Baby Blues..........

[AnonymousPoster]

I have a problem that I hope you can help me with. I want to have a baby!! After months of trying, my husband and I have had no luck. Last night we were talking about this and I mentioned that when we do have a baby I intend to bottle feed. He got upset and told me that if that is the case then we just won't have one!!! This isn't the first time we have disagreed about a baby that we don't even have yet. He says that he won't change diapers and that we will name the baby certain ways (boy names for a girl!). I just don't know what to do. I want to have a baby but if we can't agree now, what does the future hold?

Any advice?

[Sakib]

Salam Sister,

I think that you should still keep the channels of communications open with your husband and discuss names etc. sometimes people can be stubborn but eventually they seem to compromise.

As for the bottle feeding i can only gave you my own opinion. I think that unless its for a medical problem or that you are taking medication that will pass through the breast milk then breast feeding is best. From my own studies (pharmacist) the benefits of breast feeding is hugh. You are protecting the child with your own immune system as the babies is not fully developed. I f you have a history of eczema, hayfever, allergies, asthma then breast feeding can help reduce the chance the child will suffer but you have to feed for at least 12 months.

Im not too sure if the holy quran or hadith mention anything

May allah guide you

Allah Hafiz

sakib

[chacha_jalebi]

salaam

well what do we have here :p

elo ello

sister if you want a baby its a joint thing, like your husband should want one as much as you do because thats the only way its gona work out.
also by naming the child weirdy names can affect the baby, like RasoolAllah (sal Allah hu aleyhi wasalam) said

"You will be called on the Day of Resurrection by your names and the names of your fathers, so have good names." [Abu Dawud]

so always keep good names matching the child, so if its a girl call it a girly name and if its a boy call it a boy name:D

also another hadiths

Sa`id ibn al-Musayyib said that when his grandfather came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), the Prophet asked him about his name. He said, "Hazn" (meaning Hard). The Prophet said, "You are Sahl. (meaning soft, easy)." The man said, "I do not want to change the name that my father gave me." His grandson Sa`id used to regret and say afterwards that they kept on experiencing the hardness in their family. [Bukhari]

people do say that names reflect the persons personality and stuff, and Allah hu Alim. so imagine if you had a boy n you named it a girly name, he mite turn out girly lol:p and you dont want that happenin :D

also im sure that now your husband is afraid too have a child like he may not know how to react, but once the child is born his view will change. because looking after a baby needs to be shared, like changing of nappys and all the feeding and bathin and all that, it needs to be shared. and it shouldnt feel like a burden, parents should enjoy doin it:D

so before you decide to bring a child into this world, plan it out and stuff, ask your husband what he realy wants and tell him what you want and inshallah just reach the best solution for both of ya

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum sister
About the suckling:
Mothers shall suckle their children for two whole years; (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling. The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child. No-one should be charged beyond his capacity. A mother should not be made to suffer because of her child, nor should he to whom the child is born (be made to suffer) because of his child. And on the (father's) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they desire to wean the child by mutual consent and (after) consultation, it is no sin for them; and if ye wish to give your children out to nurse, it is no sin for you, provide that ye pay what is due from you in kindness. Observe your duty to Allah, and know that Allah is Seer of what ye do. (2:233)

I would defenitly advise you to suckle your child when you have one inshaAllah. There are many benefits in it for the child, so don't deny them to him/her unless you got good reasons.

As for the naming part, did he mean to nick-name the child? Or name it officially? I mean, the way you explain it it seems so far out, I can't imagine a father calling his son Fatima or something.

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[anonymous]

I have no problems pumping and then putting in a bottle. It is the act of feeding that makes me uncomfortable.


As for the naming, a boy wouldn't be a problem. But he says that if it is a girl, she should have her father's and grandfather's name!!!

[siFilam]

In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

:salamext:

I have no problems pumping and then putting in a bottle. It is the act of feeding that makes me uncomfortable.

pumping would work but what about the emotional bond created btwn mother and child during nursing. that is a great blessing from Allah, Az wa Jal.

wasalam
-SI-

[Abdul Fattah]

I have no problems pumping and then putting in a bottle. It is the act of feeding that makes me uncomfortable.


As for the naming, a boy wouldn't be a problem. But he says that if it is a girl, she should have her father's and grandfather's name!!!

Wel that is an alternative yes, although It's not perfect, since it takes extra time (you have to first pump, and then feed, as opposed to doing both simultaneously) And I was told that the pumped milk expires in a few days. Anyway, I'd advice you not to worry about it to much now, once the child is here inshaAllah, give it a try, and inshaAllah you will feel different by then. As for the name, do you mean familyname or surname?

[.:Umniyah:.]

One of the rights of the child upon his/her parents is that he/she has a GOOD name. And its more than apparent that naming a Girl child with a Male name is not a good name for her. and Allah knows best.

[Snowflake]

I have no problems pumping and then putting in a bottle. It is the act of feeding that makes me uncomfortable.


As for the naming, a boy wouldn't be a problem. But he says that if it is a girl, she should have her father's and grandfather's name!!!

Why sis? Isn't it better to have your beloved baby attached to you rather than an artificial pump which will do the same job anyway? It's the most natural thing in the world. Like sis SiFilm said, the bond created when suckling your child is amazing, especially when your child gazes up at you during feeds. The love you feel is out of this world. Please don't deny your child or yourself this amazing experience.

As for changing diapers, your husband shouldn't say he won't do it. Naturally, you will be doing it most of the time, but your husband should realise that he had a part in making the baby and offering such help shouldn't be beyond him.

For names, you can ask him what kinds of names he has in mind and maybe suggest a few of your choices to see whether he likes them or not. I'm sure you will make a good choice. Talk about it.


P.S. I had to feed my son expressed milk for the first week of his life as he was in special care. I tell you, it was horrible. It didn't at all feel like I was feeding him myself. Feeding expressed milk should only be the last resort.

[youngsister]

:sl: Muslimah sis great advice as always:D
Anyways maybe it just hurts her? I mean it looks painful.
Sorry dont really know much of this just guessed the reason why she might not want to breastfeed the baby:-[ :w:

[Abdul Fattah]

:sl: Muslimah sis great advice as always:D
Anyways maybe it just hurts her? I mean it looks painful.
Sorry dont really know much of this just guessed the reason why she might not want to breastfeed the baby:-[ :w:

I've heard it depends from child to child, that some baby's suckle gently whereas others less gently. Perhaps it depends on how hungry they get, I wouldn't know. Either way, if you fear this, make dua to Allah subhana wa ta'ala thta he makes it easy for you inshaallah

[anonymous]

For some women, breast feeding is the most natual thing in the world. But not for me. The very thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I am not worried of the bond between me and the baby. I didn't suckle my first child and we are bonded more that many mothers and children who did!! There are many reasons why I don't want to.

It is painful.
It means that if I need a break there will be no way I could leave for a few hours because the baby wouldn't be able to eat!!!
I don't want the child to get older and want to lift shirt whenever they want a snack!
There are other, more personal reasons, that I won't go into on the open forum.

[Snowflake]

^If you have good reasons, then fair enough. You've been there before, so you're in a good position to make that choice. I will just say that, if you don't breast feed this time, do try to give your baby your own milk rather than the formulated one. Best wishes! :)

[engawa]

For some women, breast feeding is the most natual thing in the world. But not for me. The very thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I am not worried of the bond between me and the baby. I didn't suckle my first child and we are bonded more that many mothers and children who did!! There are many reasons why I don't want to.

It is painful.
It means that if I need a break there will be no way I could leave for a few hours because the baby wouldn't be able to eat!!!
I don't want the child to get older and want to lift shirt whenever they want a snack!
There are other, more personal reasons, that I won't go into on the open forum.

You can pump and breast feed, so you will not be without a break. I think that for someone who never had a baby all of these things are scary, but something happens after birth and you will likely want nothing more than to be able to breastfeed your baby once you see him or her.

As for your husband's wish to carry on the name of his father, would it be possible for that to be a middle name? That way if the child is a girl, she can have a proper first name but still carry family tradition.

[~Juwairiyah~]

:sl: wr wb sis,

Insha'Allah i hope you are in the best state of health and imaan :)

If you want a baby, just make lots of duas to Allah (SWT) insha'Allah. My husband and I used to argue a lot about baby names, how and where we would want our future kids to grow-up...etc and we still do, even more now that i'm pregnant but people will always find ways to solve little problems as these.

Although breastfeeding is not as easy as bottle feeding and can be quite painful from the start, but it is the best!:thumbs_up And it's not as hard as you think sis.

[Snowflake]

I remember discussing baby names with my son's dad and not agreeing on any. I then suggested one he liked, but then I changed my mind and suggested another, then another. Lol :embarrass

But I felt he had a right in the decision and it wouldn't be fair to insist on something he didn't like. So as I also liked the one he'd agreed to we kept that as a first name and the one's I suggested later as middle names. Now my son has four names and everyone was happy. So maybe that's one way of getting around it. :)

[Kittygyal]

Salamualikum.
I fell for you sister i understand were your coming from. Many sisters have difficulty breastfeeding the child because of issues or don't feel right, but you need to remember my beloved sister what if the baby does not take the bottle what will you do then? you have no choice then. Remember when we were all kids we were fed by our mother it just shows the love between the child really. How would you feel if you was in that position of the baby and your mom wouldn't feed you her own milk due to issues thats kinda scary at same time, but trust me you will get through it inshallah just don't worry about it.

It seems that your man wants everything his way but sis speak aloud don't put your self behind and tell him what you want aswel it's all about being heard don't be put off or layed back just because he's a man and your a women. To bring a baby is hard and you can't have little idol arguments like this because it will stressful when you do have a baby and one disagree's. Do dua'ah best thing ever my beloved sister.

Sis there are many sisters out there who have been trying to have a baby for yonks but can't because of the same issue you have or even worse, but subhnallah be happy sister don't give up easliy it is hard to to give brith. Inshallah you may not have a baby now but later by you might have just thank allah subhnwatallah for everything ya ukthi, you can't get everything you want it's all about 'sabr' (Patience). Struggle through this life but inshallah allah subhwnatallah will bless you with such a beautiful baby and healthy one inshallah inshallah allah azwajal.

I need to go now, inshallah if you have any questions or need to talk you know were i am inshallah.

Ya Allah subhwnatallah look after my beloved sister in Islam and make her life easy and ease her pains AMin Thumma amin ya rabbil alameen

Ma'assalama