can feelings change....

[AnonymousPoster]

assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu


i was just wondering something.

If a brother and sister (before marriage, and its over now so lol its ok inshaAllah, im more practising now Alhamdulillah....) really deeply expressed their love for each other, they found every waking moment a pleasure just to be with each other. They would go to see each other just to see a seconds smile even if its a days journey to get there (no exagerration). They promised to marry each other if Allah wills, they were heart broken when forced apart, and 2 years have now passed.


If you were the brother/sister in this position, would you have gotten over it, or would you still want the brother/sister to propose to you?


BTW: the brothers practising, the girls doing everything to please her mother and praying five times a day but not completely properly wearing hijaab yet...


please let me know inshaAllah... i dont wanna make a fool out of myself :embarrass

[- Qatada -]

:wasalamex


They can change.. but they have to tell themselves to move on.. If you don't tell yourself to move on, then it's much more harder to change or move on at all.


So if you realise that it can't work anymore, then the only option is to tell yourself you have to. Even if you don't like it, because holding onto the past will give you false hopes, and these false hopes won't get you anywhere, they'll just continue making you more upset.



And Allaah knows best.

[AnonymousPoster]

:wasalamex


They can change.. but they have to tell themselves to move on.. If you don't tell yourself to move on, then it's much more harder to change or move on at all.


So if you realise that it can't work anymore, then the only option is to tell yourself you have to. Even if you don't like it, because holding onto the past will give you false hopes, and these false hopes won't get you anywhere, they'll just continue making you more upset.



And Allaah knows best.

jazakAllah khair for your reply dear brother

thats just the thing bro, it will work, both are of the same culture and everything you see. Both are perfect age and really like each other, the parents might even agree as only the father from one side is slightly unsure about it but he can be made to come around...


my main question is if the sister/brother has moved on then theres no point in going back to it, but i was wondering if a person can move on after going through such a state so quickly...

[AnonymousPoster]

This situation...when u were not practicing it seemed to u...the days/hours wud be difficult to spend without her.'love is blind' as they call it...this is the picture i see from ur past.

Mayb what has happened to u now....a will/sign from Allah(swt) to move on inshAllah...and learn to live a life..a way of fearing Allah(swt)...

As u sed..she does not wear hijab?..wots the reasons?.i apologize for dissing her...but hope she wears it for the right reasons...for Allah(swt) and not the will of u or her husband.will she accept u as wot u are now?

jus leave it to Allah(swt)..surely something good will come out...

look around..will ur family/mother approve her?..in ur heart and mind is she the 'one'?..Allahu Allaam..

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ... :)

:w:

[- Qatada -]

jazakAllah khair for your reply dear brother

thats just the thing bro, it will work, both are of the same culture and everything you see. Both are perfect age and really like each other, the parents might even agree as only the father from one side is slightly unsure about it but he can be made to come around...

It depends, if you think it can happen and it won't lead to more sin. Then that would be something good, but there are many cases that the girls family finds out, they get shocked how she could ever be upto something like that - then she gets humiliated by her family and gets a bad rep.

So being a guy can (due to culture) be easier, since he might not get that reputation or 'stain' compared to if a girl did.


Therefore seeing how the family would respond is something you need to look into, cuz in some cases - you never know what the response might be, and it might have a negative turn instead of the positive one you've always hoped for or dreamed of.

my main question is if the sister/brother has moved on then theres no point in going back to it, but i was wondering if a person can move on after going through such a state so quickly...

The issue isn't on moving too quickly, it's about the actually break. So if it breaks up, whether its a gradual thing or a slow thing, at the end of the day - you have to move on. I know it seems harsh, but thats the only option really.


So the moving on would then depend on how much interaction you have with others, if you were willing to move on, do you keep your mind occupied with other things etc.

If you can do this, it might be much more easier to move on - but always keep in mind that you should have Islamic surroundings, otherwise - having a heart break while having bad friends only leads to more evil. So always try to make good targets for yourself to keep your mind and heart busy.



Obviously this advice isn't all useful, it might be that the marriage can take place and the parents might be alright with that. So do istikharah before putting anything forward to the parents, Allaah will help you in your decision then insha Allaah.



And Allaah knows best.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ... :)

:w:

I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.

[AnonymousPoster]

but bro its really hard coz we see each other quite regularly... allahu a'lam

i cant see a good result from moving on because we will always encounter each other many times through out the year..

[Helena]

but bro its really hard coz we see each other quite regularly... allahu a'lam

i cant see a good result from moving on because we will always encounter each other many times through out the year..

wot advice are u after?..

let me ask u..do u want to end or mend this relationship?

the only solution...i see is...get married inshAllah..better to get over done with.If feelings still occurs for the person..if he/she is the one for u/ if ur mother will be happy with ur choice.

[AnonymousPoster]

I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.

lol this is the original thread creator


Alhamdulillah i think i understand islam quite abit now and if i was in your shoes i would probably let it go... wouldnt want to hurt my parents.








Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?

[AnonymousPoster]

you know what its ok lol

may Allah forgive me i feel silly, everyones different.

Even if you cant move on he/she probably has.




jazakAllah khair everyone, its ok, im just gonna move on i think (may Allah help me...)

[AnonymousPoster]

I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me.

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.

:sl:

Ok, wait for my reply, I have to go right now, later I'll reply in full

:w:

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


lol ma bad..

Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?

It depends if it was your or there first time init. If it was their first time, then it's likely that they haven't moved on.


If the person has somehow moved on, but they haven't been with anyone else. Then it's likely that they would still be happy to get back 'together again.' Since that was one of the greatest experiences they tasted in life, probably.



Sorry if i never said the right thing again. And Allaah knows best.

[AnonymousPoster]

^ yeah bro its...first for both so.... and special for sure

[Maidah]

Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?[/QUOTE]



I can understand what you're talking about, and to answer your question beleive me it's very possible to move on from such a state even worse. The reason is not that two ppl stop loving each other or that you 4get all that you have been together, but somethings are not meant to be, no matter how sweet and perfect they look it's not just the thing 4 u. We may think that our life will be complete with them but we only think from our perspective. Love is something that never ends but compulsions tend to put a stop to it. When two ppl have been through so much and still don't end up together then the best thing is to move on, what's the point in dwelling on the past, cuz in that way you may not be able to appreciate what you have right now or what you may loose in the future.

And as for proposing, why should it make any difference wether the other person has moved on or not, if you still truly love him/her than you should propose, your love can't merely end because someone has moved on.

Sometimes what we want to express is right but the time is wrong. If life gives you another oppertunity to amend that then this may be the correct time.

[AnonymousPoster]

I agree upon ur view. If i have feelings for the person/same he has for me. Then i'll leave it too Allah(swt) and wait for it too happen inshAllah. Then i ask myself how wud he know, that i feel for him and also how wud i knw if he has the same feeling for me.

wow Sis, this is a one sided feeling, I can't say anything about this, bcz maybe this brother already likes someone else..:-\

Then i look around, his family background is not suitable for my parents but his knowledge and actions that make him pious and pure. plus his younger than me. ..... I don't think it matters that he is a little younger than you..:ooh:

Its jus confusing!

I am not the original creator for the thread. I am also looking for answers.

:sl:

Sister i don't know what to say....hmmmmmm to be honest, if i were in your situation, i would tell everything to my parents, bcz parents always think of the best for their children.... i always consider their advice... :)
i would tell them my feelings about this brother, and i would want them ( my parents) to proceed through the brother's parents...not only through the brother, bcz ultimatly i would live not only with him but with all of his family. if they are not happy, then, alone, we can't be happy....... so please consider the permission of his parents, too, which is very important for the happiness of your marriage.....

AND of course i will pray to Allah SWT, if this brother is the best for me, then make everything easy for me, IF NOT, then keep him away from me from my heart and thoughts...... thats all...

[Ummu Sufyaan]

lol this is the original thread creator


Alhamdulillah i think i understand islam quite abit now and if i was in your shoes i would probably let it go... wouldnt want to hurt my parents.








Most people seem to have missed my main question..



Question: If that was you who had those strong feelings... would you be able to move on? Because i dont want to propose to someone whos moved on already...?

hmm.. yeah if i had no choice but to move on, i would move on, i probably would be still thinking about it, and probably abit depressed about it, but like i said i would get on with life. im not sure how long it would take me to get over it. maybe when the next decent guy comes along, (thats sound abut weird i know), it probably depend on ho deep my feeling were. i do agree with brother Qatada's first post aswell. i also agree with this comment aswell, "I think if i were in your place and he was practicing, then I would definitely want him to propose, why not??

Just to make sure, make istekhara first, InshaAllah ..."

but i advice the sister to stop practising to please her parents, and start practicing to please Allah, before she proposes/enters marriage (or even if that wasn't the case).
allah know best

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

Sister i don't know what to say....hmmmmmm to be honest, if i were in your situation, i would tell everything to my parents, bcz parents always think of the best for their children.... i always consider their advice... :)
i would tell them my feelings about this brother, and i would want them ( my parents) to proceed through the brother's parents...not only through the brother, bcz ultimatly i would live not only with him but with all of his family. if they are not happy, then, alone, we can't be happy....... so please consider the permission of his parents, too, which is very important for the happiness of your marriage.....

AND of course i will pray to Allah SWT, if this brother is the best for me, then make everything easy for me, IF NOT, then keep him away from me from my heart and thoughts...... thats all...

jazakhallahu kairan. My brother is aware of him. We kinda discussed with my mum about this, basically his family background. My mum or other family members do not approve where his from back home. At the end it dsnt matter where a person is from, islamically its wrong to think like that.

I guess its best to move on right? To get this person out of ur mind and heart. But then its difficult, but on the other hand it can happen inshAllah.

Thats the thing, i'd rather not say it to my parents. It wud've been more preferable if he came with the proposal. But it is very unlikely.

So its better to move on and hope Allah(swt) makes it easier for us inshAllah.

[Malaikah]

:sl:

sis, I don't think we can help you much:). It doesn't matter if we would move on or not... some of us might, some of us might not... what matters is if he has moved on yet... I guess that is what you really need to know isn't it?

[AnonymousPoster]

^ lol yeah...

[syilla]

Some loves do last forever...

One time, the wives of the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) sent a complaint against A'isha (radi Allahu anhu) through their envoy Fatima (radi

Allahu anhu.) They wondered why he loved her so much. When A'isha related the hadith, she said that Fatima entered the room when the Prophet and A'isha were lying together. Fatima complained and then the Prophet? said, "They're asking you to be the daughter of Ibn abi kuhaafa." A'isha (r.a.) just stayed quiet. Then the Prophet asked, "Don't you love what I love?" and Fatima replied, "Yes." So he said, "Then just love her." - (Muslim)

We can't stop and force to love someone. And we can't force or tell people to stop remembering the ones that he/she loves.

Bareerah was a female slave and A'isha was interested in buying her. She was married to Mugheer, and Ai'sha freed her (they were married in slavery); a free woman cannot marry a slave man, so after she became free, she had the choice to keep this marriage or to ask for the dissolvent of the marriage. She said, "Alhamdulillah, I'm tired of this marriage, I'm going to get out." Mugheer loved her so much, sincerely and honestly. After she left him, he couldn't take it, so he went in public weeping, chasing her, asking her "Ya Bareera just look at me or talk to me." He went to sahaba and said, "Please talk to her for me (to Abu Bakr and Umar and at the end, even to the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wassalam) to ask him to intercede. So Prophet (peace be upon him) (as the mercy for mankind) felt sorry for him, and he said he'd do it. When he went to Bareerah, she asked, "Are you commanding me or are you just interceding?" The Prophet said, "I'm interceding." She replied, "If this is the case, then I don't want him", and since all else failed, he spent his life chasing after her and crying for her.

What to gain from the hadith:

Excessive love sometimes causes the forgetfulness of shyness. Just like in his example, he could not hide his love for Bareerah, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) didn't chastise him for it (becuse it wasn't in his hands.) He wouldn't have been chastised for it unless he totally crossed the limits. Imam Ibn Hajr said that it is permissible if it's out of someone's hands. If a man is engaged to a lady and the family decides to break off their engagement, he may get really frustrated, and out of excessive love for her, he may act out. We can't do much for that person, so it's okay. In the story above, Mugeeth even went to the extent that he asked the Prohet to intercede for him. Mugheeth loved her so much that the Prophet didn't deny that love, and he didn't say, "You can't because she's not your wife anymore."

*Love is a secret and it's an amazing secret from Allah (Subhanaw wa Ta'Ala!)*

source

[AnonymousPoster]

^ jazakAllahu khair sis syilla


i understand now, theres no way to tell unless you actually try.


ok now for the islamic point of view, shud i ask her/him how he/she feels first or approach my parents to find out how he/she feels? :?



everyone please make dua :statisfie:

[Helena]

i guess u have certainly made the right choice.

erm ask ur parents first...as they ur first priority...to check whether this can go further or not...

perhaps ask ur bro/sis to find out how the sis/bro feels about you...are they ready to be in this commitment or not..

and in the mean time we will make dua for u inshAllah....and u DO the same inshAllah..

..hope it goes well for you inshAllah...:D ...this is exciting....hope to hear the result inshAllah...:D

[AnonymousPoster]

^ jazakAllah khair,

gnna do the 7 day istikhara thing before i do nething tho.


jazakAllah for the dua'

[Tania]

I can't understand this. If 2 persons are understanding well each other, why they don't get married :? They are waiting for what :? To have a good marriage you have to wait how long :(

[- Qatada -]

I can't understand this. If 2 persons are understanding well each other, why they don't get married :? They are waiting for what :? To have a good marriage you have to wait how long :(

Islamically they can be with each other [if the marriage contract is done] at the age of puberty, it's just due to culture that people have made it so complicated. And Allaah knows best.

[AnonymousPoster]

just wanted to ask that you keep making dua 4 us inshaAllah... i really hope this goes thru... may Allah have mercy on us inshaAllah

[------]

:salamext:

Inshaa Allaah brother, everything will work out for the best :thumbs_up

[Khayal]

:salamext:

Inshaa Allaah brother, everything will work out for the best :thumbs_up

:sl:

I thought she was a Sister...:uuh:

[AnonymousPoster]

it doesnt matter lol

although im sick of this now, i just want to go jihaad now lol

[jzcasejz]

^ InshaAllaah!!! :D:D

[------]

:salamext:

Yeh bro thats relli kool....but when u fight against ur nafs (desires) - Jihaad Un Nafs - Thats just totalli wiked if u can do that :)

[jzcasejz]

Wait hold on...are we talking Jihaad un-Nafs? If so then good. If the battlefield Jihaad then double-good. :):D

[Sunni Student]

If the battlefield Jihaad then double-good. :):D

Yeh all good as long as your perception of Jihad is not attacking civilians!

[Sunni Student]

If you were the brother/sister in this position, would you have gotten over it, or would you still want the brother/sister to propose to you?

Wa'alaykum Assalam

If you don't communicate your feelings with this Brother/Sister you might live to regret it for a long time, so you should do so, through the permitted forms, such as meet him/her in the presence of a mahram.

Even if he/she doesn't feel the same way, at least you will know it was not supposed to be!

[jzcasejz]

Yeh all good as long as your perception of Jihad is not attacking civilians!

No that's the western distorted perception. My one's a clean understanding Alhamdulillaah. :)

[tryinghard]

Assalamu alaikum,

I don't think you would be doing anything haraam by proposing to her, because you want to legitimize the relationship. But, you should talk to her first, and then her parents if she agrees. However, people do change in two years. So, if for some reason, she's not the person she once was, then you know it's time to move on. And Allah knows best.