Is it my fault? please reply!

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I feel extremely down! Tonight I went out with my family, uncle and cousins and also two family members, dinner was ok until the family friend who i dont know even know really started making jokes,,,
at my expenses he is known as a joker but i felt that everyone was laughing at me not with me,

I also dont speak my language well as I was raised in a different country and could understand what he was saying but couldnt reply,

I was so upset and I am one of those people that cant hide their emotions so i stood up and walked away,now my family thinks I cant take jokes
And that I am over the top i wish i had the strenght to sit there and just try to laugh it off as i did at the beginning but i was too embaressed. i DIDNT wanna cry right there it be worse

Now my cousins are being weird with me, and to make things worse one of them told my sister i am dull loud enough so i could hear imsad

Ya Allah I wish i wasnt such a sensitive cry baby:cry:
I wish I could hide my emotions, not only did I make a fool of myself but now this man is gonna spread negative things about me:cry: PLEASE REPLY:w:

[Yanal]

:sl: :sl:
Well first of all a few questions
1)Do you pray?
2)Do your cousins pray?
3)does your sister pray?
please answer these questions

And just pray to allah(Swt) that everything will be fine and just ignore them and don't say anything or else your angel of bad deeds will record it and by the way don't feel alone think that allah(swt) is going to help you and if not he and his angels noticed what happened that night best wishes and may allah(Swt) help you Ameen:w: :w:

[Intisar]

:w:

I can totally relate with you. I'm exactly like you, I've grown up in the West and have a great understanding of my language but when it comes to having a conversation I'm indeed at a loss for words..literally. When my family starts making jokes about me I laugh it off. I'm a totally sensitive person like you and my advice is to not think about it, the incident is over. Secondly, they will just keep on piling on the bad deeds and it's their loss because honestly making rude jokes at your expense is nothing short of ignorant. Like I said before, don't think about it because it's obvious that it will make you cry just doing so.

:sl:

[Skillganon]

I think it is bad making Jokes at the expense of someone especially in the present of someone:

Question:
What are the conditions for joking to be permissible?

Click: Answers

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[جوري]

There is nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve.. we are not all made in the same pot extra crispy as to develop a thick hide in which to cower from criticism-- from your post I can tell you are very young... I remember when I was 8 I asked my aunt to write me something in my diary and she just handed it to me, and I was very hurt, it is all I can to keep my lips from quivering in front of every one... I felt rejected somehow... I took it as there was something wrong with me... which is a very uni-dimensional way of looking at it... of course when one is that young one is very ego centered...
Anyhow, I won't tell you to think about it from someone else's perspective, but will ask you this much, just try to handle the things that you have a grip on... your responses and the way you interact with others.. what I mean by that, is try to find an effective mean communicating your feelings to others... You can't control someone from being a jerk and by no means am I implying that any of your family members are.. but in life, you WILL meet with plenty of unpleasant people, who will hurt you one way or another-- DON'T hand yourself over to them by letting them control your affect.. that conscious subjective aspect of your feelings are yours and under YOUR control so take charge of it...
:w:

[Malaikah]

:sl:

Yeh, I'm a sensitive cry baby too... oh well, what can you do... some people are just like that. :-\

[Aisha!]

well its not your faulth then

[Ummah]

Asalaamualaikum

aww thats so cruel!!

Sis i know what u mean, when i was younger i was exactly the same. i come from a family full of practical jokers. About 7 years ago my mum went to Pakistan and she told her family i speak urdu really well. (which i do ok! lol!) but when i got there, just because i didnt have the same ACCENT as my cousins, they joked about me soooo much and i just couldnt take it. I stopped making conversation in fear of them laughing at me, and couldnt enjoy my holiday at all!
"One day i just snapped and said, atleats in Pakistan you all go to english schools and learn english. In the UK its not always an option to learn urdu, u rely on ur parents. so think about your own english skills before you laugh at me"
and ohhhh myyyy goshhhhhh did i feel bad, i wish i coud have put the words back into my mouth! Everyone thought i was such a sour grape after that!!
As soon as i said it i realised they were only being light hearted and trying to break the ice with me but i couldnt see that before because i was being overly sensitive!

So i guess what i learnt from that was, Even if they are islamically wrong for making fun at another person's expense, that doesnt give me the right to stoop to their levels.

After they stop their joking around its better to take them to one side and explain nicely to them that you're not finding it funny. im sure if they care for you they will tone it down. So nowadays im alot more laid back. i get the mick taken out of me left right and centre, but ive learnt not to take it so personally, coz when i look around me, they do it to everyone else too.. and that makes me feel better, coz i see that everyone else is laid back about it. that way feelings dont get hurt.

Also it means that you have a cooler head, so you can handle the situation much better if their jokes are getting bad-mannerd, so you can take them to one side without giving them the opportunity to see you vexed and laugh at you even more (because usually all they want is to see you get vexed/annoyed)

[fahmeena]

Salam Sweety,

I have been through what you are going through so many times. These are the situations that make us tough, patient and tolerate as we grow into becoming better women of Islam.

My sister is 13 and she is the exact same way. One thing to keep in mind though that this is your family. There is nothing to be embarrased about in front of them. No matter what you do, they will all love you indefinitely. As to the friend that was making fun of you, you should seriously consider letting them know how you feel. if you dont then this will continue on because they dont know any better.

I would also suggest to take it easy. For example, if someone is making jokes about you, then you should add your two cents into it too. Not only will you feel more comfortable with that kind of talk but people around you will also percieve you as an easy going, laid back person.

Example:
Uncle: I remember when Asma was 5 years old, she used to come by me and take some food from my plate and on and on and on
Your response if you remember: Yeah i remember doing that, i also used to eat it and leave the bones in your plate.

Keep in mind you were only 5 years old so you were already expected to do these kinds of things in that age. If you add your own stories without being embarassed, then people will laugh with you.

I would definitely not suggest making jokes about others because you never know how they would feel if you do that to them. There wouldnt be any difference between you and your uncle if you did.

Hope this helps. Just pray to Allah (SWT) to give you more patience and tolerance and a way to cope with these kinds of remarks in the future. :)

[Ebtisweetsam]

Ive been through the same thing.... till today (31 yrs old), i get comments about my poor arabic skills.... but im older and wiser now and dont get affected anymore..... but you learn from these comments, trust me.

U know what? My kids arent allowed to speak English at home. Period. I dont want them to come out like me..... and now my grade four daughter is in Arabic class Grade 5! She knows better arabic reading and writing than me!

Sometimes the hurtful comments are the ones that teach you in life.

[Neelam92]

OMG im like u too
i have been in that situation sis just pray and inshAllah it will be fine
but normally when someone makes jokes of me i feel as tho my heart has shrunk like yesterday anyway that doesnt matter...

just ignore them, and inshAllah sis it will pass by as days r gtting faster

take care

[leader]

its nt ur fault

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
SUBxana Allah what can i say jazakallahkhair for replying i real all your replies twice;D Is nice to feel that i am not some kind of over the top cry baby lol may Allah swt reward you in this dunya and the akhira WASALAM