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lipstick
06-23-2007, 10:38 PM
Is love allowed in islam


i love someone soooooo much.I have not ever commited any sins as i have never let them touch me nor has anything happened as that person does not feel the same way


anyway i was wonder if it is wrong for me to love him as he is about to get married and my family would also like for me to get wed


would it not be wrong for me to go into marriage with someone when i love HIM

i cant help the way i feel
my friends thinks i cant let go because hes the first person ive liked but i dont know what to think
i just know i find it extremely difficult not to think about him no matter how hard i try



i have never had the intention to do anything wrong i could not help be fall fo r HIM
:cry:
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Eric H
06-24-2007, 07:45 AM
Greetings and peace be with you lipstick, and welcome to the forum,

It is so difficult being young and experiencing your first love, and yes to some degree you will keep this memory for the rest of your life. I believe it would be wrong to marry another person whilst still loving this first person.

But

I think you have two real choices, you can pine for him for the rest of your life, or you find ways to move on and face the very real reality of day to day life. You can find a real love, and love is a journey for life that you spend with someone facing all the ups and downs of life day after day, year after year.

If by some chance you could marry this person; the reality of actually living a relationship would be very different from just having thoughts about him.

I am a grandfather and can remember the same kind of struggles when I was young, and as they say love hurts but you can find real love. Spend some time helping other people, and spend time in prayer. There is a healing process we can all go through because we have to face life’s journey always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Just one small thing could you type in a different colour, it is very hard to read. Ta !!:)

In the spirit of striving for an inner peace
Eric
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Abdul Fattah
06-24-2007, 05:32 PM
Selam aleykum sister.
Sometimes emotions are stronger then ourselves, and we cannot be blamed for feeling a certain way, or having certain desires. However as a muslim we should not indulge those desires and try to forget them (for example by fasting and avoiding seeing the person) especially since he's already marrying someone else, it would be healthiest if you try to forget it. There is really no point in indulging the thought so you will feel tempted and then try to resist the temptation because of the circumstances. No, the smartest thing is not to indulge in these kind of feelings in the first place and fight them before they grow inside the heart.

would it not be wrong for me to go into marriage with someone when i love HIM
I don't believe there is only one love or one guy for each girl. when this person will eb out of your life and you have accepted it you will forget about it inshaAllah. And then when it's time to marry and you pick the right compatible guy, and you enter the marriage both with the right intention, then inshaAllah love will grow in that marriage to.

May Allah subhana wa t'ala make it easy for you.
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anonymous
06-25-2007, 12:35 AM
Originally Posted by lipstick
Is love allowed in islam


i love someone soooooo much.I have not ever commited any sins as i have never let them touch me nor has anything happened as that person does not feel the same way


anyway i was wonder if it is wrong for me to love him as he is about to get married and my family would also like for me to get wed


would it not be wrong for me to go into marriage with someone when i love HIM

i cant help the way i feel
my friends thinks i cant let go because hes the first person ive liked but i dont know what to think
i just know i find it extremely difficult not to think about him no matter how hard i try



i have never had the intention to do anything wrong i could not help be fall fo r HIM
:cry:
:sl: sis.

i am in a similar situation as you. if you want i can PM you.
in my opinion though it isn't wrong to marry someone, whilst being in love with another. what are you going to do...wait around being single for the rest of your life. then what do you know, at 40, your're gonna probably look back with a whole lot of regret.
obviously you keep these feelings to your self, and not let your husband know...i know that may sound deceitful but i really don't think it is, becasue it's a whole lot better than you telling him, and his mind wondering, and it could start some trouble between the both of you.

:sl:
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islamirama
06-25-2007, 02:49 AM
To love someone means to get close to someone and get to know them on a personal level. Love before marriage is haraam becuase you are going against all the laws of Allah and Islam to get to that point. To love someone's attributes and have feelings for that person based on what you learn of this person's character without getting personally involved or interacting with them is different.

Anyways, if you love someone "Soooo much" then one can only assume it went about the wrong ways. The question now is that does he feel the same way?

If you do not know then you should find out indirectly. Have someone else find out for you if he feels the same way and if not then also let someone know of how you feel and your intentions of marriage, and if he takes interest then he can let that person know of his intentions. If not then you should move on with your life. You said you could not help but fall for him, perhaps a little less mixing with other gender or lowering the gaze as commanded by the Prophet (saws) will help next not to be in the same boat.

In Islam, you don't go marry a complete stranger nor do you go get all friendly and get know the person personally. There are proper adaabs and etiquettes set forth that needs to be adhered. Remember that if you go about it the halaal way (in anything in life) then Allah will bless it for you inshallah, but if you go about it the haraam way then not much good can come out of it.

lastly, check these links out below...


He is in love with a girl but cannot marry her

Loving a man in secret and praying that she will marry him

check out more similiar questions at islamqa.com
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lipstick
06-30-2007, 12:50 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
:sl: sis.

i am in a similar situation as you. if you want i can PM you.
in my opinion though it isn't wrong to marry someone, whilst being in love with another. what are you going to do...wait around being single for the rest of your life. then what do you know, at 40, your're gonna probably look back with a whole lot of regret.
obviously you keep these feelings to your self, and not let your husband know...i know that may sound deceitful but i really don't think it is, becasue it's a whole lot better than you telling him, and his mind wondering, and it could start some trouble between the both of you.

:sl:
wasalam
if you wish to send a Personal message sis yoy may do so.All help willbe appricieated
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- Qatada -
06-30-2007, 03:24 PM
:salamext:


Sister lipstick, if anonymous makes an account - you can give a Moderator your email address and insha Allaah we can pass it onto you through PM.
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lipstick
07-06-2007, 12:12 PM
I will do that but i would perfer if people wrote on the forum as i feel that more people will benefit.Many a time ive read a post and ive was thinking Gosh that was me a why back or thats how i feel.
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-06-2007, 12:37 PM
assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh


sis you are one of the millions who've fallen into this trap.

let me explain whats happened and you tell me if this is the case ot not inshaAllah, you've seen a boy who you liked, this boy liked you in return, you both wanted to keep it "islamic" but you simply cudnt keep away from each other. You thought it to be love because just being around each other was enough, but sister here comes the mistakes.

firstly just being around each other might be ok, if the gaze is lowered, the idle chat is kept to an absolute minimum and there is a third person in between. If you both kept to these procedures layed out by islam do you think you would have fallen for each other ? note i dont mean "slightly like each other", i mean just from doing that can you really "DEEPLY FALL FOR EACH OTHER"? i really doubt it sis,

so in this case then such a feeling came out from sin, now every sin his its reprocussions (or however you spell it) every sin lashes back basically, and this sin is lashing back.

wallahi i advise you to discover islam, find the beauty and sweetness of emaan, and you will fall in love with Allah, his messenger, the sahaabi's, the pious people and all you will want to do is good action inshaAllah.



i hope this reaches you in the best state of health and imaan inshaAllah.


Ameen may Allah guide us all Ameen !
Reply

------
07-06-2007, 12:47 PM
:salamext:

Is love allowed in islam
Pure love, between a married couple, yes.

i love someone soooooo much.I have not ever commited any sins as i have never let them touch me nor has anything happened as that person does not feel the same way
Lol...i know someone in exactly the same situation as u sis.

anyway i was wonder if it is wrong for me to love him as he is about to get married and my family would also like for me to get wed
Think about it sister, he's getting married to some1 else, ur getting married to some1 else, do you not think if u still love him when u get married it could harm ur relationship?

would it not be wrong for me to go into marriage with someone when i love HIM
Yeees.... But sis ask yourself, if it isn't going to happen, then shouldn't you move on? Maybe Allaah swt has someone better in store for you than that brother.

i cant help the way i feel
I don't think most people can control their feelings.

my friends thinks i cant let go because hes the first person ive liked but i dont know what to think
How old are you sis? If this is the 'first time', it might be infatuation rather than love?

i just know i find it extremely difficult not to think about him no matter how hard i try
How about trying to think about pleasing your Lord, and worshipping Him in your spare time? Reading extra nafl, reading Qur'an, etc. This way you will b getting rewards and you will be distracted from thinking about the brother.

i have never had the intention to do anything wrong i could not help be fall fo r HIM
Again, not many people can control their emotions.

As long as you don't do anything against the teachings of Islam sis, its ok. Ask Allaah swt for guidance, and Inshaa Allaah you might find someone better in your life than that brother.

If I said anything that may have offended you then please forgive me.

Tkcr sis xxx
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lipstick
07-09-2007, 10:05 AM
Originally Posted by Muj4h1d4
:salamext:



Pure love, between a married couple, yes.



Lol...i know someone in exactly the same situation as u sis.



Think about it sister, he's getting married to some1 else, ur getting married to some1 else, do you not think if u still love him when u get married it could harm ur relationship?



Yeees.... But sis ask yourself, if it isn't going to happen, then shouldn't you move on? Maybe Allaah swt has someone better in store for you than that brother.



I don't think most people can control their feelings.



How old are you sis? If this is the 'first time', it might be infatuation rather than love?



How about trying to think about pleasing your Lord, and worshipping Him in your spare time? Reading extra nafl, reading Qur'an, etc. This way you will b getting rewards and you will be distracted from thinking about the brother.



Again, not many people can control their emotions.

As long as you don't do anything against the teachings of Islam sis, its ok. Ask Allaah swt for guidance, and Inshaa Allaah you might find someone better in your life than that brother.

If I said anything that may have offended you then please forgive me.

Tkcr sis xxx
First of all i dont want to discuss in detail how it was that i feel in love because its personal and i dont want the whole world to know

all i know is that i want to be cured from this diease as its wrecking my life and because of it i have had some painful times,full of sorrow and misery.I've been through depression tablets and a lot worse which i dnt want to discuss.

Anyway it first started when i joined a forum,islamic one.
i was new to islam,born muslim but not really practicing anway i posted my email address as i wanted to make a lot muslim friends.Female ones lol
people presum that just because you been through love or are in love that some how your the "loose" type

well im not far from it

anyways i did get replies from many muslimah and few male forum users however i choose not mail back to the brothers as i dont free mix usually.
i recieved one e-mail from a "famous" brother one im sure many of you would admire/do admire

i was utterly shocked and a little excited as i never meet a "famous?" before

at that time i had no crush or any "lovey dovey" thought about that brother as he was a 15 years my senior and i didnt find him pysically attractive.He had big ears,was really dark,short and just averageish looks.

i did however admire the work that he did(like many others)but not to the extend of being a fan.

so sister you asked me if what i was feeling was just physical attraction well the answer would be no as i did not "fancy" him in anyway.
Im 20 years old although i can be pretty innocent in many ways ,as i have had a very protective up bringing,i consider myself to be quiet mature.I know my feelings and well i have been through times when i have "fancied" a guy (but i never took it further as it goes against my asian/semi muslim upbringing.)

i know this is not one of those times

Its different its just as sweet as it is bitter
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lipstick
07-09-2007, 10:22 AM
i do want to get over HIM

i talked it through with my best friend and it does help when she talks about it but i think its better to get other prospective on the issue.

i keep expecting someone to say something that makes me go"oh gosh right i will do that"

however im getting told things i told myself millions of times perhaps i just wanted to hear what i already know from others

im not really sure

im not really planning to get married although there is some pressure from family and the asain society in my area.Most women get married around 18-22 max

although i do still have a few years what if i cant get over him

it has been a long time already still i cant seem to get over it

i sometimes feel that it would be wrong to marry someone else when i consently think about HIM

i would be unjust to my partner

is it gunnah?

anyway back to the story well

he use to email me islamic stuff all the time.He'd encourage me to pray and better myself and after a while the conversations became casual
we would talk about normal stuff aswell then one day after a misunderstanding

i realised that i could not bear not to talk to him.some night i would eb on the computer until around midnight emailing.

i could not give that up also all the traits that i disliked like the ears and dark skin didnt really matter anymore

i actually started to find him very attractive.Once a guy i would not look at twice had become the man of my dreams lol

i dnt really want to write a lot of mushy things as i find it a little embarressing

Life just seem really hard without him

How do i get rid of these feelings
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-09-2007, 10:36 AM
sis have you met this brother in real life, or is it all internet based :? (sry had to ask...)
Reply

Hamas
07-09-2007, 10:58 AM
Assalamu Alaikum Sister,

These guys think that we're crazy or something, if you want we could like share our sorrow to eachother? or would you prefer to make fun of me too?
In any case, hope you rid yourself of your frustrating pain.

JazakAllah.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-09-2007, 11:10 AM
wheres sharing your sorrows gonna get you bro?.... seriously...
Reply

lipstick
07-09-2007, 11:12 AM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
sis have you met this brother in real life, or is it all internet based :? (sry had to ask...)
it was all internet based and talked on the phone twice neways if you knew ho it was you would understand but i wont tell you

its not right
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-09-2007, 11:14 AM
Originally Posted by lipstick
it was all internet based and talked on the phone twice neways if you knew ho it was you would understand but i wont tell you

its not right
oh...

any chance of marrying him :?
Reply

lipstick
07-09-2007, 11:19 AM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
oh...

any chance of marrying him :?
told you he dont feel the same way:cry:
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-09-2007, 11:27 AM
Originally Posted by lipstick
told you he dont feel the same way:cry:
oh...


sorry sis...

i guess you can always hav sabr and await reward in jannah right :)
Reply

------
07-09-2007, 11:36 AM
:salamext:

Mazed bhai, sometimes saying 'have sabr' is really easy, rather than 'having sabr' literally, if u gets me.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-09-2007, 11:48 AM
Originally Posted by Muj4h1d4
:salamext:

Mazed bhai, sometimes saying 'have sabr' is really easy, rather than 'having sabr' literally, if u gets me.
i neva sed its easy boyn :), jannah is surrounded by trials


wa alaikum ussalaam
Reply

------
07-09-2007, 06:47 PM
:salamext:

jannah is surrounded by trials
Yeh thats too true.....May Allaah swt help us all to bear the struggles with Patience in this world, Ameen.
Reply

tearsofice21
07-10-2007, 04:06 AM
Assalamu 'alaikum

hmm sis, I think that you may just have a crush :) If he is about to marry someone else, then it's not love.. Insha'Allah have patience, and Allah swt will provide you with someone better that you will love more :)
Reply

lipstick
07-11-2007, 06:34 PM
Originally Posted by tearsofice21
Assalamu 'alaikum

hmm sis, I think that you may just have a crush :) If he is about to marry someone else, then it's not love.. Insha'Allah have patience, and Allah swt will provide you with someone better that you will love more :)
Do people actually read the whole posts.This reply leads me to think perhaps not.I know its love and not just a crush ive had crushes before it was nothing like this.

Just because he doesnt love me back doesnt mean that what i feel isnt real

if it was just a crush it would have gone away ages ago

im not asking people if what i did was right
or is my love is pure
or wether or not its halal

im asking im in this situation.Doesnt really matter how i got there

now i want to move on
:cry:
i want to know if its right for me to marry someone else when i love HIM

is that allowed or would i be unjust to my partner

how does one get ove this
im sure many here have love here.How did you get rid of the pain?
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-11-2007, 06:43 PM
assalamu alaikum

sis i dont know what to say, if only there was a way to whisk away all the pain eh..


how bout you just make dua' and cry to Allah for now sis whilst baring with the difficulty of patience inshaAllah all the while awaiting the utmost ease (inna ma'al usri yusra, verily after hardship comes ease).

not my words, not the prophets words, but the promise of Allmighty Allah who never lies. After hardship comes ease, whether you marry him or not, you will get ease.
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