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glo
06-08-2007, 06:45 AM
When I am out with my husband, we very often hold hands as we walk.

I have never observed a Muslim couple express their affections openly in public ... something, which - I guess - is connected to the Islamic interpretation of decency and modesty.

Since it is only natural to judge by what you see, it gives the impression (to the 'Western eye') that Muslim couples are distant and not very affectionate towards each other.

So I am wondering just how affectionate married couples are within their own homes?
I am sure there are great differences, perhaps depending on age and culture, but perhaps some of you can share a little (within reason, of course!)

I am particularly asking about sharing affection in front of others (not behind closed bedroom doors)
Within the own home, would it be appropriate for a married couple to - for example
  • hold hands in front of an elderly relative
  • hug each other, when visitors are present
  • kiss and cuddle on the sofa in front of the children

I hope these questions don't seem daft, and I hope they don't cause offence.
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north_malaysian
06-08-2007, 07:03 AM
Holding hands is usual between married couples in Malaysia.

But no excessive huggings and no kissings.... you can be fined for that.

My parents kissed each others foreheads and cheeks in front of their kids. I dont know about other parents.
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HBot 5000
06-08-2007, 07:55 AM
:sl:

Public shows of affections are a no no but holding hands is fine, i have seen many muslims do it.

Within the own home, would it be appropriate for a married couple to - for example

hold hands in front of an elderly relative - yes
hug each other, when visitors are present - yes
kiss and cuddle on the sofa in front of the children -yes (depending on the type of kiss eg a peck on one's face is fine but anything involving tongues is a no no or touching sexually is a no no)

:w:
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glo
06-08-2007, 02:20 PM
Thank you for your replies.

I have lived in a community with a sizeable Muslim minority for 10 years, and I can honesty say that I have never seen a Muslim couple (or at least a couple that's identifyable as Muslim by the way they dress) hold hands in public. In fact, it is very rare to see husband and wife even to walk next to each other.

Which is why I was curious how couples may interact with each other in the security of their own homes ...

peace
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Umar001
06-08-2007, 02:29 PM
I am glad muslims do not hold hands, though sometimes I do wonder like I see the husband walking far from his wife, makes me think about them, but I think most people are happy.

I think personally I like it, the not holding hands and so on, nothing wrongly with talking or walking nexto each other in my eyes.

I am guessing we are talking about Muslims and not the Islamic laws on this.
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- Qatada -
06-08-2007, 02:32 PM
Hey glo.


Just a few hadith regarding the love of God's final Messenger, Muhammad (peace be upon him) to his wives:


source:
http://www.islamicboard.com/health-s...-broken-8.html

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) always kept his smile with his wives and he used to laugh and please them to make them laugh as well. With all the troubles around him, he used to take his wife Aisha, to the desert and say, “Aisha, lets race!” And she used to race him and win. So, he kept on feeding her meat for a whole week, so she would unassumingly gain weight, until he took her again to the desert and said, “Aisha, let’s race!” At that time, he won and said to her, “This time I won!”.

(Recorded in Ahmad & Abu Dawood)



The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:


Everything other than remembering Allah is (considered) wasteful play except four: a man humoring his wife, a man training his horse, a man walking between targets (learning archery), and man learning swimming,"

[Narrated by An-Nasaa'i and authenticated by Al-Albaani (Sahih Al-Jami' 4534]



Once during a journey, Safiyyah - the wife of Allaah's Messenger (may Allaah be pleased with her) was crying because she had be made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel for her.


The Prophet said: 'Consult with women. Indeed, you have some rights over your women and they have some rights over you. It is their right on you that you provide for their food and clothing generously, and your right on them is that they do not let anyone whom you dislike in the house, walking upon your floor. (Sunan Ibn Mâjah, Sunan At-Tirmidhî)


Anas ibn Malik narrates, "I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel)." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]


Sahih Al Bukhari [the Book on Wedlock / Nikah] -

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 117:

Narrated 'Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests."

The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's."

'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."

When the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, "I fear that something may happen to me."

Khadija replied, "Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin [family], speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones."

[Authentically recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari]


Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates in Sahih Al Bukhari V2/B 15/no.70]:

It was the day of 'Id, and the Black people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet (peace be upon him) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet (peace be upon him) made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, "Carry on! O Bani Arfida," till I got tired.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked me, "Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?" I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave.



Once the prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice.

He said, "What's the matter?" She replied, "If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you."

The Prophet (sallaAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) asked, "What did he say?" She replied, "Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see."

So the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, "Wallahi Oh Aisha, you are like that to me and more."

[This was narrated in Dala'el Al-Nubuwa for Imam Abu Nu'aim with isnad including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]


The Prophet (peace be upon him) has said in this matter:

“The best of you is the one who is best to his wife” (Sahih Ibn Hibban)

“None but a noble man treats women in an honorable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully” (Sunan At-Tirmidhi)

“I command you to be kind to women” (Sahih Bukhari)


Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity (Qur'an 4:19)


"The best among you is the one who is best to his wife" (Related by Ibn Hibban) in another version it is the one who is most kind to his wife. The Prophet himself was very gentle and kind in dealing with women.

The Prophet saws also said: "If any man shows patience with his wife's bad temper, Allah will give him a reward similar to the reward of Ayyub (Job) for his patience, and if any woman shows patience with her husband's bad temper, Allah will give her a reward similar to the reward of Asiyah daughter of Muzahim, the wife of Pharoah (Cf. Qur'an 66:11)."



It is reported that a man came to 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab [the companion and successor of God's Messenger] to complain about his wife's ill-temper. While he was waiting for 'Umar to come out of his house, he heard 'Umar's wife scolding him and 'Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back. The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: "If that is the case with 'Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprighteness and toughness, then what about poor me?!" At that moment, 'Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away. He called him and said, "What is it you want of me, O man?" The man replied: "O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife's bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, 'If that is the situation of the leader of the believers, then what about me?'" 'Umar replied, "O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child...and yet none of these are her duty;* and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her." The man said, "It is the same with me, O leader of the believers." 'Umar said: "Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short. (Adh-Dhahabi, Al-Kabâ'ir 194)

The last hadith about 'Umar is a beautiful example of the lofty status that Islam has given women. The Khalifa himself used to listen patiently while his wife scolded him and he instructed his followers to likewise be patient and grateful for all the favours their wives gave them. Dr. M. Moinuddin Siddiqui, who has translated Al-Kabâ'ir into english, includes the following footnote in the place I have marked above with an asterisk [*]:
According to the Shari'ah, a Muslim wife has no obligation to do all this; rather, it is the husband's obligation to take care of it [either himself or] by hiring a servant (or even, in the case of breast-feeding, a wet-nurse). Therefore, if a woman does this, it is out of good-will and compliance on her part, not because it is obligatory on her, and consequently it is a cause for appreciation and helpfulness on the part of her husband. (Translator)
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glo
06-08-2007, 02:34 PM
Why are you glad that Muslims don't hold hands, Al Habeshi?
Do you think it gives a bad impression? Or is unIslamic?

It seems more common in other parts of the world (I don't know where HBot lives ...) than it may be amongst the Pakistani community here in the UK.
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Woodrow
06-08-2007, 02:35 PM
Originally Posted by glo
Thank you for your replies.

I have lived in a community with a sizeable Muslim minority for 10 years, and I can honesty say that I have never seen a Muslim couple (or at least a couple that's identifyable as Muslim by the way they dress) hold hands in public. In fact, it is very rare to see husband and wife even to walk next to each other.

Which is why I was curious how couples may interact with each other in the security of their own homes ...

peace
Some of what you see is cultural. I have seen differences in various Islamic countries. Although I would say that the majority of Muslim couples I knew and/or still know do hold hands while walking in public. As far as Muslim couples in the privacy of their homes. I live with my Daughter and her husbanc so those are the only ones I can relate to. They do sit on the couch together and do hold hands etc. I would say they are no less affectionate than any other couple that has been married for 15+ years.
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glo
06-08-2007, 02:38 PM
Thanks you, Fi_Sabilillah

I like the kind of light-hearted and joyful relationship Muhammed had with his wifes (especially Aisha ... perhaps she was so youthful and full of life)
I am sure he is a great example to many husbands. :)

Peace
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- Qatada -
06-08-2007, 02:41 PM
Thanks, the reason why i quoted all of the above was to clarify that whatever he (peace be upon him) did in public, then we are also permitted to do that etc. Therefore if culture contradicts Islaam, Islaam takes preference over culture.



Regards.
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vpb
06-08-2007, 02:46 PM
just adding another hadith to the collection of Fi sabililah :p da picky

Volume 5, Book 59, Number 644: Narrated Abu Uthman:
Allah's Apostle sent 'Amr bin Al As as the commander of the troops of Dhat-us-Salasil. 'Amr bin Al-'As said, "(On my return) I came to the Prophet and said, 'Which people do you love most?' He replied, 'Aisha.' I said, 'From amongst the men?' He replied, 'Her father (Abu Bakr)'. I said, 'Whom (do you love) next?' He replied, "Umar.' Then he counted the names of many men, and I became silent for fear that he might regard me as the last of them."
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Umar001
06-08-2007, 03:01 PM
Originally Posted by glo
Why are you glad that Muslims don't hold hands, Al Habeshi?
Do you think it gives a bad impression? Or is unIslamic?

It seems more common in other parts of the world (I don't know where HBot lives ...) than it may be amongst the Pakistani community here in the UK.
Hmmm, well, I mean I just think its I don't know, I'd prefer it, I cant say its unislamic, but it'd be nice to see people formal when outside, like I cant imagine my grandad and grandma holding hands, just out of a modesty thing, when they are outside, and they were/are Christians, so I wouldnt have thought its my Islamic side saying this.
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HBot 5000
06-08-2007, 03:48 PM
I lived in Saudi Arabia, saw plenty of couples holding hands (once saw a man holding the hands of both his wives) new and old generation :)...

Glo perhaps you need to visit the wider Muslim community, mostly it is cultural.
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Umar001
06-08-2007, 03:50 PM
How would you know they are both his wives? maybe one's his mom or sister or something. That's be pretty amazing though.
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HBot 5000
06-08-2007, 03:53 PM
^lol no way buddy! no way! Sometimes you just know (i can't really say it any other way without being vulgur) :)

Ahh the amount of things that i saw in KSA (i miss that place a little).
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glo
06-08-2007, 04:00 PM
Originally Posted by HBot 5000
Glo perhaps you need to visit the wider Muslim community, mostly it is cultural.
I only really know the Muslims of Pakistani origin, who I see on a daily basis in my local community.

That's why it's nice to speak to other Muslims from other backgrounds and in other parts of the world. :)
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glo
06-08-2007, 04:03 PM
Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
Hmmm, well, I mean I just think its I don't know, I'd prefer it, I cant say its unislamic, but it'd be nice to see people formal when outside, like I cant imagine my grandad and grandma holding hands, just out of a modesty thing, when they are outside, and they were/are Christians, so I wouldnt have thought its my Islamic side saying this.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, and we still hold hands.
I hope we still do so in another 20 or 30 years, or - God willing - in 40! :statisfie

(Actually, I am a very fast walker ... so perhaps holding hands is my husband's way of stopping me from running off all the time ... :D )
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HBot 5000
06-08-2007, 04:07 PM
Originally Posted by glo
I only really know the Muslims of Pakistani origin, who I see on a daily basis in my local community.

That's why it's nice to speak to other Muslims from other backgrounds and in other parts of the world. :)

That's why glo! their a bunch of backwards people (pakistani) mostly (oops i am going to get a ear ache now - but it's true), culture dictates their lives. :X
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Medina83
06-08-2007, 09:09 PM
^o) I think you should not have said that brother....

im born and bred Irish and even I winced at that...

there's a lot of pakistani muslims in some parts of Dublin and while they dont seem to display marital affection as glo describes, they're not backwards and well you know it :) :)

it probably is a cultural thing....what people are used to...i think its a bit sad to see them not so close, but maybe they wince when they see me in the street holding hands with my lovely husband :statisfie

i think they look a bit distant, they maybe feel we are immodest:?

as long as we understand everyone is used to different behaviours then we can all live in peace :statisfie
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iwuvaziaf
06-09-2007, 06:00 PM
wots wrong with holding ur husband's hand in public.. as long as u r staying within boundaries.. holding hands is such a secretive way of showing affection as opposed to..umm.. well, doin all sorts in public... i see customers at work and they have no care in the world that their behaviour is making me feel uncomfortable and that their hello and fixed smiles doesnt make me be normal with them but if they were holding hands that wouldnt do anything to me..

Its got alot to do with body language obviously.. u r doing it modestly if u r not swinging around holding his hand.. basically anything that wudnt make heads turn.. hmm anyone agree with me..?

i find it so adorable when i see a totally practising couple.. and they r walkin holding hands and they r not looking around at anyone to see how ppl r behaving.. aww.. and especially when a couple has child and the husband is pushing the pram or even holding the baby.. ah

and can we back that by some Quranic verse? whether showing affection thru holding hands in public is wrong... hmm.. sorry if i am asking for anything to be repeated

salamaleykum

p.s. pakistanis are not backward.. dont put everyone in the same category.. majority of the pakistanis try to balance culture with religion, leaning more towards the culture.. wudnt u call that ignorance?
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henia
06-09-2007, 06:08 PM
Esalaamu Aleikum
Well I live in Algerie, a Muslim country. And here I do see couples young and old holding hands. Also within my family I do see affection shown btwn couples, but it is modest and same affection one would show to their sister, mother, brother and father. So light kisses on the cheeks or forehead and little cuddles.
I think anything beyond that I would (rather) not see in public or in your home with others around. Best done in your private room. In my humble opinion.
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Angel
06-09-2007, 08:02 PM
i sometimes see muslims couples holding hands n im like " aww so sweet"
i mean whats rong wit holding hands my own parents do that in public!! lol
i dunt no bouh da kissing thing though??:?
i mean i wundt wana see muslims snogin on da street oviously!! lol
but in their homes with thier family whats rong with that??
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ScoobyGurl
06-09-2007, 10:54 PM
I think it depends on the culture and the individuals. My husband doesn't like to hold hands in public even though I do. He reluctantly does. He feels that his affection for me should be reserved for the private sphere. He's American so I can't say it's the culture. It's just one of his preferences. However, I like seeing couples hold hands. I think it's very sweet.

What makes me cringe is seeing couples slobber all over each other in public. Now that's gross! :(
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north_malaysian
06-11-2007, 07:21 AM
Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
How would you know they are both his wives? maybe one's his mom or sister or something. That's be pretty amazing though.
I'm thinking the same... especially when he mentioned of different generations of the "wives"

I think Muslim parents love to hold their children's hands while walking....
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manaal
06-11-2007, 10:09 AM
In Sri Lanka it is not customary for Muslim married couples to show their affection to each other openly in front of others. It's a culture thing really. She Lanka is a pre-dominanlty Buddhist nation, but we also have Hindu's, Christians nad Muslims. I don't see it much among other communities either. I have never seen ANYBODY kissing or hugging eachother in public, but many Sri Lankan young couples (married or unmarried) do hold hands in public, but I have not seen Muslims doing this.
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Maidah
06-11-2007, 11:16 AM
Originally Posted by HBot 5000
That's why glo! their a bunch of backwards people (pakistani) mostly (oops i am going to get a ear ache now - but it's true), culture dictates their lives. :X

Culture does play a big part for the pakistani ppl, but i would say the reason they're not able to show affection in public is because most of the marriages are arranged, where the two don't really know each other. In this case it will take some time b4 there is that affection between them, there will be care but affection is different. So you can't really blame them.

If it's a couple that already knows each other then there shouldn't be a problem unless they are very modest and like to show it outside as well. You don't really have to display your affection in order to prove your love, but if you do there is nothing wrong with that either (within limits though).
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iwuvaziaf
06-11-2007, 11:23 AM
Originally Posted by north_malaysian
I think Muslim parents love to hold their children's hands while walking....
ya.. u think bruv? my mum only appreciates it when we cross the road or in a busy market where we r likely to lose each other.. otherwise its a no.. but its comfort while it lasts coz she has such beautiful hands.. ahh my mum!

:statisfie :statisfie :statisfie i love her :statisfie :statisfie :statisfie

wsalam
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Mawaddah
06-12-2007, 07:41 PM
:sl:

I absolutely LOVE it when I see a Muslim couple walking holding hands. I'm like Subhanallah that is SO sweet :statisfie

In Malaysia it's common and nothing strange.

Whilst staying in Yemen, I saw many couples walking the roads holding hands...and this was in the Islamic study camp..it was such a beautiful sight. There would be a Man wearing his Thowb and Imaamah holding the hand of his wife who was clad head to toe in black Hijaab, and in the other hand he would be carrying their little child :)

I remember this one couple in Dammaj, Yemen, who always made me so touched whenever I saw them walking together. The husband was German and was very very tall, and the wife was Yemeni and short and watching them holding hands together was like watching a father holding hands with the daughter, so cute! :D

Yes, there were also some men who would hold the hands of both of their wives, Whilst at Hajj also I saw many.

I think it's a very sweet sight.
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Aysenur
06-13-2007, 04:18 PM
salam

I think this is persomal to each couple...
Of course there is a limit ... The respect of the others...
Holding hands this kind of things are ok but when people start to kiss each other like if they were alone this is completely irrespectful...
Same non muslim will be ok on that point...

Also as muslim I always think that if there is a single who see me and my husband she or he may be jealous or sad because he is alone...
Then we try to be respectful toward them...

salam
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saira-k
06-13-2007, 07:31 PM
Originally Posted by Maidah
Culture does play a big part for the pakistani ppl, but i would say the reason they're not able to show affection in public is because most of the marriages are arranged, where the two don't really know each other. In this case it will take some time b4 there is that affection between them, there will be care but affection is different. So you can't really blame them.

If it's a couple that already knows each other then there shouldn't be a problem unless they are very modest and like to show it outside as well. You don't really have to display your affection in order to prove your love, but if you do there is nothing wrong with that either (within limits though).
yeah thats true
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Ra`eesah
06-13-2007, 07:47 PM
My husband and I hold hands, we say affectionate words in front of my family ( Habibi, Habibity). Sometimes he would get shy, because my dad would be around and I would poke his neck when we are all sitting together. But there are times when we go out he holds my hand in the stores, not out of affection, but to make sure I don’t wonder off and come with a cartful of items,lol
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youngsister
06-13-2007, 10:25 PM
:sl: ^Awwww thats cute:) there is nothing wrong with couples holding hands in public is cute:statisfie some older ladies find it offensive as i heard two ladies gossiping about married couples showing affection and how is wrong, jelousy ey:rollseyes :w:
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al Amaanah
06-14-2007, 12:05 AM
^ lol
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Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 12:35 AM



Salaam / peace;

Originally Posted by glo
....I have never observed a Muslim couple express their affections openly in public ... something, which - I guess - is connected to the Islamic interpretation of decency and modesty..

In my country ( Bangladesh ) , couples normally don't touch each other in front of others , specially when parent or elders are around. I never saw my parent did that ( holding hands ) in front of us .



I guess , Prophet Muhammed (p) never did that in front of others , so Muslims also don't do this openly.


Since it is only natural to judge by what you see, it gives the impression (to the 'Western eye') that Muslim couples are distant and not very affectionate towards each other.

ummmm , cultural gap . Do u know i never heard mom is calling dad by his name & the vice versa ? :p They called each other like that , hey , r u listening or where r u or took help of us....where is ur mom / dad etc . :statisfie

Calling spouse loudly in front of elders was considered as a shameless act. Things are changing now. So , some young couple do call each other in front of parent . But , so far , have not watched holding hands.


So I am wondering just how affectionate married couples are within their own homes?
---here , still joint families are very common . So , except bedroom , chances are little that couples can do anything LOL :rollseyes




Within the own home, would it be appropriate for a married couple to - for example[LIST]
hold hands in front of an elderly relative

no


[*]hug each other, when visitors are present
no

[*]kiss and cuddle on the sofa in front of the children
oh noooooooooooooooooo +o(


what if kids start following parent ? :omg:

Normally parent don't talk to kids about these things . Who will tell kids that u are allowed to do it only after marriage ?


If they watch these in their daily lives , surely they will try to follow.

Reply

Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 12:58 AM
:sl:

Originally Posted by HBot 5000
That's why glo! their a bunch of backwards people (pakistani) mostly (oops i am going to get a ear ache now - but it's true), culture dictates their lives. :X
I don't think , it's a must in Islam to show love openly by touching hands or kissing .

So , if Pak Muslims ( & others ) don't do that openly , i really don't understand how & why u think they are backward people ??? :blind:


Our elders normally did not get chance to even talk to each other in day light in front of elders . They waited for night when they will get chance to talk & touch each other. I guess , many ( if not most ) of them very happy . They enjoyed the matter as they understood how precious it was.

Now , talking , touching.....these are not that restricted like these were in the past & look at many couples ......fighting with each other with tooth & nails ( yakkkkkk ).

May be , if we get something very easily , we don't realise how lucky we are to have it .......could it be a reason why some couples don't understand how blessful they are to get a chance to enjoy the matter lawfully ?

Anyway , i think , it does not matter how openly couples are doing it......it matters how much they really love each other & don't betray the partner .
Reply

Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 01:14 AM
:sl:

Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah
Thanks, the reason why i quoted all of the above was to clarify that whatever he (peace be upon him) did in public, then we are also permitted to do that etc. ....
bro , can u explain a little more ? To my knowledge , Prophet (p) had race with Mother Aisha (ra ) when other people specially men were not around.


Also , in a normal situation ( not in a hard journey or wife was sick etc ) Prophet Muhammed (p) holded hand of his wife in front of others ?


If yes , then how come , Muslim copules dont do that ? I grew up without seeing these. Now somehow if my parent or uncle , aunties start kissing in front of me , i may have a heart attack :scared:


PS. we have 10 % Hindus here....i dont remember of any hindu couple showing love openly.
Reply

nelly
06-14-2007, 09:51 AM
so islamically is it permissable to hold hands in public or not, personally i think if the woman was wearing a niqab it wouldnt look too bad.
Reply

Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 10:11 AM


Salaam/ peace ;




Originally Posted by nelly
so islamically is it permissable to hold hands in public or not, personally i think if the woman was wearing a niqab it wouldnt look too bad.


i think , it's better not to do so . Showing affection publicly may encourage other people to do the same ....but may be , they are not married .

couples can show love & respect in private . If we need to show other people that hey .....look how happy we are , we can do it in other ways......talk polietly , help each other in carrying bags , not to dispute in front of others etc , etc :)

& after all , why take risk of making other people jealous of u ? What if they try to harm ?


verse of the Day :


The seven heavens and the earth and all that is therein, glorify Him and there is not a thing but glorifies His Praise.

But you understand not their glorification.

Truly, He is Ever Forbearing, Oft-Forgiving.

(Al-Isra 17:44)
Reply

carpetguy
06-14-2007, 10:21 AM
mashallah, i agree with you totally, talkign politley, helping each other with bags, and just going out meals, bowling halal things are all good ways of getting along.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-14-2007, 10:21 AM
my mum and dad use to keep distance from each other out of respect for both Allah, the public and each other, this was due to the affect of hayaa' (shame and modesty). however my family and everyone witnessed their love for each other, they would do anything for each other, and they stuck by each other through out life, love doesnt always have to be publicisedm infact i think its more special and beautiful when hidden...
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-14-2007, 10:22 AM
Originally Posted by nelly
so islamically is it permissable to hold hands in public or not, personally i think if the woman was wearing a niqab it wouldnt look too bad.
i've seen couples walk arm in arm, niqaabi and bearded bro lol, i didnt mind, Allahu a'lam wat islam says, i do kno that umar slapped a man who touched his wife in public, but thats because he didnt know their married.


again allahu a'lam
Reply

------
06-14-2007, 10:35 AM
:salamext:

I think personally, holding hands n stuff n linking arms is ok in public, but not kissing n stuff...
Reply

Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 10:36 AM
:sl:

Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
.. i do kno that umar slapped a man who touched his wife in public, but thats because he didnt know their married.
wooow , that's the first time i 've heard of it . Can u pl. describe more ?

Does it mean couples must not touch each other ( unless it's necessary ) in public ?
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-14-2007, 10:36 AM
^ remember wat brother Ali of ummah films said :p

la adree serious, someone shud quote a scholar on this
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
06-14-2007, 10:38 AM
Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
:sl:



wooow , that's the first time i 've heard of it . Can u pl. describe more ?

Does it mean couples must not touch each other ( unless it's necessary ) in public ?
according to the seerah of umar delivered by sheikh anwar al awlaki once umar saw a man and woman standing so close to each other that they were touching so he went and hit the man on the head. later the man explained that the sister is his wife.

im not sure if umar felt embarassed or guilty (which wud make it ok) or if after that he said that he shudnt be close anyway in public, Allahu a'lam.#

seriously i dont kno the answer, we shud all stop this discussion until we see a true fatwah lest the shaytaan whispers...
Reply

------
06-14-2007, 10:41 AM
:salamext:

*nods head* ... Yeh maybe bro sheik.....FI sab has something :D
Reply

Muslim Woman
06-14-2007, 10:52 AM
Salaam/peace ;


ok , i just saw a fatwa...it's very brief. Insha Allah , i will try to search for a detailed ans.



Fatwa # 8121 from United States Date: Friday, March 14th 2003

Category
Manners (Aadaab)


Title
Is it permissible to hold my wife’s hand in public?

Question


Answer


It will be against Hayaa (shame and modesty) to hold one's wife's hand in public. Verily, Allah loves Hayaa.



and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

http://www.askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.p...7931febfca8b1a
Reply

iwuvaziaf
06-14-2007, 12:20 PM
Question As-Salamu `alaykum! 1- Is there anything wrong in holding one's wife's hand in public?

Answer Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

1. Islamically, there is nothing wrong that a husband hold his wife's hands in public; however, in some cultures it is considered something incompatible with ethics and public manners. Such thinking is just a cultural thing but not Islamic. So, you have the choice.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Taken from islamonline.net

-------------

I guess we need to take views from different scholars into consideration.. As someone mentioned in Bangladesh, or India.. ppl get abit funny when couples are holding hands, which is obviously cultural.. I think someone gave reference above, to even some Hindus not holding hands because it is just that way.. I guess thats more of an asian culture.. i'd rather go with the arabic culture where they do...!

I dont think it is haram.. You may either do things modestly or not.. It depends on situations, sometimes u wud feel like.. sometimes u wouldnt.. like in a busy place, i would hold my husband's hand as i hold my mum's too.. its just love..

Allah knows best!

wsalamaleykum
Reply

MuslimahMuminah
06-17-2007, 05:52 AM
A-Salam, I know in my culture it's pretty weird to hold your husbands hands in public. My parent's don't, I know my dad sometimes hugs my mum in public and she's a little embrassed. However, at home, they kiss and hug normally and call eachother sweet names! I'm not married yet but Insha'allah I don't see a problem with a husband and wife holding hands in public.
Reply

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