format_quote Originally Posted by
jannat
:sl:
i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. :cry: i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.
Jazakallah khair
:w:
Salam sis,
Try to identify the reason for your jealousy. There's millions of people that fit your colleagues description, but I'm sure you wouldn't feel jealous of all of them. I think the main reason you feel envious of this girl is due to you comparing yourself to her and comparing how other people react to her compared to you in the same environment.
You may feel that people warm towards her more than you which makes her popular compared to you. Is she more helpful, kind and approachable? I doubt it's just her looks that attract other people to her. Now ask yourself, are you just as kind, helpful and easy going? You, may think you are, but other people might sense differently. When helping someone are you genuine, warm and kind or doing it as a chore. If you feel burdened and uninterested, this will be reflected in your behavior and maybe even in your expressions. Moreover, your jealousy might be flashing like a neon light from your face. People can sense negativity and thus become wary of you. Consider all this.
Lighten up! Instead of focusing on this girl, focus on yourself and what you can offer as a human being. Don't you think if Mother Theresa was still alive, millions more people would like to meet her rather than kate Moss? To me she was a million times more beautiful than Moss. Need I elaborate on what I'm trying to say? :p
What is your speech like? Do you choose your words carefully or you do let your frustrations reflect in your voice/speech? It's how we act, talk, behave, respond that come together as a whole and makeup one's personality. Keep these things in mind. If you have weak areas then work on them taking your cue from those you admire. There's no reason whatsoever why you can't be the one people envy.
Finally, you say your colleague is more intelligent than you. Hmm.. So what sis? Really, so what?! Even if she is, I bet you she can't do some of the things you can. I'll tell you that I feel so dumb compared to some of the sisters here. Well, when I say
feel, I actually mean I KNOW. But I don't let that faze me one bit. You know why? Cuz I know that, *sorry sisters, lol* they haven't go some of the talents and skills that I have. I may not be able to write, refute or get my point across as well as they do, but I know I've got skills which require cleverness, that I can't show here but that satisfy me in knowing for myself that I'm just as good as others in different ways. The main thing is that YOU should know and believe in your abilities and not compare yourself to other people.
And remember there will always be someone or another better than you. And it'll always be that you are better than someone else. So many times, people tell me (here) that I contradict myself - LOL! But pfttt, that's not true. What's true is that I'm not good at getting my point across, so it just seems as if I'm contradicting myself :D But even then, so what? At least I tried. :p
Believe in YOURSELF sis and you'll find that it's not you who feels envious of others, but them of you.