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AnonymousPoster
06-12-2007, 08:32 AM
well to cut the story short, my baby died, as in the baby i gave birth to.....he passed away a few weeks ago on 22 May and since then I cant seem to get back on track with my life, he was 2 years God bless him and di never really got to say goodbye or see him before he passed away and it kills me so much that I wasn't there when he needed me the most!
I can't sleep ...I can't eat and all I think about is this ....to be honest i'm very depressed at the moment .....
I've tried talking to people but it doesn't help me as much,
I didnt raise him no but I am, was his mother and therefore I care alot about him, and maybe I just don't want to accept that he's gone
I don't know what to do....it seems everyone is moving on but I just can't...
any suggestions?
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- Qatada -
06-12-2007, 01:26 PM
:salamext:


Verily to Allaah we belong and to Him is our return. May Allaah reward you for your patience sister, ameen. Without a doubt whenever Allaah takes anything away from us, He inshaa Allaah replaces us with something better.


Abu Hurayrah radi Allaahu anhu narrated that Allah’s Messenger sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said to a group of Ansari women:

“There is no woman amongst you who has three children of hers die, yet she is patient, hoping for the reward from Allah, except that she shall enter Jannah.”

So a woman amongst them asked, “What about two children, O Messenger of Allah?”

He replied, “Even two.”


Anas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, visited his son Ibrahim while he was breathing his last. The eyes of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, began to flow with tears and 'Abdu'r-Rahman ibn 'Awf said to him, "Even you, Messenger of Allah!" He said, "O Ibn 'Awf, it is an aspect of mercy." then more tears followed and the Prophet said, "The eye weeps and the heart grieves. We say nothing except what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim, we are grieved at your departure."

[Saheeh al-Bukhari]

I invite you to check this article insha Allaah;

Goodbye My Beloved
http://www.khutbah.com/index.php?typ...644&language=8



It's of great benefit, especially in regard to your situation insha Allaah.
..it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not. [Qur'an 2: 216]

Remember that everyone is tested through different ways, some are tested through their health, some through wealth and poverty, others through their children. But remember that if you place your trust in Allaah, He is sufficient for you and He will reward you for that patience insha Allaah.

Know that Allaah never overburdens a soul with what it can't bear, and it may be that your patience for this baby will be a form of reward, an entry for you to enter Jannah/Paradise. You may be sad because you loved this child, but what form of test would this life be if we weren't tested with what we love? Remember that the greater the trial, the greater the reward.


The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:

Whatever befalls a Muslim of sorrow, grief, exhaustion, fatigue or harm, Allah will forgive him his sins for that. This is true even for a thorn that penetrates his foot.” (Bukhari & Muslim)Between Trial and Punishment

And he also said:

“Great is the state of a believer, for he is winner at any rate. If he is given a blessing and thus shows gratitude, it is good for him. If he is plagued with an affliction and thus shows patience, it is good for him.” [Sahih Muslim]

Remember that if you remain patient and place your trust in Allaah, then Allaah may bring through this a great deal of good.. a good which you don't know of yet. But Allaah knows, since He is the All Knowing, the Wise.


We will keep you in our duas' sister.

Reply

Medina83
06-12-2007, 01:28 PM
Im very sorry for you loss sister...its very sad ..

if you believe in Allah and try live as a good muslim InshaAllah your little boy will lead you into paradise one day InshaAllah.

don't feel that you weren't there for him, because the situation at time of his death was as Allah willed. Even if you didnt raise him, you gave birth to him and Allah reward you for this.

instead of feeling like he is behind you and gone, think of that he in front of you..in your future now...and have some hope sister and be happy in the knowledge that Allah swt surely will have him in a happy place and inshaAllah you will one day meet him there...

So dont stall your life..but move forward in an effort to live well in order to please Allah and meet your son...

im sorry if its not very good advice, how could i possibly know what ur going through..

hugs and kisses sister
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glo
06-12-2007, 03:29 PM
Don't expect to be ready to move on as yet.
You must be feeling such pain and sadness - as any other parent would too.

Please don't put yourself under any guilt because you are not 'back to normal' yet - it will only add to your burden!

Time is a healer, and you will heal and your pain will lessen ... but you have to give yourself time.

Please find somebody who can support you through this.
Find a bereavement counsellor.
Don't struggle on your own!

If you like, I will pray for you.
(And feel free to PM me if you so wish)

I pray for healing and peace in your life.
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AnonymousPoster
06-12-2007, 06:52 PM
Im sorry for your loss, Just know that your child is in Jannah.
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Abdul Fattah
06-12-2007, 07:28 PM
selam aleykum sister
This must be so hard. Stay strong in faith; it is the only thing that can help you get trough this. don't worry about being at a low right now, you're practically entitled to. Mourn in peace, you deserve it, and your child deserves it. Don't bother with those people who are expecting you to get back on your feet as soon as possible. They're just trying to help, they just don't know how. Take your time. Find someone to talk to. Talking about it here is a good start, but it's not the same as speaking to someone face to face and having a shoulder to cry on. Make dua, ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to help you get trough this. Ask him to understand, ask him to help you accept the destiny that was written. Remmeber that life is a test. Remember that your child is in a better place now. Find comfort in the thought that he will never have to go trough all of the hardships and tricky situations of life.

May Allah subhana wa ta'ala grant jannah for your child, and make this easy for you, and may he reward you for enduring this.
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Grace Seeker
06-12-2007, 10:16 PM
Give yourself permission to grieve. Some will be able to move on (or at least appear that way), it doesn't mean you have to. Certainly not in less than a month. My experience as a pastor working with people who have lost someone close to them is that it takes 2 years before people begin to feel normal. But when losing a child, it will probably always be with you in some way. The loss should not control your life, but don't expect that the pain of it is just going to magically disappear in a certain set number of days. That isn't realistic given the nature of your loss.

What to do in the meantime?
1) Try to get through just one day, even one hour at a time. Don't worry about the next. If you are able to get through this moment, then you will also be able to get through the next. So, just deal with the moment at hand and do what you need to do to cope in the here and now.

2) Be extra careful to take proper care of yourself. In the midst of our grief, we can sometimes lose track of the routines in our life that we develop to stay well. Be sure that you still go to bed even if you don't think you can sleep. And be sure that you still get up and get dressed even if you don't feel like it is worth it. Eat regular meals at regular times just as you did before. Your loss is real. But it is not reason to punish yourself by not taking proper care of yourself, even if you don't see the value in it at the moment.

3) Find someone you can talk to. You need a person on whose shoulder you can cry, and with whom you can laugh. And that you can do those things together even when the timing is not convenient or seems inappropriate. It can be anyone, but it needs to be a real human being made out of flesh and blood, not an internet chat partner. Make time for this person in your life. Talk with them. Tell them of your pain and your inability to cope. This person doesn't need to do much more than allow you to share all of this. They don't have to wallow in it with you, but they shouldn't be afraid of you having strong feelings. In the end, they simply need to be there for you, and to be how you need them to be, without making judgment.

4) Give yourself permission to cry. Give yourself permission to not cry. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Each person is individual. There will be times that you think you have gotten through it, when it will suddenly come back and overwhelm you as if out of nowhere. And other times you will feel dry and totally devoid of feelings. Both are normal.

5) Give yourself permission to go on. While others are going on you may feel like you can't. That someone has to keep this baby's presence alive. And you may feel like grief is the only way you know to do that. Well, again, grieve as you need to grieve, for grief is a cleansing and healing process for the pain that we have inside of us. But when the day comes that you no longer have need to do that, know that going on IS NOT a betrayal of this one you love. It is just that you have entered a new phase and a new way of remembering. And that new phase is OK too.
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AnonymousPoster
06-13-2007, 11:15 AM
thanks for your advice so far....
the thing is me and my husband did not get on before..it is quite normal for all couples to argue .....and this has bought us back together, or I should say closer together and he's there for me, we've discussed this and we're there for each other...and maybe I need to get it all out ..... I did cry, actually I fainted at first when I came to know and I was taken to hospital, when I woke up I just thought it was a bad dream but then I saw everyone's faces and realised this is reality...and alhamdulillah I'm holding on so far....taken some time off work and so has my husband but he's going back to work next week and I'm going to try as well and as you don't know my identity I think it'll be okay to tell you I'm expecting....as in I'm pregnant and that why I asked for help because if it affects me it also affects my unborn baby, but I'm trying my best to eat and get back to routine...please make dua for me!
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- Qatada -
06-13-2007, 01:59 PM
:salamext:


Alhamdulillah that's good news! :) we'll all keep you in our duas sister, insha Allaah.
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AnonymousPoster
06-13-2007, 02:03 PM
jazakallah
Just to let you know I have a week to go...........(until I become a mother....again)
I suppose it is a reward to me, I lost a child and was given another.......
So if I don't reply for the next week or so well you know why now!
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- Qatada -
06-13-2007, 02:23 PM
:salamext:


Alhamdulillah, if you want to discuss it with sisters - there are loads insha Allaah which are willing to hear you out (if you don't want to make it public - then you can PM them.) But at the same time keep your trust in Allaah, because without a doubt it's He who has power over all things.
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sem
06-13-2007, 04:31 PM
Aww,dont Worry Sister ,al Do Dua For U....
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AnonymousPoster
06-15-2007, 07:57 AM
subhanallah...i had a false alarm yesterday at 12 midnight and went to hospital but came back..and i'm okay alhamdulillah....i was slightly embarassed....i had given birth before so I should know real contractions :-[
but at least i got to practise and we got to the hospital in less than 10 minutes...its like a drill lol :statisfie
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.:Mustapha:.
06-18-2007, 01:03 AM
:sl:

I hope all goes well for you sister. Insha'Allah you will give birth to a fully healthy baby. :)

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
06-18-2007, 08:05 AM
JUST POPPED TO GIVE YOU SOME GOOD NEWS
Gave birth to a healthy baby girl 2.8 lbs on Friday night last week (15th June 2007) alhamdulillah I'm fine and doing very well....I was wondering can everyone suggest some names I could give her and the meaning of the names please :statisfie Jazakallah
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syilla
06-18-2007, 08:09 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
JUST POPPED TO GIVE YOU SOME GOOD NEWS
Gave birth to a healthy baby girl 2.8 lbs on Friday night last week (15th June 2007) alhamdulillah I'm fine and doing very well....I was wondering can everyone suggest some names I could give her and the meaning of the names please :statisfie Jazakallah
MashAllah mabrook.

Aliya is nice. Or Tasneem.

May she become pious and always make you happy.
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glo
06-18-2007, 08:13 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
JUST POPPED TO GIVE YOU SOME GOOD NEWS
Gave birth to a healthy baby girl 2.8 lbs on Friday night last week (15th June 2007) alhamdulillah I'm fine and doing very well....I was wondering can everyone suggest some names I could give her and the meaning of the names please :statisfie Jazakallah
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Was your baby born prematurely? Will she stay in hospital for a while, given that she is so little?
Glad to hear you are both well! :)
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AnonymousPoster
06-18-2007, 08:18 AM
For those who asked......i.e glo
Not really, she is a week early but it doesn't matter as much because she is in a good condition and very healthy mashallah, I was worried at first because
she didn't cry, she took a while although she's fine alhamdulillah and we came out of the hospital on Saturday.
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glo
06-18-2007, 08:21 AM
May God bless you both and keep you safe! :)
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AnonymousPoster
06-18-2007, 08:24 AM
Jazakallah glo ...*ameeen*
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AnonymousPoster
06-18-2007, 08:29 AM
glo suggest a name! I'll view it later lol i have to go now...she's awake...:)
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AnonymousPoster
06-20-2007, 09:18 AM
just to let you know I call my baby Aaliyah..name suggested by syilla :D
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skhalid
06-22-2007, 08:51 AM
:threadclo i see no1 goes on it sis (I KNOW YA COZ UR MY SIS) :D
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AnonymousPoster
06-22-2007, 08:53 AM
Originally Posted by skhalid
:threadclo i see no1 goes on it sis (I KNOW YA COZ UR MY SIS) :D
salz u promised nt 2 tell :ooh:
yh might as well
:threadclo
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