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jannat
05-25-2007, 10:21 PM
:sl:

i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. :cry: i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.

Jazakallah khair


:w:
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Sunnih
05-25-2007, 11:52 PM
Originally Posted by jannat
:sl:

i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. :cry: i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.

Jazakallah khair


:w:
Wa alaikum salam.

The response to this could be long or short and I will keep my advice very short indeed.

You should fight the temtpations of Shaytan with two weapons:

1) If he tries to tell you to find faults with her, tell him that indeed she is better than you as she is not finding faults with you while you are doing so. So your jelousy and envy indeed put you in an inferior position to her.

2) Fight these thougths like you would fight allegations against you. Remember: "None of you is a true believer until he (she) loves for his brother (her sister) what one wishes for himself (herself).

Think and practice this and you will find cure in it inshallah. Lastly I ask Allah to help you in this and grant you success. (ameen)
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IbnAbdulHakim
05-25-2007, 11:58 PM
assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

first off, NOTHING makes nO-ONE better then ANYONE ELSE other then PIETY, and GOD-FEARING!

please inshaAllah try to understand that, a guy could be the handsomest most charmingly talented man and a woman could be the beautifullest cute charming talented etc etc but it doesnt make a difference because what matters most is piety and god conciousness.

also jelousy is not ok,
the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam said jelousy is such a terrible thing that it eats away at a person and robs their good deeds. so sis seek refuge in Allah inshaAllah from jelousy.



may Allah guide us

Ameen
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Khayal
05-26-2007, 04:20 AM
:sl:

Dear sister, always keep in mind that everyone is beautiful in his/her own way, ALLAH Subhana Wa Ta'aala made everyone beautiful but in different ways. Don't go on physical beauty,"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
AND don't be jealous of her, and try to be confident. If you are healthy, you are beautiful, Alhamdulilah
If you are pious, you are more than beautiful, Alhamdulilah
I found this hadith, and hope that it will help you InshaAllah
  1. The Prophet:arabic5: said: 'Beware of envy, for envy destroys good deeds the way fire consumes firewood.(Sunan Abî Dawûd)
  2. The Prophet :arabic5: said: 'There is nothing which is heavier upon the balance than the good character.' (Musnad Ahmad)
  3. The Prophet :arabic5: said: 'None of you is truly a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.' (Sahîh Muslim)
Read the above three Hadeeth, and Insha Allah you will understand them and act on them.



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Makky
05-26-2007, 04:38 AM
Originally Posted by jannat
:sl:

i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. :cry: i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.

Jazakallah khair


:w:
:sl:
I guess that one of the reasons of your problem is working in a place where males and females are mixed and they interact due to the work nature.

You should know 1st that working in such place is Haram

you Suggest that you read the following Fatawa ..insha Allah you will find them full of benifits

Evidence Prohibiting of Mixing of Men and Women

Boss choosing a female secretary for the workplace

Is it permissible for a woman to work selling products over the phone?

Ruling on talking to women at work

She wants to work and her fiance says no
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vpb
05-26-2007, 04:51 AM
:sl:

i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.

Jazakallah khair
the more you pay attention to this thought the more u'll think about it, so try to remember Allah swt more, and ask Allah swt to protect u from shaitan.
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Snowflake
05-26-2007, 11:37 AM
Originally Posted by jannat
:sl:

i have a bit of a problem and would like it very much if someone could advise me as best as possible Inshallah. i have this feeling of constant jealously of a girl who i work with. she is a lovely girl and i dont dislike her at all. its just sometimes i feel she is better than me in looks, intelligence etc and i bring my confidence down. :cry: i sometimes try to find faults in her - which i know is wrong.i understand that jealously is a normal feeling and is ok as long as you control it . i try to stop the feeling but sometimes i just cant. please help.

Jazakallah khair


:w:
Salam sis,

Try to identify the reason for your jealousy. There's millions of people that fit your colleagues description, but I'm sure you wouldn't feel jealous of all of them. I think the main reason you feel envious of this girl is due to you comparing yourself to her and comparing how other people react to her compared to you in the same environment.

You may feel that people warm towards her more than you which makes her popular compared to you. Is she more helpful, kind and approachable? I doubt it's just her looks that attract other people to her. Now ask yourself, are you just as kind, helpful and easy going? You, may think you are, but other people might sense differently. When helping someone are you genuine, warm and kind or doing it as a chore. If you feel burdened and uninterested, this will be reflected in your behavior and maybe even in your expressions. Moreover, your jealousy might be flashing like a neon light from your face. People can sense negativity and thus become wary of you. Consider all this.


Lighten up! Instead of focusing on this girl, focus on yourself and what you can offer as a human being. Don't you think if Mother Theresa was still alive, millions more people would like to meet her rather than kate Moss? To me she was a million times more beautiful than Moss. Need I elaborate on what I'm trying to say? :p


What is your speech like? Do you choose your words carefully or you do let your frustrations reflect in your voice/speech? It's how we act, talk, behave, respond that come together as a whole and makeup one's personality. Keep these things in mind. If you have weak areas then work on them taking your cue from those you admire. There's no reason whatsoever why you can't be the one people envy.


Finally, you say your colleague is more intelligent than you. Hmm.. So what sis? Really, so what?! Even if she is, I bet you she can't do some of the things you can. I'll tell you that I feel so dumb compared to some of the sisters here. Well, when I say feel, I actually mean I KNOW. But I don't let that faze me one bit. You know why? Cuz I know that, *sorry sisters, lol* they haven't go some of the talents and skills that I have. I may not be able to write, refute or get my point across as well as they do, but I know I've got skills which require cleverness, that I can't show here but that satisfy me in knowing for myself that I'm just as good as others in different ways. The main thing is that YOU should know and believe in your abilities and not compare yourself to other people.



And remember there will always be someone or another better than you. And it'll always be that you are better than someone else. So many times, people tell me (here) that I contradict myself - LOL! But pfttt, that's not true. What's true is that I'm not good at getting my point across, so it just seems as if I'm contradicting myself :D But even then, so what? At least I tried. :p


Believe in YOURSELF sis and you'll find that it's not you who feels envious of others, but them of you.
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Rafeeq
05-28-2007, 04:03 PM
hope ur problem is solved My sis Jannat.
I read all above replies and found them perfect for your problem.
I will pray for u in addition to them
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Star
05-28-2007, 04:19 PM
:sl: sister,

i have at many times felt the way you have, but something i've learnt over time is that you will meet many people in your life that you will envy and be jealous of, and the one way i deal with this is by looking at the good in myself, and it usually helps, next time you envy anyone or think they're better than you, look at the good in yourself. Physical/outward beauty and intelligence isnt the most important thing, it'e whats inside {your heart} that counts.
this always works for me, hope it works for you :thumbs_up
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jannat
05-28-2007, 09:40 PM
Jazakallah khair ppl, may allah tala bless each and every one of you and may protect us from the evil whispers of shaitan inshallah.
i hope allah protects us . i sometimes feel that we get these feelings because allah wants to see how patient we are.
i guess everyfin is a test and may allah tala help us succeed in this test inshallah!!!!!!!:)
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