cheating

[nasima el ghazi]

Here is a question that my husband and I have been having some disagreements on,,what are your views on this,,
I say,,Its not cheating if you are posting in a forum and others from the oppisite sex respond,,,as long as there isnt any personal chats and ims and you dont exchange personal information.,..its ok
he says,,,,its cheating if you even make eye contact or respond if a man says hello and if you ever speak to someone of the oppisite sex in person or online,,in forum or chat,,,its all cheating.
so let me hear your views on this....

[Ourra-Tul-'Ain]

awwwwwwwwwwwww Wallahi i cant help but see your husband as being cute:statisfie Mashallah, call me a looser but i think its cute when your husband gets jealous with things concerning his wife and sharing her.

But I protest that u should be allowed to speak on these forums:D !! (if your husband don’t mind me saying so:-[ )


Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of the wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows the husband's love and care for her, provided that the husband does not go to extremes in his jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something negative and will badly affect their life.

[Intisar]

Salaam Alaykum sister,

I think your husband is being unreasonable. LOL, How on Earth are you cheating if you simply say hello to another male? That's just simply not fair to you. As long as you know you're not involved in any sort of adultery or Zina (which I'm sure a God-fearing Muslimah like yourself wouldn't do) then I don't see what the problem is. Does he just not trust you? You should have a talk with him and ask about why he thinks that way.

Wasalaam

[islamirama]

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[snakelegs]

i also think your husband is being unreasonably jealous and suspicious. talking to someone on an open forum like this is not "cheating" by any half-way reasonable thinking. we are well moderated so if anything inappropriate goes on, a mod vanish it quick-like.
i wonder why your husband trusts you enough to send you alone to a country that neither of you have ever been to or know anyone in, and yet think you don't have enough sense to use forums decently?

[nasima el ghazi]

he just worries,,its the way he was raised,,his sisters and his mother have the same rules,,,,,,im not allowed to talk to men at all,,,only family...or work situation......and as for me going to malaysia alone,,,we couldnt figure out another way,,,we bought the tickets seperate mine was bought first then by the time we had the money for his ticket we couldnt afford to get it for the same date.,..,,He just wants things to go as we have planned

[Abdul-Raouf]

Your Husband is correct in his views... it may seem extreme... but dont blame him....dont mistake his trust..... he is just cautioning you..


The Shaytaan has ways that he follows with those whom he wishes to tempt, so we must beware of these things.


A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him.

[Malaikah]

:sl:

Some of them might not be appropriate... many of them depend on the context though, and your intention.

I wouldn't call most of those things cheating.:uuh:

[MustafaMc]

Here is a question that my husband and I have been having some disagreements on,,what are your views on this,,
I say,,Its not cheating if you are posting in a forum and others from the oppisite sex respond,,,as long as there isnt any personal chats and ims and you dont exchange personal information.,..its ok
he says,,,,its cheating if you even make eye contact or respond if a man says hello and if you ever speak to someone of the oppisite sex in person or online,,in forum or chat,,,its all cheating.
so let me hear your views on this....

I am an American revert to Islam as is my wife. I am completely open with her about my time spent on this forum and she reads my posts and PMs as she feels inclined to do so. If I was being secretive and carrying on an intimate on-line relationship with a sister, then, yes, I would agree that would not be being loyal to my marriage.

It seems that your husband is very conservative which is good to a point, husbands do have a huge responsibility towards their wives. However, I would have to disagree about participating in this forum and responding to a post from a male Muslim. I live in a small town of about 40,000 and there are very few Muslims here. Right or wrong, if I have the opportunity, I say "Assalamu alaikum" to any hijabi sister that I encounter. My intention is a word of encouragement to any sister brave enough to wear a hijab in USA. BTW we met a very dear family from Turkey this way. The brother and I would travel together about 35 miles for Ju'mmah and the sister was instrumental in my wife becoming a Muslimah.

edit
But this is just my personal view. The sister posted immediately below an answer better than mine.

[.:Umniyah:.]

:salamext:

It is best that these kinds of questions be answered with actual text, Quraan and Sunnah, proofs. Rather than what everyone feels, or thinks. Because Islam isnt based on what people think or feel, It is based on what the actuality of the situation is , in accordance to Islam rules and laws.

Usually by people stating their view , it causes conflicts and arguments, really for no reason. If you have the authentic proofs in accordance to Quraan wa Sunnah, then khalas no one can refute that, but anyone can ( and normally will) refute your view, or opinon.

Just a reminder InshaaAllah.

[Khayal]

:sl:


Sister, If your husband doesn't like for you to be on the net, Islamically, you should liston to him, not anyone else. This shows his care n love to you, ( Alhamdulilah!) NOT jealousy, or anything else. He doesn't want anybody to talk or even think about you....( I think.... :) )


:w:

[Abdul-Raouf]

:sl:

Some of them might not be appropriate... many of them depend on the context though, and your intention.

I wouldn't call most of those things cheating.:uuh:

Agreed.. But the fact is...

For ALLAH , HE looks the intention first.. the action is secondary....

But for the Human' eyes only the Actions speak...the Intentions are not visible to him... (Poor Human )

[.:Umniyah:.]

futhermore, In reply to the poster...Islam is based on facts and PROOFS! yes it is true that we are ordered to listen to our husband, however with what is in accordance to GOOD, and lawful things.

If he doesnt have proofs fromt he religion for what he is saying then that holds no place. He cant just tell you not to do something because he doesnt want you doing it, if Islam doesnt classify those things as 'cheating' then they arent cheating, simple.

[Khayal]

:sl:


One more thing...please don't listen unnecessary replies, JUST make your husband happy, his happiness ultimately yours ....... InshaAllah

to be honest, in all, everyone in the forum is na mehram, and talking to na mehram is haram... we can not justify any of this if we are doing so... :-\


:w:

[جوري]

you know sis, I think if he is letting you write this, he mustn't be too terribly concerned? I do know personally, that even though I will happily let my siblings read my posts here by the same token, I wouldn't want my dad to read some of my posts, even though I don't think their content is particularly objectionable, and I know he is a grown man has seen and heard it all, in a way I want to shelter him from --say other people's rude responses back to me, or from vile content in general (I think of him in the most refined manner) it is more to do with the reaction of others that I feel I psychologically cannot allow--though this forum is highly censored compared to others where I really let my anger show, I always want to maintain a certain propriety and decorum for him.. because he has presence and boundries that I don't wish to trangress--try for a second to think if it in terms of reversal of role.. you'd be surprised, that the reasons that drive us to behave or think a certian way are far deeper than what we patently admit to..
:w:

[nasima el ghazi]

I dnt remember where i read it,,but I did read where it said a women isnt suppose to talk to men other then family and i know for a fact it says for us to keep our eyes cast down. and no physical contact with anyone from the oppisite sex..my mother in law showed me this stuff when I was first married to help me understand the more stricter rules....and yes he has all my passwords and I have his,,,he says he goes by proof,,and he trust me more everyday,,he hasnt said I cant go to forums yet,,but he says,,if i ever see you being improper there will be actions taken,,(meaning he would prob leave me) he tells me the ball is in your hands,,,,,,,
I know he loves me very much.he just wants to protect me..Its just hard to adjust to the stricter rules because I was raised differently,,but he warned me about this b4 we married and I told him I could follow these rules...

[جوري]

Insha'allah you'll both work it out, where no one is handing another an ultimatum.. there is as mentioned in the Quran (mawada and ra7ma) between spouses as in tenderness and mercy and I pray you always find that with him insha'Allah
Ameen
:w:

[nasima el ghazi]

thankyou for saying something nice to me....I know im being silly,,and its not too much for him to ask this of me when he gives me so much in return,,,,ive never thought Id have so much love in my life as I have since I met my husband

[nasima el ghazi]

dont feel sorry for me........I think im very lucky to have my husband,,,he is a good man and a good muslim....

[Khayal]

thankyou for saying something nice to me....I know im being silly,,and its not too much for him to ask this of me when he gives me so much in return,,,,ive never thought Id have so much love in my life as I have since I met my husband

MashaAllah n say Alhamdulilah!!!



.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl: brothers and sisters.

i dont know if i would call it cheating, but i do agree with your husband.

[جوري]

thankyou for saying something nice to me....I know im being silly,,and its not too much for him to ask this of me when he gives me so much in return,,,,ive never thought Id have so much love in my life as I have since I met my husband

I didn't mean it to sound nice--I meant it from my heart...I wish you the very best insh'Allah...happiness, warmth..and above all mercy...
:w:

[syilla]

I think it is good to have a hubby that takes precaution before it is too late. :)

[nasima el ghazi]

yes im very lucky,,,,he is just doing his job

[islamirama]

:sl:


Sister, If your husband doesn't like for you to be on the net, Islamically, you should liston to him, not anyone else. This shows his care n love to you, ( Alhamdulilah!) NOT jealousy, or anything else. He doesn't want anybody to talk or even think about you....( I think.... :) )


:w:

:sl:

Good advice sis. We all have our opinions and many of us are too readily able to give them as if we are the experts in everything. At end of the day, it's these couple's marriage, relationship, and much more at stake. We can advise in light of Quran and sunnah and not merely give our opinions (which i see a lot in many forums). The sister can take the advice or not but should know that many here are single and not married nor qualified to professionally advice on marriage issues.

So what the sis says above carries weight, at the end it's betw. the couple and they must talk and communicate with each other openly to each an understanding in this partnership.

:sl:


One more thing...please don't listen unnecessary replies, JUST make your husband happy, his happiness ultimately yours ....... InshaAllah

to be honest, in all, everyone in the forum is na mehram, and talking to na mehram is haram... we can not justify any of this if we are doing so... :-\


:w:

:sl:

I would have to disagree with you on this one. We should be very careful to use the world "haraam" and "halaal" as only Allah has the authority to declare those things and unless we have read it in Islam, we can't be throwing those words around so lightly (which also lot of muslims do today).

Talking to non-mahram is not haraam nor against Islam. Islaam does not prohibit it but rather restricts it and provide guidelines with it. For example, talk to them (women) from behind a screen (barrier) so you don't look at them. Lower your gaze (both genders), have mahram present (girl side) or/and talk only when needed and out of necessity.

:salamext:

It is best that these kinds of questions be answered with actual text, Quraan and Sunnah, proofs. Rather than what everyone feels, or thinks. Because Islam isnt based on what people think or feel, It is based on what the actuality of the situation is , in accordance to Islam rules and laws.

Usually by people stating their view , it causes conflicts and arguments, really for no reason. If you have the authentic proofs in accordance to Quraan wa Sunnah, then khalas no one can refute that, but anyone can ( and normally will) refute your view, or opinon.

Just a reminder InshaaAllah.

Some advice from Sheikh Munajjid that can be applied to forums, Instant Messengers and other forms of tele-communications inshallah.

Advice to those who visit chat rooms

Men and women talking in chat rooms

Da’wah via private chat

Internet relationships