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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
06-08-2007, 11:25 PM
be a criminal would you blame yourself?? does it have anything at all to do with the children?


how much responsiblity should the parents take?
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Keltoi
06-08-2007, 11:28 PM
These days the media and their friends have just as much impact if not more on their development and choices. If a parent has given that child love and stability to the best of their ability, they have no reason to blame themselves.
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00:00
06-08-2007, 11:33 PM
Blame lies in all really, parents, the child and the society that he got bought up in.
there houses bak home.
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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
06-08-2007, 11:34 PM
but shouldn't you be blamed for leaving them exposed to all that media? i.e. allowng them to a A TV in their bedroom?
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Keltoi
06-08-2007, 11:37 PM
Originally Posted by DaNgErOuS MiNdS
but shouldn't you be blamed for leaving them exposed to all that media? i.e. allowng them to a A TV in their bedroom?
To a certain extent I suppose, but unless you lock your child in the closet they will be exposed to a large amount of it. Parents should be more aware of what their child is involved in, but sometimes things happen that are out of a parents control. Children make personal decisions like all of us, and sometimes they are the wrong ones.
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BanGuLLy
06-08-2007, 11:40 PM
I have been arrested.. and I didnt blame my parents.. I blamed myself.. and whoever gets arrested.. will change to a positive person..well atleast I did..
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00:00
06-08-2007, 11:44 PM
I have been arrested.. and I didnt blame my parents.. I blamed myself.. and whoever gets arrested.. will change to a positive person..well atleast I did..
Thats true, when u in prison u mind is much clearer. You got time to think. the best minds are in prison.
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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
06-08-2007, 11:46 PM
A lot of the time it is the parents aswell...I've seen both extremes work out for the worst like when parents who are too soft with their kids and parents who are too strict.

Parent's can be bad role models and it will lead to the kids being same or worse but it's a bit confusing.
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DaNgErOuS MiNdS
06-08-2007, 11:47 PM
Originally Posted by Bangsta
I have been arrested.. and I didnt blame my parents.. I blamed myself.. and whoever gets arrested.. will change to a positive person..well atleast I did..

was there anyway it could have been avoided??
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iqbal_soofi
06-08-2007, 11:56 PM
Originally Posted by DaNgErOuS MiNdS
was there anyway it could have been avoided??
Many great people like, film actors, political leaders, sportsmen, prophets etc. made great achievements because they were not controlled by their parents or when they didn't follow their parents.

Controlling your children may help them make good for themselves. But giving them the opportunity to learn from their own experiences could either spoil their lives or make make them great. We should try to understand the importance of the generation gap. More gap always makes strong and tall trees that are more fruitful too. Plants growing under the shade of their parents hardly become strong or fruitful.
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Umu 'Isa
06-09-2007, 12:02 AM
:salamext:
I think it has a lot to do with the child's upbringing from the early stages of his/hers life.

Example: My nephew has bipolar disorder and the other has ADHD but when they were young.. one was about 2-3, the other was 4-5 years old.. their father was on drugs and used to hit their mum in front of them. My sister used to neglect them, let them do as they please. The police were constantly over and their house was raided for drugs and guns were pointed to their mothers head right in front of them. They might not remember it, but in my opinion it has had a lot of impact in their development. And Allaah knows best.

By the way they are not muslim
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Sinbad
06-09-2007, 12:03 AM
If youre child is in some sort of illegal ctivity, and you live in the west. The reason can be that youre a minority.

In Germany, most of the criminals are turks. In Turkey, most of the criminals are kurds et c.

Im not saying its all societys faulth, but being a minority tend to increase the chanses.

If your child is in a gang, I suggest you take him home to your family in an islamic nation, and drop him of there. He will learn to appreciate a good legal life in the west.
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iqbal_soofi
06-09-2007, 12:13 AM
Originally Posted by Sinbad
If youre child is in some sort of illegal ctivity, and you live in the west. The reason can be that youre a minority.

In Germany, most of the criminals are turks. In Turkey, most of the criminals are kurds et c.

Im not saying its all societys faulth, but being a minority tend to increase the chanses.

If your child is in a gang, I suggest you take him home to your family in an islamic nation, and drop him of there. He will learn to appreciate a good legal life in the west.
But you never know he could fall into the hands of some extremists there.
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Somalina
06-09-2007, 12:15 AM
Society will raise your child if you let them.
When they become adults and chose a life of crime
they are to blame,,they should be degraded,beaten,emprisoned,shunned,in public if we may:thumbs_up
Your parents tell you what to do because well you don't know,,when you declare your adulthood,we assume you can think rationally(I wonder if this is wrong,,hmm,,,let me check it)*heads to the public library to find out*...
Parenting should be a career,people should be trained,and only those with qualifications should start parenting,,enough silly gang members
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Strzelecki
06-09-2007, 09:12 AM
I would probably blame myself.
Although, I know that the mistakes I personally have made have mainly been due to peer pressure, not my upbringing and are of no fault of my parents.
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strider
06-09-2007, 10:25 AM
Most parents would blame themselves, even if they weren't really to blame. Good parenting doesn't automatically mean your child will a saint throughout their life. As adults, they have free choice to take whichever root they want to in life. If they fell into criminality, then that responsibility lies on their shoulders. As they say, you can drag a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
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jzcasejz
06-09-2007, 10:26 AM
Don't ask for a reason...but...I'll put almost all the blame on the parents.

But, of course, this varies within different situtations...

EDIT:Okkkkkkk then...I'll expand. I'm saying that...the parent has to present a clear distinction between good and bad to the child...and if, after that, the child does something wrong where he/she is at an age of responsibility...then how can someone pin this one onto the parents? So yeah in this case it don't apply, the parents are clean.

But why I put most of the blame on the parents is because, nowadays...parents are sorta not doing their part in the upbringing of their child...they're not educating them...so this is why they learn things from their mates and stuff..and this is how they turn into criminal or whatever.


Ahh this is confusing and I'm not making much sense...but...who cares. :p
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strider
06-09-2007, 10:31 AM
Originally Posted by jzcasejz
Don't ask for a reason...but...I'll put almost all the blame on the parents.
You can't say something and then not expand on it.:D

Say a child was brought up knowing about the harms and damage drugs can do yet they still went onto becoming a hardcore druggie. Some may argue the parents did their part by educating their child. A parents job is to prepare a child for life, not to hold their hand and walk them through life. 'Kids' have to make their own mistakes and in turn, hopefully, learn from them.
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iwuvaziaf
06-09-2007, 11:28 AM
Originally Posted by jzcasejz
But why I put most of the blame on the parents is because, nowadays...parents are sorta not doing their part in the upbringing of their child...they're not educating them...so this is why they learn things from their mates and stuff..and this is how they turn into criminal or whatever.
agreee with uu..

Originally Posted by strider
A parents job is to prepare a child for life, not to hold their hand and walk them through life. 'Kids' have to make their own mistakes and in turn, hopefully, learn from them.
u're making sense... preparin them for the right things at the right time...

--------------------

I think it has alot to do with what children are exposed to at what age.. we can teach our children what is good and what is bad.. but if we dont tell why it is good and why bad.. (reasons excluding = our religion tells us) ...that reason has no impact on children so you have to give them information in-depth.. what r the consequences if u do such and how it can impact ur life...

Not everyone has good decision making skills.. so when they enter childhood and they dont know what to look out for when making decisions.. they will decide what pleases their heart and most of the times, that decision will be the wrong one especially in one's youth i.e. joining gangs... (when bad compancy backs up an individual that individual becomes more determined)

parents being good role model isnt enough.. parents can be so pious, but if kids cant see why parents r pious...they will register in their head that, thats the life to follow when u r old.. because they may not have seen their parents through their youth.. which is why we do hear things like "i'm young mum, u wudnt know!" .. well duh! "i wasnt born 40!" thinks mum/dad...

ofcourse we may me living in a bad society but parents neglect their children alot in the sense of enjoying time with their children so when kids find that fun outside then everything makes sense in their life.. everyone has a different approach to how they perceive life..

example: i know a sister whos husband walked out on her quite a few times. During her first pregnancy, after the child was born.. after the 2nd child was born and when the kids were like 2 and 4.. now if the sister pops out to the shops or something the 4 yr old sumtimes says... mum isnt going to come back..! that child wont forget it because her father leaving again and again has left something(scar? hope not!) on her.. from the tension in the house, the crying etc.. ofcourse it'll have an impact.. parents have a role to play but i dont think they should be blamed...

things we may not be aware of r impacting the child.. there's a brother in this forum whos mum tried to break his will from the age of 3... affected the way he done everything in his life.. especially when there was mum's involvement.. i guess it comes down to many things..

InshaAllah we can try to be the best of parents.. it isnt easy! no1 sed it is..

salamaleykum
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