Wot do u do if dnt get on wiv ur mum??????????

[Irfan's Wife]

HELP!!!!!!:cry: Im deeply saddened at the fact that i don't get on with ma mother! Ive bin off work 4 da past 8 months in order 4 us 2 get dis mother daughter relationship sorted,but im like:rollseyes come on mother u gota make da effort 2!!! But shes like :rolleyes: i need some advice dis is not jus out to ma sistas out there wud like to here a bros perspective 2.

Wish me luck!!!:thumbs_up

[tomtomsmom]

Well what is the problems betweeen the two of you?

[Irfan's Wife]

Well what is the problems betweeen the two of you?

We just dnt get on,i try to get on wiv her but believe it or not i jus get attitude back, ive tried da lets keep silent and let her have her way,but shes just not satisfied till drs a row and i surrender to ma room!!!!!!!!!! I am +o( of it all.

[tomtomsmom]

Maybe there is something else she is unhappy about that has nothing to do with you. Or she may not be able to express her feelings. If you really want a relationship with her then you can't give up. If she gives you attitude take it. Show no signs that it bothers you. Instead try to stay pleasant and change the subject. If she is cooking try to help her. If she doesn't want your help, then just stay in the room with her. Sometimes silence is better than talking. When she is in a good mood, try to ask her things that will make her happy to talk about. Like happy memories from her childhood. Tell her that you want to get to know her, and how to be a good mother so that when you have children you will know.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Irfan's Wife]

Maybe there is something else she is unhappy about that has nothing to do with you. Or she may not be able to express her feelings. If you really want a relationship with her then you can't give up. If she gives you attitude take it. Show no signs that it bothers you. Instead try to stay pleasant and change the subject. If she is cooking try to help her. If she doesn't want your help, then just stay in the room with her. Sometimes silence is better than talking. When she is in a good mood, try to ask her things that will make her happy to talk about. Like happy memories from her childhood. Tell her that you want to get to know her, and how to be a good mother so that when you have children you will know.

the thing is i disagree with da way she has brought up my brothers and sister and da reason y i personally fink she dnt get on wiv me is becuz i speak ma mind and i aint afraid to tell her wots right and wots wrong,she puts her defences up,and just shutdowns on me and teks it out on me wiv anger.

[tomtomsmom]

Well sis nobody likes to be told they are wrong. Everyone makes mistakes but speaking as a mother, it hurts when your own child sees that you are wrong. Though she may not be the kind of mother you want to be for your kids, she is still your mother. She still carried you inside of her so that you could be here. She deserves your respect. You don't have to agree with her, but you should still love her and try to get along with her.

[Irfan's Wife]

I know ur right and i really hope dat she grows to respect me 4 da person i am.iv bin patient 4 so long im sure i can hold it dwn.Thanku xxx

[tomtomsmom]

I hope so too!!
My own mother and I had many problems when I was younger. She kicked me out of the house when I was 15 and we didn't speak for almost a year. Then one day I had to go to the emergency room because I was in sever pain and had no idea why. She was at the front door waiting for me when I got there. We still weren't close though. Then I had my son and I realized how much she had given up for me, and how much alike we really were. My mother is my best friend now. I would be lost with out her!!

['Abd al-Baari]

Sorry to hear about your problems sister but i really hope you make it up with your mum, i once read that 'the doors of jannah are under the feet of your mother'

[SATalha]

What Alpha dude bro is saying is correct. try being humble with your mum and show her that you respect her by gazing down. Inshallah she will see that your being respectful to her and yuur relation with her will become stronger. One trick that i use is buying gifts get your Mum something nice. She will like tha Inshallah.

['Abd al-Baari]

One trick that i use is buying gifts get your Mum something nice. She will like tha Inshallah.

works for me, Inshallah it will work for you, but it could unfortunately backfire for you and she might think your bribing her anyways Inshallah you make your peace with her

[Grace Seeker]

I had several years of being unable to really appreciate my mom. And in my opinion I was justified. In fact, in most other people's opinions who knew about the situation I was justified.

You know what? It really didn't make me feel any better to be right. The truth is I wanted to be right with my mom. But I didn't know how to make that happen.

Then a friend told me that the problem wasn't with my mom, but with me. See I was harboring resentment. Yeah, my mom had done some pretty bad things. They had hurt me and other members of our family. But, whether I held on to the hurt was not something she forced on me, it was something I chose. If I wanted to have a good relationship with my mom, I was going to have to move past it.

I have to tell you it was not easy. It was hard, very hard. I spent a long time in prayer. But what I realized was that I didn't want to hold on to the resentment any longer. Did my mom improve? Honestly, no. But I decided that she did not have to improve for me to love her. And if I really loved her, then maybe I could make a few steps toward her, that did not depend on her treating me any particular way. Maybe I could accept her just the way she was, which was imperfect. And maybe I didn't have to have a perfect relationship with her, but just a good one.

So, that's what I resolved to do. That has now been about a year, and I have found that in letting go, that not near as much about my mother bothers me as it used to. She's not perfect, but neither am I. She loves me despite my imperfections and I am learning to love her the same. That doesn't make everything always goes smoothly. But it is a lot better than before, and it began with a friend being honest about me needing to address my part of the problem. After all, I am the only person I really have any control over. Then after that, letting the rest of it go as not that important, at least not as important as having a good relationship with my mom, which I finally do.

[north_malaysian]

maybe you should bring your mum for a vacation.... in a beautiful island maybe...... (or in Malaysia:) ).. you'll learn to appreciate each other more during vacation...

[snakelegs]

grace seeker - that's wonderful!
we can not control others, but we can control how we react to them.

[Irfan's Wife]

maybe you should bring your mum for a vacation.... in a beautiful island maybe...... (or in Malaysia:) ).. you'll learn to appreciate each other more during vacation...

:sl: :D lol i spent 3 months wiv her on 'vacation' unfortunately no joy.:exhausted

[Irfan's Wife]

works for me, Inshallah it will work for you, but it could unfortunately backfire for you and she might think your bribing her anyways Inshallah you make your peace with her

:sl: :giggling: Dat is do true!!!!

[islamistheway]

:sl:
somebody i know is going through the same dilemma and it kills me to see whats going on between them....the problem is since i know them both closely..i know how both of them are feeling..but the daughter seems to misunderstand her mom all the time....whenever i try and interfere whenever i am around...i just make the matters worse..but i really want to make their relationship work...they used to be ultra close but things happened...not due to the mother but the daughter's holding a grudge against her cuz the mom didn't ask how she was...the mom says cuz i know n i dont want to pester you about it..i want u to forget it n move on..but the daughter is really angry with her mom...can anyone give me advice as to what part i should play??? how can i help them??? pplease help me i really want to be of assistance to them...
:w:

[Grace Seeker]

:sl:
somebody i know is going through the same dilemma and it kills me to see whats going on between them....the problem is since i know them both closely..i know how both of them are feeling..but the daughter seems to misunderstand her mom all the time....whenever i try and interfere whenever i am around...i just make the matters worse..but i really want to make their relationship work...they used to be ultra close but things happened...not due to the mother but the daughter's holding a grudge against her cuz the mom didn't ask how she was...the mom says cuz i know n i dont want to pester you about it..i want u to forget it n move on..but the daughter is really angry with her mom...can anyone give me advice as to what part i should play??? how can i help them??? pplease help me i really want to be of assistance to them...
:w:

Be supportive of your friend as a person, but don't take sides. Let them work it out between themselves. If she goes bad mouthing her mom in front of you, just listen. You don't have to respond.

[cali dude]

I could be worng but I think I know Kiron's problem. Look at Avatar...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

hug your mum three times everyday and make dua to Allah, in 3 weeks you will have a strong bond inshaAllah :D

:salamext:

[islamistheway]

Be supportive of your friend as a person, but don't take sides. Let them work it out between themselves. If she goes bad mouthing her mom in front of you, just listen. You don't have to respond.

thanks alot for ur response...i'm gonna try that...

[FBI]

:sl:

This is slighty off-topic, but one thing that saddens me is the current trend among some muslims, not accusing anyone here, but just in genrel I've seen muslims who are pious, gentle but their parents lack adaab and basic manners when they don't get they way they hide under islam to emotionally black-mail their children, now the children ask for advice but are told to respect their parents, I ask isn't respect 50/50 how can u demand respect when u aint giving it your self, I'm just sick of this whole "Parents Know Best" way of thinking muslims have adopted, many parents get away with many crimes against their children, forced marraiges, mental abuse, physical abuse, ect, Parents who follow the quran and sunnah know best so we should judge each case by the facts not simply dismiss it as the kids fault.

[Irfan's Wife]

I could be worng but I think I know Kiron's problem. Look at Avatar...

:? wot do u mean by dat?

[cali dude]

:? wot do u mean by dat?

You are a convert and is it true that your parents are not Muslim and could it be that they object to your conversion?

[Irfan's Wife]

You are a convert and is it true that your parents are not Muslim and could it be that they object to your conversion?

lol nah im not a convert ive been muslim all ma life!!!!! Alhumdullillah both my parents are muslim too!:D

[cali dude]

lol nah im not a convert ive been muslim all ma life!!!!! Alhumdullillah both my parents are muslim too!:D

I am sorry I thought you were a convert. So when you say "revert to Islam" in your Avatar, does it mean that you even though you have always been Muslim, but you recently got baptized or something of that nature?

[Irfan's Wife]

I am sorry I thought you were a convert. So when you say "revert to Islam" in your Avatar, does it mean that you even though you have always been Muslim, but you recently got baptized or something of that nature?

:) well personally i started to look at ma life Islamically,and live it that way too,whilst before although i was muslim,i wasn't praying.Now i am.:thumbs_up

[atha]

Assalam-u-alaikum

Seems that a lot of us are having the same problems. :-) My mom and I also had a difference in opinion. It was very tough. But I talked to somebody about it and eventually decided to write a letter in Urdu (my mother tongue) to my mom and dad. So, this way, I said things which I wouldn't have said before. I mean we do have some communication problems. But after reading this letter, my mom has been trying mashaallah. So, write a letter to your mom. On paper. With Ink. Leave it next to her pillow. Let her the know that you mean well inshaAllah. Don't forget to write it in your mother tongue inshaAllah.

Here are some more tips.

Assalam-u-alaikum Sister dearest

I used to have the same problem. I still have the same issue to some extent. Here are some guidelines inshaAllah

1-Kiss or hug her when she displays her anger but don't overcrowd her

2-Learn to bend a little bit. I mean sometimes your mother may say something that sounds obnoxious or rude but learn to forgive. She is afterall your mom who carried you for 9 months and then took care of you. Just remind yourself how your mom had to change your diapers everyday. That is some rude smell, don't you think so. :-) Be patient with her

3-Find some common basis. For instance, shop with her, cook food with her, share a book to read. It doesn't have to be religious activity, you can do something just for fun. but then again entertainment for fun with the right intention is considered, subhannallah, ibaadah.

4-Have somebody to talk to. Like when you get frustrated, talk to your friend. Let it out, how angry you are and everthing. But make sure its a good practising sister you are talking to she may advise you in the light of Sunnah and the Quran ishaAllah.

5-Don't forget to massage your mom's feet b/c Jannah is at your mom's feet. (Not meant literally but only metaphorically)

May Allah help you in this, Amin

Oh, also, make dua for me. I have a long way to go with my parents. :-)

Take care
Assalam-u-Alaikum