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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 05:45 PM
assalaam o alaikum brothers and sisters i hope you can help me

i am a your sister in islam n i need help. i am raised into an islamic family where alhamdoolillaah my parents have given me the best of islamic knowledge.

ive got a problem. i used to listen to music but gave it up a year ago. i also used to love someone but forced myself to stop being in love with them n looking at them as i knew it was wrong and it wasnt going to happen. i was fine until now. i have the urge to listen to songs again like bollywood love songs. when i say songs i do not mean the actual music but i am attached to the lyrics of the song. also the person i was trying not to be in love with i have fallen in love with again. i do not want to commit sin at all by listening to songs n staring at the person-not in a lustful way but the other way-i think u understand?- i asked my mum if i could get married to that guy n she said no because he is younger than me.

about the guy-he is two years younger than me-he is my second cousin-but i do not think he loves me. i do not honestly know what i can do in such hard situation.

brothers n sisters please advize me i am relying on your help

please please please reply when you can

thank you very much

wasalam
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 05:52 PM
well he is my second cousin and we used to talk and be very close with each other n that is what lead me to liking him. i know it was wrong but please advize me what i should do brother or sister in islam!
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 06:09 PM
please brother or sister obviously i would be really devastated but can u please help n give me advize to my first post thankyou
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.:Umniyah:.
03-31-2007, 06:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by jinio
ok so you are just close friends.

what would happen if he died, how would you feel?
umm I really dont think that question is appropriate. She asked for advice. If you cant help i really think its best you dont say anything at all.

And as for the sister:
I really think that as hard as it may seem, and of course its must easier for me type this than it is to be acted upon; but you really need to move on InshaAllah. If you see theres no future between you and him then you are only hurting yourself in the end. Im sure youre a nice girl and there are people who will love you back and share that same passion as you have.

Make dua that Alalh truly releases these feelings from your heart and aid you in moving on to something better InshaAllah.

May Allah make it easy on you ameen.
:w:
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 06:17 PM
So u started liking him again after reading some bollywood music lyrics.
:rollseyes

Does this brother know that you wanna marry him. cuz he might not be interested.

What help do u need from us, its really a minor issue. If your parents arent happy in you marrying him, than u cant disobey them. Inshallah you'll find someone else, to marry.
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 06:19 PM
no no no he used to live in bradford n he moved here n i see him more often thats why i started liking him
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noodles
03-31-2007, 06:22 PM
Jinio, I should mention that this is not how you 'help' someone.

Hi Anon, I know that its hard to fall for someone again and the fact that your mom is not giving you permission makes it ever harder for you. Perhaps you can consult your father and persuade him otherwise. If that still doesn't have an effect you may want to involve a 3rd party(muslim obviosly)

As for the music, stay away from it. I can tell you if you start once again, it will flood you with memories of when you and him used to talk together and they will only increase your desire for him. Instead, grab a translated version of the Qur'an and put on some exceptional recitations and follow them with the translations. It really brings tears to your eyes.

My advice seems very minimal compared to the advice many other people can give. However, there isn't much I can tell you.
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.:Umniyah:.
03-31-2007, 06:22 PM
okay it just seems really funny that both the anoymous accounts have the same amount of posts, rep, and same joined date.
hmm....
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anonymous
03-31-2007, 06:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
well he is my second cousin and we used to talk and be very close with each other n that is what lead me to liking him. i know it was wrong but please advize me what i should do brother or sister in islam!
Yo wag1 dis ya 1 n only -----------

i dnt fink ya in luv wid d guy u jus FINK u r, i personally dnt believe u could BE IN LUV wid sum1 unless u WID da person
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anonymous
03-31-2007, 06:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
no no no he used to live in bradford n he moved here n i see him more often thats why i started liking him

ahhh sissssssssssssssssss i gerrit now i know hu u r :p

i thought u wil hav got over the dude by now!!

sori i know that dint help

seriously tho, der is a possibility u can marry da guy, after al he is ya COUSIN! ANd u r PAKI after al! dats hw it works wiv us lol
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anonymous
03-31-2007, 06:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by .:Umniyah:.
okay it just seems really funny that both the anoymous accounts have the same amount of posts, rep, and same joined date.
hmm....
i thought the anon account is jus ONE account, its da same 4 huever uses it :rollseyes: me 4 one Has NOT posted 890 annon posts i aint that sad man!
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 09:01 PM
salam brothers and sisters please do u have anymore advize it will be appreciated. please help your sister in islam....
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AnonymousPoster
03-31-2007, 09:06 PM
Sis there aint anything we can say that will help the situation your in, leave it to allah s.w.t..
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snakelegs
03-31-2007, 09:21 PM
i think that even though it may be difficult, you need to forget this guy. as you said, you don't even know if he loves you.
also, guys are generally a lot less mature for their age than girls the same age - and this guy is 2 years younger.
finish your studies - then you will be in a better position and have more options. if something is meant to happen with this guy at that time, maybe it will.
as for music - i would avoid the sentimental love much of bollywood. the love they sing about isn't real anyway. if you have to listen to music, listen to qawwali!
ok. now i will hide again. :hiding:
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IbnAbdulHakim
03-31-2007, 09:41 PM
:salamext:

sis in all honesty i am not exactly sure how i can give you comfort... hmm.. lol well i cant giv it BUT:::

first thing is you sound like a strong muslimah, i mean your practising enough to give up music and let go of the dude who supposedly and i say SUPPOSEDLY coz for real he aint stolen nothing, Allah knows who u gnna marry n inshaAllah its gonna be much betta then this geezah lol, so let me just say :) ::

For their Lord's displeasure is the opposite of Peace and Tranquillity;-
Al-Maarij Verse 28
so we achknowledge illicit relations aint halal, we also achknowledge music aint halal, these bein haram obviously gonna earn the displeasure of our lord, most high exalted be he, so i say that lets go bout earning his pleasure instead. Think bout it, its just a time of fitnah right! right now your feeling weak, we all feel that now and then but thats the time of testing, time to get strong :shade:

And the likeness of those who spend their substance, seeking to please Allah and to strengthen their souls, is as a garden, high and fertile: heavy rain falls on it but makes it yield a double increase of harvest, and if it receives not Heavy rain, light moisture sufficeth it. Allah seeth well whatever ye do.
Surah Baqara Verse 265
see the beauty of pleasing Allah! forget that dude, forget music, forget this dunya!! coz in the akhirah we're gonna hav the pleasure of Allah thats what matters!





lastly, check this out :)

format_quote Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah


Above & Beyond
JANNAH

Muhammad Faqih


http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?...+beyond+jannah
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anonymous
03-31-2007, 09:56 PM
thank you very much its is good advize may allah give you reward my brother

but i can tell you-this because i know-once you love someone its hard to let go just like that-love for one person stays in the heart as long as you live n sometimes a person is helpless like me n unfortunate they fall in love with someone who will not love back :(
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Snowflake
03-31-2007, 10:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
ahhh sissssssssssssssssss i gerrit now i know hu u r :p

i thought u wil hav got over the dude by now!!

sori i know that dint help

seriously tho, der is a possibility u can marry da guy, after al he is ya COUSIN! ANd u r PAKI after al! dats hw it works wiv us lol
I see this happening all too often. A person posts something using the anonymous account and some super sleuth shouts, "I know who you are!" And often adds more juicy bits of information which reveals something that everyone can see and the anonymous person could find uncomfortable.

Simply, please avoid it and act like you don't know. At least infront of the other members. There is always the PM/e mail option if you have to say something.
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Khayal
03-31-2007, 10:20 PM
:sl:

Why don't you tell everything to your mother, :rollseyes after all, all mothers are very close friends with their children....Alhamdulilah:statisfie

If she thinks it is GOOD for you n your future she will procede with it, IF not then she will guide you InshaAllah AND you must LISTEN her...:thumbs_up

Good luck...:)



:w:
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 11:21 AM
i have talked to m mother n she says i can not get marreed to him-she knows evreething about how i feel for my couzin
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 11:48 AM
there are way too many anon accounts in here im so confused.

sis, im sorri that noone has really given u proper advice in this thread. im sorri that u have to keep repeating the same things over and over because people cannot be bothered to read the pre-posts.

i do not knw how to help u. but i can support u and advise you in a few ways.

u have spoken to ur mum. she said no. take one more step and ask her to consult your father and let them consider it seriously, leaving out the age factor. ask them to see whether he is fit to be ur husband.

then, u may think of age difference. if he is not a good hubby, his age wont matter...if they think he is a good husband for u, then, think of in what ways his age will affect u and ur future together.this may also be a good time to bring in the guy and let ur father or whoever to speak to him about u and ur feelings. see if he is interested, if he will ever consider it....

if ur parents say no, then u must do tawakkul.leave it to Allah swt coz it is out of ur control.u have done ur bit.if ur parents say yes and the guy says no, once again, tawakkul...u cannot control his heart.

pray to Allah for he is the controller of hearts.ask for the hearts of ur parents and the guy to be filled with positivity and ask Allah to show u the right path, through the desicions and actions of ur parents. Pray to Allah for a guy who has the traits of this one.ur fate is written, but u can still chnge the habits of ur future husband through dua...

as for music...as a muslim, (and ive been verbally beaten abt this before,) i dnt believ that music is haram, as long as u keep ur guidelines. ifd the music is making u think of him...keep away...coz u do not know that he will be urs. he is not ur halal and that music is making u think of someone who is not ur halal.if the music makes u calm down, attribute the lyrics to Allah and how that guy u love reflects the wonderful attributes of Allah and how beautifully he has created him.

May Allah guide u sis anon. once you do tawakkul, u will realise that Allah is all wise and is drawing the most auspicious path for u.he is hand crafting just for u...for ur speacial needs, wants, desires......perfect for u inshallah. this is one of ur exams in life...try not to fail it.

love
sis sumeyye.
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IbnAbdulHakim
04-01-2007, 11:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
thank you very much its is good advize may allah give you reward my brother

but i can tell you-this because i know-once you love someone its hard to let go just like that-love for one person stays in the heart as long as you live n sometimes a person is helpless like me n unfortunate they fall in love with someone who will not love back :(
:salamext:

love before marriage is a delusion of the shaytaan, its a disease in the heart. Wallahi this is just a fitnah for you. Seek refuge in Allah and do what you know to be islamically best.
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Maidah
04-01-2007, 12:11 PM
^ Well to some extent love b4 marraige is a delluison, because sometimes we can't ditinguish between loving someone and liking someone. it's like a line drawn on sand, you never know when you cross it and where it's taking you. Personally i think love is a very strong word to use for someone b4 marriage, as the true essence of love is far beyond understanding. Sometimes we can like someone so much that we think we are in love with them, but love is not one sided and if it's then it's not love.

(maybe this was a bit off the topic :X ) anyways anon sis i pray Allah makes things easier for you. InshAllah.:)
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:16 PM
Mashallah brother...throughout this forum, u have gaind my respect...but i just have to say that sometimes, it is harder to do somethings than say it...

girls are very diffrent. they cant just say, "this is fitnah from shaytan...i must push all my feelings away and do what the Quran says..." well some can...but its hard when ur in it...even if its not love, it feels like it is to them and u cannot convince them that it is only 'like.'

the quran doesnt tell us not to love. it doesnt tell us not to love before marriage either. mother Khadijah loved our prophet before marriage, she asked him to marry her...this is seen again and again in our religion.

sis anons feeling are real...fitnah or no fitnah...she is in love...u may not know what that is or what it is like...it doesnt always have to be the lusty crap that goes around today.astaghfirullah, was mother khadijahs feelings haram? did she do anything improper or immodest?

let us stop telling sis anon to 'forget' him and her feelings, but work on how she can minimise the intensity of her feelings...for that she must start to think a lot more logically coz at the moment, her nefs is narrowing her perspective to her emotions and feelings only. we must help her open the door of logic and rationality which comes with our religion. islam is all about the balance between the two...

wasslam.
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:19 PM
i am trying my best to forget this guy but it is really hard-i think u understand-when u used to talk to the persn n laugh with them-to forget all of that or to move on-too hard
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:21 PM
n what is tawakkul sistr?
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:22 PM
stop trying to forget before u have even taken action.try to marry him(in the ways i have defined prior) and then, try to forget...
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:24 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
n what is tawakkul sistr?
tawakkul is leaving it to Allah. Just letting him take the reigns and trusting in his wisdom and going with the flow...doing ur part as a creation of Allah...

of course this only comes after you have taken all ur precautions etc.
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:24 PM
but my mum alreadi has tld me i canot get married to him-my dad sees him as a kid-i duno wt else i can posiblee do?
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:26 PM
how old are u guys?
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:29 PM
will age make a difference to the advice-i honestly wish to remiain anonymus
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:29 PM
or give me an age range...
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:31 PM
coz, if ur dad sees him as a kid, then maybe he is and u are rushing things.maybe u are too young. i dnt know.

is he at a marriable age?
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:31 PM
i is 18 n the guy is 16-please do not judge me on m age-i am not being proud but i am mature than most 18 yrs olds
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
i is 18 n the guy is 16-please do not judge me on m age-i am not being proud but i am mature than most 18 yrs olds
sis

he if he is 16, do u think he is competent enough to get married? do u really think he can carry a family? do u think he wants to give up his freinds and hsi soccer nights and his ps2 and his highschool to get married?
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:35 PM
do u think he is ready for marriage at all, let alone with u?
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AnonymousPoster
04-01-2007, 12:35 PM
i do not want marry him yet-but in future-i know we made for 1another-i think ther is something ther in his feeling but i dont know wht it is?
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:36 PM
please do not be put off by my tone.my intent is not to dieencourage u, but to merely assist u to thinking in a new light...
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Maidah
04-01-2007, 12:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
but my mum alreadi has tld me i canot get married to him-my dad sees him as a kid-i duno wt else i can posiblee do?
Sis i don't mean to ruin it for you, and beleive me i can understand you. But since your parents are against this and ur mum's said you can't get married to him, you should reconsider everything. I'm not saying forgett him, cuz it can't just happen by you saying it. And technically the people you try to forgett are the people you remember the most. So give urself some time, If you think you've tried your best, then leave it to Allah and trust his decision. Beleive me if Allah will this to happen and it's meant to be, it will regardless of what your parents say or however bad the situation looks.
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 12:40 PM
i would still go on and do what i said earlier.but remember, sometimes, whne u love someone, even the smallest, stupidest things feel like signs of mutual feelings. are u sure that the vibes u get from him are authentic, or are they perscieved that way by u?

either way, you will find out when ur parents approach him.

do not alienate yourself from ur parents. they will always consider ur feelings...they know you..u are their daughter.they want what is best for u.sometimes they think narrow but its ur job to widen their approach with the way you convey yourself and ur proposal.
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anonymous
04-01-2007, 12:58 PM
just let go yaar

its jus gna cause u more pain goin over wat uv been thru 2geda and wat could be

Besides u waaaaaaaaaay 2 young 2 be thinkin ofmariage anyways, and as 4 da guy he is a kid! Id NEVER marry any1 2 DAYS younger then me let alone 2 YEARS!!

Out there is sum1 hu IS ryt 4 u, i know u fink hes the 1 but believ u me its jus A PHASE u goin thru EVERY1 goes thru it

leave it 2 Allah(swt) 4 after all Allah (swt) knows best

I pray that you have a bright future with some1 hu will make u happy Ameeeeeeeen x
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anonymous
04-01-2007, 02:21 PM
with the way you convey yourself and ur proposal.
proposal?!not gona hapen sister-these things dnt hapen in m culture
nice advize sis maidah thankyou
any other advize pleez?
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sevgi
04-01-2007, 03:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
proposal?!not gona hapen sister-these things dnt hapen in m culture
nice advize sis maidah thankyou
any other advize pleez?
is it also in ur culture to write in this text u call english? ive never met anyone more verbally aggressive than you...please relax. im guessing that you are still in ur teens and think ur all 'cool' so im gonna leave u to it...

respect comes with our religion...if you cannot find it in urself to respect the advice given by individials, then maybe you shouldnt interfere at all.

its ones like you who make it hard for people to help one another. you cant cut out people thoughts coz u think it can never happen...ALLAH CAN BREAK THOSE STUPID CULTURES...im trying to give the girl RATIONAL HOPE.

im going over board? i need to relax? maybe i do. but the signification you provide me with, expecially when perceived in retrospect and futuristically, the state of our muslims frightens me. the divide is always the same, just in different contexts and mediums.

thank you for your input. and i retire, knowing that my efforts were shattered by the satement "proposal?!not gona hapen sister-these things dnt hapen in m culture"

im sorri sis anon...acording to sis anon2, you have no hope with thsi guy...it is against ur culture, you will never marry out of love...never propose anything to ur parnets.why not just die alone and miserable. maybe that would work better in ur culture.

i hope that fits ur criteria for advice anon2.

that is all.
wassalam.
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------
04-01-2007, 04:25 PM
acording to sis anon2, you have no hope with thsi guy...it is against ur culture, you will never marry out of love...never propose anything to ur parnets.why not just die alone and miserable. maybe that would work better in ur culture.
:salamext:

How very rude sister. Have some respect for sister anonymous. She might be going through a really hard time right now, and she needs the support of her sisters in Islam.

Sister Anonymous, I understand most teenagres go through this phase. I have only a couple of points which I intend to put across to you:

1) Respect your parents wishes, as Jannah lies underneath the feet of your mother.

2) If you think your cousin feels the same way, then I would advise you to ask a mehram to talk to him, maybe your father does not understand, but your brother or uncle?

I will not say 'move on' because I think you've heard that plenty of times from other people. Its really easy to say, but really hard to do, even if you have 'sky high' Imaan.

Lastly, pray to Allah swt that he helps you and guides you the right way.

I hope that helpd ukhtee.
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Miss_sara
04-01-2007, 04:32 PM
All really good advice here. All that i can input is that we all fall for someone one time or another. We are humans at the end of the day but it is how we act upon our feelings which matters at the end of the day. If your mother has already said no then it will just get harder for you over time. Keep praying and you soon will be able to move on too. Inshallah.
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sevgi
04-02-2007, 06:20 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muj4h1d4
:salamext:

How very rude sister. Have some respect for sister anonymous. She might be going through a really hard time right now, and she needs the support of her sisters in Islam.

Sister Anonymous, I understand most teenagres go through this phase. I have only a couple of points which I intend to put across to you:

1) Respect your parents wishes, as Jannah lies underneath the feet of your mother.

2) If you think your cousin feels the same way, then I would advise you to ask a mehram to talk to him, maybe your father does not understand, but your brother or uncle?

I will not say 'move on' because I think you've heard that plenty of times from other people. Its really easy to say, but really hard to do, even if you have 'sky high' Imaan.

Lastly, pray to Allah swt that he helps you and guides you the right way.

I hope that helpd ukhtee.
i dnt think uve quite got the picture..i am supporting her and satiring other anons around here.
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------
04-02-2007, 11:20 AM
:salamext:

Maybe you could support her a bit more politely?!
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IbnAbdulHakim
04-02-2007, 02:05 PM
seriously lol, the root of all evil is love for the dunya.

loving some dude is part of love for the dunya.

especially before marriage, dudes n dudettes i say you just stick to loving Allah... and those he recommends you to love :D.



stay away from that which causes you fitnah, music etc etc, quran will help a LOT



:salamext:
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AnonymousPoster
04-03-2007, 09:32 AM
i donot love dunyaa bt i love him-i dont care about dunyaa-i want him in my lfe-iwant to make him more practizing-inshallah-HELP
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------
04-03-2007, 09:33 AM
:salamext:

If you love someone before you actually became 'practising', as I've learnt from other sisters, it is not that easy to let go.

Subhan'Allah just try and put yourself in her position. She wants to try and make him more practising, but she fears her Lord at the same time that she does not commit anything indecent.

Masha'Allah. Sister you are in my du'as always. May Allah help you. Ameen.
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- Qatada -
04-03-2007, 11:28 AM
:salamext:


Just remain patient for a while.. i know it is hard, but if you remain patient and place your trust in Allaah - He may find a way for you from ways you never expected. Loads of things that happen in a persons life change the way the 'world goes round' and the family makes a decision which couldn't have ever happened or thought of just a few months back.

Patience.. and dua'. Because whether one places their trust in Allaah or not, they still don't have any choice except to remain patient. And a beautiful patience is to remain in a state of taqwa while you are facing a calamity, to the extent where people don't even know you're facing a hardship. Thats how much trust you've placed in your Lord, because you know that without a doubt - He will only do what is good for you, since He loves you more than your mother loves you, the Most Wise, the Best of Providers.
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AnonymousPoster
04-03-2007, 07:39 PM
thankyou brothr i think u are right?i wil have to be patient inshallah allah wil help me
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------
04-03-2007, 07:40 PM
:salamext:

Some good advice bro Fi Sabilillah! Insha'Allah Allâh will help her and guide her on the right path! Ameen!
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