reltionships

[tasha>farah]

1st of all i neva new it was against islam (if thats how you would put it) to have a girl/boyfriend as i myself now am in a relationship with another muslim.however it is a serious relationship and i feel i would like to marry him in future.the problem im having now is my partner doesn't go home of a night,he stayswith me and this is causing a problem with his family i was told from his brother.and his brother now is trying to split us up by telling lies and making threats.what should i do?

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum sister.
It is indeed true that relationships prior to marriage are not allowed. Of course when you're already in one, and then suddenly find that out, that is very difficult. But nevertheless I would advice you to take a (temporarily) step back until you can get married inshaAllah. Now that you know it is not allowed, having one (=a relationship) is even worse, because first you were sinning out of ignorance. But if you would continue now, you will be sinning out of malevolence, which is far worse. Of course I understand this is easier said then done. And in all fairness, taking a step back might hurt emotionally. But that isn't an excuse. Imagen it was something different. Like lets say for example a muslim didn't know drinking alcohol was haram, and got addicted. Then he finds out it is bad, can he say: "oh I'm addicted now, so can I continue drinking even though it's not allowed". I know it's a bad comparison, because love and addiction are two different things, but I hope you understood my point nevertheless. I also hope I didn't come across to judgmental with the sinning and ignorance part and so. I really feel bad for you and hope the best for you inshaAllah. But sometimes these hard words are unavoidable, and we need to call things by their name.

May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make things easy for you. And may you marry your friend soon so things can go back to normal inshaAllah.

[HBot 5000]

:sl:

Sister it is not permissible for you to be with a non-mahraam man. Pre-marital relationships are not Halal. To be in the situation you are in right now will only cause you to enter sin.

If you do care for him then what i suggest is for him to ask your father for your hand in marriage. :thumbs_up

:w:

[strider]

I concur with the previous posters.

As you now know such a relationship is not permitted, either break it off or get married.

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[islamirama]

Such relationships are not allowed in Islam. Islam calls for purity and modesty, and marriage as the only way for two people to be together. Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

You should work towards ending this relationship at a personal level. And talk to the peson himself and tell him you don't want this but rather want something more pure and better (marriage). Tell him what he is doing is haraam (forbidden) and that he should talk to his parents about marriage.

Also, you should talk to his brother as well. Tell him that you just converted and are still learning about Islam. That you just found out about this not being allowed in Islam and that you would rather get married then continue this. And that you do not wish him to stay over at all and would like him (bf) to talk to the parents.

Lastly, I heard the asian guys there aren't too serious about islam or non-asians. they will be your bf and have fun but marry only their own kind. Not all people are the same but a precaution should be taken. Also, go to that forum link i gave u in PM last time. You can find lot of good sisters there that are in your area. They can inshallah help you transit and guide you with dos and don'ts so no one take an advantage of you.

[tasha>farah]

Selam aleykum sister.
It is indeed true that relationships prior to marriage are not allowed. Of course when you're already in one, and then suddenly find that out, that is very difficult. But nevertheless I would advice you to take a (temporarily) step back until you can get married inshaAllah. Now that you know it is not allowed, having one (=a relationship) is even worse, because first you were sinning out of ignorance. But if you would continue now, you will be sinning out of malevolence, which is far worse. Of course I understand this is easier said then done. And in all fairness, taking a step back might hurt emotionally. But that isn't an excuse. Imagen it was something different. Like lets say for example a muslim didn't know drinking alcohol was haram, and got addicted. Then he finds out it is bad, can he say: "oh I'm addicted now, so can I continue drinking even though it's not allowed". I know it's a bad comparison, because love and addiction are two different things, but I hope you understood my point nevertheless. I also hope I didn't come across to judgmental with the sinning and ignorance part and so. I really feel bad for you and hope the best for you inshaAllah. But sometimes these hard words are unavoidable, and we need to call things by their name.

May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make things easy for you. And may you marry your friend soon so things can go back to normal inshaAllah.

Terewas no ofnce taken with that,that is real good advice and thank you so much.You was just speaking truth.:thumbs_up

[tasha>farah]

:sl:

Sister it is not permissible for you to be with a non-mahraam man. Pre-marital relationships are not Halal. To be in the situation you are in right now will only cause you to enter sin.

If you do care for him then what i suggest is for him to ask your father for your hand in marriage. :thumbs_up

:w:

what is non-mahraam man?He ca not ask my farther for my hand in marrige as i don't have contact with him and i am a recent convert,none of my family are muslim.I have a 2 yr old child from a previous relationship and he is also muslim so i don't no how his family would react to that.

[tasha>farah]

Such relationships are not allowed in Islam. Islam calls for purity and modesty, and marriage as the only way for two people to be together. Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

You should work towards ending this relationship at a personal level. And talk to the peson himself and tell him you don't want this but rather want something more pure and better (marriage). Tell him what he is doing is haraam (forbidden) and that he should talk to his parents about marriage.

Also, you should talk to his brother as well. Tell him that you just converted and are still learning about Islam. That you just found out about this not being allowed in Islam and that you would rather get married then continue this. And that you do not wish him to stay over at all and would like him (bf) to talk to the parents.

Lastly, I heard the asian guys there aren't too serious about islam or non-asians. they will be your bf and have fun but marry only their own kind. Not all people are the same but a precaution should be taken. Also, go to that forum link i gave u in PM last time. You can find lot of good sisters there that are in your area. They can inshallah help you transit and guide you with dos and don'ts so no one take an advantage of you.

Thanks alot for that.Its nice to have some guidance,because i have no one to give me tat.I'll take everything you've said into consideration and deal with the matter.:thumbs_up