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Danish
04-10-2005, 09:39 PM
:sl:
I dont think this forum allows polls? Anyway..

Do u look at opposite gender?

I try not to, but sometimes how can u not?? I mean, like when u r out/college/school/work u talk to opposit gender, and hey if they talk to u then u gotta reply...and sometimes u gotta talk to others for various reason, and then it kinda get carried away...but i think islamic way is really good and we should follow it, because it sustains u from other sins like adultery/crush etc

So do u look at opposite gender?
Reply

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*Somali-chick*
04-11-2005, 01:12 AM
:w:

like u, i try not to, but like u have mentioned it's extremely hard, especially since i have male teachers n have 2 look them wheneva they speak or ask me questions n stuff. But on the streets, i try to concentrate on other things rather than the ppl around me, it works sumtimes but other times it doesn't

may Allah (swt) forgive us all amiin

wasalaam :)
Reply

solid_snake
04-11-2005, 02:51 AM
it's hard ..... especially since many of the girls in my school wear skirts and girls in summer time don't wear that much clothes .....
Reply

DanGirl
04-11-2005, 03:37 AM
i try not to talk to them,but sometime u just can't stop from talking to the opposite gender.
Reply

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Ammar
04-11-2005, 07:21 AM
i also try not to look at them...nazar to par he jati hai..
Reply

h1jabi_sista
04-11-2005, 09:56 AM
I know there is a hadeeth about this but i just cant remember??????

can anyone find the hadeeth about the first glance being 'ok' and the second glance being deadly??

:w:
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Umm Yoosuf
04-11-2005, 10:06 AM
Brothers/ Sister lowering the gaze is part of faith...it's quite serious, read what the Qur'an say's:

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31]

Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi].

The first look is by accident...but doesn't mean you gaze at the Brother/Sister for time.

Its not easy to lower your gaze specailly in the society. But people take it lightly don't you think?
Reply

Danish
04-11-2005, 10:16 AM
:sl:
True alkhis/ukhtis but its impossible. If u don't make eye contact they thinku r arraogant/unsocial etc...and hey u cant exactly avoiud talking
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Umm Yoosuf
04-11-2005, 10:37 AM
Brother its not impossible subhanallah! It's possible dear brother. Woudl Allah tell us to do something which is impossible?! No of coourse not! The problem lies within us.
We have to rebel against Satan and expel him from our hearts. What kinda of person are we if we can't even lower our gaze?! How does Zina start? It starts first with a look!

Why care what people think?!! Are you pleasing Allah or them?!
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h1jabi_sista
04-11-2005, 11:35 AM
Were pleasing allah subhana watha allah! well said sister!
I knew i had herd that hadeeth before, jazakallah!

brother nothing is ever impossiable, if you believe in the power of allah subhana watha allah you can lower your gaze, it is possiable :).

may allah help us all to lower our gazes and become pious people inshallah
ameen :)

:w:
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MoonLight
04-11-2005, 12:17 PM
:sl:

Well I don't go looking at men when walking on the street, I lower my gaze; but when someone is speaking to you sure I look at them not diretly, you can shift your eyes not too quickly lol they'll think there is something wrong with you. :D :p

Thank you sis Janaah, jazaki Allah kouli khier

wasalaam
Reply

aamirsaab
04-11-2005, 12:42 PM
Originally Posted by MoonLight
:sl:

Well I don't go looking at men when walking on the street, I lower my gaze; but when someone is speaking to you sure I look at them not diretly, you can shift your eyes not too quickly lol they'll think there is something wrong with you. :D :p

Thank you sis Janaah, jazaki Allah kouli khier

wasalaam
neither do i sis :P
(that was a joke btw - if you dont get it ur probably too young :P)

but the issue raised is important.
i suggest:
if they talk to you then talk to them - sometimes your gonna have to make eye contact - that is why we have eyes - to see :)

it gets harder in college/school/uni cus there is usually a large amount of people (both genders) and its really hard if some of them stare at you. but on the streets etc its OK cus most people arn't interested and just want to get to their destination... unless of course they are weirdos in which case you should run...really fast.
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MoonLight
04-11-2005, 12:52 PM
:sl:

Lol yeah I get you I'm old enough ;D

Anyhow, well still at uni but I do the same thing.

I guess one has to get used to it; saying there are many who have short skirts or skimpy clothes is just an excuse. You have to have enough will power to stop yourself from looking twice like in the hadeeth sis jannah posted. Mentioning Allah (sunhanu wa ta'ala) always works most appropriate in that situation is istaghfara'Allah.

I call this selective eyesight. :D :p

wasalaam
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S_87
04-11-2005, 02:23 PM
:sl:

i dont stare :D if i look by mistake then i look down hard when theres men everywhere

i talk if someone talks to me.
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
04-11-2005, 02:33 PM
i dont look, well i try my best not too, but sometimes its tough escpeccialy here in the summer where these **** women dont give a **** about their clothes. it makes me soo mad that i usually stay aat home during hte day and go out only when its after dark unless i absoltlely have too. and i remeber at my old previous islamic school i used to talk only when the girls talked to me first and never used to lookat them in the face. i could tell by the way they talked that they were getting annoyed cuz i wasnt looking at them straight. but i kept my gaze lowered. but its tough. especially for us living in the kuffaric countried like US and Uk.
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Silver Pearl
04-11-2005, 05:28 PM
Originally Posted by Danish
:sl:
I dont think this forum allows polls? Anyway..

Do u look at opposite gender?

I try not to, but sometimes how can u not?? I mean, like when u r out/college/school/work u talk to opposit gender, and hey if they talk to u then u gotta reply...and sometimes u gotta talk to others for various reason, and then it kinda get carried away...but i think islamic way is really good and we should follow it, because it sustains u from other sins like adultery/crush etc

So do u look at opposite gender?
Wa Alaykum salam,

There are different type of gaze brother Danish, the first glance which the prophet (pbuh) described as being innocent and the glance of lust and affection. As for if I stare at people….I do sin, we are all humans and not immune to sinning but whether my intention of gazing at the opposite sex is for lust or not will be kept a secret for it is between me and my lord. The sins should not be spread for it is something between the creator and creation.
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BlissfullyJaded
04-11-2005, 05:39 PM
:sl:

I usually lower my gaze wherever I go, unless I talk to somebody.. But as time goes you kinda get used to looking away slightly without them thinkin you're weird. :D
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
04-11-2005, 05:59 PM
once u start to lower ur gaze, it becomes a habit and then u have no problem turning ur gaze down when theres that beutiful someone passing in front of you. I remeber reading something about this and it said that if u see a very beutiful women (kaffir obviuosly sisters, no offense meant) spit and repeat so u it becomes easy 4 u to lower ur gaze.
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h1jabi_sista
04-11-2005, 06:38 PM
Originally Posted by ahmed687
especially for us living in the kuffaric countried like US and Uk.
:sl:
'kuffaric'- lolz bro i think you just invented a new word :p
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
04-11-2005, 07:26 PM
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
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niqaabii
04-11-2005, 08:11 PM
salam
i try to lower ma gaze...but weneva u go out ...we all acidently look at the oppisite gender dnt we?
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solid_snake
04-11-2005, 08:59 PM
Originally Posted by ahmed687
i dont look, well i try my best not too, but sometimes its tough escpeccialy here in the summer where these **** women dont give a **** about their clothes. but its tough. especially for us living US and Uk.
Don't forget Canada! :D

It's - 10 .... snowing ... girls come to school with jackets and jeans on ..... but what do they do when they come inside school?...... change into skirts and clothes showcasing their *goods* ...... I can only imagine how it is gonna be in college/university (where there are no dress code and girls are into flirting and stuff more than ever) ..... may Allah help me. :confused: And don't get me started on summer time ...... it's all over the place ..... just go to the beach .... you will understand. :zip:
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WomanOfJihad
04-11-2005, 11:23 PM
:sl:

well BRo Solid ..DNT GO TO THE BEACH ..make it hAram upon u .. coz obviously there u'll find them Women Showin their Awrah .. so Dnt even think of goin to the Beach ..

the Girls may flirt or wear watever they want .. but that shudnt bother u bro .. You r not even to think of them in a fIrst place ... JUst Ignore wat they wear n wat they do ..all this thing u shud try n put it at the bak of ur mind .this way things will b easier 4 u .. inshAllah ..
.. i m sure u gt other things to wry abt like sTUDIESS and havin fun with ur MATES (brothers) ..

its Hard for me as well... when i go town (city centre) .. not coz of the MEn only but even WOMEN .. its true we have to lower our gazes down .. but the wOmen .. they bee wearing skirts which wud show their tighs . n thats the part of Awrah which no MEn or women are allowed to see .. so even then i cant lower my gazes down fearing i might end up lookin at their legs (ASTAGHFIRULLAH) .. the only option left for me is to look up in the sky n walk .. might try that sum day . (Joke) ..Khair thats one of the reasons i NEVER GO TOWN unless i need to buy books n pens ONLY which is Once in 3 months

bUt we all gotta STRIVE .n be MUJAHID /MUJAHIDAH inshAllah ..
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Far7an
04-13-2005, 11:17 AM
Assalamu 'alaikum

Alot of people have mentioned how they wish to stop glancing at the opposite gender, but it is too difficult. Seek ALLAH's help and seek his forgiveness.

The first step is to completely stop commiting this sin, you may think that this is too difficult, but I assure you nothing is difficult with the help of Allah, so seek his guidance.

Besides one can not rid himself of the dirt if he is still lying in the mud.

MashaAllah Woman of Jihad and others have provided some excellent tips for you.


We have to remember what our Prophet Muhammad told us regarding this.

“I am not leaving behind me any fitnah that is more harmful to men than women "
Narrated by al-Bukhaari

NO disrespect intented to any of the sisters on this forum, but I think we all understand the meaning of this hadith.

I apologise if I have said anything to offend anyone, that was not my intention. I ask Allah to give me and my fellow LIers the ability to act upon what I have stated above

Barakallahu feekum

Wasalamu alaikum
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inklink98
05-25-2005, 03:47 PM
it is definitly possible to not look at opposite gender but in the US it is pretty hard with women not covering them selves and aal.
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Danish
05-25-2005, 06:23 PM
:sl:
"Do u look at the opposite gender ?"

revealing ur sins, wat Allah is Hiding
encouraging others not to,and try best not to do it
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Henry
05-25-2005, 08:24 PM
Is looking at their face fine? I mean, it seems rude not to look them in the eye when I talk to them :)

Other than that, I keep the "second look a sin" (if the first was accidental. If the first was on purpose than of course it is a sin) close to my heart. I have been following it since I have converted.
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al faqeer
05-26-2005, 06:15 AM
:sl:


Well I think Its unavoidable nowadays but it all depends on the Intention of the individual if the look is good or bad I mean .

Allahul Musta3aan
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al faqeer
05-26-2005, 06:57 AM
Originally Posted by zAk
Don't say tht Bro :brother:
it was said Lower ur gaze, to both muslims n muslimahs in the quran,
without tht condition, "IF THE LOOK IS GUD / BAD" or abt the intentions,
its regardless,
don't u think the sahabas were more pious than us, the Ummahatul Mu'mineen were the most pious ladies...,
but they were also advised the same !

:sl:


Akhi Its almost Impossible to lower your gaze thats exactly the point :) as You work with women and have to look them in the face when talking to them
:D .

So its the intention that counts .
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al faqeer
05-26-2005, 07:19 AM
Originally Posted by zAk
I see my dad working here,
there r loads of customers coming here, both Men n women,
but i hvn't seen a single time, my dad even giving a single glance at any NaaMahram !
alhamdulillah !
so don't say its Impossible...... !

:sl:


Akhi We must lower our gaze but Again I will say in todays world its not possible , Your dad does not look the customers in the face ????? ???

Is that possible akhi ??

We are not talking about glancing We are talking about Looking the customer or co Worker in the face while talking or addressing her , and If we lower the gaze in the west we know how most ladies dress so if we are going to lower the gaze then It really does depend on the Niyat does it not


:thumbs_up .
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Sahabiyaat
05-26-2005, 07:54 AM
lol
i'm really bad at this thing ...and i have had to encounter many embarrassing incidents :-[ lol..i'll look at the walls, the floor, the celing ..anything but the males face :) and then from the corner of my eye i can see a grin spreading on the brothers face who is most likely thinking 'weirdo,i'm talking to you'. :-[ ..*sigh* so no problem there for me about looking at the oppsite gender

women r a big problem too...they make 'me' blush dark red with the clothes they wear in summer....these kafir women ..they have zero shame. :mad:
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 08:03 AM
yes sis thats true, its so bad in croydon they too have 'zero shame'
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al faqeer
05-26-2005, 08:16 AM
Originally Posted by zAk
exactly !
maybe those cutomers feel tht in a bad way
but Everything for Allah is first ! :)

akhi My Point is if you lower your gaze in the west and the lady is wearing a mini skirt
:) then it will depend entirely on your niyat .

So lowering the gaze in alot of situations of this fitna filled world is Very difficult .
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Ra`eesah
05-26-2005, 09:04 AM
Assalamu'Alaykum

Subhanallah. it think its more safer in the winter time for muslim brother... women are moer covered. Alhamdulillaah its easy for me too look away even if i dont i cant see anything anyway since i wear niqab and i have the all the Flaps down... so i cant see anyone...Although as i was growing up if someone was talking to me i had the habit of looking at their mouth move... :-[ otherwise i wont fully comprehend what was being said to me but alhamdulillaah now i have trained myself to cope but... its still kinda hard.. has anyone heard of this before...or am i just weird? :'(
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Lateralus63
05-26-2005, 09:39 AM
Originally Posted by al faqeer
akhi My Point is if you lower your gaze in the west and the lady is wearing a mini skirt
:) then it will depend entirely on your niyat .

So lowering the gaze in alot of situations of this fitna filled world is Very difficult .
:sl:

im gonna have to go with bro al faqeer on this one, its almost unavoidable but "ina mal 3amal bin niyat", its your intentions that counts, this whole thing of saying that

"ITS NOT IMPOSSIBLE !!!! "

You cant say that for everyone, some people have jobs or occupations which involve with dealing a lot of people, so therefore, yes, sometimes it is possible, sometimes it isnt, dont generalise, but remember Allah doesnt account you for something you cant avoid.
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 09:40 AM
its not impossible, once you get use to lowering your gaze then it becomes easier for you to not look at the opposite gender
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Lateralus63
05-26-2005, 09:44 AM
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
its not impossible, once you get use to lowering your gaze then it becomes easier for you to not look at the opposite gender
lets say your a doctor who treats tens and tens of patients everyday, you have to listen to their diagnosis, treat them with medicine...... impossible?
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 09:44 AM
yes bro zak that is so true the more you have taqwa the better
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Protected_Diamond
05-26-2005, 12:09 PM
Alhamdulillah i go to a girls school but nxt year inshallah i'll be going to college, so i dont think i'll have a choice, but i'll make sure i'll keep my modesty and keep my head down at all times! :)
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 12:10 PM
ok sis inshallah you will contain your modesty and allow other girls to be encouraged by you
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Protected_Diamond
05-26-2005, 12:12 PM
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
ok sis inshallah you will contain your modesty and allow other girls to be encouraged by you
yeha i so hope so!! :)
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Danish
05-26-2005, 12:18 PM
:sl:
well, i think sometimes its impossible...but othe times u can lower u gaze if u really wanna, like when u r going down the street and not look at them
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thc
05-26-2005, 12:36 PM
some sisters who wear hijaab look attentively at males
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 12:37 PM
bro i don't think you should make assumptions like that
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Protected_Diamond
05-26-2005, 12:41 PM
Originally Posted by thc
some sisters who wear hijaab look attentively at males
that's real bad!

ive witnessed that as well

but then again who are we to judge? :)
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Sahabiyaat
05-26-2005, 12:59 PM
yea it happens girls with 'hijaab' on do do that :( (time for big *sigh*)

however girls hu wear the full hijaab and jilbaab etc .....i've noticed they tend to lower their gaze more than those hu wear that flimsy transparent 'all ur neck showing' teeny 2 inch scarf..they only wear that aswell because they have to.

sisters who cover themselves properly are okay :thumbs_up
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Z
05-26-2005, 01:05 PM
Asalamu Alaikum

'It takes two to tango.'

How would you know she's looking at another brother guys less your looking at her yourself?

Umm let's not forget, just because she's wearing a hijab, she's a pious Muslimah. I've seen niqaabis, hijabis, jilbabis, short skirties, tight dressies etc. all looking at brothers.
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Protected_Diamond
05-26-2005, 01:06 PM
Originally Posted by muslimahimprovin
yea it happens girls with 'hijaab' on do do that :( (time for big *sigh*)

however girls hu wear the full hijaab and jilbaab etc .....i've noticed they tend to lower their gaze more than those hu wear that flimsy transparent 'all ur neck showing' teeny 2 inch scarf..they only wear that aswell because they have to.

sisters who cover themselves properly are okay :thumbs_up
hmmm...true say!

but then again you going to be judged on your intentions :)
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Z
05-26-2005, 01:08 PM
Asalamu Alaikum

you going to be judged on your intentions
Have you botherd to read the commentry on this hadith?
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Protected_Diamond
05-26-2005, 01:12 PM
yeah....y?
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Sahabiyaat
05-26-2005, 01:13 PM
quite true brother Abdul :)
i guess i'm speaking very broadly there.....Allah is the the best judge.
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Z
05-26-2005, 01:13 PM
Asalamu Alaikum

Uh ok Baby Girl.

I want to relax, so I listen to some Bassline House. I'm not comming sin am I? My intention was to relax.
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Sahabiyaat
05-26-2005, 01:15 PM
sister baby girl what do u mean :)
'ill stare u in the face but i'm not doing it with a bad intention' :confused:
ur intentions and acts shud be one.
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MetSudaisTwice
05-26-2005, 01:16 PM
may allah protect us from such fitnah and guide us to the Straight Path
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Sahabiyaat
05-26-2005, 06:07 PM
Ameen.
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Ameeratul Layl
11-01-2005, 12:53 PM
:sl:
Ameen *SAS sTyle*
:statisfie
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MetSudaisTwice
11-01-2005, 01:02 PM
ameen *SS the best style*
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Sanobar
11-01-2005, 01:57 PM
Originally Posted by Ammar
i also try not to look at them...nazar to par he jati hai..
:giggling:

salaam!
ii dont look at the opp gender but at times u have to like i have male lecturers so i gotto to look at them and talk...otherwise i study in all girlz college so i dont really get to see alot of guyz there .....:) :) :)
ma'salamah
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Ameeratul Layl
11-01-2005, 03:15 PM
:sl:

The only men I luk at:

Shiekhs on the t.v:giggling:
teachers

I always luk down wen I walk. Helps me to walk a lil faster.:giggling::giggling:
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Lonely_Boy
11-01-2005, 04:25 PM
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
may allah protect us from such fitnah and guide us to the Straight Path
:sl:

AMEEN

:w:
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Khayal
11-01-2005, 04:54 PM
:sl:

To be honest, most of the time, YES,...:rolleyes: I try not to, but sometimes how can u not??

:w:
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Muezzin
11-01-2005, 05:03 PM
Originally Posted by khayaL
:sl:

To be honest, most of the time, YES,...:rolleyes:

:w:
Same here. Whenever I watch movies, since there are characters of both genders, or when I am at uni etc. I've got friends of both genders. Only the boys are what you could consider 'normal' though :p

Oh, and before anybody jumps me for being some sort of kafir/hypocrite/satan spawn, know this: I don't really care. :)
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Khayal
11-01-2005, 05:08 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Same here. I've got friends of both genders. Only the boys are what you could consider 'normal' though :p
:ooh:

But i don't have any boyfriend...but still sometimes.......... I try not to, but sometimes how can u not?? :embarrass
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Zuko
11-01-2005, 05:10 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Only the boys are what you could consider 'normal' though :p
Yeah sure... Just too chicken to admit its not true.

Anyway, in school, I don't and can't since its separated, but in public I lower my gaze as much as possible...
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Zuko
11-01-2005, 05:11 PM
Originally Posted by khayaL
:ooh:

But i don't have any boyfriend...but still sometimes.......... I try not to, but sometimes how can u not?? :embarrass
What? You mean 'How can you not have a boyfriend'?
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Protected_Diamond
11-01-2005, 05:39 PM
asalamualykum warhmatulahi wabarakthu

I try my best not to look at any brothers it is quite difficult beacuse i go to college, but i do try my best to look down when i can lol...making sure i don't bump in to anyone:embarrass

walakumasalaam warhmatulahi wabarakthu
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j50yab
11-01-2005, 08:25 PM
:sl:

Yes I do!
I look for ages!
Then I talk to her.
Tell her how beautiful she is.
Then I stroke her hair.
I hold her in my arms.
And softly whisper the words "I love you" in her ear.


Is this allowed?

Of Course it is!!












She is the mother of my two sons.
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Zuko
11-01-2005, 08:27 PM
^^^^Jeez man, you had me thinkin for a minute...
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eyes_of_mine
11-01-2005, 08:32 PM
I know ! me to I thought OMG what a giggilo !
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Protected_Diamond
11-01-2005, 08:40 PM
Originally Posted by j50yab
:sl:

Yes I do!
I look for ages!
Then I talk to her.
Tell her how beautiful she is.
Then I stroke her hair.
I hold her in my arms.
And softly whisper the words "I love you" in her ear.


Is this allowed?

Of Course it is!!












She is the mother of my two sons.
:giggling: :giggling:
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- Qatada -
11-01-2005, 08:41 PM
lol thats what makez mariage life fun.. you stay patient for soooo long and then that which was haraam before is now permissible and you get rewarded for it loadzzz. :)

saves mankind from corruption init.. alhamdulillah.


wasalam o 'alykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
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j50yab
11-01-2005, 08:42 PM
Originally Posted by eyes_of_mine
I know ! me to I thought OMG what a giggilo !

My gigolo days are over.
I'm more of a giggle-o for my son Hamzah.
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........
11-01-2005, 08:44 PM
well...i dont..or i try to not...:statisfie :statisfie :statisfie ..alhamdulilah i dont find that to lower my gaze is a hard thing to do...its very easy..just have allah in ur heart and fear him and think that he is looking at u and knows everything u do then u'll have a shame on u:statisfie
and wallahi u feel more close to allah and allah will reward u in duniya before akhira inshaalah...
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eyes_of_mine
11-01-2005, 09:28 PM
Originally Posted by j50yab
My gigolo days are over.
I'm more of a giggle-o for my son Hamzah.
:happy: AWWWWW ! thats so sweet ! what a lucky boy he is .

Just a thought now,
If you NEVER look always look away at the opposite gender, maybe you might of missed Mr or Mrs perfect ?:hmm:

:nervous: I do look, but I do it SOO sneaky and secretive , and I only look and think ohh how nice, I dont stare forever or think lewd thoughts.
its natural to have want to keep your eyes on something nice looking and when we see something repulsive we turn away quick.
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h1jabi_sista
11-01-2005, 10:18 PM
Originally Posted by eyes_of_mine

Just a thought now,
If you NEVER look always look away at the opposite gender, maybe you might of missed Mr or Mrs perfect ?:hmm:

:nervous: I do look, but I do it SOO sneaky and secretive , and I only look and think ohh how nice, I dont stare forever or think lewd thoughts.
its natural to have want to keep your eyes on something nice looking and when we see something repulsive we turn away quick.
:sl:
well....if you've missed mr or mrs perfect, then uve missed them!!

I say this because, we dont know what allah knows and what allah has in store for us.

i think there is a hadith that says the first glance is ok, the second is dangerous.

I just try and remember that allah is watching me and allah is with me.

allahu alum

:sister: :w:
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minaz
11-01-2005, 10:24 PM
Do u look at opposite gender?
]
It aint a big deal to me, we're all human, besides I know my limits and it aint my mission to corrupt nor be (lol I can control my desires). Anywho as always Allah knows your intentions so you know....yeh......opposite genders are cool
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Genius
11-01-2005, 10:29 PM
The more you try not to, the more you will stare, trust me.
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minaz
11-01-2005, 10:34 PM
yep and to add to that the more of a bigger deal it becomes
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limitless
06-09-2006, 10:56 PM
:sl:

Am I allowed to have christian/muslim friends with males and females?

:w:
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Pk_#2
06-09-2006, 10:59 PM
Females no....bye bro :)

Hence you are brother and sister and only that...unless marriage gets involved then your husband and wife, you can be friends with your wife hehe

Assalamu alaykum

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Islam has set down principles for the prosperity of mankind in this world and for their salvation in the hereafter. The early Muslims used to say, “This world is a harvest for the hereafter,” taking this from the words of Allah Most High, “Whoever desires the havest of the Hereafter, We give him increase in its harvest. And whoever desires the harvest of the world, We give him thereof, and he has no portion in the Hereafter.” [Qur’an, 42.20]

Hence, a person must use his time beneficially in this world for the sake of the hereafter and take account of himself everyday. Each moment spent in useless activities is time away from the remembrance of Allah and other beneficial works.

The scholars have clear rulings regarding useless talk and gossip. Many hadiths have been related in this regard. The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, “It is from the excellence of a man’s Islam to leave that which does not concern him.” [Tirmidhi, and others]

Furthermore, the limits of interaction between the sexes has also been laid down by the scholars. Recently, a post on the limits of mixing between the sexes very clearly concluded the issue, and must have quenched the thirst of many for a conclusive answer on the subject, among all the confusion that prevails regarding it. [See below.]

The same limits and rules would also apply to the informal exchange of letters between members of the opposite sex as well as through the new systems of MSN and Yahoo Messenger, which has made it supposedly “safer and more permissible” to converse with people while sitting in the safety of one’s home. People feel more safe in chatting this way than on the phone, since there is no physical sound that is being transferred and the whole issue of fitna from the opposite sex does not seem to be an issue here.

However, as research will show, addiction to chat rooms and cyber friendships is on the increase. Many people become besotted and fall in love with the person on the other end, without even seeing them. It is known that a lot of inappropriate, and often completely impermissible conversations take place among young Muslims, even religious ones, through such online systems.

It is impermissible to have an informal conversation over the Messenger services or through email for that matter, just at it would be over the phone or in person.

People get carried away in their chatting since most of the time there is not bill to be paid, no mummy or daddy waiting to use the phone, and no fear of a brother or sister picking up the other extension in the other room.

In this regard, having strange members of the opposite sex on one’s contact list, seeing when they log on, and having a quick exchange with them would also be strongly discouraged.

And Allah knows best.

Wassalam
Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf

source: www.sunnipath.com
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limitless
06-10-2006, 02:24 AM
Salaam,

Thank you, and allamdulahlah :) . mshalalah sister :) Love it!
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chacha_jalebi
09-11-2006, 05:30 PM
salaam

now now now :D:D:D what do you lot think of girl & boy friendships? are they allowed? im talking bout the proper friendships :p not ones that are friends for like 3-4 days then they start going out & get dumped & move on :p i mean like geniune friendships!!! :D:D:D:D

like everybody is judged on their intentions & Allah (swt) knows your intentions better then anyone :D & even if you have the right intentions, so is it advisiable? because its hard to avoid, i.e - work places, school, uni & you get put in the same groups and stuff so you gotta interact, but to have friendships? huh huh huh?? :D:D:D:D

what you lots think??? :D:D:D

chank you :D
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Kittygyal
09-11-2006, 05:32 PM
salam.
translate breda :confused:

oh well if you intention is NOT in bad way am sure it's okay
w.salam
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 05:34 PM
**** ma eyes hurtn now :-\ 2 many :D:D:D

anyhoooooo, any sort of relationship wid da opposite gender iz haram
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S_87
09-11-2006, 05:38 PM
:sl:

well i think theres a difference between having collegues/ classmates and actual friends.

even if ones intentions are pure the shaytaan is always there. ...
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chacha_jalebi
09-11-2006, 05:52 PM
true say^ :p about the classmate things,

shaytan is the 3rd when a man and woman are alone :D - bukhari hadiths
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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
09-11-2006, 06:14 PM
Frienships with opposite genders are the beggining of many sins and problems.
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 06:55 PM
so leave us alone n we'l leave u alone :D :p
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IbnAbdulHakim
09-11-2006, 07:03 PM
:salamext:

dis might help inshaAllah

http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref...txt=girlfriend

:wasalamex
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Kittygyal
09-11-2006, 07:03 PM
salam.
if you think about it, many people do have friend like brother && sister hood so inshallah if you think in such an intention like "oh am going to talk to this sister or brother just to make her feel better inshallah" then am sure that is allowed but if your going to think in such away like "oh am going to talk to this siter or brother because he/she is fit" then thats bad but i mean Allah knows your intentions && what you do so there's no problem bought that but remember Allah will ask you when you leave your soul behind you will be questioned &7 we ALL will so lets think about it to our self's cause this can lead to way out of line where many people have break outs just cause of friendshaip also it can lead to a big mission where involves alot of mixed Gender so therefore we need to remeber Allah i watching us all the time 24hrz && can hear us so we can't hid from him nor we can whisper maybe others don't know but Allah does :)

also about class mates or collegues is different because you need to have friendship in such away, friendship does not mean just BF && Gf i mean you can have friendship with your parents you need to trust them have faith in Allah && Allah will give you such a people that you will love to have friendship with them, friendship combines brotherhood && sisterhood.
w.salam
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 07:09 PM
yeah ^ i guess if u helpin out another bro or sis den its aite, and if u have good intentions 4 givin dem advice or whatever das aite i guess.. but other things like sis sed "oh he/she buff das y ima get in der" dats wrong n obviously haram. but at da end of da day Allah knows ur intentions and ur going to have to answer 2 Him so keep ur intentions clean and safe yh, dnt go round imitatin da kaafirs.. :)
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chacha_jalebi
09-11-2006, 07:20 PM
well thats what i said :p genuine good friendships :D:D and it does depend on your niyyah :D:D:D
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 07:21 PM
yeh course u did.. ma xplanation woz better tho :p :D
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Ghazi
09-11-2006, 07:22 PM
:sl:

Ermm it's cool to have a repor with a person but stuff like free-mixing thats a big no,no.
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Kittygyal
09-11-2006, 07:23 PM
Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
well thats what i said :p genuine good friendships :D:D and it does depend on your niyyah :D:D:D
salam.
whats Niyyah?
w.salam
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- Qatada -
09-11-2006, 07:23 PM
Originally Posted by MusLiM 4 LiFe
**** ma eyes hurtn now :-\ 2 many :D:D:D

anyhoooooo, any sort of relationship wid da opposite gender iz haram

:salamext:


Just wna point out that let's keep an eye out on wa we say.. because a relationship between a guy and a gyal is allowed IF they're married. you get me?

I know it's obvious, but if some non muslim or new muslim saw it, they would be shocked, so just want to point that out.


jazak Allaahu khayr.


Allaah Almighty knows best.



:wasalamex
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 07:27 PM
oopz :$

niyaah is intention sis kittygal
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Helena
09-11-2006, 07:28 PM
let moi summarise it all.....

having a genuine friendship discssing ur uni work, in work place or any schools shud only take place in that areas...but exchanging numbers, chatting on msn...it cud lead to something else...as its a girl and boy friendship....we shud remember as jalebi bro pointed out...the third person...shaytan is always included...u can never leave widout him...or the saytan can never leave u alone.....gotta be careful...try not to fall to fitnah...as there many ways falling into it............

is there such thing as boy and girl frienship????.............
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- Qatada -
09-11-2006, 07:30 PM
Why a Close Friendship between a Man and a Woman Is Un-Islamic



3/11/2004 9:00:00 AM GMT

As-Salamu `alaykum. My son asks me for proof when I tell him he cannot have girls for friends, for purposes other than doing school work, or dealing with colleagues at work, if they are not isolated.



Answer

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.


In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.



All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.


Dear brother, thanks for your interesting question, which reflects your deep belief in the fact that Islam has answers for every problem facing mankind. Our utmost wish is just for all of us to adhere to the teachings of this great religion which came to save mankind from the peril of succumbing to the material life, to rescue them from darkness of following whims and self inclinations to the light of guidance and eternal prosperity.

Regarding your question, Muslims should have good relations with all people, both males and females. At school, at work, in your neighborhood, etc., you should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. This kind of friendship often leads to haram.


Answering your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:


"It is common knowledge that in Islam, fornication and adultery are grave sins and committing either bears serious consequences in this world and the Hereafter.

However, what is not so well known is that while declaring fornication and adultery as haram (forbidden), Islam does not merely forbid the actual acts, but it also declares as forbidden each and every circumstance or way that leads to fornication and adultery. Allah says, “Do not come near fornication, for it is indeed lewdness and an evil life-style.” (Al-Isra': 32)

Explaining this, the Prophet said, “The fornication of the eyes is staring, the fornication of the ears is listening, the fornication of the tongue is talking, the fornication of the hands is holding, the fornication of the feet is walking, the fornication of the heart/mind is craving and lusting, and finally, the private parts confirm or negate it.” He also said, “Staring is one of the arrows of Satan.” In another report, he said, “You are allowed to have the first accidental look (which is unintentional), but do not continue to stare.”

The laws of Islam are from Allah, our Creator, who knows our weaknesses as well as our strengths better than we can ever do. Women, by nature, desire to be looked at, adored and cherished, while man is inclined to look at women. Allah, the Almighty therefore, warns us against our own natures, which may lead us astray if we do not exercise caution and take the necessary safeguards. Thus, Allah, the Almighty said, “Say to the believing men to lower their gazes and guard their chastity… And say to the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their chastity and not to display their charms in public.” (An-Nur: 30-31)

Having friendship with members of the opposite gender may lead to staring, lustful thoughts, flirtatious behavior and seduction. Although it may not always be the case, there is no way to tell when it could happen and when it would not happen. That is why it is forbidden to mingle and mix freely with members of the opposite sex and to develop friendships with them. It is all part of zina (fornication), which Allah and His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) strongly ordered us to abstain from.


Allah, the Almighty has given us laws in order to guard us against the evils that are inherent in our own souls. One recent study conducted about male-female interaction in the workplace concluded that one in every three women had been sexually involved with a co-worker or boss. If this is the case in a professional, business-like environment, then the potential for illicit relations in more casual circumstances has much greater potential. Thus, Allah, the Almighty has been most gracious by not only forbidding fornication and adultery, but also by closing all the doors that lead to them."


http://www.islamonline.com/cgi-bin/n...service_id=376
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
09-11-2006, 07:32 PM
its evil.. stay away 4rm it :D

n those ppl hu cnt resist ^o) ramadanz comin soon, set some targetz "keep away 4rm (girl or boys name) :D
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 02:06 AM
Is having a crush a sin in Islam? I have a huge crush on a girl in the city. I am attracted to her based solely on looks but not much of personality. I understand that in Islam you're supposed to gaze down towards females, but that is literally impossible in a Western society. This girl also seems attracted to me, and I can't control my hormones! What should I do?? :confused:
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Selising
11-27-2006, 02:38 AM
R u studying? Working? can u afford a family? propose her to marry u.

if u r studying, think of doing part time job. I agree with getting married at young age, but u hv to think about place to live, how to feed your family
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TheMachine
11-27-2006, 02:40 AM
Originally Posted by Selising
R u studying? Working? can u afford a family? propose her to marry u.

if u r studying, think of doing part time job. I agree with getting married at young age, but u hv to think about place to live, how to feed your family
Well, I dont "love her," I'm just attracted to her looks, I had this feeling for girls before. I'm too young for marriage anyways (19). We flirt we each other alot, what can I do to prevent escalation?
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 01:51 PM
:sl:

oh la la la la la la!!!! Well brother i think that you'll have lower your gaze. Make an effort like many people do when these are obese:okay: , trying to become slim. No it s the better way. Try to avoid her and LOwer your gaze:rant: !!!!!!:D :D . Thats the best solution:shade:
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thc
11-27-2006, 02:16 PM
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabaraktuhu,

I recommend you not to look at her attentively (lower ones gaze) but if you do not like her personality then should you be marrying her or seeing her as a potential spouse in the future?
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 02:43 PM
:sl:

Brother TC maybe brother themachine is attracted by her beauty and the way she dressed up.
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Tania
11-27-2006, 03:19 PM
Because you have no intentions to make your relation more stable-like providing her a future- i think you should leave her on her own. No one has the right to destry others life. Are enough men outside and among them she will find one which become her husband. :-[
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- Qatada -
11-27-2006, 03:39 PM
:salamext:


Trust me bro, its better to back off quick. Just step back and look at the situation, yeah the girl might have the looks - that might be a good thing right? But then the problem comes in, if it's not permissible for you to be close to her except through marriage, then if the girl is like this before marriage, what makes you think she's not gna flirt with other guys after marriage?


You gota ask yourself, if this gurl is really what you desire.. and if she can 'play' right now, this might seem fun to you yet, but once you're married its goin to make things alot worse. She might want to 'play' with other guys later and you won't like that if you're her hubby. It would cause more arguments, and not just that - because she's messing about, she probably won't even want to get married [in a serios relationship] anyway.. the deeper you go, the more harder you're going to fall and get hurt.


It's better to try to be away from her as much as you possibly can. She might hate you for it, but it's better than hurting yourself in the long run. People like this mess about with people, and they might just drop em for someone else.. so if you really want to have a good time, get married. Persuade your parents, there are bros who get married at a younger age than you, and things are better for them cuz you have a serios relationship where you share your ups and downs.. whereas with relationships like the one with the girl, they just go downhill, and she might sooner or later 'disown' you and pick up another guy anyway.



Allaah Almighty knows best.
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Umar001
11-27-2006, 03:42 PM
Lol 19 too young?

Anyhow, do you wear anything Islamic? Is she Muslim?

Also think to yourself would you want her to be the mother of your kids?
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 04:34 PM
Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
Lol 19 too young?

Anyhow, do you wear anything Islamic? Is she Muslim?

Also think to yourself would you want her to be the mother of your kids?
Dont you think 19 is a bit young? I just started college! I dont wear anything Islamic, just jeans and a t-shirt i gues. Yes, she is Muslim, and she is hot! I dont like making relationships, but I just cant stop thinking of her beauty, and she's very flirty over me, maybe it's just a game??
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chris4336
11-27-2006, 05:38 PM
I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 05:44 PM
Originally Posted by chris4336
I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
Mashaa Allah! Nice say brother. Thats right, who knows the brother will not be attracted to another hot woman after he is married. It may happen!
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TheMachine
11-27-2006, 05:48 PM
Originally Posted by chris4336
I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
I am a teenager, it's natural for my hormones to burst at this age :D Dont you think by ignoring her she will get mad at me? In the West, lowering the gaze is a sign of disrespect. Can you explain how fasting will help??
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Skillganon
11-27-2006, 05:54 PM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
Mashaa Allah! Nice say brother. Thats right, who knows the brother will not be attracted to another hot woman after he is married. It may happen!
The she is a sister, not a bro.
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chris4336
11-27-2006, 05:58 PM
Sorry for the confusion, but I'm a female, and not quite a sister yet :embarrass

Yes its completely nature for your hormones to "burst" at this stage but you are responsible to control them. I would say that you should be avoiding things that will cause your hormones to "burst" - this would probably include most TV and music. Avoid places with scantily dressed women - such as the beach. The process is not just in one classroom with one girl - its a way of life.

About being rude - I think being a Muslim in the West you're going to have to get used to being rude. I have not officially converted but I have made some major changes to my life. Yeah I felt very rude telling my best friend I wasn't going to her birthday party because it was in a dance club, but it was the right thing to do. Even in my medical school, people think I'm pretty rude because I constantly turn down invitations to bars and mixers.

I am not really at the stage yet where I feel strong enough to explain the reasons to others - so I don't. Prehaps just telling her "I would prefer to focus on my work during class" would be enough.

I'm sure someone can explain better but I believe the prophet advised fasting to people as a way to control their sexual desires
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- Qatada -
11-27-2006, 06:11 PM
:salamext:


Yeah the sisters right:


Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 7.4, Narrated Abdullah, r.a.
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."


http://muttaqun.com/gaze.html
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Umar001
11-27-2006, 06:13 PM
Assalamu aleykum Guys,

Brother 19 is not too young, you just started college thats no problem at all.

Also, if you wore Islamic things than maybe that might give a sign that your religious and she might lose interest in you, because she will understand in some ways where your heart really lies and that you don't want to be bad.


As for marrying might not help, it might not, here are a couple of points though on how marriage might help:

*but since the brother is talking about hormones, and he's intention is to lower his gaze, then for guys when their 'needs' are met then they wont have the physical desire which would help him lower his gaze.
*Having a caring and nice Muslim wife will help him in lowering his gaze since he also would not want to upset her nor betray her
*When one has a wife this will also in many cases help the male realise that he has a definate role to play in the marriage so he will understand that sex or anything of the likes is nothing but regret unless it is done with the right person
*If you have a person who flirts then you have a wife who does not and sticks with you then surely a sane person would prefer the latter instead of the former

All of the above and other factors would help, insha'Allah.
Reply

chris4336
11-27-2006, 06:32 PM
These are all true, it just bugs me that a "flirty guy" is encouraged to find a pious women to marry, but the "flirty girl" is considered bad marriage material. I would imagine that all the things you mentioned would be true for her as well.

I know this is off topic but I know this was a big misconception I had about Islam to begin with, and I think its important to make it clear: Both sexes are required to guard their chasity and lower their gazes, not just women. So flirting is wrong for both sexes - Its not fair to put all the blame on women.
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Skillganon
11-27-2006, 06:42 PM
Originally Posted by chris4336
These are all true, it just bugs me that a "flirty guy" is encouraged to find a pious women to marry, but the "flirty girl" is considered bad marriage material. I would imagine that all the things you mentioned would be true for her as well.

I know this is off topic but I know this was a big misconception I had about Islam to begin with, and I think its important to make it clear: Both sexes are required to guard their chasity and lower their gazes, not just women. So flirting is wrong for both sexes - Its not fair to put all the blame on women.
I agree. It goes both way's.
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AnonymousPoster
11-27-2006, 06:46 PM
Originally Posted by chris4336
Sorry for the confusion, but I'm a female, and not quite a sister yet :embarrass

Yes its completely nature for your hormones to "burst" at this stage but you are responsible to control them. I would say that you should be avoiding things that will cause your hormones to "burst" - this would probably include most TV and music. Avoid places with scantily dressed women - such as the beach. The process is not just in one classroom with one girl - its a way of life.

About being rude - I think being a Muslim in the West you're going to have to get used to being rude. I have not officially converted but I have made some major changes to my life. Yeah I felt very rude telling my best friend I wasn't going to her birthday party because it was in a dance club, but it was the right thing to do. Even in my medical school, people think I'm pretty rude because I constantly turn down invitations to bars and mixers.

I am not really at the stage yet where I feel strong enough to explain the reasons to others - so I don't. Prehaps just telling her "I would prefer to focus on my work during class" would be enough.

I'm sure someone can explain better but I believe the prophet advised fasting to people as a way to control their sexual desires
Sorry 4 having called u as brother Chris:)

where there is indescent things happening, shaitwaan(devils) will definitely make their way.
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England
11-27-2006, 07:11 PM
Bloody hell, 'lowering your gaze' would be extremely difficult :uuh: At his age in Westen society women are their lives. Women are my lives and there's no way I could lower my gaze. It's impossible.

If you ignored the woman she would probably take it as an offence and think 'stuff you then.' That's if she's westernised. It is a sign of disrespect but if she IS muslim she'll understand right?
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- Qatada -
11-27-2006, 07:20 PM
Hey England. :)


The muslim sister would be happy that the guy's not staring at her.. she rather be looked at by her husband.


Imagine this, the most expensive diamonds in a jewellery shop are stored at the back. Why? Because no tom, joe and harry can pick her up, but their kept specifically for the protector - her husband. She doesn't belong to every guy in the street, but she is kept safe from the thiefs, and belongs to her husband only, and he belongs to her.

If she belongs in the street, and is shared by every man - she's going to get hurt/harmed, so she is protected under a veil, and her husband is the only one who shares with her beauty, and she's proud of that because he's not cheating on her either - it's a two way thing. :)




Peace.
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Umar001
11-27-2006, 08:04 PM
Hi Chris :)

Originally Posted by chris4336
These are all true, it just bugs me that a "flirty guy" is encouraged to find a pious women to marry, but the "flirty girl" is considered bad marriage material. I would imagine that all the things you mentioned would be true for her as well.
Noone is saying that the brother in question is right for flirting, nor are am I saying that she is not suitable for marriage and he is, if the sister was here and she put it down the same way, I'd tell her also, that the brother is not suitable and ask her to think if she'd want him to be the father of her kids, since this kinda behaviours is not very nice for neither male or female!

Both the flirty guy and gal in my eyes are not considered good marriage material, and I would advise both of them to find a pious person.

I only said it to the brother here because he is the one talking to us.

Originally Posted by chris4336
I know this is off topic but I know this was a big misconception I had about Islam to begin with, and I think its important to make it clear: Both sexes are required to guard their chasity and lower their gazes, not just women. So flirting is wrong for both sexes - Its not fair to put all the blame on women.
I personally do agree flirting is wrong with both sexes, and I don't think it is fair to neither blame one party for flirting whether it be the male or female.

Anyhow, I hope I have cleared the misunderstanding.

Eesa.
Reply

England
11-27-2006, 09:18 PM
Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah
Hey England. :)


The muslim sister would be happy that the guy's not staring at her.. she rather be looked at by her husband.


Imagine this, the most expensive diamonds in a jewellery shop are stored at the back. Why? Because no tom, joe and harry can pick her up, but their kept specifically for the protector - her husband. She doesn't belong to every guy in the street, but she is kept safe from the thiefs, and belongs to her husband only, and he belongs to her.

If she belongs in the street, and is shared by every man - she's going to get hurt/harmed, so she is protected under a veil, and her husband is the only one who shares with her beauty, and she's proud of that because he's not cheating on her either - it's a two way thing. :)




Peace.
But the guy claims that she's a flirt therefore making herself available to men, that's not Islam is it? That wasn't a rhetorical question, I seriously don't know.
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- Qatada -
11-27-2006, 09:23 PM
Hi England.


The answer lies in your question, because if she was practising islaam - she wouldn't be flirting with him in the first place. Therefore we can't judge islaam on this characteristic. :)



Peace.
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Hijaabi22
11-27-2006, 09:27 PM
its normal. every1 goes thru it. but islamically incorrect neevrtheless. U a typical guy aint ya lol, jus go 4 luks, its personality that counts

anyways regardless of dat i agree wid every1 on here hu says lower ya gaze GET OVER HER!
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chris4336
11-27-2006, 10:57 PM
Thanks Eesa that makes a lot of sense.

Sorry to get all crazy. Its just that for so long I had the misconception that only Muslim women were supposed to guard their chasity and that Muslim men could do whatever they want. Based on what I've seen in Muslim cultures the society is very insistant on a female's purity.

I was very happy when I finally sat down and read a (translated) Quran, to find out that men and women are both required to maintain their purity. Its just a shame that cultural practices can overshadow the truth of Islam.

Also just wanted to say that I hope the original poster finds the strength to overcome this problem.
Reply

Umar001
11-27-2006, 11:07 PM
Originally Posted by chris4336
Thanks Eesa that makes a lot of sense.

Sorry to get all crazy. Its just that for so long I had the misconception that only Muslim women were supposed to guard their chasity and that Muslim men could do whatever they want. Based on what I've seen in Muslim cultures the society is very insistant on a female's purity.

I was very happy when I finally sat down and read a (translated) Quran, to find out that men and women are both required to maintain their purity. Its just a shame that cultural practices can overshadow the truth of Islam.

Also just wanted to say that I hope the original poster finds the strength to overcome this problem.
hey used to happen to me all the time, noone can believe how defensive I was of Jesus, peace be upon him.
Reply

Mohammed1427
11-28-2006, 05:22 PM
Need some advice. have a friend (girl) whos sikh. problem is i dont no if i should carry on coz she's of the opposite sex, but i am the only one that is actually inviting her to islam and giving her dawa.
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Rabiyal
11-28-2006, 05:42 PM
First thing what are you intentions towards her? Do you wish to take her in your Nikah? or are you just getting to know her and then you will see where this will all go? and if she's Sikh does she want to be muslim? Does she want to learn about islam? Look all these question only you can answer. why get involve in something when you don't know where it will end up?
If you want her to be your wife, then tell her, and it seems as though it's important to you that the girl be muslim, so ask her if she wishes to learn about islam, and if she wants or choses to be a muslim, then go thru it properly. I don't know the exact way of converting, but it's all up to her.
So I don't exactly know what you are asking here, cuz I don't see any question. But I hope my answer gives you some direction. if you are still confused ask what is confusing you.
Take good care.
:sl:
Rab
Reply

Khayal
11-28-2006, 06:26 PM
:salamext:

Brother, If you are thinking to marry her then please read this first thoroughly.....InshaAllah, ALLAH will guide you.

http://www.islamicboard.com/marriage...lim-youth.html

:wasalamex
Reply

lolwatever
11-28-2006, 06:28 PM
:sl:

^ plus she's not from ahl kitab in first place

n get some toher sis 2do dawah 2her inshalah

:w: :)
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Kittygyal
11-28-2006, 07:49 PM
Assalmualikum warhmathullahi warbarakathuhu

well Akhi i would say bny doing Dawah thats good mashallah, May Allah subahwnatallah accept that but you don't need to see her without her having a mehram with her she needs to have a mehram with her, then go ahead bring her to islam SUBHNALLAH! but you know what at times things lead to stuff which you never wanted becareful as she is the oppsite gender s&& remember thy third person is satan with you so i suggess you talk to her infront of her parents inshallah

do me a favour remember me in your Du3'ah, shukran!

walikumasslam warhmathullahi warbarakathuhu
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DigitalStorm82
11-28-2006, 11:15 PM
Asalamu Alaikum,

Bro, whatever the case is... you need to keep a restricted relationship with her... Tell her about Islam... thats fine... but do not jeapodize YOUR Islam... follow the guide lines...

If you call her to Islam... do not step outside of Islam to do it... Understand what I mean? Keep it halaal...

If you think you may like her than tell her about Islam... give her a direction to go on... give her resources.. and step back. It is Allah who guides.. you can only show her the direction...

W'salaamz
Reply

Kittygyal
11-29-2006, 08:01 PM
Originally Posted by DigitalStorm82
Asalamu Alaikum,

Bro, whatever the case is... you need to keep a restricted relationship with her... Tell her about Islam... thats fine... but do not jeapodize YOUR Islam... follow the guide lines...

If you call her to Islam... do not step outside of Islam to do it... Understand what I mean? Keep it halaal...

If you think you may like her than tell her about Islam... give her a direction to go on... give her resources.. and step back. It is Allah who guides.. you can only show her the direction...

W'salaamz
Assalmualikum warhmathullahi warbarakathuhu

N3'am well said also remember we can't force someone to come to Islam but we can only do Dawah

do me a favour remember me in your Du3'ah, shukran!
Reply

AnonymousPoster
12-03-2006, 11:01 AM
:sl: every friday i have an evening lesson which finishes at 10pm is quite far from where i live so this religious brother in my college offered to walk me home.
i havent got any mahram(2 died one the others dont live in the country), what do i say? hes into the religion and his intentions are gd.

wat do i do? :w:
Reply

soulsociety
12-03-2006, 11:17 AM
:sl:

Not a good idea... Is it possible for a mixed group people or just women to accompany you? Find out if anyone women at your study place are driving to your area?
Reply

Malaikah
12-03-2006, 11:18 AM
:sl:

A bit risky isnt it? Do you have any other means to get home?
Reply

Al-Zaara
12-03-2006, 11:21 AM
:sl:

Sister, I don't think that's a good idea at all.

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram) woman, the Shaitaan is the third."

Allah (swt) knows best, maybe the brother really doesn't mean anything bad, but being religious as you say he is, he should know that it's not allowed because it could lead to more.

Only Allah (swt) knows of his intentions sister, be on the safe side and don't let him come with you.

If you want company when going home, ask a sister to come with you, insha'Allah.

:w:
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Pk_#2
12-03-2006, 11:24 AM
AsalamuAlaykum,

well i wouldn't,

And sis you DON'T know what his intentions are :|

So no, inshaAllah, walk alone, with the help of Allah's protection you'll be safe!

Erm, or try and oraganise a lift or walk home with one of the sisters attending the meeting, or whatever it is,

Tc!
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lolwatever
12-03-2006, 11:45 AM
:sl: sis..

actually reminds me of story of 'barseesah'... the practising jew who was asked to lookafter a woman while her bros where on a journey.... might wanna look it up.

when you finish reading, the answer is obvious inshalah, better not, if u hav to go on ur own.. just do tahseen (read ayat ul kursi, muwidhaat and 'aoothu bilahi min shari maa khalaq)... n ull b safe inshalah even with no1 accompanying u :D

:w:
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Malaikah
12-03-2006, 11:49 AM
:sl:

^Whats muwidhaat? :?
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AnonymousPoster
12-03-2006, 12:14 PM
:sl: thanks brothers and sisters, nope there arent any sisters that i can walk home with, the place at night time is dangerous and his intentions are good hes truly into the religion i dont know i am going to read that story of barsehaa then think about it again jazakallah:w:
Reply

Umar001
12-03-2006, 12:45 PM
Assalamu Aleykum,

Am abit amazed, so instead of a sister walking with a brother, the sister should walk alone at 10 pm in a dangerous area?

I do understand that men and women should not be alone together, but what is in this situation the lesser evil? This is why I suggest the sister to ask someone of knowledge because in my view, I think that walking with the brother may be allowed in order to avoid anything like rape or robbery from non-Muslim.

But walking with the brother would mean something like the way Ai'sha was accompanied by that man, he didnt say a word to her, and he didnt look at her, he held the camel thing and walked head until they reached their place.

I do agree that it could lead to the guy being tempted, but if you keep to certain rules, i.e. him walking abit far from you, him not talking to you, him not looking at you, then I would let my daughter do that, for the simple case that it's a neccesasity.

But again, I urge you to ask a scholar, there are many a great site, the above was my personal view, and not a view to be held to be right since Im a mere baby Muslim, a lay man, so I ask you insha'Allah to ask a person of knowledge


EDIT: Or you could just not go to the place of knowledge.


Plus, is it even allowed for a sister to walk alone in the dark and at night and so on?
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-03-2006, 01:22 PM
:salamext:

read the story of Qarun aswell !! The devils deception takes time but it definitly grasps almost anyone who doesnt follow the halal way !

May Allah guide us sis and protect us from the shayateen !

:wasalamex
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chris4336
12-03-2006, 02:43 PM
Prehaps someone can elaborate, but I came across this Hadith which seems to allow a women to travel with a man if the circumstances are necessary:

Asma bint Abu Abkr said: "I used to bring, on my head, fruit kernels from the land which the Prophet (peace be upon him) had given to Al Zubair [her husband]. That land was at a distance of three farsakhs (about ten miles). One day I was on my way home with a load on my head when I met the Prophet with a number of Ansar. the Prophet (peace be upon him) asked me to ride, behind him on the camel, but I felt shy of joining the company of men. The Prophet (peace be upon him) realized that I was feeling shy and, therefore, continued his journey without me. Later I came to Al Zubair and told him how I met the Prophet (peace be upon him) with a company of Ansars, and how I declined his offer when he bade the camel to kneel so that I might ride behind him. I told Al Zubair I felt shy and remembered your jealousy over your self-respect and honor. On hearing that account Al Zubar said, 'By God, your carrying fruit kernels is far more distressing for me than riding the camel with the Prophet'. (Bukhari).
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Abdul Fattah
12-03-2006, 02:59 PM
Mixing is even dangerous for pious people with good intentions. It is not a rule that is meant only to disarm those with bad intentions. It is meant to make things easier for people with good intentions by taking away opportunities of temptation. SO even if it is only with good intentions, don't do it.
I remember this story, three brothers have to go to war and they have a sister but noone to take care of her. So they ask an old man which is very pious if he cold look after her. First the old man refuses because he is afraid of getting tempted. But after a while he thinks, well it's with good intention only to help them out, so it should be ok. He lives in a tower in the upper rooms and gives the sister a room al the way down. Three times a day he comes down with food places it in the halway, quickly runs upstairs and yells that diner is sevred while he is halfway up the stairs so that by the time she opens the door he is already upstairs. After a while he thinks, maybe it's better to place it on her doorstep so she doesn't have to come outside. That would be easier, she wouldn't have to come outside, but only open the door and take the food in. He also gives her some books to read because he thinks she will get very lonely and bored in her room. After a while he starts thinking maybe I should try give her dinner without running and yelling she must get so lonly and the only voice she ever hears is me yelling so I should try not to yell. So he places it at the doorstep and alerts her of the food and then walks up his stairs. After she has read most of his books he thinks she must by now be really lonely maybe I should talk to her just a lil bit from the other side of the door. Just ask if everything's ok and if she's doing alright. After a while he starts to think everytime she opens the door to take the food people passing on the street can see her so maybe I should open the door without, place the food inside without looking and then leave. After a while as he opens the door he hears her crying out of lonlyness so he goes inside to talk to her to comfort her because he feels so bad for her being "imprisoned" in that room for so long. The story goes on like this for a couple more pages but I think you get the idea by now, eventually he get's her pregnant and kills her out of remorse all because of these "good intentions" that lead him to inapropriate situations.
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DigitalStorm82
12-03-2006, 03:06 PM
All points aside...

She needs accompany of someone who can protect her at night... 2 sisters walking late at night is just as bad as a single sister.

She needs someone who has a car... so she can be dropped in front of her house... Thats the only solution... even if there is a pack of sisters traveling... one by one they will all go to their houses and at the end there will be a single one left again. Car provides a bit of protection.... and of course seek protection from Allah as well.

May Allah protect us all from evil of this world. Ameen.
Reply

Umar001
12-03-2006, 03:06 PM
Originally Posted by steve
Mixing is even dangerous for pious people with good intentions. It is not a rule that is meant only to disarm those with bad intentions. It is meant to make things easier for people with good intentions by taking away opportunities of temptation. SO even if it is only with good intentions, don't do it.
I remember this story, three brothers have to go to war and they have a sister but noone to take care of her. So they ask an old man which is very pious if he cold look after her. First the old man refuses because he is afraid of getting tempted. But after a while he thinks, well it's with good intention only to help them out, so it should be ok. He lives in a tower in the upper rooms and gives the sister a room al the way down. Three times a day he comes down with food places it in the halway, quickly runs upstairs and yells that diner is sevred while he is halfway up the stairs so that by the time she opens the door he is already upstairs. After a while he thinks, maybe it's better to place it on her doorstep so she doesn't have to come outside. That would be easier, she wouldn't have to come outside, but only open the door and take the food in. He also gives her some books to read because he thinks she will get very lonely and bored in her room. After a while he starts thinking maybe I should try give her dinner without running and yelling she must get so lonly and the only voice she ever hears is me yelling so I should try not to yell. So he places it at the doorstep and alerts her of the food and then walks up his stairs. After she has read most of his books he thinks she must by now be really lonely maybe I should talk to her just a lil bit from the other side of the door. Just ask if everything's ok and if she's doing alright. After a while he starts to think everytime she opens the door to take the food people passing on the street can see her so maybe I should open the door without, place the food inside without looking and then leave. After a while as he opens the door he hears her crying out of lonlyness so he goes inside to talk to her to comfort her because he feels so bad for her being "imprisoned" in that room for so long. The story goes on like this for a couple more pages but I think you get the idea by now, eventually he get's her pregnant and kills her out of remorse all because of these "good intentions" that lead him to inapropriate situations.
That's the rough story of baseerah I believ as lolwhatever mentioned.

I think here it is not a case of whether it is ok for people to be together because they feel strong enough, as I said, it is a case of the lesser evil as such, and doing something out of neccesity.

For example, a male is not meanto touch a non-mahram female, right? But what if a bus is coming and is about to hit the sister, can he touch her? I think he would because of the neccesity. Also, although not as dramatic, would it be better that the sister walks alone at 10 pm in a dark place which is dangerous, in which her being by herself would expose her to many harms? Or would it be better if a brother maybe walks 5 steps ahead of her, avoids eye contact and conversation and escorts her, so that at least his presence might deter some men from trying anything, and if they do at least he'd be there to help.
Reply

anonymous
12-03-2006, 03:11 PM
I would advise ya to stay away from it inshAllah. just order a taxi :D Brep brep...
Gud luck sis, & mashAllah @ tha rest of the advises ...Slm
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DigitalStorm82
12-03-2006, 03:13 PM
maybe walks 5 steps ahead of her, avoids eye contact and conversation and escorts her, so that at least his presence might deter some men from trying anything, and if they do at least he'd be there to help.
Great advice.
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Umar001
12-03-2006, 03:17 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
I would advise ya to stay away from it inshAllah. just order a taxi :D Brep brep...
Gud luck sis, & mashAllah @ tha rest of the advises ...Slm
Ordering a taxi, meaning being in close proximaty with a stranger, who can drive you anywhere at night. Come on thats even worse, since taxi drivers might start conversations which may lead to other things, where as if you have a brother who is trusted highly then it is very unlikely that he'd try that.
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Woodrow
12-03-2006, 03:30 PM
Not long back I would have adamantly said absolutly no way should a sister walk alone with a brother. But, something made me reconsider. Circumstances of danger may necessitate it. The thing that needs to be seen is how much danger would the sister be in if she is alone. What type of area will she need to pass through?

If there is clear and present danger, is it not the duty of a brother to offer protection to a sister? If there is true danger and not just the desire for company I think the advice offered above is the best choice.

maybe walks 5 steps ahead of her, avoids eye contact and conversation and escorts her, so that at least his presence might deter some men from trying anything, and if they do at least he'd be there to help.
Just my opinion Astragfirullah
Reply

anonymous
12-03-2006, 04:13 PM
Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
Ordering a taxi, meaning being in close proximaty with a stranger, who can drive you anywhere at night. Come on thats even worse, since taxi drivers might start conversations which may lead to other things, where as if you have a brother who is trusted highly then it is very unlikely that he'd try that.
Not all taxi drivers are potentially dangerous criminals or peadophiles even :rollseyes
well its better than walking with some guy in the pitch black right?
Allahu alim
slm
Reply

AnonymousPoster
12-03-2006, 06:01 PM
:sl: May I add this brother doesnt even look at me when he talkz to me and hes well know for being very decent. so iz not just any1. but isha allah i think i might let him walk me home i wouldnt normally but i trust him:w:
Reply

Daffodil
12-04-2006, 12:22 AM
as salaamu alaikum:
if you check in the quran regarding the story of musa (as) after he killed the
man and fled, he water the flock for the two sisters. when the sisters returned
home early the father (nabi shuaib alaihe salaam) told one of the girls to bring
musa (as) back so he could reward him. when the girl met up with musa (as) and
took him him, he walked in front of her. when ever she wanted to change
direction she would throw a rock in front of him and he would turn in that
direction.
so yes it is better for the man to go ahead, and it is proven in the quran. it's
not fatwa but it is advisable as it is the sunnah of one of the prophets


my guess is it wud be ok because the safety of our sisters is more important and if theres no fear of zina or anything haram happening then inshallah it shud be ok.

my friend came to my house once n she had to go n teach at the madressa which is about 10 mins away and it was dark n shes extremely practicing and covers fully, hands and face. and she needed some one to drop her off cuz n we dnt have a car so i told my husband to drop her off n walk well ahead of her because i didnt want the sister to be walking on her own in the dark in a shady area, its too dangerous.

im sure it wud be ok.
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Malaikah
12-04-2006, 12:30 AM
:sl:

^But with Musa pbuh it was a desperate matter! He had been travelling alone for how long in severe conditions, and he didnt have any other way to get there.

I dont know, too me it doesnt seem right to extrapolate that story to this situation.

Not all taxi drivers are potentially dangerous criminals or peadophiles even
well its better than walking with some guy in the pitch black right?
I actually would have thought being alone with a practising brother in the street at night with him walking a good distance ahead and lower his gaze would have been better than being alone with a taxi driver. :?

But anyway thats just my personal opinion...
Reply

Umar001
12-04-2006, 12:33 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Not all taxi drivers are potentially dangerous criminals or peadophiles even :rollseyes
well its better than walking with some guy in the pitch black right?
Allahu alim
slm
ok here's the comparison:

Taxi Driver - Known Muslim Brother

Unknown - Known
Non-Muslim (probably) - Muslim
Might Look At Her - Doesn't look at her when they talk
Might try to speak to her - Might try but will keep quiet if she says she dont want to talk


The list can go on and on, the fact is, who should we trust, a taxi driver who we dont know who could be a non-muslim with no moral or a Muslim brother who is known and who does not look at her and so forth.

"well its better than walking with some guy in the pitch black right?"

As for that, then thats the same with the Taxi Driver, but with the taxi driver your driving around in the middle of the night.
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Malaikah
12-04-2006, 12:34 AM
:sl:

^Exaclty, and if the brother tries something shifty, you can run, but you cant run anywhere when youre in a car.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2006, 01:16 AM
Originally Posted by DigitalStorm82
Great advice.
perhaps arrange for at least three people walking home because if its just two then surely the third is the shaytaan.

:salamext:
Reply

Umar001
12-04-2006, 01:30 AM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
perhaps arrange for at least three people walking home because if its just two then surely the third is the shaytaan.

:salamext:
Do you think A'isha should have walked alone till she reached the Prophet, peace be upon him? In the indicent which was talked about in Surah An Nur.
Reply

Malaikah
12-04-2006, 03:53 AM
:sl:

Do you mean alone with the man? Of course she should have because she was in a situation of great need!
Reply

syilla
12-04-2006, 08:28 AM
:sl:

maybe the brother can bring his mother, sisters or relatives along....

just my one cent :hiding:

:w:
Reply

SirZubair
12-04-2006, 09:53 AM
I don't think there is any need for me to contribute in this thread, Brother IsaAbdullah has done an excellent job below.

Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
Assalamu Aleykum,

Am abit amazed, so instead of a sister walking with a brother, the sister should walk alone at 10 pm in a dangerous area?

I do understand that men and women should not be alone together, but what is in this situation the lesser evil? This is why I suggest the sister to ask someone of knowledge because in my view, I think that walking with the brother may be allowed in order to avoid anything like rape or robbery from non-Muslim.

But walking with the brother would mean something like the way Ai'sha was accompanied by that man, he didnt say a word to her, and he didnt look at her, he held the camel thing and walked head until they reached their place.

I do agree that it could lead to the guy being tempted, but if you keep to certain rules, i.e. him walking abit far from you, him not talking to you, him not looking at you, then I would let my daughter do that, for the simple case that it's a neccesasity.

But again, I urge you to ask a scholar, there are many a great site, the above was my personal view, and not a view to be held to be right since Im a mere baby Muslim, a lay man, so I ask you insha'Allah to ask a person of knowledge


EDIT: Or you could just not go to the place of knowledge.


Plus, is it even allowed for a sister to walk alone in the dark and at night and so on?
Reply

Malaikah
12-04-2006, 10:36 AM
Originally Posted by syilla
maybe the brother can bring his mother, sisters or relatives along....
:sl:

lol mashaallah syilla! Good idea. ;)
Reply

AnonymousPoster
12-04-2006, 10:52 AM
:sl:
lol look i'm sorry bro's, but i gotta break it to you's... here's the story of barseesah.... and it's a real life story, not a fairy tail:


There was a man who lived amongst the children of Israel named Barseesa. His worship and devotion to Allah was so great that we call him ‘aabid bani Isra’eel’: the great worshipper from the Children of Israel.

During his time, the King of the land made a call for men to join the army to fight in a jihad against an enemy. Amongst those who wanted to sign up were three brothers, but there was one problem. They had one sister and no other family to look after her. So they decided to go to Barseesa, the righteous man, and ask him to look after her in their absence, as they feared no evil from him.

Barseesa immediately refused their request: he would rather devote his time to worship of Allah. But when the three brothers went away, shaitan came to Barseesa and whispered to him “If you don’t look after the sister, then they will leave her in the hands of someone else, and then her safety isn’t guaranteed.”

So Barseesa changed his mind and took responsibility for the sister while the three brothers left. He left her in a house next to the building in which he prayed and each day he would prepare her some food and leave it outside his house for her, and then she would come and pick it up.

After some time, shaitan again came to Barseesa and suggested “why don’t you go and deliver the food to her doorstep. As it is, she is coming out of the house and everyone sees her, and you can see her inconvenience.”
So Barseesa accepted this suggestion and started taking the food right to the doorstep of where she was staying.

This continued for a while until shaitan came to him again and said “how can you leave the food at her doorstep? She still has to open the door and people see her.” Barseesa again changed his plan and decided to take the food into the house. But that was it, he decide. No further.

So this continued for a while until shaitan came and whispered to him “why dont you ever ask her how she is, at the moment she lives like a prisoner no one ever talks to her.” So now Barseesa started to talk to her, and soon they were smiling and laughing with each other and then passions flared, and then they fell in love, and then Barseesa, `aabid Bani Israeel, committed zina.
The story doesn’t end there because she became pregnant.

Shaitan now came to Barseesa and said “What have you done? If those three brothers come back and find their sister with a child, they will know that you betrayed their trust and committed zina with their sister, and then they are going to kill you. The only way to get out of this situation is to kill the child.” So Barseesa killed the child.

Shaitan came back to him again and warned “Do you think that the woman is going to keep quiet about the fact that you killed her child? The only way you can save yourself from this situation is to kill her too.” So Barseesa killed her as well.

Time passed, and the three brothers returned from jihad and asked for their sister. Barseesa merely pointed to a fake grave in which he had buried some animal bones. So the brothers cried and returned to their home.

However, shaitan came to each of them in a dream and said “that man Barseesa is a liar. When you were away he committed zina with your sister and then he killed her and their child and buried her in such-and-such place. And the grave you were shown is a fake grave with animal bones in it.”
When these three brothers woke up, they were shocked that they had all shared the same dream. So they checked the false grave to find the animal bones, and found the real grave of their sister and her child. When they interrogated Barseesa about it he confessed to everything, so they chained him up and dragged him to the King so that he could be executed. On the way there, shaitan appeared to Barseesa in a physical form and said “O Barseesa, do you know who i am? I am shaitan, and i am the one who has led you along this path. And now i am the only one who can save you.” Barseesa begged for help, so shaitaan instructed “If you prostrate to me i will save you.” So Barseesa prostrated to shaitan and … shaitan disappeared.

Barseesa ex-`aabid Bani Israeel was led away and executed. The once best of people died as the worst of poeple.

The point of the story is, you might think at the beginning that what you are doing is fine and that you can keep check on your emotions and everything, but you don’t know where this will lead to. Shaitan didn’t come to Barseesa directly and tell him to commit zina or murder, rather he took the softly-softly approach, and Barseesa fell for it. Shaitan doesn’t come to us guys and say “go and sleep with that girl.” He starts off by saying “hey, check her out, isn’t she pretty.” And then, “why don’t you just pop over there and say hello to her?”* and then … i guess you know what i’m saying. This excellent story was shared by a brother, may Allah (SWT) reward him. AMEEN.

When Allah has said that shaytan is an awoved enemy to you and we dont understand all his little ways that he uses to trap us, why open the door for him…



please note: we're not trying to take a go at the bro the original poster mentioned, but we just want the best for everyone.... precaution better than cure ;)

after reading the above story... i think it becomes obvious which is the 'lesser evil' :uuh:


:w:
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2006, 01:19 PM
Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
Do you think A'isha should have walked alone till she reached the Prophet, peace be upon him? In the indicent which was talked about in Surah An Nur.
what the? BRO ! im saying that if the brother can arrange a third person then that would be much better but if he cant then may Allah protect the brother and sister from the shaytaan and its better for him to walk her home.

this is simply my opinion.


ALLAHU ALLAM
Reply

Al-Zaara
12-04-2006, 04:40 PM
:sl:

Brother IsaAbdullah and many of you are in right, the sister's safety is the most important thing here.
Original poster, you say this brother is modest and decent, insha'Allah you're right , you are best to judge this, not us.

I myself wish you would have found a solution to this problem before when taking the course, arranging someone to pick you up. But if this is the case, the brother is not the safest choice, many things aren't safe these days (like taxi, walking alone etc.), but he's the best possible at the moment. May Allah (swt) keep you both safe from Shaitaan.

Insha'Allah, for the future maybe you could arrange someone picking you up, or you could ask other sisters to drive you home, if someone picks them up etc.

Allahu Alaam.

:w:
Reply

soulsociety
12-04-2006, 05:51 PM
:sl:

Why I said no, you shouldn't, is that if he were to attack you, it would be difficult to prove in court that he forced you. He could say you agreed to go walk with him and go to a quite place etc. This is for all women in general, if you put yourself in a situation where you agree to be alone with a man, and the man attacks you, it is difficult to prove in court that it was non-consensual.

A sister wrote how she was raped by a "religious", married brother, she knew his wife and kids, he was also involved in the same Islamic projects. He offered her a lift home and it happened.

By holding the course so late, I assume the institution thinks it's safe. I think it's in the UK or something? Not Kandahar or Baghdad...? So I'd say it's safe to walk alone, but I'd recommend the sister to carry a full length umbrella! Or try and change to a course earlier in the day?
Reply

Al-Zaara
12-04-2006, 06:29 PM
Originally Posted by soulsociety
:sl:

Why I said no, you shouldn't, is that if he were to attack you, it would be difficult to prove in court that he forced you. He could say you agreed to go walk with him and go to a quite place etc. This is for all women in general, if you put yourself in a situation where you agree to be alone with a man, and the man attacks you, it is difficult to prove in court that it was non-consensual.

A sister wrote how she was raped by a "religious", married brother, she knew his wife and kids, he was also involved in the same Islamic projects. He offered her a lift home and it happened.

By holding the course so late, I assume the institution thinks it's safe. I think it's in the UK or something? Not Kandahar or Baghdad...? So I'd say it's safe to walk alone, but I'd recommend the sister to carry a full length umbrella! Or try and change to a course earlier in the day?
:sl:

That's what all of us think could happen being alone with a man.
Insha'Allah, the sister has taken our words to heart and understands the risks.

You had a point there, maybe the institution does think it's safe when it's so late, but then again, you take the course on your own risk and the sister I think mentioned that it's dangerous at night there.

The best thing she really could do, is change the course for an earlier time, if it's possible (?).

Another valid point you made, was to carry an "weapon" with you. An umbrella or peppermint spray, something to make you feel safer (and which is not illegal).

:w:
Reply

lolwatever
12-04-2006, 11:14 PM
:sl:
did ne1 read anon's post at the beginnin of dis page :?
:w:
Reply

Malaikah
12-05-2006, 01:12 AM
:sl:

Are people here forgetting that when two people are alone together the third person is shaytan??

I'm pretty sure the prophet never made an exception for whether the person was righteous or not. :?
Reply

syilla
12-05-2006, 01:13 AM
^^^yup...you are right.

not we don't trust the brother...actually we don't trust the 'shaytan'. He will do anything to win.
Reply

Muslim Woman
12-05-2006, 02:02 AM
I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)

Listen to the holy Quran---the Final Testament
Recitation of Sura Fathiha by Shiekh Saad Al-Ghamdhi of Saudi Arabia
http://www.islamworld.net/fathiha.au


&&&
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: every friday i have an evening lesson which finishes at 10pm is quite far from where i live so this religious brother in my college offered to walk me home.
i havent got any mahram(2 died one the others dont live in the country), what do i say? hes into the religion and his intentions are gd.

wat do i do? :w:
can u ask ur course teacher to finish it early ? U can give a notice in the board for any sister who lives nearby to accompany u . Is this lesson very imp for u ? Can't u learn something else that is near to ur res ?

Ask Allah to make it easy for u. Insha Allah , problem will be solved.
Reply

Muslim Woman
12-05-2006, 09:15 AM
Salaam;
Originally Posted by syilla
^^^yup...you are right.

not we don't trust the brother...actually we don't trust the 'shaytan'. He will do anything to win.

yes . That's the point....it's the devil/shaytan......we must not give him any chance to provoke us. Night after night , if 2 young persons spend much time together ( on the way home ) , chances are high that satan will try his best to create evil.


Well Sis , another solution......is it possible for u to get married so that u can get a Muharim ?
Reply

Muslim Woman
12-05-2006, 09:23 AM
Salaam;

Daffodil:
when ever she wanted to change
direction she would throw a rock in front of him and he would turn in that
direction.
----is this from hadith ? I read the specific chapter long ago , i don't remember any such verse.



my friend came to my house once n she had to go n teach at the madressa which is about 10 mins away and it was dark n shes extremely practicing and covers fully, hands and face. and she needed some one to drop her off cuz n we dnt have a car so i told my husband to drop her off n walk well ahead of her because i didnt want the sister to be walking on her own in the dark in a shady area, its too dangerous.
---I once also requested my husband to give my friend a lift....but once or twice giving a lift and accompany daily .....tha't's the different thing.

exception can take place under necessity.....but it must not take place daily ? Why this course is so imp for the sis ? Is not any other course that is nearby?



im sure it wud be ok.[/QUOTE]
Reply

Al-Zaara
12-05-2006, 09:32 AM
Originally Posted by cheese
:sl:

Are people here forgetting that when two people are alone together the third person is shaytan??

I'm pretty sure the prophet never made an exception for whether the person was righteous or not. :?
:sl:

Of course not, we've mentioned it a lot of times that the Shaitaan will be the third.
But as said before, she may be in danger and we should protect our sisters and brothers.

Though I do agree, this doesn't justifie that a women is together with a non-mehram at night... This actually puts her in an another dangerous situation. When taking the course she must have realized it will be dark and dangerous outside and she has no mehram to walk with, so a bad mistake has been made.

In all seriousness sis Anon, one time him coming with you is already too much, even though he might have meant nothing bad.

Rather end the course, change it to earlier or find another way, just make sure you're not alone with a non-mehram and don't put yourself in these kinds of situations were you might be in danger.


The story of Barseesah was just plain horrible, and similiar things still happen in these days, astagfirullah.

:w:
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-05-2006, 09:39 AM
:salamext:

anon please my sincere advise even though all this has probably caused you to run away is, if its really dangerous for you then do everything in trying to arrange a third person to walk home along with you preferably a family member, always keep the gaze down, keep chit chat to a complete minimum, keep remembrance of Allah swt to a maximum and try to arrange for someone to walk you home (maybe a family member/cousin someone!!)
Reply

Malaikah
12-06-2006, 01:08 AM
Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
Rather end the course, change it to earlier or find another way, just make sure you're not alone with a non-mehram and don't put yourself in these kinds of situations were you might be in danger.
:sl:

Exactly. :) To be honest if I didn't have a safe way to get home I wouldnt go to the course in the first place (as upsetting as that would be).
Reply

AvarAllahNoor
12-09-2006, 04:02 PM
Does she feel the same way?
Reply

snakelegs
12-10-2006, 04:19 AM
just from reading your post, i didn't get the idea that this has anything to do with nikah, love etc etc. am i being too literal minded? you didn't refer to her as your girlfriend, but as a friend (girl).
anyway, if you really want to give dawah, i think lolwatever had good advice - try to find a sister to do it. if that fails, you may just have to let it go.
Reply

Dhulqarnaeen
12-12-2006, 06:32 AM
Originally Posted by DigitalStorm82
Asalamu Alaikum,

Bro, whatever the case is... you need to keep a restricted relationship with her... Tell her about Islam... thats fine... but do not jeapodize YOUR Islam... follow the guide lines...

If you call her to Islam... do not step outside of Islam to do it... Understand what I mean? Keep it halaal...

If you think you may like her than tell her about Islam... give her a direction to go on... give her resources.. and step back. It is Allah who guides.. you can only show her the direction...

W'salaamz
:) I agree, to search manfaat, have to be with something which is halal. Whatever intention you have, do it in halal way. And if you wanna marry her, then teach her, keep it halal, and then when she be muslim, marry her f he like you too. Great.
Btw. What is this sikh teaching? What they worship?Who is their GOd?And all? :offended:
Reply

syilla
12-12-2006, 06:40 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
just from reading your post, i didn't get the idea that this has anything to do with nikah, love etc etc. am i being too literal minded? you didn't refer to her as your girlfriend, but as a friend (girl).
anyway, if you really want to give dawah, i think lolwatever had good advice - try to find a sister to do it. if that fails, you may just have to let it go.
maybe they are mind reader... :giggling: :giggling:

for the 1st poster
btw...have a pure intention and try to give da'wah when there are people around....not when there are only two of you.
Reply

Snowflake
12-12-2006, 01:19 PM
I agree with Br Digital. Show her the path and leave the rest to Allah.

"Verily you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And he knows best those who are guided." [al-Qur’aan, al-Qasas(28):56]


There are many ways to give dawah without personal interaction. Some muslim organisation give free dawah material.. you can get some for her and leave the rest up to Allah.
Reply

Sana Ishaque
12-30-2006, 02:02 AM
I have a few questions : how much level of interaction with non-mahram is safe and Halal?
To be more specific if a Muslim women is working how should she interact with her male colleagues? In some societies hand shaking is considered as a way of introduction what should a muslimah do in that regard?
Reply

Roo_88
12-30-2006, 02:13 AM
If you can, you should let the person know that you can't shake hands because your religion teaches you not to be touched by men other than your husband. Some people believe, that if your intention is right, then its ok to shake hands because it's not like you want to touch them deliberately.
Reply

sister_fatimah
12-30-2006, 02:17 AM
:sl:

I work with non muslims males , and when I enter to islam , I decided no kiss and no shake hands with men.
So later my shahada, next day, I arrived to the job and explain them , that no more kiss or shake hands , or touch me for sumthing ...one of the boys got angry , but wasnt a problem for me , was his problem , but with the time he understand me , al hamdulilah , the others boys accpeted my decision ... but i was firm in my actitude , and when some muslim ( man) wants shake hands , i dont do it , i only say , as salaamu alaykum , and nothing else ...
Reply

Roo_88
12-30-2006, 02:19 AM
Originally Posted by sister_fatimah
:sl:

I work with non muslims males , and when I enter to islam , I decided no kiss and no shake hands with men.
So later my shahada, next day, I arrived to the job and explain them , that no more kiss or shake hands , or touch me for sumthing ...one of the boys got angry , but wasnt a problem for me , was his problem , but with the time he understand me , al hamdulilah , the others boys accpeted my decision ... but i was firm in my actitude , and when some muslim ( man) wants shake hands , i dont do it , i only say , as salaamu alaykum , and nothing else ...

Alhamdulilallah. Good for you sister :)
Reply

ramroom
12-31-2006, 01:46 PM
alsalamu alaikum. I have a question regarding interaction within a university. I am trying to convince my friend not to interact with guys (as friends) but she says she wants proof and its getting hard to convince her. It will be REALLY helpful if anyone could get me proof about the matter i.e that interaction with the opposite sex is haram in regards to friendship. Thank you and please let me know soon... :)
Reply

Sana Ishaque
01-02-2007, 05:47 AM
Originally Posted by ramroom
alsalamu alaikum. I have a question regarding interaction within a university. I am trying to convince my friend not to interact with guys (as friends) but she says she wants proof and its getting hard to convince her. It will be REALLY helpful if anyone could get me proof about the matter i.e that interaction with the opposite sex is haram in regards to friendship. Thank you and please let me know soon... :)
:sl:

Here are few web links for you that might answer your question:)

http://www.islamawareness.net/Marriage/fatwa_03.html

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503543072
Reply

Sana Ishaque
01-02-2007, 05:51 AM
The issue of friendship here has nothing to do with being Muslim or non-Muslim. You should not have taken Muslim or non-Muslim males as your friends. The Qur’an and the Sunnah have given us rules about relations between men and women.

There are two types of people: Mahram and non-Mahram. Mahram are those relatives between whom marriage is not allowed. Non-Mahram are those among whom marriage is permissible. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says: “ Forbidden unto you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father's sisters, and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster mothers, and your foster sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your stepdaughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom ye have gone in but if ye have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) and the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins. And (it is forbidden unto you) that ye should have two sisters together, except what hath already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (An-Nisaa’: 23)

Muslim men and women can socialize among the Mahrams, but not among the non-Mahrams. When men and women are in the presence of non-Mahrams then they must lower their gaze. Allah Almighty says: “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigor, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed. And marry such of you as are solitary and the pious of your slaves and maid servants. If they be poor; Allah will enrich them of His bounty. Allah is of ample means, Aware.” (An-Nur: 30-31)

He Almighty also says: “O ye wives of the Prophet! Ye are not like any other women. If ye keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft of speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease aspire (to you), but utter customary speech.” (Al-Ahzab: 32)

Hence it is clear that Islam does not allow Muslims to have friends from the opposite gender. Males should not have female friends and females should not have male friends. Non-Mahram males and females may talk to each other, but should not socialize or go out in parties.

A single male and female should never be together in a place where they are all alone, isolated without the access of any one else. Islam has given these rules to save men and women from committing sin or getting involved in situations where they might commit sin.

an excerpt from the link....http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503543072
Reply

ramroom
01-02-2007, 09:32 AM
Alsalamu Alaikum
Thank you for your reply, I do find it very useful and Insha'Allah may God guide us to the right path. :)
Reply

Ashley
01-06-2007, 06:45 PM
hello everyone i jsut wanted to know are muslims allowed to be friends with boys or males dat are not ur relation. because in school i hav friends and some of them are boys and i was wondering if im allowed to be friends with them or not, some of them are really good friends and i dunt wana do soemfink against islam dat im nt allowed to do so plzz help me.

wasalam
Reply

lolwatever
01-07-2007, 02:34 AM
erm sis ur not allowed 2b alone with non mahram or 'non relation' (as u put it).. n i guess ur not allowed 2 chat unecessarily with people of opposite gender.. (maybe sum1 else can giv that advise :-[ )

all the best sis!
salams
Reply

sevgi
01-07-2007, 02:42 AM
salaams sis,

balance is a really important thing these days.it is impossible in the 21st century to run away from boys. they are evrywhere. we have study with them, work with them, talk to them, and even in sme desperate cases, we need to touch them.the thing is, you need to be as conservative and modest as possible when u are around them. dnt blow it out of proportion.time brings people closer together, so try not to spend too much time with ur male friends. u can still have them, but only contact them or refer to them when absolutely necesarry, like none of ur female friends can help u...get me? you should continue to say hi, how are u and stuff...coz, if u dnt, muslim girls will be labelled snobs and even more fitnah will start about us. :)
hope i could be of some assistance...:)

wassalam...
Reply

Abdul Fattah
01-07-2007, 03:47 AM
Originally Posted by Ashley
hello everyone i jsut wanted to know are muslims allowed to be friends with boys or males dat are not ur relation. because in school i hav friends and some of them are boys and i was wondering if im allowed to be friends with them or not, some of them are really good friends and i dunt wana do soemfink against islam dat im nt allowed to do so plzz help me.

wasalam
In general everything that has a high probability of leading towards sin is considered sin by itself. So exposing yourself to a situation where sinfull feellings (desires outside mariage) can easely grow is not tolerated. And it's not really smart either to tempt oneself like that. That's like saying: "Ok mommy I won't eat candy before dinner, but can I at least take the candy up to my room and look at the candy while no-one is around?"
the example might be stupid, but I think you get my point, right?
Reply

adeeb
01-07-2007, 05:12 AM
Originally Posted by Sana Ishaque
The issue of friendship here has nothing to do with being Muslim or non-Muslim. You should not have taken Muslim or non-Muslim males as your friends. The Qur’an and the Sunnah have given us rules about relations between men and women.

There are two types of people: Mahram and non-Mahram. Mahram are those relatives between whom marriage is not allowed. Non-Mahram are those among whom marriage is permissible. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says: “ Forbidden unto you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father's sisters, and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster mothers, and your foster sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your stepdaughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom ye have gone in but if ye have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) and the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins. And (it is forbidden unto you) that ye should have two sisters together, except what hath already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (An-Nisaa’: 23)

Muslim men and women can socialize among the Mahrams, but not among the non-Mahrams. When men and women are in the presence of non-Mahrams then they must lower their gaze. Allah Almighty says: “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigor, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed. And marry such of you as are solitary and the pious of your slaves and maid servants. If they be poor; Allah will enrich them of His bounty. Allah is of ample means, Aware.” (An-Nur: 30-31)

He Almighty also says: “O ye wives of the Prophet! Ye are not like any other women. If ye keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft of speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease aspire (to you), but utter customary speech.” (Al-Ahzab: 32)

Hence it is clear that Islam does not allow Muslims to have friends from the opposite gender. Males should not have female friends and females should not have male friends. Non-Mahram males and females may talk to each other, but should not socialize or go out in parties.

A single male and female should never be together in a place where they are all alone, isolated without the access of any one else. Islam has given these rules to save men and women from committing sin or getting involved in situations where they might commit sin.

an excerpt from the link....http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503543072
clear explanation... jazakallahu khair :thumbs_up
Reply

Ashley
01-08-2007, 07:12 PM
umm yh i guess in a way ,i do try 2 stay away from them but they don't leave me alone, they are always chatting and laughing with me ,i mean i was friends with them before i converted to islam, and i don't have the heart to say leave me alone i don't wana be friends with you,das horrible n i dont fink i can do it. i know im nt allowed 2 stay friends with boys but sometimes you cant help it, but i wish 2 stop being friends with them even though i know it will be hard:cry:
Reply

FBI
01-08-2007, 07:19 PM
:sl:

we need to touch them
????????
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-09-2007, 12:33 PM
I met this guy over the net 3 years ago. Well one night we were chatting on msn and he said “do you went to meet up” I said ok which was stupid. Well the thing is he’s a Muslim and we have been meeting up for about a month right now talking about Islam and one day he said marry me and I said no. well he got angry and 2 weeks from that day he’s everywhere I go he’s stalking me he knows were I live last night the something broke the window in my bedroom we told the police they just said bring proof I don’t know what proof they went?

Am so scared I don’t know what to I can’t walk on the street with my baby all I do is look around to see if he is there. I always see him in the mall can’t leave the house not even go to college am scared he might kill me.

I don’t know what do... please give me am advice. I just went to leave the country. Please help me am Depressed I can’t eat at all I just feel sick :cry:
Reply

brenton
01-09-2007, 12:43 PM
Perhaps a local mosque or church could create a volunteer "security" team for you, a buddy system for a little while. That way, you have safety & a witness.
If you can afford a call display and voice mail, you may get evidence that way. You could talk to your pohne company. If he calls way too much, they may give you a phone record that might be enough for a restraining order. With that, a friend's testimony or phone call would be enough to see it broken.
Sorry this happened.
Reply

Dawud_uk
01-09-2007, 01:22 PM
assalaamu alaykum,

get a respected elder or imam to talk to him, and if he still wont stop and if the police wont help then get some heavy duty brothers to frighten him or even to break his legs if he still wont stop cos then he cant follow you around if he is frightening you that much can he?

important thing is you make tawbah for making your mistake and dont do it again as it would be the height of foolishness to fall for the same trap of shaitan twice.

assalaamu alaykum,
Abu Abdullah
Reply

akulion
01-09-2007, 01:39 PM
this may cost u a few bucks

but get a camera and set it up to recode whats happening outside ur house.

normally a small camera can cost between $10 to $30 depending on what type u want (the spy cams type are pretty cheap, I know cos I have one set up on my frontdoor to see who comes when the bell rings)

All ull have to do is attach it up to a VCR or other recording device and ur set to go..

If u can get enough footage of the guy hanging around ur house and especially doing something dodgy - then he is toast!
Reply

Rabiyal
01-09-2007, 01:39 PM
well, did sister....I know the situation you are in...
cuz my own sister was in a stupid mess like that, it was stupid to meet up first, and then letting him know where your house was even stupider, but you don't know what you are doing when you are doing it....he also asked my sister to marry him and she refused, and then the stalking began. we changed our phone number, she started walking with her friends but even then she was scared.

So one day she did something I still don't approve, but it worked, and that was, she met up with him, and explained the situation why she can't be with him, and she was honest, sincere, and bold when she was talking to him. She took one of her friends with her, who was keeping an eye on her while they were talking in a distance.

I would suggest you try that too, sometimes leading on a man and then saying no without a reason, and leaving him hanging would drive him to do stuff like that. if that happened to you, you would be crushed, man are just the opposite, instead of getting crushed, they crash :) so try talking always helps.
Good luck may Allah guide you both.
Reply

Sabbir_1
01-09-2007, 01:41 PM
Call the cops on him, , give the cops his details they can tracks him down.. I dont really understand this, how did he find out where u live? and how do u know if it him who broke ur window did v you see him..

police they just said bring proof I don’t know what proof they went
Proof, aint a window broken enough proof for them.. stupid coppers..

I just went to leave the country. Please help me am Depressed I can’t eat at all I just feel sick
Nah dodnt leave the country that aint gonna help, why should u leave the country cuz of this guy.. no u carry on living ur life and go college.Thats what happensa wid internet relationships, doesnt turn out how u expect it too.
Reply

FBI
01-09-2007, 01:43 PM
:sl:

Man they're some freaks out there don't they understand no means no.
Reply

skhalid
01-09-2007, 05:31 PM
I don't mean to e rude...but aint a muslim woman and man not suppose to ave that kind of a relationship...as in coz they aint married and stuff...
But u shud report him...2 be honest shud never met up with him in the first place!!!! regrets...we all get that!!!
Reply

strider
01-09-2007, 06:30 PM
Originally Posted by skhalid
I don't mean to e rude...but aint a muslim woman and man not suppose to ave that kind of a relationship...as in coz they aint married and stuff...
But u shud report him...2 be honest shud never met up with him in the first place!!!! regrets...we all get that!!!
Well, there is little benefit in crying over spilt milk. InshaAllah the sister will find a solution to her problem. Sis, please contact the police and file an official report with them. You made a mistake, but you don't deserve this.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
01-10-2007, 01:46 PM
i know what i did was bad .but this is just bad i just blame myself for what has happend to me i have not been a muslim for i long time only a year although am going everywere with my big brother he is still there. am going to the police today they said they have somethigh for me :cry:
Reply

- Qatada -
01-10-2007, 08:28 PM
:salamext:


May Allaah make it easy for you.. remember that if you have taqwa of Allaah [be aware of Allaah and fear to disobey Him] then Allaah will provide you from ways you could never expect. So keep making dua' (prayer) and Allaah will remove your distress and hardship inshaa'Allaah soon.

We will also keep you in our duas!
Reply

lolwatever
01-10-2007, 10:15 PM
^ v good advise

n say Alhamdulilah you didn't get accept him!!! Shows his true colors :offended:


all the best
:w:
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axess1907
01-10-2007, 10:29 PM
Ok some tipps for the next time, i hope something like that will never happent o you again:

1. NEVER meet up with Internet-Friends in real-life, doesnt matter how long you know him from chatting.

2. They can be child-.... , killers, silly people who will destroy your live.

3. PROTECT YOUR IDENTITY!

You have a gun? Protect yourself with a gun.. but dont kill him with it only shoot at his leg or at his arm so you wont kill him. (of course when he attacks so) Allah is with you dont worry...
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Pk_#2
01-10-2007, 10:37 PM
^^ You sound like you work for samaritans LOL

But don't promote guns you fool, she has Allah (swt) as her protector, make du'a before leaving the house, Ayatul Qursi or something alike,

tc sis

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh!
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axess1907
01-10-2007, 10:40 PM
Originally Posted by tasmiyah_B
^^ You sound like you work for samaritans LOL

But don't promote guns you fool, she has Allah (swt) as her protector, make du'a before leaving the house, Ayatul Qursi or something alike,

tc sis

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh!

I dont promote for guns. I just told her that it is her last chance to escape from that fool.
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Kittygyal
01-10-2007, 10:42 PM
Originally Posted by axess1907
Ok some tipps for the next time, i hope something like that will never happent o you again:

1. NEVER meet up with Internet-Friends in real-life, doesnt matter how long you know him from chatting.

2. They can be child-.... , killers, silly people who will destroy your live.

3. PROTECT YOUR IDENTITY!

You have a gun? Protect yourself with a gun.. but dont kill him with it only shoot at his leg or at his arm so you wont kill him. (of course when he attacks so) Allah is with you dont worry...
salam.
lol

&& why wud she wana have a gun when she has Allah suabhwnatallah, if she shoots him or whetva still she might hit him someone were else which can course deth anywho i dunno go && ask ya mam for thy person whom wants a know ask help from your parents i guess or just go call thy cops for that dude simiple anywho i dunno am off.

Ms'alm
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axess1907
01-10-2007, 10:44 PM
Cops dont do anything.. ACAB!
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Sabbir_1
01-10-2007, 11:29 PM
lol.. guns, art, cops.. wow. chill guys.. yh no need for gun.. but does come in handy sometimes.
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Snowflake
01-10-2007, 11:58 PM
If you have his mobile, send him a text telling him to leave you alone. He will most likely text you back saying something sinister. Bingo! There's your proof for the police to show that he REALLY is harassing you.

umm and about smashing knee-caps... does that mean the person cannot walk again? @chacha-Jalebi :?
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AnonymousPoster
01-11-2007, 06:37 PM
thank you all i wish he can just leave me alone. he's a really smart guy and he will not listen to me or anything i got to say he say's i turn he's life upside down and i have to pay for it. know i got a cop in my house and with me 24 hours from today coz they need to catch him out doing something
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Al-Zaara
01-13-2007, 09:17 AM
Subhan Allah!!!

That's so horrible sister, you're in my duas!!!

Insha'Allah you'll catch this guy...

Please be careful.
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:14 PM
I'm starting this thread to learn, not to insult.

From what I've been told so far, women and men are kept separate because a majority of Muslims think that if a man and a woman are friends, they will obviously have sex outside of marriage. And so they are not allowed to be friends, nor have friendly conversations. A conversation between a woman and a man should be strictly business.

Is that about right?
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- Qatada -
03-09-2007, 06:33 PM
Hey.


Friendship outside of marriage can lead to that - yes. So to prevent a person from getting harmed physically, or even emotionally - the person is encouraged to get married and to have a relationship with their spouse. And within this marriage, it is encouraged for them to beautify themselves for each other and to be friends and all that kinda stuff.


By the way, how come its in the comparative religion section? lol.
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IbnAbdulHakim
03-09-2007, 06:35 PM
:salamext:

count desheep, from personal experience what do you find when around the opposite gender, do you find yourself more gentle towards them? Are you more leniant? Are you perhaps attracted? Perhaps do you want them to be attracted towards you? Sometimes perhaps they will be attracted without you even trying! And this will create problems because perhaps it is not in Gods will that you both marry, therefore you will seperate, this will take you away from God and cause problems.

Is this difficult to understand?
:)
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:39 PM
Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah
Friendship outside of marriage can lead to that - yes. So to prevent a person from getting harmed physically, or even emotionally - the person is encouraged to get married and to have a relationship with their spouse. And within this marriage, it is encouraged for them to beautify themselves for each other and to be friends and all that kinda stuff.
So because there's a small chance that friendship outside of marriage might lead to sex, it's totally banned?

By the way, how come its in the comparative religion section? lol.
I'm gunna point meh finger at an unnamed moderator...XP He/She/It said to put this here, but I'm pretty sure I didn't understand the message...>.<
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- Qatada -
03-09-2007, 06:43 PM
Count de sheep, do you really think theres only a small chance? Just see how a guy and a gurl be friends and they might start getting feelings for each other as they get older.. do you think this is only a small chance?
Or how about a girl and a guy hanging out.. how come it's so common for them to date? And what happens when they start dating?


Does this happen rarely or does it happen nearly all the time?
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:44 PM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
count desheep, from personal experience what do you find when around the opposite gender, do you find yourself more gentle towards them? Are you more leniant? Are you perhaps attracted? Perhaps do you want them to be attracted towards you?
No. I do not show favor towards either gender in any way. I place emphasis on the individual, regardless of any physical characteristics.

Sometimes perhaps they will be attracted without you even trying!
Good point, but in my case, that is not a possibility.

And this will create problems because perhaps it is not in Gods will that you both marry, therefore you will seperate, this will take you away from God and cause problems.

Is this difficult to understand?
:)
Yes, it is difficult to understand. If two friends get involved, and if they separate, then why would it cause problems?
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IbnAbdulHakim
03-09-2007, 06:45 PM
i have asked many non-muslim friends and they all say they easily go from girl to girl liking one another, when asked who they hang around with as chums/buddies its always boys... you tell me why :?
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IbnAbdulHakim
03-09-2007, 06:45 PM
Originally Posted by Count DeSheep

Yes, it is difficult to understand. If two friends get involved, and if they separate, then why would it cause problems?
heartbreak my friend
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:49 PM
Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah
Count de sheep, do you really think theres only a small chance?
Yes, I do.

Just see how a guy and a gurl be friends and they might start getting feelings for each other as they get older.. do you think this is only a small chance?
It's a largely chance if they know each other during puberty, but before or after, it should only be a small chance.

Or how about a girl and a guy hanging out.. how come it's so common for them to date? And what happens when they start dating?
I know plenty of people with friends of the opposite gender. I have made friends that are women and not dated a single one, nor had any desire to do so.

Does this happen rarely or does it happen nearly all the time?
Is it so hard to accept that not everyone is sex crazed?
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:50 PM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
heartbreak my friend
How could that have any effect on their relationship with God?
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Talha777
03-09-2007, 06:54 PM
I'm starting this thread to learn, not to insult.

From what I've been told so far, women and men are kept separate because a majority of Muslims think that if a man and a woman are friends, they will obviously have sex outside of marriage. And so they are not allowed to be friends, nor have friendly conversations. A conversation between a woman and a man should be strictly business.

Is that about right?
I don't think the reason for men and women being segregated is solely to avoid fornication/adultery. The reason is that people who spend time in the company of strange women lose their morals and become soft like women. I even think that most if not all homosexuals are the way they are because they have been in the company of women more than in company of their own gender, hence they have similar emotions and feelings like women. In short, men will lose their masculinity and women will lose their femininity (become "tomboys"). Also, even if actual adultery may not occur, people will become tempted in their hearts and may become secretly attracted to someone they are not married to.

Also, there is a spiritual effect on those people who spend time in the company of the opposite gender. I myself go to high school and virtually every male student I know has some friends among girls, and this is why I see such a lack of morals and righteousness among westerners. It's actually a Catholic school I go to, and you would think the students would have at least some religious values and morals, but to be quite honest, the Catholic school students are indistinguisable from public school students, the only difference is that the Catholic students wear uniforms. So you can see how a religion (Catholicism) can lose all its spiritual power and force to inspire people simply because it has omitted such an important teaching.
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IbnAbdulHakim
03-09-2007, 06:57 PM
Originally Posted by Count DeSheep
How could that have any effect on their relationship with God?
becoz they wont be living together and will always be thinking about each other wanting more of each other etc etc
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 06:59 PM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
i have asked many non-muslim friends and they all say they easily go from girl to girl liking one another, when asked who they hang around with as chums/buddies its always boys... you tell me why :?
Maybe because they do not have the same morals you do. They do not share in the same level of religious devotion, and they do not worship as you do. They were raised in a society where it is acceptable to go from partner to partner, but some people aren't. I have never had a desire to love someone, and obviously, I haven't had a desire to go from one person to the next.

As for actual friends, I say it's because of common interests. Maybe they don't like things most women in the area do. But there are many men and women who do have common interests. Where I live, it is common to have people of both genders liking the same things: reading, sports, games, food, or whatever else. There is little to no gender discrimination (favouring or disfavouring) in my area. I haven't seen any in the place I live now, nor in the area where I lived until I was ten years old.
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Woodrow
03-09-2007, 07:03 PM
At times it does seem to be a hardship on us. But, the reality is that in the overall scheme of life it has the result of men and women getting to know each other with respect. It prevents problems before they have a chance to happen.
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- Qatada -
03-09-2007, 07:05 PM
Originally Posted by Count DeSheep
Yes, I do.

I disagree. :)



It's a largely chance if they know each other during puberty, but before or after, it should only be a small chance.

Well puberty lasts for 6 long years, remember that the persons life is changing and they desire things they never desired before. So within this time period they could do many things which could affect their future, i.e. like stated before, it may start off as dating, which leads to kissing, and then it becomes even more intimate than that.



I know plenty of people with friends of the opposite gender. I have made friends that are women and not dated a single one, nor had any desire to do so.
I do to, and they became more than friends and later on they hated each other because of that break up that they had. This breakup wouldn't occur if they weren't friends in the first place, and the reason why they approached each other was because they desired each other.



Is it so hard to accept that not everyone is sex crazed?

Just look at the world around you, why are girls 'starving' themselves to death just to fit into the right clothes? Whats with all the bling?

They all do it to get popular, and to be a 'playa' is encouraged, in the media and in the social standards.
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 07:07 PM
Originally Posted by Talha777

I don't think the reason for men and women being segregated is solely to avoid fornication/adultery. The reason is that people who spend time in the company of strange women lose their morals and become soft like women. I even think that most if not all homosexuals are the way they are because they have been in the company of women more than in company of their own gender, hence they have similar emotions and feelings like women. In short, men will lose their masculinity and women will lose their femininity (become "tomboys"). Also, even if actual adultery may not occur, people will become tempted in their hearts and may become secretly attracted to someone they are not married to.

Also, there is a spiritual effect on those people who spend time in the company of the opposite gender. I myself go to high school and virtually every male student I know has some friends among girls, and this is why I see such a lack of morals and righteousness among westerners. It's actually a Catholic school I go to, and you would think the students would have at least some religious values and morals, but to be quite honest, the Catholic school students are indistinguisable from public school students, the only difference is that the Catholic students wear uniforms. So you can see how a religion (Catholicism) can lose all its spiritual power and force to inspire people simply because it has omitted such an important teaching.
That is the first explanation I've heard that actually makes sense.

So does that mean that Muslims are afraid that their religion will fail and become corrupt if men and women are allowed to know each other as friends?
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Talha777
03-09-2007, 07:15 PM
So does that mean that Muslims are afraid that their religion will fail and become corrupt if men and women are allowed to know each other as friends?
It means Muslims will fail and become corrupt, just like non-Muslims are, if men and women are allowed to know eachother as friends. The religion of Islam cannot be changed. I said that Catholicism is a weak religion because its teachings do not emphasize gender segregation and chastity, or at least to the level that it will have a useful effect on its adherents. Its just funny to me that the Church teaches against fornication, yet in the Catholic schools they run they don't segregate boys and girls and do not forbid interaction between the two genders.

Christianity teaches "thou shalt not commit adultery" and it ends there. Islam teaches the same, but it also has teachings to exterminate the very root of the problem.
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Muhammad
03-09-2007, 07:36 PM
Greetings,

In Islam, we are taught to obey what Allaah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) tell us, regardless of whether we fully understand the reasoning behind such rulings, because we believe that Allaah is perfect in every way; All-Wise, All-Knowing, and that whatever He has ordered us to do is the best thing for us. It is He who has created us and therefore He knows what is best for His servants. Sometimes we might understand to some degree the reason behind a ruling or an event, and other times we may not. In both cases, however, we accept it as being a ruling of Allaah and we must obey it.

With gender segregation, it does not mean that every single friendship will lead to adultery. Yet the possibility is there, and Islam closes the doors that lead to trial and temptation. No man can say that he is free from the temptations of the devil, who does not cease to try his best in leading one into sin. So Islam has put in place a number of guidelines for preserving modesty and shyness that are conducive to humility and piety before Allaah, as well as preserving social and familial order.

You might know of 100 friendships between two people of the opposite gender and none have developed into something further. But the sole reason that we have been taught to avoid this in Islam, if you disagree with the reasoning behind this, is sufficient for doing so.

Peace.

P.S. I'll put in the link for that thread again in case you missed it: http://www.islamicboard.com/basics-i...uidelines.html
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 08:07 PM
Originally Posted by Muhammad
P.S. I'll put in the link for that thread again in case you missed it: http://www.islamicboard.com/basics-i...uidelines.html
The rest of your message made a lot of sense to me. Thanks. You and Talha seem to be the only ones able to get this point across. =D

Even more importantly, the private messaging system is a perfect example of men and women being alone together, as warned against by the scholars.
You said that one the thread you linked to. Does this mean that it's only bad if men and women are alone together? Can they be friends as long as they are together in public?
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 08:14 PM
Originally Posted by Talha777

It means Muslims will fail and become corrupt, just like non-Muslims are, if men and women are allowed to know eachother as friends. The religion of Islam cannot be changed. I said that Catholicism is a weak religion because its teachings do not emphasize gender segregation and chastity, or at least to the level that it will have a useful effect on its adherents. Its just funny to me that the Church teaches against fornication, yet in the Catholic schools they run they don't segregate boys and girls and do not forbid interaction between the two genders.

Christianity teaches "thou shalt not commit adultery" and it ends there. Islam teaches the same, but it also has teachings to exterminate the very root of the problem.
Ah. I think I understand more now. Christianity has largely failed because it has no gender segregation (in part, at least), and Muslims would rather lose the ability to interact freely with the opposite gender than to have the majority of Muslims become lacking in morality and corrupted. Right?

Edit: Talha, what do the students/teachers at the school think of you? Do they treat you differently because you're a Muslim?
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Talha777
03-09-2007, 08:21 PM
Ah. I think I understand more now. Christianity has largely failed because it has no gender segregation (in part, at least), and Muslims would rather lose the ability to interact freely with the opposite gender than to have the majority of Muslims become lacking in morality and corrupted. Right?
Right!

Talha, what do the students/teachers at the school think of you? Do they treat you differently because you're a Muslim?
To be honest and fair I receive equal and good treatment, despite the fact I am the only Muslim in the entire school.
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Count DeSheep
03-09-2007, 10:39 PM
Originally Posted by Talha777
To be honest and fair I receive equal and good treatment, despite the fact I am the only Muslim in the entire school.
Only in Canada...=D

Thank you to everyone who posted, especially Talha and Muhammad. =D
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Muhammad
03-10-2007, 12:16 AM
Greetings,

Originally Posted by Count DeSheep
You said that one the thread you linked to. Does this mean that it's only bad if men and women are alone together? Can they be friends as long as they are together in public?
No - as far as I understand it - it is not allowed for them to correspond unnecessarily whether that is in private or public. A couple of the quotes in another post of that thread say:

Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram)should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:

It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that.
And Allaah the Most High knows best.

Thank you for your questions :).
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Count DeSheep
03-10-2007, 12:31 AM
Originally Posted by Muhammad
Thank you for your questions :).
Thank you for your answers. :) You've been a big help. =D
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Pygoscelis
03-10-2007, 05:11 AM
Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah
Count de sheep, do you really think theres only a small chance? Just see how a guy and a gurl be friends and they might start getting feelings for each other as they get older.. do you think this is only a small chance?
Or how about a girl and a guy hanging out.. how come it's so common for them to date? And what happens when they start dating?


Does this happen rarely or does it happen nearly all the time?
I have dozens of close friends of the opposite sex that I feel no attraction whatsoever for. In fact, sex with these people would be disturbing. It would be like having sex with a sibling.

Its unfortunate that you'd lock out half the human race for potetial friendships / hanging out just due to a sexual fear / taboo.
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Malaikah
03-10-2007, 05:33 AM
Originally Posted by Pygoscelis
I have dozens of close friends of the opposite sex that I feel no attraction whatsoever for. In fact, sex with these people would be disturbing. It would be like having sex with a sibling.
And I know of heaps of guys who also have dozens of female friends and tend to be extremely flirtatious with most of them... it is obvious they want to more than friends with some of them.

No one is suggesting that every person must be attracted to every person of the opposite gender they see.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
03-10-2007, 06:32 AM
Better safe than sorry. On one side, someone wont be flirtatious or what not, but on the other side there will be. Its a prevention from it even starting.
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Strzelecki
03-10-2007, 07:16 AM
In all honesty, I'd say my friends are about even in terms of how many males and how many females there are.
And if I ever was to revert, I don't think I would be able to leave my female friends behind. I think I'd have to try and maintain the current relationship I have with each of them for as long as possible.
Would this be sinful?
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jzcasejz
03-10-2007, 09:43 AM
Originally Posted by Pygoscelis
I have dozens of close friends of the opposite sex that I feel no attraction whatsoever for. In fact, sex with these people would be disturbing. It would be like having sex with a sibling.

Its unfortunate that you'd lock out half the human race for potetial friendships / hanging out just due to a sexual fear / taboo.
Well That's Your Situation And I Respect That.
But As A Muslim, I Think It's Better To Be Extremely Precautious And On The Safe Side Of Things. :D

So No, Muslims Are Not Unfortunate And Did Not "Lock" Out Half The Human Race...This Rule Of Gender Segregation Was Placed For A Perfectly Good Reason...And Muslims Do Acknowledge It.
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Pygoscelis
03-10-2007, 01:10 PM
I guess its just had for me to relate since I don't share the same level of taboo/aversion regarding physical attraction. Dissacociating with half the human race is a pretty drastic measurem, so this taboo/aversion/commandment must be a very strongly held one.
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