please please help me

[AnonymousPoster]

:cry: :cry: :cry: :sl:

I don’t know where to start:cry: i feel i have so many problems and there all due to the fact that I’m seeing a brother.

please don’t hate me 4 it, i know its wrong and I’m kind of writing this to help other people in my situation. (its complicated) and i really need your help!!!!

I’m a practising Muslimh and he is too. i do fear Allah that’s why I want to stop all this. He changed me sooooo much for the better, we try and do everything we can to be better Muslims, its like were trying to be blind to the fact that we are committing haram.


anyways long story cut short, i love this brother soooo much wallahi I cant see my self without him, i don’t think i can live with out him. but at the same time I’m scared that as a punishment Allah will make us split up in the future as a punishment. (I don’t know which is worse)

today i came across this article on the net, it made me cry so much! I felt so bad. I love Allah, and i know he is trying to guide me....i need Allah so much, i hope he helps me with this ameen:cry:

how should i go about this, how should i tell this brother. and i wish there was some kind of dua which guaranteed we will be together in the future, he means so much to me, he has done so much for I love him through n through, but somewhere in my heart it just wants Allah (i cant explain it, sorry)

I'm not gonna even ask "please tell me how i can get over him" as i feel i will never. but help me in which ever way u can pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase.

jazakalah kairan

[Malaikah]

:sl:

I think you should just email him and end it. Explain everything and if he is a practising Muslim as you said he is, inshaallah he will understand.

And pray to Allah for strength.

May Allah give you the strength get past your ordeal, and marry him in the future.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah....

this might not help much but honestly sister NOTHING is worser then hellfire... end it inshaAllah.

and rest assured knowing that Allah replaces with something better when someone gives up something for His sake


the past may haunt you, but tis only till death, then who knows you may meet him in jannah again inshaAllah :)

[rozeena]

hi sister, why dont u ask ur parents if u can marry him. if u love him sooo much?

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[3isha]

^^true,
btw how old r u guys,if u r old enough then maybe u can get married, fullfil ure desires the halal,way where Allah will shower his mercy and blessings

[hassan_salley]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah....
Well my dear sister if you love him very much as you say and you think he loves you too, then the best solution I think is marriage. this will prevent you from commiting haram and also make Allah pleased because marriage is a sunnah of the Holy Prophet(SAW)

[Woodrow]

:w: Sister,

They is no way any of us can feel the pain you are experiencing at this time. We can understand how painful this is for you and can make Du'a that you will find the strength to do what is needed, in spite of the pain.

Your choices are very painful. It is not a choice as to which will stop the immediate hurt. You must decide what needs to be done to prevent further pain for both of you.

The hardest thing is to accept the fact that, what at the moment seems so good and right, is also what is causing the pain.

You already know the answers to what needs to be done. There are no alternatives. My Du'as are that you will find the strength and understand that in what you do, can be the greatest act of love you can give to a brother, by knowing that you love him great enough that you can suffer, to keep him from sinning further.

As difficult as it now seems, time really will remove the pain and if it is to be you will be with him again, openly and honestly with true happiness and not youthful pleasure.

Say this Du'a often, it will be answered.

Istikhara for nikah (marriage)
When intending to marry someone then even before proposing or expressing one's intention to propose, one should perform Wudhu in the best of manner and then offer as many Nafl Salaahs as possible. Thereafter one should praise and glorify Allah in the best manner and recite the following Dua:

Translation: O Allah, You have power and I have none. You know all and I know not. You are The Knower of all that is hidden. If, in Your knowledge (mention name of person here) be good for me in my faith and in my temporal and religious life, then ordain her (or him) for me. And if anyone other than her (or him) be good for me in my faith and religious life, then ordain her (or him) for me.

If you do not know the Arabic or do not read Arabic, go ahead and say it in English after your Obligatory Salat. Say it with full intention of truly wanting to be with who will be best for you in all aspects of your De'en.

[3isha]

my dear sister, if u do'tn do it the right, halal way, then sooner or later u will find ureself in the most difficult situation

[The Ruler]

:sl:

So... Let's see... This is how it is... there's the guy on one side, and Allah on the other. you step towards him [cause he's the north pole and you're the south (opposites attreact remember!)] bu then, you think, "nonononono this isn't right!" so you step towards God. But then that attraction again pulls you back to where you were [not exactly where you were, but you get the idea?]. And thn, the cycle starts again.

In that case, you have nothing to do except decide. No advice is going to do you any good, since we all know, when it comes to decision between choosing God, or something else, you must choose God; for in Him thou shalt find eternal bliss. [No kidding].

:w:

[lipstick]

If he feels the same way sis then why dont he marry you.What's the problem

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Thank you so much for your replies and dua. Wallahi I really do appreciate all this, jazakallah kair!

Let me tell you a bit more about my situation so you understand where I’m coming from inshallah. Well I just turned 20. I’m still in education and so is he oh n he’s 20 too, just two months older than me. Anyways I would love to marry him but we just cant afford to. We both live with our parents.

I know my mum would not object to me marring, as long as he can provide for me (my dad would probably say “HELL NO” until you finish uni.) Wallahi I would get married tomorrow if it was realistic. I know Allah is the provider, I guess it just is not our time.

Last night I spoke to the brother, I did not come out with it straight away. But I was really blatant. He got frustrated, he always thinks if we split up for a few years, I will drift from him, and another brother who has the means to marry will marry me. Maybe he just don’t understand the extent in which I love him:heated: . I recently had a proposal from a man which got to me through my quran teacher, but I obviously said no.

Anyways brothers and sisters we didn’t really get no where so far. Its like were going around in a circle.

How can I sleep with out hearing his voice before I sleep,:cry: he even wakes me up for fajar. His manners are mashallah, and the way he looks after his mother, she is disabled kind of. She only has him and his 7 year old sister his father died (pbah). so this makes situations much harder.

How should I tell him, I cant say this by email it will kill him.
I know what I have to do, but Wallahi its not that easy, it just isn’t. I wish he was my husband, I wish Allah could make me just talking to him hallal, I think just that would give me inner peace.

thanks for reading this i know its looooooooooonnnnnnnng

jazakallah kair

[Salaam]

the only thing thats stoping u from getting married is money, so,
Just hold the nikah now, and if you want to you can have the party when you are financially capable.

[AnonymousPoster]

the only thing thats stoping u from getting married is money, so,
Just hold the nikah now, and if you want to you can have the party when you are financially capable.

:cry: brother Wallahi its my parents, they have these traditional mentality, an so does his mum. basically they won't let me marry him if he cant provide like housing n dat.

anyways, this is just a dead end..... some people simply get to marry who they want and when I find my sole mate, it just isn’t happening for me.

Once we was even going to do like a secret nikkah, but Alhamdullilah we never, we really did not know that it was haram back then, it just didn’t feel right,:-\

[Salaam]

talk to your parents, and see what they say, you never know they might agree with the Will of Allah..

[AnonymousPoster]

talk to your parents, and see what they say, you never know they might agree with the Will of Allah..

jazakallah sallam.

I don’t have the guts, what if i tell my parents and then his mum says no, I should speak to him first right. n like see if he is willing to tell his mum, because I know she is much stricter than mine.

[Salaam]

tell someone who you know to go and speak to your parents, who your parents will respect, and tell the brother to do the same, and just make dua.

[AnonymousPoster]

tell someone who you know to go and speak to your parents, who your parents will respect, and tell the brother to do the same, and just make dua.

So scary but:scared: , this is the only way out for us but Allah knows best. I’ll tell him tomorrow inshallah, and umm I’ll speak to my mum my self and tell hr to drop it to my dad. that’s if she don’t kill me first:hmm: . And I’ll make lots of dua inshallah, and for all my brothers and sisters in Islam.

p.s sorry to come across as some kind of looser, its just that I wanted someone to talk to, someone who wont judge me. Jazakallah kairan! I’m in London its kind of late here so inshallah I’m going to sleep, take care everyone.

Assalamu Alaikum :sunny:

[جوري]

Why would you parents kill you for wanting to get married? isn't it better than the alternative? how lucky you found someone religious and you have a mutual care for one another? many people live a life time not knowing that.. just get married to this fellow insha'Allah and BE HAPPY!!!!!
:w:

[Malaikah]

:sl:

Maybe you could get engaged until you two are ready for marriage? I know of heaps of people who stay engaged for a few years...

[noahs_arc]

hi sister, why dont u ask ur parents if u can marry him. if u love him sooo much?

yeh i agree.

[AnonymousPoster]

:) sallam all

well I’m going to text him and tell him to call me, inshallah. and i will tell him what u all told me. and about my parents not letting me get married, its because they want me to marry a brother who is able to provide. I really don’t think they will allow me to stay engaged for a long time thing, like 3 years. they will be like what’s the point, its like you just want to make your boyfriend halal :-\ , u know things like that.

Oh and if we are engaged, can I see him alone, or does a mahram have to be there. and I’m thinking that there will be no need for him to provide for me, as I will still be under the care of my farther, am I right?

Jazakallah for your advice everyone.:statisfie you have been much help!

Assalamu Alaikum.

[Umm Yoosuf]

:salamext:

I was thinking if this brother came forth to your parents and asked for your hand then the everyone would be aware of this proposal, thus there would be no need for this brother to communicate with you in secret/private. He can speak to your parents instead and they can provide solutions for you and him Insha Allah. Your parents only want what best for you so…sabr Insha Allah. Maybe they can provide the brother with alternatives such as finding a job, than maybe you can do the Nikah and you can live with him and his mother until he can get a place of your own.

Sister if you stay away from falling into Haram, and your main goal is to ONLY please Allah and not yourself (desires) or this brother than Allah will open away for you. However if you fall for your emotions then shaydan will only trap you. Put your trust in Allah and stay away from this sticky situation (i.e contacting this brother). Everything happens by the Will of Allah.

EDIT:

Sister if you want to speak to someone, you're more than welcome to PM Insha Allah :)

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I have decided to just leave the whole situation all together, everything happens for a reason hey:-\

jazakallah kair for all your input! love u all for the sake of Allah:)

[AnonymousPoster]

I’m a practising Muslimh and he is too

if u were than u wouldnt been seeing each other.!!

i do fear Allah that’s why I want to stop all this

Than stop IT!! Show that u love allah more than this brother by ending this haraam relationship. If u wanna marry the bro than talk to your parents.

how should i go about this, how should i tell this brother.

like one of the sis said jst email him, tell his its over no more.

[Malaikah]

Oh and if we are engaged, can I see him alone, or does a mahram have to be there. and I’m thinking that there will be no need for him to provide for me, as I will still be under the care of my farther, am I right?

:sl:

Being engaged just means you are intending to marry him in the future. You are not allowed to treat him any differently than any other male who is not a mahram, so you still need to have a mahram when you talk to him, still are not allowed to touch him, talk privately, etc.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I have decided to just leave the whole situation all together, everything happens for a reason hey:-\

jazakallah kair for all your input! love u all for the sake of Allah:)

:sl: sister

hope u doing well.. i just wanted to say that i dnt think you should leave the situation. u both obviously love each other very much. it won't hurt to tell your parents this and see what they think, they may even surprise you and allow you to be married, or engaged at least? it's better than what ur doing at the moment rite?
try doing istikhara, it may clear everything up 4 u inshallah.

I think you will end up regretting not doing anything about it tho.
are you gonna end it with the brother then? or just carry on as normal?

im not really good at givin advise! but what the other brothers and sisters have suggested is pretty gud :)

i really hope everything goes well for u, and Allah (swt) makes it easy for you. inshallah

:w:
* hugs*

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:sl:

I have decided to just leave the whole situation all together, everything happens for a reason hey:-\

jazakallah kair for all your input! love u all for the sake of Allah:)

hey you can always try propose first :)


i hope Allah rewards you with something much better, if not in dunya then in akhirah inshaAllah :D

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: sister

hope u doing well.. i just wanted to say that i dnt think you should leave the situation. u both obviously love each other very much. it won't hurt to tell your parents this and see what they think, they may even surprise you and allow you to be married, or engaged at least? it's better than what ur doing at the moment rite?
try doing istikhara, it may clear everything up 4 u inshallah.

I think you will end up regretting not doing anything about it tho.
are you gonna end it with the brother then? or just carry on as normal?

im not really good at givin advise! but what the other brothers and sisters have suggested is pretty gud :)

i really hope everything goes well for u, and Allah (swt) makes it easy for you. inshallah

:w:
* hugs*

Assalamu Alaikum

sometime u just end up feeling like your giving more than your receiving :cry: I’m mentally tired now. my choice is clear to me. I made istikahra a few times, and I feel that if its meant to be it will be, I know I may sound selfish but when I fall in love I want the brother to make an effort! not to fear people such as his mother or family, but fear Allah!! and stoooooop dragging this on for me:cry:

u know Wallahi I realised something from all this. 'to say u love me is not enough' u must care about the persons dunia and aakhira.imsad

it kills me to think my great love has ended in such a sad wayimsad . I thought we could make it.

Allah has blessed me with meeting lots of pious sisters in such a short amount of time, Mashallah they are the best!! they helped me so much through all this, they made me smile again. I don’t know if ever I’ll get over him but I intend to better my self, concentrate on my deen and be the best muslimah I can be. Allah is the one for me. The thing which keeps me going is my deen right now, so Alhamdullilah.

A few weeks back I thought I could not breath with out this brother in my life, I dint really want to talk bad of him, mashallah he is a sweet brother, but when push comes to shove u have to make a choice.

U have a plan but Allah has another, (inshallah a much better one:okay: )

Assalamu Alaikum

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ yeah Alhamdulillah :)

Allahs got the best plans for uS :D

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu alaikum to you all!

I'm the OP,

SubhanAllah 9 years later, so I thought I should update you guys on what happened.

This is the first time I'm looking back on my previous threads, so cringe lol.

JazakAllah khair to all those who advised my younger lost self. You guys were so patient with me!!

Anyways Alhamdulilah I called things off with him and put my faith in Allah, and after around 9 months of not talking he approached my parents and they agreed to a nikkah. But for us to live apart for a while.

Alhamdulilah 9 years on and a son later things are good.

However, I know truly understand why it is haram to even free mix let alone date! There is no point putting anyone in a position to control your heart, for it will never find ease except with the Remembrance of Allah

Alhamdulilah I love my husband but I've realised no one even if you date for 10 years will show their true color, so you might as well do things the hallal way from the beginning and put your trust in Allah. Only Allah knows what's in their heart.

[Regrets1]

MashAllah good to hear your married to the one you love and are happy together. May Allah swt bless your marriage. Ameen. Well said..when you date it's all about impressing the other person and not showing ones true colours which is deceiving.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Alhamdulillaah, that's very good.