed, close the door and ignore all crying unless the baby is in physical distress. Despite 23 studies showing its remarkable effectiveness, most parents find the technique too emotionally grueling, the task force found.

Dr. Ferber, despite his link to the technique, said he rarely used it.

“It’s not a pattern that most parents will do,” he said.

Instead, he said he relied on a variety of gentler approaches, including one called graduated extinction. Rather than entirely ignoring a child’s cries, the method teaches parents to briefly check on the child on a regular schedule, staying for just a couple of minutes. Each night, the time between the visits grows longer, until the child learns to fall asleep independently. The task force called the approach an “effective and recommended therapy.”

For all their effectiveness, all the methods reviewed by the task force defined success as having children fall asleep independently. And no matter how gentle the technique, once children become accustomed to falling asleep in the presence of a caregiver, they almost always respond tearfully to being left alone — for at least three to five nights.

And there’s the rub.

“It’s not a lot of fun for parents,” said Dr. Ralph Downey III, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Loma Linda University in California.

“The child acts like it’s the end of the world,” he said. “Nobody wants to see their child suffer. The biological blueprint in us says we need to be there, to comfort and soothe them.”

Still, Dr. Mindell argues that it’s worth it. “What parents really need to focus on is the big picture,” she said. “In the end, you’ll have months and years of everyone sleeping through the night and functioning better through the day.”

The only popular method not reviewed by the task force was co-sleeping, in which children sleep in the same bed with parents, because Dr. Mindell’s team could find no scientific studies of the approach. Although many experts support the method, so long as parents are happy with it, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against the practice because it raises the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS.

The Academy also urges parents to put their infants to sleep on their backs on a firm surface to reduce the risk of SIDS, though sleeping belly down is not the only risk factor for the syndrome. A recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that many babies who die of SIDS have a defect in the portion of their brain that controls breathing, heart rate and arousal.

Co-sleeping also raises the risk of a parent’s unintentionally smothering a baby. A report released last year by Betsey Gotbaum, Public Advocate of New York City, found that 15 children, all less than a year old, died in New York in 2004 while co-sleeping with a caregiver who accidentally rolled over on them or wedged them against the wall.

Despite the risks, Dr. Ferber came out in support of co-sleeping, for parents who prefer it, in the latest edition of his book, “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” (Fireside, 2006). “To me, whether a family chooses to co-sleep should be their decision, and we work with them either way,” he said.

One of the most prominent advocates of co-sleeping, Dr. Robert Sears, who co-authored “The Baby Sleep Book” with his father, mother and brother, is a strong critic of “cry-it-out” methods. “We’re all for routines and consistency, so long as the baby isn’t left to cry it out alone,” Dr. Sears said in a telephone interview from his family’s pediatric clinic in Capistrano Beach, Calif.

“Certainly most methods do work, no matter how harsh it is on the baby,” he said. “But what happens to these babies left to cry it out for hours, if not weeks on end? What kind of trauma is inflicted on the babies, and what is their psychological and emotional makeup 3, 5, 10 years down the road?”

In fact, longterm studies have shown that children who never learn how to fall asleep independently are at increased risk of continuing sleep problems as they grow up, Dr. Mindell said.

Even on a short-term basis, the task force reported, “Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable and to cry and fuss less following treatment.”

While teaching a child to sleep independently can be emotionally wrenching for all those involved, Dr. Mindell said, “Parents need to understand that they’re not doing it for selfish reasons. Their children benefit greatly.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/12/health/12sleep.html
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Snowflake
12-14-2006, 10:04 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Lina
:sl:
At the tough extreme is the cry-it-out method, formally known as “unmodified extinction,” in which parents are taught to put a child down for bed, close the door and ignore all crying unless the baby is in physical distress. Despite 23 studies showing its remarkable effectiveness, most parents find the technique too emotionally grueling, the task force found.
I don't know how any parent can put a small child in a room and let them cry to sleep. It's not natural. What must that poor child be thinking? In 8 years I have never sent my child to bed alone, ecept on rare occassions. I lie with him, we chat a little or go through the Kalimahs then I rub his head or scratch his back (lol, he loves it) and it makes me happy that he went to sleep with his mother there for comfort.

No child should be deprived of comfort and affection at bed time. God forbid, that might be the last time you see them alive again. :(
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Al-Zaara
12-14-2006, 03:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
I don't know how any parent can put a small child in a room and let them cry to sleep. It's not natural. What must that poor child be thinking? In 8 years I have never sent my child to bed alone, ecept on rare occassions. I lie with him, we chat a little or go through the Kalimahs then I rub his head or scratch his back (lol, he loves it) and it makes me happy that he went to sleep with his mother there for comfort.

No child should be deprived of comfort and affection at bed time. God forbid, that might be the last time you see them alive again. :(
:sl:

Are you saying your child hasn't slept alone in his bed yet?
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Snowflake
12-14-2006, 07:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
:sl:

Are you saying your child hasn't slept alone in his bed yet?
He did briefly, but what I was saying is that I don't don't know how parents (mainly mothers) can leave a baby/toddler in a room and walk off leaving them to cry and fall sleep by themselves. It's ok for kids to sleep in a separate bed/room. But babies should be with the mother - why suddenly separate them after birth when they've been snuggled up inside you for 9 months. :(
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soulsociety
12-15-2006, 12:38 AM
:sl:

Can you be my forum mum?

I remember reading/watching something, about how babies in this African country don't cry as much as western babies. They found that the African babies were next to their mothers often, usually in a sling especially when the mother was out working. So a lot of close contact first few years.
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Al-Zaara
12-15-2006, 11:41 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
He did briefly, but what I was saying is that I don't don't know how parents (mainly mothers) can leave a baby/toddler in a room and walk off leaving them to cry and fall sleep by themselves. It's ok for kids to sleep in a separate bed/room. But babies should be with the mother - why suddenly separate them after birth when they've been snuggled up inside you for 9 months. :(
:sl:

Okay, thanks for clarifying. You see, I thought your 8 year-old son still sleeps with his mother (not when crying, just in general). That isn't healthy either.

Yeah, I agree the babies should be close to their mothers the first few years, insha'Allah. :)

:w:
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Snowflake
12-15-2006, 02:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by soulsociety
:sl:

Can you be my forum mum?

I remember reading/watching something, about how babies in this African country don't cry as much as western babies. They found that the African babies were next to their mothers often, usually in a sling especially when the mother was out working. So a lot of close contact first few years.
You're old enough to take care of yourself! :rant: lol

Yup that is so true. I find it very unnatural for babies to be separated from their mums. Even animals keep their young with them at all times.

Al-Zaara: Okay, thanks for clarifying. You see, I thought your 8 year-old son still sleeps with his mother (not when crying, just in general). That isn't healthy either.

Yeah, I agree the babies should be close to their mothers the first few years, insha'Allah.
Actually he still does sleep with me. How is it harmful though? :?
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...
12-15-2006, 02:10 PM
Aww thats so sweet mashaallah!

I totally agree with you! It's so cruel to let babies cry themselves to sleep :cry:
Imagine you were that poor kid...
Just lie down with them for a bit and tell them a story or sing them a song and they'll doze off. If you don't give them love and attention when they need it how can you expect them to be obedient little children?
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SirDemonic
12-15-2006, 02:54 PM
To put babies to sleep just sing to them... :okay:

Unless ur voice is like.... :playing:
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Al-Zaara
12-15-2006, 03:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
You're old enough to take care of yourself! :rant: lol

Yup that is so true. I find it very unnatural for babies to be separated from their mums. Even animals keep their young with them at all times.



Actually he still does sleep with me. How is it harmful though? :?
:sl:

(sorry by the way, it says that I edited your post, but I clicked the edit button when I meant to click quote. )

I mean like, your boy is 8 years old and goes to school I assume, he's growing up and needs to get used to things like sleeping alone in one's room, going alone to the toilet, playing with other kids etc.

It's important for parents to set limits for the child (and themselves). Sometimes it's the mother who needs the child, not vice versa. Whose needs are fullfilled by having a kid sleep in ones bed? I think it's possible a mother can without knowing or realizing it, pay more attention to her own needs than to the needs of her kid.

:w:
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Lina
12-15-2006, 05:00 PM
:sl:

I also think you should start early to learn children to be independent.
Children take on what they learn on a young age and it's hard to learn them something else when they've already gotten used to sleeping with his/her parents. They won't give up easily and it's most likely a child won't want to sleep when it's bedtime and starts throwing fits. *yikes*
you should start young with the progress towards age-appropriate independence.

You can tell/read them bedtime stories, sing to them or whatever but when it's time to go to bed, it's time!
I even think it's not right having children fall asleep when you're still by there side because they'll get used to you being there when falling asleep and they will want that every night! (until they become evil teenagers that is).

source: watching Nanny Shows
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Snowflake
12-15-2006, 07:07 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
:sl:

(sorry by the way, it says that I edited your post, but I clicked the edit button when I meant to click quote. )

I mean like, your boy is 8 years old and goes to school I assume, he's growing up and needs to get used to things like sleeping alone in one's room, going alone to the toilet, playing with other kids etc.

It's important for parents to set limits for the child (and themselves). Sometimes it's the mother who needs the child, not vice versa. Whose needs are fullfilled by having a kid sleep in ones bed? I think it's possible a mother can without knowing or realizing it, pay more attention to her own needs than to the needs of her kid.

:w:
:sl:
I know what you mean but there's no deep seated psychological reason for keeping my son in my bed. When it comes to children, I like to think from a child's point of view. And all children given the choice would love to sleep with their parents.

I do find comfort in the fact that I am there when my child wake's up scared and confused from a nightmare. And when he kicks his blankets off I can cover him up again so that he doesn't catch a cold.

Alhumdulillah in general my son is a confident and independant lil chap. He can play alone and sleeps alone when he visits his father at the weekends. So he can sleep alone. And I allow it to maintain a balance and let him get used to it. Then when the time comes for him to sleep alone it won't be distressing for him. Mother knows best lol.

:w:
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Curious girl2
12-16-2006, 07:15 PM
I swaddled both my children as babies. They wouldnt settle otherwise, swaddling them calmed them instantly and they soon went off to sleep. It even worked when they were colicky.

Peace CG
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Snowflake
12-16-2006, 07:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Curious girl2
I swaddled both my children as babies. They wouldnt settle otherwise, swaddling them calmed them instantly and they soon went off to sleep. It even worked when they were colicky.

Peace CG
awww I love it when babies are swaddled - they just look so cute mashaAllah and it makes them feel secure all wrapped up like mummies lol :wub:

ya Allah I never thought this was possible but I'm beginning to feel broody :X :muddlehea
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Curious girl2
12-16-2006, 11:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
awww I love it when babies are swaddled - they just look so cute mashaAllah and it makes them feel secure all wrapped up like mummies lol :wub:

ya Allah I never thought this was possible but I'm beginning to feel broody :X :muddlehea
Nothing wrong with feeling broody sis! Its just your caring nature coming out! Are you married? Do you have children?

Peace CG
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Snowflake
12-17-2006, 02:05 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Curious girl2
Nothing wrong with feeling broody sis! Its just your caring nature coming out! Are you married? Do you have children?

Peace CG
pending divorce sis...

Alhumdulillah I have an 8 yr old son and I was adamant I wouldn't have any more children. But you know they grow so fast and the babyishness is vanishing fast. I miss the little things like being able to pick him up and just hold his little feet (I loved his feet) and more. But hang on a minute... *pulls herself together* do I really wanna go through sleepless nights and school runs all over again.. NO WAY! :uuh:
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Curious girl2
12-17-2006, 11:17 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
pending divorce sis...

Alhumdulillah I have an 8 yr old son and I was adamant I wouldn't have any more children. But you know they grow so fast and the babyishness is vanishing fast. I miss the little things like being able to pick him up and just hold his little feet (I loved his feet) and more. But hang on a minute... *pulls herself together* do I really wanna go through sleepless nights and school runs all over again.. NO WAY! :uuh:
Awww imsad so sorry it didnt work out for you. I know what you mean about missing the baby stage. My daughter is 5 now and growing up very fast, she is losing her baby face, you know that cute button nose and rosebud mouth. She's still adorable of course! But hey, you know what I mean! I love babies tiny feet and toes............. whoa! Now I've gone all broody LOL!

Peace CG
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lolwatever
12-17-2006, 11:20 AM
:sl:

Actually a frend of mine got twins n they took them to this 3 day school where they traint eh babies to get into this habbit of sleeping at the same time every day.....

now they always sleep together xactly same time every day ..... might b an idea if ne ppl here got twins who drive parents sleepless coz of sleeping at diff times etc..

:w:
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Al-Zaara
12-17-2006, 11:23 AM
:sl:

Please stay on topic, you broody women. ;D



Sister Muslimah_Sis, as far as my understanding goes, I see you and your son have a great relationship. Masha'Allah. :)

And I was here sitting and fearing you still treated your son like a little baby or something in that way... :giggling: He's still your baby, but I mean like a real baby baby--- Uhh, just ignore me. :offended:

:w:
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lolwatever
12-17-2006, 11:26 AM
im not a woman :uuh:
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Al-Zaara
12-17-2006, 11:28 AM
Ooops. :X You posted the same time I was posting so didn't see your post lol... All women in the above posts except lolly, 'cause he's a brother.

:D

Now back on topic. :mmokay:
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Snowflake
12-17-2006, 03:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Curious girl2
Awww imsad so sorry it didnt work out for you. I know what you mean about missing the baby stage. My daughter is 5 now and growing up very fast, she is losing her baby face, you know that cute button nose and rosebud mouth. She's still adorable of course! But hey, you know what I mean! I love babies tiny feet and toes............. whoa! Now I've gone all broody LOL!

Peace CG
alhumdulillah I'm fine sis.. Allah's always pulled me out from a mess, so it's all good. :)

awww mashaAllah ur daughter sounds adorable! I guess we need a broody mum's thread where we can talk our hearts out about our kids loll :giggling:

format_quote Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
:sl:

Please stay on topic, you broody women. ;D
Sister Muslimah_Sis, as far as my understanding goes, I see you and your son have a great relationship. Masha'Allah. :)

And I was here sitting and fearing you still treated your son like a little baby or something in that way... :giggling: He's still your baby, but I mean like a real baby baby--- Uhh, just ignore me. :offended:

:w:
lol my fault for the broodiness [BANANA]GUILTY![/BANANA]

There's always room for improvement with parent-child relationships, but as long as we doing our best, then inshaAllah we won't go too wrong.

but lol yeah he's still my baby and always will be... but I know when he reaches puberty, I'm not going to baby him as much..right now he loves it more than I do :giggling:

back on topic 4rm now.. :okay:
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