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saidah_ahmed
06-03-2007, 11:19 AM
well, my mum divorced my dad 2 years ago cos she had an affair and since she split up with him, she always goes out partying and drinking. when she goes out sometimes she gets drunk. i always pray for her not to go out partying, unlike me she never prays even when she was with my dad. i just hope that Allah has given her another chance to be a good muslim. i always ask her why she does this after she split up with him. she says that she just wants to have fun. last week i overheard her talking to her friend saying that she was dancing with a guy at the club. i even talked and sat down with her and i told her i was worried. now whenever i talk to her she changes te subject and that she wouldn't mind if i went out. but i don't want to. i'm married and have children. i wouldn't do that. my grandma is in pakistan and so are all my family and they don't know about this. they don't even know that she had an affair. as my dad is easily bad tempered she uses that as an excuse for the divorce. we have a little pakistani community around our area and now, she doesn't visit them cos she doesn't like their lifestyle. what shall i do? i'm just so embarassed cos she never wears a hijab and she's supposed to be a good role model to us.

thanks
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'Abd al-Baari
06-03-2007, 11:30 AM
:sl:

Firstly let me just say that i am not very good at giving advice and if i say something wrong please forgive me

I'm glad that your mothers behaviour hasn't affected you and i hope that this doesn't happen in the future Inshallah

Have you tried asking a local imam or elder to talk to your mum..this could maybe result in your mums/dads family not finding out if this is what you want.

Also do lots and lots of dua for your mum and be patient

"Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Abu Ubayd, the mawla of Ibn Azhar, from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "You will be answered as long as you are not impatient and say, 'I have made a dua and I have not been answered .' "

Malik:Book 15:Hadith 15.8.29

May Allah swt ease your pain...guide us all to the straight path and forgive your mother and us..Ameen
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saidah_ahmed
06-03-2007, 11:37 AM
i've actually thought about that before but she doesn't see it as a problem. it seems like she has lost faith in islam and have been influenced in the western culture. it seems like this is second nature to her. what if i do talk to an imam and she gets angry at me for not discussing this before?
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Dagless
06-03-2007, 11:50 AM
Did she get married very young? Is she still quite young? Maybe she feels like she missed out on all the partying growing up and is trying to sow her wild oats?
Did she pray etc. when she was younger? Brought up in a strict family?
I know this doesn't answer your question but if you try to find out why she is how she is you will better see how to talk to her.
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iwuvaziaf
06-03-2007, 11:51 AM
Sister saidah.. assalamaleykum..

I feel for your situation. I cant imagine being in such a bad position. You need to talk to her.. the society we live in, the haram is so easy. but, you need to speak to her with a deeper meaning of religion and what she thinks she is in this world for. Does she not know that she will have to answer for her actions in the aakhirah? What does she think she will achieve by partying? we are meant to occupy our time doing things which will be beneficial for us in the hereafter.. by doing things in remembrance of Allah. Keeping our tongue engaged at all times in his dhikr. I think you need to tackle this issue very carefully. Like, dont be the enemy.

Talk to her and get her to engage in your activities. Are there talks which take place in your area or even events. Sisters circles etc? They are good wakeup call.

Please PM me if you need to talk in depth. I will try to assist you as much as I can. You say, where you live there isnt alot of pakistanis. What about muslims?

May Allah give you sabr and knowledge to stay strong during this phase of your life. It is a test for your mum and a test for you. Please tread carefully.

Salamaleykum
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saidah_ahmed
06-03-2007, 12:10 PM
assalamualaikum

yes as a matter of fact, my mum was brought up in a strict area. i don't know how my grandad was like towards his children but i knew that he had strong faith in islam and taught his children the prohibitions of islam. she got married at 24 i reckon is still quite young and she never actually experienced the western culture there. when she got married to my dad, she only loved him because he was a nice person but she didn't have feelings for him, which i thought that she couldn't get divorced because she had children. i think somewhere along this message, that is the reason why she behaves like this.

but i will take all your advice on board and try to talk to her again.

thank you

salam
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00:00
06-03-2007, 12:16 PM
well, my mum divorced my dad 2 years ago cos she had an affair and since she split up with him, she always goes out partying and drinking. when she goes out sometimes she gets drunk. i always pray for her not to go out partying, unlike me she never prays even when she was with my dad. i just hope that Allah has given her another chance to be a good muslim. i always ask her why she does this after she split up with him. she says that she just wants to have fun. last week i overheard her talking to her friend saying that she was dancing with a guy at the club. i even talked and sat down with her and i told her i was worried. now whenever i talk to her she changes te subject and that she wouldn't mind if i went out. but i don't want to. i'm married and have children. i wouldn't do that. my grandma is in pakistan and so are all my family and they don't know about this. they don't even know that she had an affair. as my dad is easily bad tempered she uses that as an excuse for the divorce. we have a little pakistani community around our area and now, she doesn't visit them cos she doesn't like their lifestyle. what shall i do? i'm just so embarassed cos she never wears a hijab and she's supposed to be a good role model to us.
May Allah bring your mother back to Islam.

She does all that to gt rid of that feeling inside, she get;s drunk because she wants to forget, that's what the kaafir do they go to they liquor store to forget, we go to our zikr stor to remember allah s.w.t

So obviously she trying to forget the past. Does she have any non muslim friends, if so than keep here away from them, make sure she's surrounded by practicing Muslims.

take her to lectures, jammat, sister gatherings.
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Dagless
06-03-2007, 12:19 PM
Just talk to her about what she believes, if she still considers herself muslim, what she hopes to achieve by living this kind of lifestyle. Try and encourage her to hang out more with her muslim friends.
On the up side she cannot be like this forever, she will get older, more mature and partying won't appeal so much. Or more likely if she does things to extremes she'll have a bad experience with alcohol and see the error of her ways before then.
I pray things will change soon.
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IbnAbdulHakim
06-03-2007, 12:29 PM
subhanAllah...

may Allah grant your mother guidance Ameen
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Rafeeq
06-04-2007, 07:29 PM
Sister Saidah
Salamualkum
Just always try to tell her the right path and let her do what ever she wants. U are not cought for her deeds. Try to protect you and your kids (if u have from ur mum. Pray for her and keep faith in Allah, He wil definatly put her in the right path.
Allah knows the best
Maasalam
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noodles
06-05-2007, 03:16 AM
I don't know about you folks here, but from my view the best way people realize they have been in err is when they lose someone close to them.

My friend had a friend who wasn't very practicing at all and after his dad passed away, he was left to support the family and as a result of being in-experienced he didn't really know what to do. He pulled himself through with the help of his friends, although the most detrimental factor that affected him was his father's death.

Though who knows if your mother will ever loose someone dear to her. But do try to understand where I'm coming from. What she really needs is a reminder of death that can come at any point in time.

I find that in most cases, when you keep up with your Dawah, she will get annoyed (though that is no reason to stop), but what you have to show her through your actions is that you are there for her. And also try to find the most opportune times (ie. the times of her trouble) and remind her then. It'll sink once you've done it enough times.

Ultimately though, Allah guides whom he wills. Your job is to convey the message.
May Allah guide your mother towards the straight path and make her a practicing muslimah



May Allah forgive me if I've said anything wrong or have misguided anyone.
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snakelegs
06-05-2007, 03:51 AM
ultimately, you can not change another person, but you can pray for guidance for her.
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HBot 5000
06-10-2007, 06:33 AM
^Agreed just keep talking to her and inshallah she may see the light.
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S£mmi
06-10-2007, 06:27 PM
some people get like that, just pray for her sis maybe Allah will hear you prayer..Insh Allah
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