:sl:
My Dear Brother, it's so great that you've come forward for help! Do not be ashamed for bringing up such a topic, after all... we are your brothers and sisters in Islam! :) Wa Al7amdulilah...
Your post is as if you're talking to me a year ago or so... I was in the same situation - going nuts in university, afraid that I'd eventually break and fall into the trap of the Shaytan. I'm not going to pretty-up your situation... it's very tough, so expect it to be. If you're prepared to face it realistically, then InshAllah you will make it through just fine InshAllah.
I would just like to say that above I said that your post reminded me of myself in the past doesn't mean I do not face tempation now (I'm not married yet now either), but Al7amdulilah I've learned to realize the risks and I'm dealing with the situation much better now than before... don't get me wrong, I'm not sailing through being single so smoothly, but definately past the worst of it I believe. Wa Al7amdulilah.
Here are some tips and reminders that I used to get myself through the hardest moments, and still do. As I give you this advise, I'm giving it to myself too:
- Avoid anything that reminds you of sex. It's too easy to watch a movie and end up watching a sex scene or something of the sort. So, avoid movies that are sexually explicit. You can tell most of the time from the movie rating. Some brothers and sisters here would advise you to stop watching movies completely if they're not of an Islam topic - this would obviously be the most ideal, but we are human and cannot expect ourselves to go cold-turkey in one day. Work towards this goal with the best of efforts and intentions InshAllah. Also, avoid music that is of a sexually explicit nature. Listening to a woman singing about this topic would only lead your imagination to unwanted territory (maybe not ALL the time, but eventually it may possibly do).
- Avoid interacting with women on-campus or at work too much. Definately avoid getting toooooo friendly with women. Do not be secluded with another woman who you are not ma7ram to, after all... the Shaytan is the third.
- Avoid women you have feelings for or feel like you're developing feelings for. When you have an emotional attachment to a woman, obviously the next step would be to develop a sexual attraction or desire for her.
- This is very important... Avoid hanging around with guy-friends who do nothing but speak of women and brag of their experiences. Nothing more heavy to drag you down than hanging out with a bunch of your dude friends in a mall and it's a constant bombardment of "Hey check her out!" and "Did you see that one!". No matter how strong you are, I truly believe that with enough of this you'd end up sinking into it yourself. But Allah (SWT) knows best.
- Don't let yourself get sucked into thinking about women in a sexual manner. Once you start, your brain tends to take over and lead you straight to tempation.
- Avoid websites where you can download clips of a sexual nature. Even if you're not looking for it, you can easily download a clip that looks innocent enough, but it ends up having a nude scene or something of the sort. So be careful of what you download from the Internet.
- Make sure that if you're subscribed to any mailing lists on the Internet that they never send out jokes, pictures or videos of explicit content. Just save yourself the head ache and unsubscribe if you're unsure.
- Sleep on your right side, and definately avoid sleeping on your stomach. I'm not going to paint a picture for you here, I'm sure you can see the point.
- Remind yourself of the risks of sex and other sexual activities. You don't have to have sex to catch something, remember this. Also, do you really want to get into the possibilities of pregnancy, etc.? I didn't think so!
More important than anything above is the rememberance of Allah (SWT). It's not always easy to remember to do this, but this is an essential tool for getting through this. Whenever you have a thought or desire, just say to yourself "AstughfirAllah" and try your best to think of Allah (SWT). You don't have to neccessarily make Thikr, per se, but just think of Allah in whatever way you can to keep Him on your mind. And remember, do your absolute best to remain steadfast in your Salat. This alone would definately ease the way for you.
I recommend you read this thread... I think you should look into it, and see what's feasible and what's not.
http://www.islamicboard.com/marriage...your-kids.html
One last point... no matter how far away in the distant future marriage looks to you, I'm sure by the time you get there you'd realize that it wasn't that long. Remain patient my Brother, you're not alone. Keep yourself occupied with productive activities and by spending time with people who will not lead you into temptation. Have faith in Allah (SWT) and pray that He keeps you chaste until marriage.
I pray that Allah (SWT) guides us all, and I pray that my advise here is sound and of the truth. If I have made any mistakes, they were mine alone. May Allah (SWT) forgive me, and us all. Ameen.
Good luck to you, my Brother.
:sl: