how do you stop?

[AnonymousPoster]

how do you stop starin at the opposite sex? some of them are just so attractive i cannot stop starin and sometimes i get really distracted, how do ya stop this. lowerin the gaze doesnt work, i cant control my self sometimes.

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
come on dudes/etts why can't we give a good relaiable answer to whom ever it is does it matter who it is? NO not really so lets make a move && give help

well surely 'Anon' if loweriong the gaze doesn't help i know it's hard at times well if your a gyal then why not wear a veil && if your a dude just look down best thing to read is Surah Tawbah && maybe it will be a good idea if you actually look upon the english translation of the qura'an inshallah :).
Ma'assalama

[Umm Yoosuf]

:sl:

The comments were deleted. The member is asking a serious qestion lets give our brother/sister in Islam an answer that would benefit them from Quran and Sunnah :)

I hope this helps

The prominent Muslim scholar Sheikh Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim scholar and lecturer, states:



Shari`ah came to forbid the ways that lead to immorality, one of which is looking at non-mahram (a mahram is a non-marriageable relative) women. Almighty Allah says: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” (An-Nur:30) In his commentary on this verse, Imam Ibn Kathir wrote: "This is a command from Allah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze."


It was narrated that Jarir ibn `Abdullah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) about an accidental glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze.” (Muslim) Imam An-Nawawi said: "What is meant by an “accidental glance” is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadith, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allah says: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” (An-Nur: 30)


Men must lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things in all circumstances, unless there is a valid reason, such as giving testimony, medical treatment, proposing marriage, buying a slave woman, engaging in financial transactions such as buying and selling, etc. In all these cases it is permissible to look as much as is required, and no more.


There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allah to help you to do them:


1 – Bearing in mind the fact that Allah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His knowledge) wherever you go. It may be a secretive glance of which your closest neighbor is unaware, but Allah knows of it: “Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal.” (Ghafir:19)


2 – Seeking the help of Allah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him. Almighty Allah says: “And your Lord said: Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation).” (Ghafir: 60)


3 – You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allah, and requires that you should give thanks for it. Part of being grateful for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allah has forbidden. Is there any reward for a good deed, other than good? “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah.” (An-Nahl: 53)


4 – Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and never giving up. Allah says: “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths.” (Al-`Ankabut: 69) The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allah will make him patient…” (Al-Bukhari)


5 – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting idle in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).


6 – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great is the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir within your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt, or justify your mistakes by saying that you are surrounded by temptation.


7 – Doing a lot of voluntary acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing the obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadith qudsi (Divine), Allah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Al-Bukhari)


8 – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness for or against us. Allah says: “That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil).” (Az-Zalzalah: 4)


9 – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid one from letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allah says: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things).” (An-Nur: 30)


10 – Avoiding unnecessary looks, so that you only look at what is needed to look at, and you do not allow your gaze to wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and temptation of which cannot be got rid of quickly.


11 – Marriage is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).


11 – Remembering al-hur al-`een (maidens in Paradise), which will motivate you to be patient in avoiding that which Allah has forbidden, hoping to obtain this blessing. Allah said: “Companions of equal age.” (An-Naba': 33) And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Al-Bukhari)


12 – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who attracts you...



13 – Checking yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst being patient, realizing that everyone makes mistakes.


14 – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the negative effects of allowing one’s gaze to wander.


15 – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.


16 – Bringing up this topic during meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers to others.


17 – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their beauty, such as how they dress, wearing bright colors, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.


18 – Warding off passing thoughts and the whispers of Satan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he continues to look he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove, will not be planted in his heart.


19 – Being afraid of an evil end, and of a feeling of great regret at the point of death.


20 – Keeping the company of good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way."

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503548052

[Sabbir_1]

how do you stop starin at the opposite sex? some of them are just so attractive i cannot stop starin and sometimes i get really distracted, how do ya stop this. lc, i cant control my self sometimes.

Dont look up, when you walking dont look up.. look at the floor..

owerin the gaze doesnt work

Does work, you gotta control your eyes..

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Sabbir_1]

just wana say if you look down you may bump in to a post or someone so yh BECAREFUL when you look down you may fall asleep.

Just look when there are people around, where you think that there will be women/men around.. also You dont have to look al the time at the ground, look ahead where you going as well

[Woodrow]

This is one of the more difficult challanges we all face. Now, is the time to learn self discipline. You have the tools at your disposal, it just takes practice to learn to use them.

Keep in mind each person deserves respect and part of that respect is to keep our thoughts respectfull.

Temptation will always be around us, avoid the locations you are most likely to run into temptation. When in the presence of members of the opposite gender, do your best not to gaze at them and direct your eyes to a safe location.

[chacha_jalebi]

just remem this matey :D

the pleasures of this life are crap compared to the pleasures of the next :D

also lowering the gaze does actually work if u lower it :p :D like the bro said jus look @ the floor or you can look at whoever you want jus keep your intentions cool :D

[deen_2007]

just recite....n watch ur temptations fade away

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

you can look at whoever you want jus keep your intentions cool :D

:salamext:

Erm... no. It's a must to lower one's gaze. It's a command from Allah to the believer. SO looking at forbidden things is impermissable.

The following links may be useful inshaAllah:

http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=20229&ln=eng&txt

http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=3234&ln=eng&txt

http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=26862&ln=eng&txt

http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=33651&ln=eng&txt

[Malaikah]

:sl:

Try fasting!

And fear God. Also imagine if you were married and your husband/wife saw you doing that, how offended would he/she be?

[Keltoi]

Is there a difference in Islam between admiring the beauty of a woman without having lustful thoughts? Probably not. Although I have personally looked at a woman, thought to myself "That woman is good looking" and then went about my business without even considering some lustful temptation.

[- Qatada -]

Is there a difference in Islam between admiring the beauty of a woman without having lustful thoughts? Probably not. Although I have personally looked at a woman, thought to myself "That woman is good looking" and then went about my business without even considering some lustful temptation.

A famous scholar called Ibn Al Qayyim said something like; guard your thoughts because thoughts become desires, and desires (as they gradually build up) lead to action.

A fire started with a small flame. Islaam doesn't forbid all things - rather our desires are diverted in a way which is permissible for us. So if we can't stare at any guy/girl walking in the street, we have the option of getting married and within the marriage its encouraged for the couple to increase in their love, to give each other gifts etc. It's actually rewardable if the person has sincere intentions to please God etc. :)



Peace.

[Malaikah]

Is there a difference in Islam between admiring the beauty of a woman without having lustful thoughts? Probably not.

Spot on... they are both not allowed, men aren't allowed to look at women.

[AnonymousPoster]

^ because the first almost always leads to the other.

[Grace Seeker]

Well, I'm not Muslim, and though I have a Qu'ran (which I've read), I don't know it well enough to give answers from it. But many in Christianity face this very same problem. And one of the things that I have observed is that when one thinks of the other person as a person and not an object that the problem begins to resolve itself.

Let me explain with a story:
Several years ago I was leading a workshop with some Jr. High students (age 12-14 years old). We had both boys and girls in the group, though we separated them for our discussion times. There were a couple of these kids that had previously gotten to know each other and, in their lingo, were "going together". How they could do this when they lived over 20 miles apart, the internet had not yet been invented, and no parent was willing to provide transportation I don't know. But they did see each other at occassional events like a basketball game when their schools played each other, and sometimes all of the churches in the area would get together for some event with the youth. That was the extent of the contact they had with each other. But, in their minds they were still a couple, until this weekend event, when they "broke-up". Now, I knew both of these kids and knew them to be good kids. But I also knew them to still be struggling with how they understood themselves, let alone able to make a serious committment to someone else.

About half-way through the even they each came to me separate of the other and asked, "Why is it that when people break up they end up hating each other and can't be friend?" My response floored them, "Maybe it's because they were never really friends to begin with, but just thought they were." Some how that actually made sense and helped them both to move on, and later to actually make room to simply be friends. See, they had so much wanted to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend for themselves that they never even really considered the other as a person. The other was just a trophy so that they could tell there real friends that they had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. When the real person showed up, they weren't prepared for that. Because in truth they simply were relating to the other person as an objected whose purpose was to meet a need in their own lives. If the other person had been a friend, they would instead try to meet their friend's needs first before their own. Thus, I suggested that they had never viewed each other as friends, but as objects to begin with.



Well, apply that same concept to your problem here. You see another person of the opposite sex and have trouble thinking about them in any way but as what? As an object of attraction.

What if you were to focus on the other person's humanity? The other person's individuality? The other person's personality? The other person's character? Find the things in the other person that Allah wants you to find and focus on in all people, regardless of what gender they are, and you will see them less as a sexual object and more as simply a person. In so doing you will (1) be submitting your will more to the will of Allah and less to your hormones, and (2) have a chance to get to know a really neat human being for who they actually are rather than who you want them to be for you.

I'm not going to deny that you might eventually find yourself attracted to someone for all of these other things in them: personality, character, etc... but if so, then it is probably someone that is worth looking at as perhaps the "one" that Allah would match you with, because you would have found someone who will be the same on the inside many years from now that they are today. But if you find yourself pursuing the lust of the flesh, well, pardon me for being so bold, but then you are being playd by Satan for a fool. Our outside appearance will change over time, but people remain pretty much the same on the inside throughtout their lives. Find someone by loving the individual Allah created within them, rather than the body they are wrapped in and my best guess is that Allah would bless this.

[*charisma*]

Although I have personally looked at a woman, thought to myself "That woman is good looking" and then went about my business without even considering some lustful temptation.

The thing is, if you did have any thoughts about her, you would probably be able to act upon those thoughts unconciously since you are used to it, whereas we have to try our best to refrain from it as much as possible.

If you've had a girlfriend that you were able to express your feelings to or been exposed to women who have dressed very westernized before, then it could be possible a lot of the your wonders have already been answered. You have to remember many of our bros here have probably never gone as far as even discussing more than school work with a female...so you could imagine how hard it is to refrain from sexual desires at an age or time when that's all..well ya kno..

peace

[Snowflake]

We can't always advise brothers and sisters to lower their gaze. There are times when lowering it would cause more fitnah. Yes brothers and sisters, if you happen to come across sunbathers whilst on the beach, LOOK UP! lol

Up as far as your eyes can go!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

who would walk on a beach with sunbathers around anyway? +o(

['Abd al-Baari]

who would walk on a beach with sunbathers around anyway? +o(

true
lol

[AnonymousPoster]

well dis is how i c it...weneva i saw da opposite gender.. b4 i prolly wuda been like "whoa...theyre fiiiiine" but when itz put into comparison wiv whats in da hereafter (Jannah) the human brain truely cannot imagine the beuaty of Al Jannah...
so with that in mind...i wud neva bother lookin at da opposite gender n get infected wiv thoughts dat can be of danger to me. the beauty of Al Jannah truely highlights how Allah is the MOST GENEROUS and this helps ones strive for the hereafter...

people mayb sayin "just lower ur gaze"...thats tru..but what i gota say is just think n ask urself...what do you want to do? infect ur brain with these hazardous thoughts...or think of Allah's generousity and strive for the hereafter? Koz SubhanAllah, Allah's Generousity is of nothing we see in this world..its jus so much more :'(

inshaAllah i hope Allahs helps you with whatever you do bro.
Allah knows best.

:w:

[Snowflake]

who would walk on a beach with sunbathers around anyway

well, you might not know they're there.. or could turn up after you and start sunbathing.. so it is possible you know lol

[IbnAbdulHakim]

well, you might not know they're there..

lol i can see some sunbathers will be getting stepped all over

or could turn up after you and start sunbathing.. so it is possible you know lol

thats when we leg it shouting

"ASTAGFIRULLAH"

[Snowflake]

^lol@getting stepped over! so true...

Maybe one day in the future someone will invent muslim glasses, so when you see nudity it actually shows up as people wearing islamic clothing lol.

Is there a difference in Islam between admiring the beauty of a woman without having lustful thoughts? Probably not. Although I have personally looked at a woman, thought to myself "That woman is good looking" and then went about my business without even considering some lustful temptation.

I agree that no everyone who looks at a beautiful person has lustful thoughts, but the possibility is always there. Lowering the gaze is a preventative measure.

The other thing is that the one being looked at may think they're being given the eye and hence allow lustful thoughts come into their head. So it can be harmful both ways.

[Re.TiReD]

:sl: what helps for me is keeping the Akhirah in mind....

so if you're ever tempted just think...is this act gonna help me in the hereafter? coz the pleasure is momentary but the punishment is way greater...dont live for this world.... :w:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

How do i stop? Well, what i do is lower my gaze or look at something in the opposite direction, like if a man is coming from right side, i would look at the left side..lol

But thats not it. My mind works along like i tell myself "You have to save ur gaze just for ur hubby" "Allah will be pleased with me" "Its shaytan who is trying to tempt me and i wont fall in his trap inshaAllah" "I believe Allah will reward me for this inshaAllah" etc That's like a self-talk in my mind that helps me lower the gaze. That reminds me that i am not just trying to secure my world but also my hereafter.

Hope that helps you as much as it helps me ameen inshaAllah.

:w:

[Snowflake]

I must admit, it really is diffcult to lower the gaze. Not at all times but for me mainly when talking to the opposite gender. I can walk for miles without looking up but when I'm talking to someone, I find it real hard not to make eye contact. That's because it was drummed into us at school that it's rude not to.

I remember walking into a book shop recently and asking the bro behind the counter if they had a certain book. The poor broz eyes hit the floor when I got there, but mine were on him. Astaghfirullah, I had to remind myself to look down. It feels so weird not looking at the person you're talking to. But I'm getting there. :-\

If you aren't already parents, you will be one day inshaAllah. So it's a good thing to start teaching your kids this practice before they reach puberty. It's hard for an old dog to learn to tricks. Lol!

[Muslim.sister]

Salam Alaikum,
Lol, honestly, I don't think the whole 'don't look up' thing works. I mean, as a sister, I would WANT to know WHO and WHAT is around me. I suppose the best thing you can do is make dua that Allah make it easier for you to be able to see someone of the opposite gender without automatic feelings of lust, and then, when you actually are out and see people, keep in mind WHY Allah has forbade was He has, andthe punishments.
Salam

[czgibson]

Greetings,

It feels so weird not looking at the person you're talking to. But I'm getting there. :-\

If you aren't already parents, you will be one day inshaAllah. So it's a good thing to start teaching your kids this practice before they reach puberty. It's hard for an old dog to learn to tricks. Lol!

There is an extraordinary cultural difference being made apparent here. In most of the world (as far as I'm aware) looking at the person you're speaking to is considered utterly normal and polite. That people are so afraid of the sexual act that they would try to repress this behaviour is baffling to me.

Peace

[brother_rk]

Greetings,


There is an extraordinary cultural difference being made apparent here. In most of the world (as far as I'm aware) looking at the person you're speaking to is considered utterly normal and polite. That people are so afraid of the sexual act that they would try to repress this behaviour is baffling to me.

Peace

Greetings to you Friend,

I don't think the problem is merely looking at the opposite gender - this, to the best of my knowledge, is permissible in Islam as long as it does not lead to sexual arousal or becomes innapropriate. For example, staring at the backside of a woman as she walks by is not appropriate; however, looking at the person of the opposite gender that you are interacting with (within the limitations of Islam) is harmless, and as you said, a form of politeness and respect.

If you think about it, it makes sense. I think it's safe to say that most women, regardless of religion, don't really appreciate being looked at like a piece of meat :)

Anyway, I hope this clarifies the issue a bit :)

Peace :)

[brother_rk]

Here is a good description about what I was saying. I got this from ---

"Guarding your gaze is a good practice that fosters modest interaction between the sexes. The Quran commands both believing men and women to guard their gaze. Unfortunately, many Muslims have lost this practice. What guarding the gaze means is that you should refrain from staring at a woman's face (if she's not a member of your unmarriageable kin or your wife). It does not mean keeping one's eyes glued to the ground. In Western societies, guarding one's gaze can sometimes be interpreted as a lack of assertiveness or respect for the other person. However, with Muslims, guarding one's gaze indicates respect for the other person's space and modesty of intention. Our scholars have said that looking at a woman's face is permitted in certain occasions. For example, if you are seeking a woman in marriage, it is permitted to look at her face. If you work in any type of job that requires you to look at people and interact with them, looking is permitted as long as you don't look with desire. If you are a teacher, looking at your female students is permitted as long as you don't look more than necessary or with desire. In short, be modest and respectful."

[brother_rk]

The URL came out a bit weird there, sorry... here it is again:

http://qa.**************/issue_view....=4771&CATE=143

[brother_rk]

Odd. Mods, what's going on with my links here?