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View Full Version : 22 years .. 3 weeks of surrender



mariam.
03-10-2007, 07:13 PM
I would like to introduce you to a woman whom we have known for three years, Her story was one that left a great impression on us.
Our Love of Allah compared to hers is so insignificant, so great was her Love and her sacrifice.
It is a story which brought tears to the eyes of all who had heard of it, and I hope that there will be some of her brothers and sisters from this website who will make du’a to Allah to have mercy upon her and to accept her.
I will now relate unto you her story which she herself narrates to us as she says:
It all began whilst in Lebanon. I do not remember that much about my childhood, my grandparents’ home, my family or my relatives.
Whilst at school I used to attend religious classes with other Muslims but at home my mother used to have a large cross hanging above my bed. I used to know that I was a Muslim but it was something which had no meaning to me, I did not understand it at all.
When I set foot in Australia I was extremely happy as I was but a child of 10 who found herself in a vast place surrounded with beautiful modern structures…..
The signs of puberty soon began to show its signs on me and it became apparent that I was becoming a beautiful and charming young woman. The young men at school began to compete with each other in order to gain my friendship and companionship.
My beauty was my most cutting weapon, with it I was able to achieve everything that I so desired…….everything that is, except for a family.
My father had separated from my mother and each of them then remarried and left the country, leaving me behind alone.
I was overcome with such terrible choking agony and grief at this, so intense that my senses were clouded for a period of time, but I managed to overcome it, and then only began a phase of my true life.
I had to find work in order to support myself and for this my beauty was a great aide for me. It helped make way for many job opportunities, and on top of my beauty, I was also capable of speaking a few Arabic words which made me seem even more attractive to the people of that country.
From amongst the many young men who were always in my company I chose one of them who was a very handsome young man, and we became friends and moved in together.
One night as I was working at a bar, one of the customers approached me and suggested that I enter a local beauty pageant contest which if I won; I would become the holder of the crown and title. My imagination began to run away with me…. If I won, it would make me qualified for entry into the international beauty contest! Then if I won in that contest I would be crowned with the title World Beauty……who knows? It was possible.
It was a very exciting idea and I began to pay special attention to this man so to assure him that this beautiful body of mine was certainly deserving of being recognized by the world as a symbol of feminity.
I entered the contest and won! I then became the most popular young lady in the country and my days and nights became hectic as people from all around sought me out. I spent those days in drink and entertainment, enjoying every possible and impossible pleasurable thing. I began to be aware that everyone around me was envious and jealous of me because of all that I had, which was plenty…with much more awaiting me, and my boyfriend was always by my side.
My work multiplied and became more demanding so I never had time to visit my old friends at the bar. I successfully secured contracts for my appearance in commercials, and I also became most sought after cover girl, photographers of great skill enhanced the beauty of my face and body greatly, it was breathtaking for whoever saw me, and money was flowing into my hands in abundance.
Thru my fame I came to be acquainted with many people of this type of society (i.e. celebrities)
Because many details of my life had been published, including the fact that I was of Arab Lebanese origin, an Australian family who were originally Lebanese contacted me.
They kept close company with me and I used to sense something different in this friendship which I shared with them. It was something beautiful and inspiring, something which I had not yet encountered with anyone else. Maybe it was because they carried with them the familiar scents of my past and homeland...
The family was made up of both Muslim and Christian members and I never used to feel more inclined towards any of them, nor did their religions make any impression or difference to me.
Both Christian and Muslim members of this family treated me as if I was one of their own, perhaps it was because of the fact that I was a Muslim but my mother was a Christian.
Whether this day was something that actually happened or whether it was merely a dream…..I do not know…
I was invited to dinner by one side of the Lebanese family, they were Muslims and I used to feel love towards them mixed with dislike at the same time. I disliked being in their home because I was not able to bring along my boyfriend, but at the same time I liked being around them because I always felt a strange sense of ease around them.
On this particular night I had intended to dine with them and then return quickly to my boyfriend as I had already promised him the “Night of his Life” and had requested him to prepare everything to be ready for my return.
We sat down to eat and they spoke to me about Lebanon and about how important it was for me to learn to speak the Arabic language and to follow the news of happenings back home. I was not paying attention to them and just kept a smile plastered to my face. They then switched on the television and tuned into the Lebanese channel, and as comedy shows and documentaries were shown on the T.V. I just sat there keeping in my rising anger and wishing that the hands of time would go by faster.
The T.V. programs were being shown on the screen in front of me and I was watching it without seeing and listening without paying attention when all of a sudden the silence of everyone around me gripped me and caused me to turn around and pay attention to the program which silenced them.
It was a young man on the screen. I turned to the lady besides me and asked her about who he was, and she replied by saying “He is the daa’ee Umar Khaalid and he is talking about Deen”
It occurred to me to immediately leave that place! I do not have anything to do with religion, and what religious thing is this he is talking about? I wanted to leave this dull gathering immediately.
But the English translation for the words which were being spoken by this man caught hold of my attention. The Man was talking about chasteness and modesty.
Modesty? What is that word? It was a new and strange word to me! Rarely had it ever fallen upon my ears.
I began to gather my clothes closely to my body, I felt as though I was naked and that this man on the screen was watching me.
My breath began coming in quick gasps and my heartbeat quickened.
Modesty was a word which I had rarely heard about before, but it was such a beautiful word! It means clean...Pure…innocent and I was neither one of those! I was not modest, No, I was filthy, and I was disgusting.
I turned my head away and tried to get up from that place and run away but something kept me from rising from my seat, something held me back and made me listen until the end.
I then began to cry and cry and cry,. My sobs became louder and louder so much that I did not recognize my own voice, and I became oblivious to everything and everyone around me. I was filthy! I was a sinner! A piece of filth without guidance, without any religion, without any identitiy!. My body was a degraded object without any trace of modesty or honor! Because of this I will burn in the fire,... my beauty will be of no help to me then, nor will it be a cause of my acceptance by Allah!
O Allah! Why had I not been given a taste of this word before? A word with such vast meaning, a word with such force when uttered and heard, a word with such strong impact upon the heart!
I was not aware of how I was able to reach my home, nor was I aware of whoever was there, the only thing which I recall doing was sitting in front of the computer. I had remembered the website of the daa’ee and so I entered it and began trying to read the contents of the website but the words were incomprehensible to me.
So then I wrote to him, and it was the first letter in all my lifetime in which I had written asking about Allah, about my religion, about my lord, about my life! And with deep feeling of shame I asked whether it was still possible for Allah to accept me, whether it was still possible for me to be a Muslimah?….
I was sure that he would not reply to me because I had only explained to him briefly about my situation. I even said to myself “ Most likely he will scorn me and ignore me……even if he did bother to reply my email it would only be something like : 'please do not write to us again.'”
However he replied back to me and even more! He told me that of course! It was definitely possible that Allah will accept me, in fact, I may even be successful and granted Paradise. He told me that I most certainly can become a pure and chaste Muslimah. Furthermore, he told me that these were not only his words, but they were the words of Allah in the Qur’an, it’s meaning being : “ Do not despair and do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah”
At this I began to cry, my tears were the outpouring of my great grief and regret and repentance. I felt as if I only wanted to cry until my tears washed me clean….until I were to hear a caller from the heavens calling down to me “You have been accepted”.
I then called the number which was given to me, and for the very first time in my life I heard someone addressing me with “ Assalamu’aliakum”. Such a wonderful greeting! I did not even know this much from my religion! Such goodness and good ways were unknown to me!
I spoke to the lady and told her “ Your husband made me realize that I was a very important person, and that you two were waiting eagerly to speak with me, regardless of what you know of my past”
She sent to me some Qur’anic recitation tapes and I listened to them over and over again, with the voice of the recitor piercing thru the innermost depths of my soul.
I began memorizing Qur’an for the first time in my life. I memorized surah An-Naba’ along with al-Faatiha so that it may be possible for me to perform my prayers with them. I began praying and praying…it was as if I was trying to make up for all of those years which had passed, whilst at the same time storing them up for the days which I might never reach.
How did my family keep me from all of this?? How was it that they also did not know of the beauty of these moments of sujood between the hands of the Creator??
It isnt’ possible for me to describe the looks and expressons on my fellow classmates at the university when I enetered the classroom that day covered with a large hijaab and wearing loose garments.
None of them recognized me at first, but as they began to crowd around me, I looked into their faces as if seeing them for the first time and I began to marvel at what I saw. Who were these people? How could it be that I used to live with them and be like them? Their eyes were glassy and empty, their faces were an array of emotions, most of it being anger.
I began memorizing Surah Yusuf….The Surah of the Prophet who was chaste…My tears blinded me as I read the verses. The mistress of the house called him unto her and even threatened him with destruction, but this Prophet favored prison over sins and deceit!
O My Lord! I wish that you may return to me those years of my life which have passed, and that you may give me the opportunity to serve this religion of yours and to raise your word up high!.....but wishes will remain wishes.
Here I am today, on a Thursday, in the masjid performing my prayers and making du’a, for tomorrow I will be in the hands of the brain surgeon to undergo an operation to remove a cancerous growth from my head.
My Lord! Verily You are the most beloved to me. I was far, far away from You, I did not know of You, nor was I aware of my destructive state, nor of how distant I was from You.
But when I knew of You, You see how I did not turn towards anyone besides You! I did not ask from anyone but You, and I did not desire anything from this Dunya other than letting those around me know of You Ya Allah.
How I wish that everyone may know of this sweetness of being near to Allah!
Throughout my life I have known and tried every type of worldly pleasure which people seek after so valiantly. But now I know that they are merely temptations from the Devil for us to commit sins.
O My Lord! Please accept me….will you accept me to be amongst those whom You love from Your servants? Will I be able to reach that day when You will be pleased with me and look upon me?
I am the one who has forgotten You for most of her life, and has only turned towards You for a mere few days….
O My Lord! How is it that before now, all of this peace and tranquility was kept away from me?!
O My Lord! I wish that I may have plenty whith which to spend in your path, but I have nothing from my possession which are of Halal means except for my collection of Qur’anic tapes and a collection of Hadeeth so please accept them from me Ya Rabb.
O My Lord, If you are going to take my sould from me, then take it whilst you are pleased with me, and if you allow me to live, then help me in my service to your religion.....and I ask all of you for your Du'a.
----
I ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala to accept our sister Saarah with His vast Mercy for she has passed away after living in Riyaadh for only 3 weeks. She left behind all of this which were dear to her in order to seek Allahs pleasure.
And as for us...it is not only a few days by which we have known Allah, but we still stand stubbornly in pursue of our desires without any interest in turning towards Allah and showing our gratefullness towards He who has blessed us with Islam for Years.....
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mariam.
03-10-2007, 07:28 PM
Now I will leave you with her letters:
The first one :
I am a Lebanese girl with a Muslim father and Christian mother, I lived in Lebanon for the first 10 yrs of my life and then I migrated with my parents to Australia where I was completely cut off from any Arabic Culture or Islamic teachings, until I am 22 yrs old now, for I am a Muslim by name only, I do not know how the Quran looks life, I do not know the fatiha and do not know how to pray and religion does not play any role in my life whatsoever. Then my parents got divorced and they each re-married, I entered university and both my parents left Australia, they left me alone with no family or siblings and without knowing anything about my family in Lebanon
I lived alone and was forced to work to afford living by myself for I go to university in the morning and work at a bar at night and I have a boyfriend and have not left anything harram, except that I have done it, for I have completely adapted the Western way of living. I know very simple Arabic and I am very beautiful and I participated in a beauty queen's contest in New Zealand and I won in the city I live in. I am now preparing to enter a bigger contest in NewZealand, and I have become a supermodel on the cover of many inappropriate magazines, and through all this, I was visiting a family of Lebanese origin in Australia and they were watching a halaqua for Amr Khaled about 3ifa (modesty, purity, chastity) and it had the website on it, and I completely fell apart b/c I felt he was speaking to me
I ask if allah can accept me
After two days:
I cant Belive that allah can forgive me ,I cant stop crying, I need to learn How to pray to allah
After he send to her the cassettes of shaikh ajamy and mashari and his programs:
I dont know how to thank you
No one takes care of me like you
I wish if I have a brother like you
After two days:
Salam aleekom, are u ok? I have a big surprise for you.. I learned sorat al naba.. I can say it without looking to quran.Im gonna pray with it.
After week:
Salam aleekom ,I learned surat youssif , I thought that I will not but alhamd lellah
After one day:
Salam aleekom ,Iwear heejab ,and left my boy friend, and I left the comptetion.
After three days:
Salam aleekom, really I dont know how to thank u. I wish if I can live more to do something to islam,But it seems god wants something else. Anyway alhamd lellah.
Mr. amr khaled and his wife call her by telephone and she said that she have cancer
She send all this letters in two days :
*salam aleekom, do you think that god will forgive me? Do u think that iI will go to janna? or God will put me in the hell
I love God , Iam talking 2 him now hope he loves me too
I want my mother to call me before friday Iam sure she will be sad and May be she will come to see me I didn't see her since 1997
*Salam aleekom, Im going to the hospital,I live 22 years away from god but from 3 weeks I swear that I left my boy friend , and I wear hjaab only for allah ,I don't know muslims except you and the visitors in the forum , so please pray for me and for my mother.
The latest Message is from Sarah Friend
Sarah is dead,Im so sorry for your loss
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