Answers to exam questions

[Al-Hanbali]

:salamext:

(These are real GCSE Biology exam answers!)

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

[Kittygyal]

Salamilkum.
FIERD!!!!!!!!!!! SUX!!!!!!!!!
ma'assalama

[muzna]

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

HA HA HA
priceless :D

[...]

:lol: are those some real answers given in exams? :p

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[MuslimWays]

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

lolz... very smart.

[------]

:salamext:

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

;D ;D

[Aaqib Ahmed]

Salaamz,
hehe,thx for sharing.
w.s.

[ummAbdillah]

:sl:
smart answers. Would they be given full marks though lol
:w:

[Aaqib Ahmed]

Salaamz,
hehe,^yeah I think they would. :P

[Encolpius]

I've got a whole book of these about strange answers given by French baccalauréat candidates...

"A line with eight syllables is hectosyllabic."

"...using a receptacle not of 500ml, but half a litre."

"If the child doesn't have a normal school career, gaps appear in his or her knowledge which accumulate and result in exam failure. From there, only two job opportunities are open - tramp or soldier."

"An example of [Voltaire's] black humour - the description of the Negro from Surinam."

"If Rembrandt had painted exactly the same canvasses as Picasso, the latter would have lost all his originality."

"The idea of abortion haunts the young woman, but it's the only possibility if she wants the child to be happy."

"For men, feminine beauty could best be described as 50kg of meat of which 10% is breast."

"Then, the detective asked the criminal, 'where were you last night? What were you spanking?'" (this is probably a spelling mistake on the part of the candidate; he meant to write ,"que faisiez-vous?" but actually put "que fessiez-vous?")

"The level of abstinence in elections has tended to increase in recent years."

"In Greek mythology, Thetis's son was named Achilles heel."

"The Greeks, who invented the Olympic games, have been modernised and thoroughly renovated."

"During the Third Reich in Germany, Jews were exported by the thousand."

[Al-Hanbali]

:salamext:

Geography

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What is a planet?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Biology

Q. What is the Fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does "varicose" mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman emperor

English

Q. Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q. What does the word "benign" mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

[Yanal]

:salamext:

(These are real GCSE Biology exam answers!)

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

sorry bro i think this is cheating cuz to pass a exam they need to study not get help ok so jiust telling u i think it is a sin to cheat i think DON'T KNOW

[Al-Hanbali]

:salamext:

Lol...this is supposed to be a joke bro :)...the answers to the questions are not exactly right now, are they...no-one in their right mind would put them down.

[strider]

sorry bro i think this is cheating cuz to pass a exam they need to study not get help ok so jiust telling u i think it is a sin to cheat i think DON'T KNOW

These aren't questions guaranteed on upcoming examination papers, so it isn't cheating.

Nice find, bro. :D

[seeker_of_ilm]

[Lina]

:sl:

''No. There's an elephant in the way''

Haha.

[Pen Marks]

The object of this assignment was to discuss what the quote on the top meant

^ His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

Dear Michael,

Every year I attempt to boost my students’ final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.

There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It’s as if you didn’t look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!

May God have mercy on your soul.

Sincerely,
Professor William Turner

P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C

;D

[Pen Marks]

lol the teacher is a good artist :p

[Pen Marks]

so far the funniest ;D

[^..sTr!vEr..^]

ahahahaha that was awesome :DD looll!! *rofl*

[SixTen]

Probably, the best thread on LI!

[wildkat]

Aw, now I wish I had done some silly homeworks just for fun to see what my teachers would have done!!

[Trumble]

Probably, the best thread on LI!

Yup... haven't laughed so much in years :D:D:D

[bewildred]

I've got a whole book of these about strange answers given by French baccalauréat candidates...

"A line with eight syllables is hectosyllabic."

"...using a receptacle not of 500ml, but half a litre."

"If the child doesn't have a normal school career, gaps appear in his or her knowledge which accumulate and result in exam failure. From there, only two job opportunities are open - tramp or soldier."

"An example of [Voltaire's] black humour - the description of the Negro from Surinam."

"If Rembrandt had painted exactly the same canvasses as Picasso, the latter would have lost all his originality."

"The idea of abortion haunts the young woman, but it's the only possibility if she wants the child to be happy."

"For men, feminine beauty could best be described as 50kg of meat of which 10% is breast."

"Then, the detective asked the criminal, 'where were you last night? What were you spanking?'" (this is probably a spelling mistake on the part of the candidate; he meant to write ,"que faisiez-vous?" but actually put "que fessiez-vous?")

"The level of abstinence in elections has tended to increase in recent years."

"In Greek mythology, Thetis's son was named Achilles heel."

"The Greeks, who invented the Olympic games, have been modernised and thoroughly renovated."

"During the Third Reich in Germany, Jews were exported by the thousand."

Yessssssss I love reading the french ones. My maitre à penser is Jean-Charles. Have you read his "Les perles du facteur"? It's a mine full of those

[bewildred]

so far the funniest ;D

Oh man, my cheeks hurt and so does my stomach. I laughed too much. I love this thread.

[Re.TiReD]

;D kool thread.

My fave:

;D

[SixTen]

kung fu midget, so priceless !!!

[Mikayeel]

:sl:

my god i laughed so much, this is my type of humour, pure randomness!! :D