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WomanOfJihad
02-03-2005, 07:30 PM
:sl:

SALAM DIVERSITY

sum1 sent me a link..thought id share it in here...
:w:
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WomanOfJihad
02-03-2005, 08:13 PM
:sl:

errrr.. the guys name is Azhar Usman it says . :-s
never heard of this guy before but its Hillarious..

:w:
Reply

Brother_Mujahid
02-03-2005, 08:13 PM
:confused: was that a woman audience, coz i could definetly hear women laughing......... and clapping ???

was still funny though
Reply

Khaldun
02-05-2005, 12:01 AM
:sl:

lol i was looking for that! jazzakAllah Khair sister
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Khaldun
02-05-2005, 12:04 AM
:sl:

although i must add the sunnah aint been followed probably...amazing though his fluency in lagnuages
Reply

Uma Rayanah
02-05-2005, 05:55 PM
Aslamuu Alikum


daaa was soooo fuunnnyyy. made da whole famliy laugh..

jazaaki allahu khiraah

dat funnest one is da last one viv pakisanty....


i wander how the somalin salaam...
Reply

WomanOfJihad
02-05-2005, 07:13 PM
:sl:

lol.. ye .. its just Hillarious ..the funny one was the Latino lol..

as for Somalian sAlam.y dnt u Sis in Islam make 1 up ;)
:w:
Reply

Uma Rayanah
02-05-2005, 07:24 PM
Originally Posted by WomanOfJihad
:sl:


as for Somalian sAlam.y dnt u Sis in Islam make 1 up ;)
:w:

i will soon inshallah.... Warya waan ku salaamii..lol no such thing called asalmauu alikum..lol

anyhow sis .. is dis da site..

Haqaonline.com

correct me if i'm wrong,.,,
Reply

Uma Rayanah
02-07-2005, 08:13 PM
Infact da otherz are funny 2..
Reply

.::aBDI::.
02-10-2005, 02:26 PM
The site is blocked here...dym I miss that
Reply

Uma Rayanah
02-11-2005, 11:08 AM
Originally Posted by .::aBDI::.
The site is blocked here...dym I miss that

LOL... U DID MISSED IT INDEEEDDDD.... :p
Reply

h1jabi_sista
02-17-2005, 06:49 PM
lolz jazakallah sista for sharing that with us, the pakistani one was hilarious!! :lol:
Reply

WomanOfJihad
02-17-2005, 09:30 PM
:sl:

ROFLLLLLL .. Tell me about it sis ..

:w:
Reply

h1jabi_sista
02-18-2005, 11:35 AM
its funny how he got it spot on! :p
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TEH
07-22-2005, 03:52 PM
www.maniacmuslim.com

absolutely fantastic...

:D
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Muezzin
07-22-2005, 03:55 PM
I know :D That site is classic!

A great Muslim comedian is Azhar Usman - guy absolutely cracks me up.
Reply

TEH
07-22-2005, 03:59 PM
Azhar Usman, what a legend...

:D
Reply

Muezzin
07-22-2005, 04:01 PM
'After 9/11, people told me to go back to where I came from. I'M FROM MINNESOTA MAN!'

:D
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Ummu Amatullah
08-06-2005, 03:46 AM
:sl:
Any thing bad about Minnesota?Maybe I spoke to soon.I could name millions of things wrong this this trash hole.Think sis Bedriyo already called it a trash hole.Well, let me add to it.Not really up with the funniest comedians or any thing so would any of you guys fill in the blanks please with cherry on top.
:w:
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Muezzin
08-06-2005, 05:37 PM
:sl:

I don't see where Minnesota really came into the conversation seeing as it was just one of Brother Azhar Usman's punchlines, but okay.

The Islamic Comedy Awards

With me, your host.... LEEEEEES DEEEEENIS

I mean... MUEZZZZZIN

Best Male Muslim Comedian: Azhar Usman

And our survey says.... 'EHNT!'. Oh, sorry it's broken. 'BING BING BING!' Nope, it's all right now!

Best Female Muslim Comedian: Shazia Mirza

'People ask me why I walk five paces behind my husband. He looks better from behind.'

:D
Reply

Muezzin
08-06-2005, 05:48 PM
:sl:

Translation: Azhar Usman is easily the best male Muslim stand-up comic I've seen. Guy absolutely cracks me up.

Shazia Mirza is very funny too, in a much dryer sense (hence her classic 'five paces' joke).

:w:
Reply

someone
08-06-2005, 09:06 PM
Hamzah (maniac Muslim) is really funny.

Where can I find Azhar Usman jokes?
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
08-06-2005, 09:13 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
:sl:

I don't see where Minnesota really came into the conversation seeing as it was just one of Brother Azhar Usman's punchlines, but okay.
:sl:
sorry bro guess I read wrong.Inshallah i'll take a look into Shazia Mirza.Don't know much about her and like her already. ;D lady
:w:
Reply

Uthman
08-06-2005, 09:25 PM
:sl:

I like Azhar Usman's standup comedy too. :) He's really funny.

:w:
Reply

- Qatada -
08-06-2005, 10:01 PM
Asalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.

if any bro's or sisters want the azhar usman comedy please ask and insh Allah i can forward it to them by e-mail. jazak Allah bro far7an for giving me the cd.. if anyone needs it please ask jazak Allah khayr. (just make sure u got a fast connection - broadband/dsl/cable etc.)

walaikum asalam warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
Reply

S_87
08-07-2005, 12:32 AM
:sl:
you can listen to some azhar comedy via www.haqaonline.com :)
Reply

idris patel
08-07-2005, 02:34 AM
:sl: my dear brothers and sisters.

Allah (SWT) knows best!!

I'm afraid I would have to disagree. May Allah (SWT) forgive us. Jokes (even if it is light humour) directed at Islam or Muslims are totally unacceptable. The religion of Islam has been perfected by Allah (SWT) and its teachings were beautifully exemplified by our beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW).

Islam is a religion which requires total submission to the will of Allah the Almighty. A muslim is to supposedly represent Islam. As muslims we are weak in our faith and unfortunately Islam is judged on our actions.

Through dawah we should highlight our weaknesses and seek to implement solutions. By making a mockery of our weaknesses - not only we as muslims are having a laugh - but unfortunately we are being laughed at by the non-muslims who we should be inviting towards the truth through love, invatation and most of all , example.

:w:

May Allah (SWT) guide us.

Aameen.
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
08-07-2005, 03:44 AM
:sl:
:brother: Aqib thanks for your help.Really could've used a little lightening up. ;)
:w:
Reply

Muezzin
08-07-2005, 12:59 PM
Originally Posted by idris patel
:sl: my dear brothers and sisters.

Allah (SWT) knows best!!

I'm afraid I would have to disagree. May Allah (SWT) forgive us. Jokes (even if it is light humour) directed at Islam or Muslims are totally unacceptable. The religion of Islam has been perfected by Allah (SWT) and its teachings were beautifully exemplified by our beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW).

Islam is a religion which requires total submission to the will of Allah the Almighty. A muslim is to supposedly represent Islam. As muslims we are weak in our faith and unfortunately Islam is judged on our actions.

Through dawah we should highlight our weaknesses and seek to implement solutions. By making a mockery of our weaknesses - not only we as muslims are having a laugh - but unfortunately we are being laughed at by the non-muslims who we should be inviting towards the truth through love, invatation and most of all , example.

:w:

May Allah (SWT) guide us.

Aameen.
:sl:

Brother Idris, you have a very good point, but these standup comics aren't necessarily making a mockery out of Islam. They are making a mockery out of the weaknesses of us as people, but surely that's what comedy is. Besides, I really couldn't care less if non-muslims laugh at us - I've had enough laughs at their expense :p

Also, there's nothing wrong with a good dose of self-parody to lighten the mood. Most of these comics are very careful not to venture into 'taboo' subjects (i.e. not mocking the religion, but certain followers who are a bit, shall we say, confused). Look at the legion of legendary black comedians. Africans have been through hell in this world, and if they can laugh at themeselves, I'm sure we, the blessed Ummah, can laugh at ourselves too. :)

:w:
Reply

someone
08-07-2005, 08:17 PM
Assalaamu alaykum,

I'm listening to Azher Usman...he's too funny!!

I love this bit..

he goes...some ppl say.."as soon as you finsih pray your namaz, close your musalah, if you don't close your musalah right away, shaitaan will pray namaz..."

Azher says..."let the brother pray, man, if theres anybody that needs to pray it's brother iblees, that guy's got some big problem"

Ha Ha...
Reply

- Qatada -
08-07-2005, 08:29 PM
Originally Posted by someone
Assalaamu alaykum,

I'm listening to Azher Usman...he's too funny!!

I love this bit..

he goes...some ppl say.."as soon as you finsih pray your namaz, close your musalah, if you don't close your musalah right away, shaitaan will pray namaz..."

Azher says..."let the brother pray, man, if theres anybody that needs to pray it's brother iblees, that guy's got some big problem"

Ha Ha...

walaikum asalam warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.

yeh thas ma best part 2 lol.

wasalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
Reply

someone
08-07-2005, 08:55 PM
Ha Ha...thanks akhi!!! I owe you one!!!
Reply

- Qatada -
08-07-2005, 09:00 PM
Asalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh

nah jus pray for all of us muslims and that we can all go jannah insh Allah..

wasalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..
Reply

Zuko
08-13-2005, 12:05 AM
Originally Posted by idris patel
:sl: my dear brothers and sisters.

Allah (SWT) knows best!!

I'm afraid I would have to disagree. May Allah (SWT) forgive us. Jokes (even if it is light humour) directed at Islam or Muslims are totally unacceptable. The religion of Islam has been perfected by Allah (SWT) and its teachings were beautifully exemplified by our beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW).

Islam is a religion which requires total submission to the will of Allah the Almighty. A muslim is to supposedly represent Islam. As muslims we are weak in our faith and unfortunately Islam is judged on our actions.

Through dawah we should highlight our weaknesses and seek to implement solutions. By making a mockery of our weaknesses - not only we as muslims are having a laugh - but unfortunately we are being laughed at by the non-muslims who we should be inviting towards the truth through love, invatation and most of all , example.

:w:

May Allah (SWT) guide us.

Aameen.
:sl:

I disagree with you brother.. Perhaps this can help clarify joking in Islam:

An-Nuayman ibn Amr

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In spite of the fact that he fought in the battles of Badr, Uhud, Khandaq and other major encounters, an-Nuayman remained a light-hearted person who was quick at repartee and who loved to play practical jokes on others.

He belonged to the Banu an-Najjar of Madinah and he was among the early Muslims of the city. He was one of those who pledged allegiance to the Prophet at the Second Pledge of Aqabah. He established links with the Quraysh when he married the sister of Abdur Rahman ibn Awl and later Umm Kulthum the daughter of Uqbah ibn Mu'ayt. She had obtained a divorce from her husband az-Zubayr ibn al-Awwam on account of his harshness and severity.

Unfortunately for a time an-Nuayman became addicted to alcohol. He was caught drinking and the Prophet had him flogged. He was caught a second time and then he had him flogged again. Because he still did not give up the habit, the Prophet ordered that he be flogged with shoes. When all this did not persuade him to stop drinking, the Prophet finally said: "If he goes back (to drinking) then kill him."

This was a severe Pronouncement and Umayr, one of the companions of the Prophet, understood from it that should he return to the drinking of alcohol, an-Nuayman would go outside the pale of Islam and deserve death. Umayr gave vent to his anger and disgust by saying: "La 'nat Allah alayhi - may God's curse be on him."

The Prophet heard Umayr's imprecation and said: "No, no, don't do (such a thing). Indeed he loves God and His Apostle. The major sin (as this) does not put one outside the community and the mercy of God is close to the believers."

While being firm, the Prophet still held out hope for an-Nuayman's reform especially on account of his past sacrifices as a veteran of Badr. Because he was not someone who went out of his way to conceal his actions, it was easier for him to acknowledge his crimes and repent and seek forgiveness from God. This he did and he won the favor of the Prophet and his companions who enjoyed his pleasantries and his infectious laughter.

Once an-Nuayman went to the suq and saw some food being sold which appeared to be tasty and delightful. He ordered some and sent it to the Prophet as if it were a gift from him. The Prophet was delighted with the food and he and his family ate of it. The vendor of the food then came to an-Nuayman to collect the price of it and an-Nuayman said to him: "Go to the Messenger of God it was for him. He and his family ate it."

The vendor went to the Prophet who in turn asked an-Nuayman: "Didn't you give it to me?" "Yes," said an-Nuayman. "I thought you would like it and I wanted you to eat some of it so I had it presented to you. But I don't have any dirhams to pay the vendor for it. So, pay, O Messenger of God!"

The Prophet had a good laugh and so did his companions. The laugh was at his expense, literally, for he had to pay the price of the unsolicited gift. An-Nuayman felt that two benefits came out of the incident: the Prophet and his family ate food that they enjoyed and the Muslims had a good laugh.

Once Abu Bakr and some companions went on a trading expedition to Busra. Various people on the trip were given fixed duties. Suwaybit ibn Harmalah was made responsible for food and provisions. An-Nuayman was one of the group and on the way he became hungry and asked Suwaybit for some food. Suwaybit refused and an-Nuayman said to him:

"Do you know what I would yet do with you?" and went on to warn and threaten him but still Suwaybit refused. An-Nuayman then went to a group of Arabs in the suq and said to them: "Would you like to have a strong and sturdy slave whom I can sell to you." They said yes and an-Nuayman went on: "He has got a ready tongue and is very articulate. He would resist you and say: 'I am free.' But don't listen

to him"

The men paid the price of the slave - ten qala'is (pieces of gold) and an-Nuayman accepted it and appeared to complete the transaction with business-like efficiency. The buyers accompanied him to fetch theft purchase. Pointing to Suwaybit, he said: "This is the slave whom I sold to you."

The men took hold of Suwaybit and he shouted for dear life and freedom. "I am free. I am Suwaybit ibn Harmalah..."

But they paid no attention to him and dragged him off by the neck as they would have done with any slave.

All the while, an-Nuayman did not laugh or batter an eyelid. He remained completely calm and serious while Suwaybit continued to protest bitterly. Suwaybit's fellow travellers, realizing what was happening, rushed to fetch Abu Bakr, the leader of the caravan, who came running as fast as he could. He explained to the purchasers what had happened and so they released Suwaybit and had their money returned. Abu Bakr then laughed heartily and so did Suwaybit and an-Nuayman. Back in Madinah, when the episode was recounted to the Prophet and his companions, they all laughed even more.

A man once came to the Prophet on a delegation and tethered his camel at the door of the Masjid. The Sahabah noticed that the camel had a large fat hump and their appetite for succulent tasty meat was stimulated. They turned to Nuayman and asked: "Would you deal with this camel?"

An-Nuayman understood what they meant. He got up and slaughtered the camel. The nomad Arab came out and realized what had happened when he saw people grilling, sharing out and eating meat. He shouted in distress: "Waa 'aqraah! Waa Naqataah! (O my camel!)"

The Prophet heard the commotion and came out. He learnt from the Sahabah what had happened and began searching for an-Nuayman but did not find him. Afraid of being blamed and punished, an-Nuayman had fled. The Prophet then followed his footprints. These led to a garden belonging to Danbaah the daughter of az-Zubayr, a cousin of the Prophet. He asked the companions where an-Nuayman was. Pointing to a nearby ditch, they said loudly so as not to alert an-Nuayman: "We haven't found him, O Messenger of God." An-Nuayman was found in the ditch covered with palm branches and leaves and emerged with dirt on his head, beard and face. He stood in the presence of the Prophet who took him by the head and dusted the dirt from his face while he chuckled with laughter. The companions joined in the mirth. The Prophet paid the price of the camel to its owner and they all joined in the feast.

The Prophet obviously regarded an-Nuayman's pranks for what they were light-hearted sallies that were meant to create some relief and laughter. The religion of Islam does not require people to disdain seemly laughter and levity and remain perpetually gloomy. An appropriate sense of humor is often a saving grace.

An-Nuayman lived on after the Prophet and continued to enjoy the affection of Muslims. But did he put an end to his laughter? During the caliphate of Uthman, a group of Sahabah were sitting in the Masjid. They saw Makhramah ibn Nawfal, an old man who was about one hundred and fifteen years old and obviously rather senile. He was related to the sister of Abdur-Rahman ibn Awl, who was a wife of an-Nuayman.

Makhramah was blind. He was so weak that he could hardly move from his place in the Masjid. He got up to urinate and might have done so in the Masjid. But the companions shouted at him to prevent him from doing so.. An-Nuayman got up and went to take him to another place, as he was instructed. What is this other place that an-Nuayman took him to? In fact he took him only a short distance away from where he was sitting at first and sat him down.

The place was still in the Masjid!

People shouted at Makhramah and made him get up again all in a frenzy. The poor old man was distressed and said: "Who has done this?" "An-Nuayman ibn Amr," he was told.

The old man swore and announced that he would bash an-Nuayman on the head with his stick if he should meet him.

An-Nuayman left and returned. He was up to some prank of his again. He saw Uthman ibn Allan, the Amir al-Muminim, performing Salat in the Masjid. Uthman was never distracted when he stood for Prayer. An-Nuayman also saw Makhramah. He went up to him and in a changed voice said: "Do you want to get at an-Nuayman?"

The old man remembered what an-Nuayman had done. He remembered his vow and shouted: "Yes, where is he?" An-Nuayman took him by the hand and led him to the place where the Khalifah Uthman stood and said to him: "Here he is!"

The old man raised his staff and bashed the head of

Uthman. Blood flowed and the people shouted: "It's the Amir al-Muminin!"

The dragged Makhramah away and some people set out to get an-Nuayman but Uthman restrained them and asked them to leave him alone. In spite of the blows he had suffered, he was still able to laugh at the deeds of an-Nuayman.

An-Nuayman lived up to the time of Muawiyah when fitnah saddened him and discord filled him with anguish. He lost his levity and laughed no more.

:w:
Reply

Zuko
08-13-2005, 02:29 PM
Originally Posted by someone
Assalaamu alaykum,

I'm listening to Azher Usman...he's too funny!!

I love this bit..

he goes...some ppl say.."as soon as you finsih pray your namaz, close your musalah, if you don't close your musalah right away, shaitaan will pray namaz..."

Azher says..."let the brother pray, man, if theres anybody that needs to pray it's brother iblees, that guy's got some big problem"

Ha Ha...
Salaam,

you guys neeeeed to see this clip:

http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/redir?s...%2520Doggs.mp3

its hilarious, these are my fav:



Azhar Usman:

"Cat Stevens, he's a pretty cool cat..."
"No man he is Cat brother, Cat Stevens!"

Azhar says: "Man I'm just waitin' for Snoop Digg to convert so we can have both cat and dog! And the uncles will say: "Islam is the fastest growing religion in the Animal Kingdom! Cats and Dogs become Muslim... Just you think it, first have snoop doggy doggy and then have Scooby Doo!"

Snoop Dogg would become the most sought after speaker, even Sheikh Abdul would run him against the wall:

"Insha'allah we will have a speech from brother Snooby. Brother Snooby ya'ni he was a snoob doggy doggy! Ya'ni he was a kalb! Masha'allah he went from a kalb, now he is Muslim! We should make du'a that Allah makes George Bush muslim, because he is also a dog! Ya akhi kalb, brother Snooby..."

Snoop Dogg: "Asalaamalizzle. I decided to become a muslizzle foe schizzle..." (LOL:shade: ;D I should try that)

Azhar:

Can you imagine Snoop Dogg converting to islam? The Uncles will have a field day, "All these muslim rappers are muslim: Tupac is actually 'To Pakistani'! And Eminem! Think about it, starts with an 'm' ends with an 'm', Muslim! He is coming on stage 'Slim Shady, Slim Shady' But everyone knows its muslim Shady! Actually...! Its muslim Shaadi!"


Salaam
Reply

- Qatada -
08-13-2005, 03:08 PM
Asalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..

The Prophet (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) is known to have always told the truth even when he joked with his Companions. In fact, he even cursed those who make lies just to make people laugh:

Abu Hurairah (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that when they said, “Messenger of Allah, do you make jokes with us!” He (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) replied, “I say nothing but the truth.” (Tirmidhi 4885) [keep in mind that the beloved Prophet (salallahu alai hi wasalam is suppose to be our role model.]

Mu'awiyah Ibn Jaydah al-Qushayri (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Woe to him who tells things, speaking falsely, to make people laugh thereby. Woe to him! Woe to him!” (Abu Dawud 4972).

subhan Allah!

The Prophet As the Model for Truthfulness and Trustworthiness

http://www.wefound.org/texts/Muhamma...worthiness.htm

wasalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..
Reply

Zuko
08-13-2005, 03:29 PM
Originally Posted by Aqib
Asalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..

The Prophet (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) is known to have always told the truth even when he joked with his Companions. In fact, he even cursed those who make lies just to make people laugh:

Abu Hurairah (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that when they said, “Messenger of Allah, do you make jokes with us!” He (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) replied, “I say nothing but the truth.” (Tirmidhi 4885) [keep in mind that the beloved Prophet (salallahu alai hi wasalam is suppose to be our role model.]

Mu'awiyah Ibn Jaydah al-Qushayri (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Woe to him who tells things, speaking falsely, to make people laugh thereby. Woe to him! Woe to him!” (Abu Dawud 4972).

subhan Allah!

The Prophet As the Model for Truthfulness and Trustworthiness
http://www.wefound.org/texts/Muhamma...worthiness.htm

wasalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..
:sl:

So you're saying that what An-Nuayman ibn Amr used to joke about wasn't ok?

:w:
Reply

- Qatada -
08-13-2005, 03:43 PM
Originally Posted by sweet_sorrow
:sl:

So you're saying that what An-Nuayman ibn Amr used to joke about wasn't ok?

:w:
walaikum asalam warahmatulahi wabarakatuh..

Abu Hurairah (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that when they said, “Messenger of Allah, do you make jokes with us!” He (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) replied, “I say nothing but the truth.” (Tirmidhi 4885)

Mu'awiyah Ibn Jaydah al-Qushayri (radhiallahu anhu) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (sallallâhu ‘alayhi wasallam) said, “Woe to him who tells things, speaking falsely, to make people laugh thereby. Woe to him! Woe to him!” (Abu Dawud 4972).


we do know that the Prophet (salallahu alai hi wasalam) used to tell jokes:
http://www.islamicboard.com/showthre...ighlight=jokes

but we have to keep in mind that it shoudn't be a lie "speaking falsely" and that one should remain honest. It shoudn't offend anyone in any way either..

wasalam o alikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
Reply

idris patel
08-13-2005, 04:17 PM
:sl: my dear sister in Islam (Sweet Sorrow)

I have heard/read the narrations about the various jokes played by An-Nuayman ibn Amr. He often made the beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW) and his illustrious companions laugh. As you are aware, Islam is a beautiful religion and obviously, it permits humour. An-Nuayman ibn Amr did not mock/joke about Islam or any aspects of Sharia.

As muslims we have to live our lives according to the commands of Allah (SWT) in the manner and beautiful teachings of our beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW). However, the type of humour I am referring to can be briefly exemplified by what is to follow. Do you seriously think that if Prohet Muhammad (SAW) was present in our company today he would laugh at the following? I think not!!!


I presume you have heard of Shazia Mirza who performs in the male-dominated, beer-swilling world of British stand-up comedy. She Exploits Islam to pander to the general explotation of Islam by the Western media. Only Allah (SWT) knows if she is a practicing Muslim, yet she uses the hijab (doesn't wear it outside her set) in order to deliver her gags.

The following are examples of Shazia Mirza’s jokes and on reading them, I from the bottom of my heart am grieved.

"Last year, I went to Mecca to repent my sins, and I had to walk around the black stone. All the women were dressed in black, you could only see their eyes. And I felt a hand touch my bottom. I ignored it. I thought, 'I'm in Mecca, it must be the hand of God.' But then it happened again. I didn't complain. Clearly, my prayers had been answered."

“I looked really sexy in my Hijab”


“Why Muslim men traditionally subjugate women they blame for sexually provoking them, rather than trying to control their own urges. Why they might date white women, but never marry them. Why they apparently think visiting prostitutes is acceptable.”

She describes a Muslim women’s swimming session at her local swimming pool in East London in revelatory detail. ‘They all swim in one direction – towards Mecca,’ she jokes.

I'm sure that God has a sense of humor. I hope he finds my jokes funny."


'All men are pigs. ('Especially you sir', to a heckler). Unfortunately I can't eat pork.'

Women in Saudia Arabia: 'Muslim women are not allowed to drive cars: they can't see where they're going.'

About the male gaze: "I was walking past this building site in Mecca when a group of Muslim builders shouted, 'Show us your . . . face.' "

On the search in Iraq for Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction: "Look up his wife's purdah (dress), because nobody looks up there."

there's also the joke about the female suicide bomber who asks, "Does my bomb look big in this?"

Why do very orthodox Muslim women wear black gloves all the time? In case they want to go shoplifting.

I fail to find the humour in these so-called 'JOKES'. I personally feel prophet Muhammad (SAW) would be disgusted at this.

:w:
Reply

Zuko
08-13-2005, 04:22 PM
:sl:

:omg: :omg: :omg: :omg:

OMG.... That is soo messed up!:mad: Astgahfirllah! I'm at a loss for words... I can't believe she's like that!

Astaghfirallah, may Allah guide me to the Straight Path...:-[ :-\

Thanks for the information...

:w:
Reply

idris patel
08-13-2005, 04:27 PM
:sl:

May Allah (SWT) guide us all. May he inculcate in our hearts a true and deep love for him and his beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (SAW). Aameen.

Sister - I appreciate the type of humour you intended and I am pleased to hear that the examples I have given have not made you laugh.

:w:
Reply

Zuko
08-13-2005, 04:29 PM
Salaam,

Of course they didn't, she's one messed up freak I swear... Again, thanks for the info...

salaam
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
08-13-2005, 10:33 PM
Yeah!!!she's not funny can't see how people could laugh at something so stupid.Snoop Dogg becoming muslim.Seriously that was funny.Try to imagine the other super stars.Specially M.J and his little girly voice.
Reply

Uthman
08-14-2005, 09:50 AM
:sl:

I used to be a huge fan of M.J. My brother has got his new essentials cd! :brother: But for me, alas

:w:

Reply

TEH
08-14-2005, 10:46 AM
Now what you guys have to understand is, Hamzah doesnt take the mickey out of Islam, he takes the mickey out of people who are doing silly stuff. Most, if not all, of his articles have a purpose, a moral, showing the community something they do, which perhaps they shouldnt. Yes, he may exxagerate sometimes, but thats what makes you laugh, and quite frankly, if that changes people, I think it is a god thing...

:D
Reply

maisa
09-01-2005, 12:27 AM
al salamo alikom bro. and sis.

for anyone who is interested in islamic comedy check out this site



http://haqaonline.com/multimedia/audio/Comedy/

my favorite is "Salam Diversity "
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

have fun :)
Reply

Afr!can angel
09-01-2005, 12:37 AM
yh i've been on dat b4 its soooo funny ! azhar usman is da best!!!!!!!!! :)
Reply

obada
09-02-2005, 03:57 AM
oh that was funny, especially the salam of the arabs

hehehehehe

azhar usman is coming to ottawa by the way
Reply

Genius
09-02-2005, 01:19 PM
He's not funny in compared to western comedians ( Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock etc) but for a Muslim he is funny, still not really laugh out loud.
Reply

Lina
09-02-2005, 04:56 PM
Originally Posted by Genius
He's not funny in compared to western comedians ( Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock etc) but for a Muslim he is funny, still not really laugh out loud.

Click here for Dave Chapelle - The Niggar Family
Reply

Afr!can angel
09-03-2005, 11:48 AM
yh nice!
Reply

ABWAN
09-07-2005, 04:39 AM
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

Of the 3 muslim comedians I know...he probably is the best..you folks should listen to the fun he makes about how muslims name their kids and how a muslim family find a groom for a revert lady.. they seem funny and yet practically possible
Reply

Hijaabi22
09-09-2005, 06:47 PM
This guy rocks man!!! Seen him in concert, had me in hystericals!!!!
Reply

maisa
09-10-2005, 02:13 AM
Originally Posted by Genius
He's not funny in compared to western comedians ( Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock etc) but for a Muslim he is funny, still not really laugh out loud.

better than nothing my brother ;)
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
09-10-2005, 12:36 PM
Originally Posted by Genius
He's not funny in compared to western comedians ( Dave Chapelle, Chris Rock etc) but for a Muslim he is funny, still not really laugh out loud.
Asallama Alaikum yeah true he isn't that funny atleast when compared to western comedians(Man those guys light up my fridays),but he's okay.Chris Rock well now a days his work is kinda getting a little old don't you think? :p :p :p
Reply

Zuko
09-10-2005, 12:37 PM
Originally Posted by Shukri
Asallama Alaikum yeah true he isn't that funny atleast when compared to western comedians(Man those guys light up my fridays),but he's okay.Chris Rock well now a days his work is kinda getting a little old don't you think? :p :p :p
I love chris rock! (I mean his jokes....)
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
09-10-2005, 01:08 PM
I also like Jim Carry. ;D ;D ;D ;D He's sooooooooooooo goofy.
Reply

Zuko
09-10-2005, 01:29 PM
lol, did you see Bruce Almighty? LOOOOL, remember what he does to his soup? He parts it into two like Moses did... there's a whole lot of other stuff, but I don't think its appropriate to post them... so.....
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
09-10-2005, 01:36 PM
Asallama Alaikum I think that movie is haram.Seriously it was hilarious ,but also very inappropriate.He's acting like God for Allah's sake.That movie is a 100% shirk. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Reply

Zuko
09-10-2005, 01:37 PM
Originally Posted by Shukri
Asallama Alaikum I think that movie is haram.Seriously it was hilarious ,but also very inappropriate.He's acting like God for Allah's sake.That movie is a 100% shirk. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
:-[ :-[ :zip:
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
09-10-2005, 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by Queenoftheworld
:-[ :-[ :zip:
;D ;D ;D speechless I see eh....
Reply

Hijaabi22
09-16-2005, 01:51 PM
Hey hus heard of Preacher Moss???
Reply

Malaikah
09-23-2005, 12:27 PM
Azhar Usman is soo funny.. but i think some times the jokes can be taken in the wrong way, soem thigns that are joked about are touchy issues
Reply

beans
09-24-2005, 05:01 AM
don't be fooled by it's title, a very humerous and fun site, and you learn a lot, great for youth interested in thier religion!

http://maniacmuslim.com
Reply

wasim134
10-01-2005, 09:55 AM
uzar osman is funny i like him!
Reply

Afr!can angel
10-02-2005, 09:35 AM
Originally Posted by ------------
Hey hus heard of Preacher Moss???
yep he's hilarious too ........ :D
Reply

Protected_Diamond
10-02-2005, 12:17 PM
Asalamualykum warahmatulahi wabarakthu

hmmm...the first clip isnt he just taking the mikey out of the different accents of muslim peeps...

walakumasalaam warahmatulahi wabarakthu
Reply

aishaazher
10-08-2005, 09:27 PM
hey, can any body tell of more websites where i can find Azhar Usmans audio,
Jazakullah khair
Reply

maisa
10-09-2005, 12:59 AM
Originally Posted by aishaazher
hey, can any body tell of more websites where i can find Azhar Usmans audio,
Jazakullah khair

well, try his own website
it is http://www.azhar.com/
Reply

abusufi96
10-09-2005, 01:19 AM
asalamu alaikum

Yea your right he isnt that funny, but those comedians who backbite, curse, and do other kinds of stuff allah is not pleased with. Do you think those are funny?
Reply

someone
10-09-2005, 11:13 AM
Azher Usman makes me :lol: alot!

He's top!

:thumbs_up
Reply

islam
10-09-2005, 04:09 PM
He is funny and its amazing how muslims can get into the comedy business without saying anything against islam and how they put islam and everday life into it
Reply

modez
10-09-2005, 04:29 PM
not very apealing..comedy and islam no way. may allah guide us all.
Reply

Batoota
10-09-2005, 05:21 PM
:sl:

What do you mean by "comedy and islam no way?" don't you know the prophet Salla Allahoo alyhee wa salam used to joke? Comedy/ joking are not haram: there are just certain guidelines to it....

Insha Allah i didn't understand you incorrectly!

Ameen to the dua!

:w:
Reply

beans
10-11-2005, 07:52 PM
he can be funny, but he can be really elementary. he's alright i guess.
Reply

eyes_of_mine
10-12-2005, 09:35 PM
I had a good laugh at that, its nice to hear some islamic comedy, I do not think any of it was offensive, just plain funny, my favourite was the media one.
Reply

Souljah_Ali
10-13-2005, 11:17 AM
old but funny. thanks for the laugh
Reply

MetSudaisTwice
10-13-2005, 11:23 AM
salam
lol very funny
wasalam
Reply

wasim134
10-14-2005, 09:36 PM
i think he is the best comidean around!
Reply

muslim_girl
11-04-2005, 12:34 PM
:-/
ummmmm?
Reply

- Qatada -
11-04-2005, 12:38 PM
:sl: warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.


sis - if you want the the files, i can get you a link to download them?
Reply

maisa
11-06-2005, 06:26 PM
thnx for dropping by :sister:
Reply

Genius
11-06-2005, 11:32 PM
I just saw him and Preacher Moss now in Manchester, let me say they are absolutely awesome, take back all previous comments.
Reply

DaSangarTalib
11-07-2005, 09:26 PM
:giggling: and at the same time a little bit offensive
Reply

ABWAN
11-10-2005, 06:14 AM
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Well Azhar Usman has his own website (http://www.azhar.com/clips/index.html) and he has been on tour with 2 other brothers for more than a year all over Canada and USA..I am sure he must have visited most of the Schools in USA and Canada...(http://www.allahmademefunny.com/)

Of the three, Azhar was funny...because of his roots (desi) he makes fun of desis...especially desi parents and aunties...He has released a CD as well and they sell it normally on his tour shows...I would certainly recommend anyone to buy his CD... When I saw him in his show, I thought that salam was the funniest...but listen to the CD...there are lots more!
Reply

Zuko
11-13-2005, 04:20 PM
Anyone heard of the muslim comedian, Ahmed Ahmed? His jokes are funny, if only he'd keep out the profanity...:-\ Check out his site:

http://www.ahmed-ahmed.com/
Reply

Mohsin
11-13-2005, 04:34 PM
Allah made me funny- Preacher Moss and Azhar Usman, were both in cardiff recently as part of the celebrate eid tour. Alhumdulillah i couldn't stop laughing at some of his asian jokes. Being pakistani myself his jokes were just so true and funny. I know some rothers here have said Chris Rock etc. are funnier but i dnt knw, is it really worth listening to those other comedians who often backbite and talk about women in an offensive and disrespectful way, wheras Azhar usman and Preacher Moss keep to the limits of Shariah
Reply

Zuko
11-13-2005, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by Moss
Allah made me funny- Preacher Moss and Azhar Usman, were both in cardiff recently as part of the celebrate eid tour. Alhumdulillah i couldn't stop laughing at some of his asian jokes. Being pakistani myself his jokes were just so true and funny. I know some rothers here have said Chris Rock etc. are funnier but i dnt knw, is it really worth listening to those other comedians who often backbite and talk about women in an offensive and disrespectful way, wheras Azhar usman and Preacher Moss keep to the limits of Shariah
You're asolutely right, its not worth it...:peace:
Reply

maisa
01-15-2006, 04:21 AM
just came back from a great comedy show "Allah made me funny" here in Ottawa
and masha alla the three rox
Preacher Moss, Azeem, and usman have performed nicely
liked them
and if you r going to have these people around I encourage ya seeing them
it is really worth going


saaaalam
Reply

hidaayah
01-15-2006, 01:39 PM
ASsalam u Alaikum..
The salaam one's my fav too and also the uncle lemme explain you..!
Reply

Ghazi
01-15-2006, 01:51 PM
Salaam

Isn't excessive laughing not good, I heard the Prophet(PBUH) used to smile and his back teeth would never be exposed.
Reply

Muezzin
01-15-2006, 02:00 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Isn't excessive laughing not good, I heard the Prophet(PBUH) used to smile and his back teeth would never be exposed.
Back teeth as in molars? I don't know how the heck you can smile and expose your molars :p

Oh, and Azhar Usman is extremely funny. Loved his impression of the 'nasal Pakistani auntie'. :D
Reply

extinction
04-07-2006, 08:12 PM
:sl: for many of you out there I just want you to know I am a HUGE comedy fan...not just muslim comedy now I'm sure many of you are raising eyebrows and are like eh? muslim comedy....what muslim comedy well thats what I'm here for...with some links to some halal comedy in english(mind you the american accent)and I would also request the people viewing this to contribute their links if they have any..........have a laugh......for more comedy contribuitions that aren't exactly suitable for all audiences you can drop a line on this site
Ok now here goes this is a compilation of Azhar Usman and a few other Comedians Including Preacher Moss and Azeem....so sit back and let the crickets chirp...lol
Comedy Clip 1(link corrupted due to some apparent mocking?)
Comedy Clip 2
Comedy Clip 3
Comedy Clip 4
Comedy Clip 5
Comedy Clip 6
Comedy Clip 7
Comedy Clip 8
Comedy Clip 9
Comedy Clip 10
Comedy Clip 11
Comedy Clip 12
Now for the big show of the night.......Allah Made Me Funny Video (link corrupted due to apparent mocking?)
Hope you brothers and sisters enjoy them and by all means feel free to add your own clips
Reply

afriend
04-07-2006, 08:14 PM
:sl:

Jazakallah bro!

Yeah they are extremely funny!!

I had them aaaaaaages ago....But they're great......Very funny.....
Reply

Sister_6038
04-07-2006, 08:15 PM
preacher moss is HILARIOUS...as are the other comedian brothers....:statisfie :statisfie ;D ;D
Reply

The Ruler
04-07-2006, 08:21 PM
:lol:...;D ;D ;D

i only watched da first 1....gotta watch da others too :happy: ;D

:w:
Reply

amirah_87
04-09-2006, 09:34 PM
salaams akhee

that's a good one .....LOL

that brothers a joker *crys of laughter*


wassalaam
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-09-2006, 10:08 PM
The ALlah made me funny video MADE ME SIK!!! ASTAGFIRULLAH :offended:

they say Allahu akbar then start dancing? ASTAGFIRULLAH NAUDHUBILLAH!!!!
Reply

extinction
04-09-2006, 10:12 PM
Originally Posted by Abd'Majid
The ALlah made me funny video MADE ME SIK!!! ASTAGFIRULLAH :offended:

they say Allahu akbar then start dancing? ASTAGFIRULLAH NAUDHUBILLAH!!!!
Im sorry if it offended you..im not fond of the music either but look beyond that its funny...
Reply

Ghazi
04-09-2006, 10:14 PM
Salaam

Didn't the prophet warn ous of too much laughter as it harderns the heart.
Reply

extinction
04-09-2006, 10:16 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Didn't the prophet warn ous of too much laughter as it harderns the heart.
hey tell that to comedians....
Reply

Ghazi
04-09-2006, 10:18 PM
Salaam

Inshallah If had the opertunity I would.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-09-2006, 10:19 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Didn't the prophet warn ous of too much laughter as it harderns the heart.

bro i was thinkin this myself, as soon as it started i heard people laughin and i thought this jus dont feel right! then wen they started dancin ASTAGFIRULLAH!
Reply

Ghazi
04-09-2006, 10:21 PM
:sl:

Whats with the vid it's got music at the start.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-09-2006, 10:22 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
:sl:

Whats with the vid it's got music at the start.
better to avoid it akhee, shaytaans influence u kno!!
Reply

amirah_87
04-09-2006, 10:23 PM
I Agree With You Akhee Thats Just Haraam..... My Mums Givin Me A Lecture 'bout The First One (salaams)
Takin The Mic Aswell Out Of The Deen......
Reply

Ghazi
04-09-2006, 10:24 PM
Originally Posted by amirah_87
I Agree With You Akhee Thats Just Haraam..... My Mums Givin Me A Lecture 'bout The First One (salaams)
Takin The Mic Aswell Out Of The Deen......
Salaam

Seriously doesn't that make one's islam void.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-09-2006, 10:25 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Seriously doesn't that make one's islam void.
ye its like doin that which is haram and makin islam look bad :rant:
Reply

amirah_87
04-09-2006, 10:26 PM
Allahu A'lam Akhee....i Think Theres Probably Some Sort Of Sin In It Though.........
Reply

extinction
04-09-2006, 10:31 PM
hey if it helps any Ill just take it off is that fine with all of you..? ("wa amruhum shura baynahum")
Reply

Ghazi
04-09-2006, 10:33 PM
:sl:

Anyone who ridicules any aspect of the religion of the Messenger of Allah [saw], or any of its rewards or punishments, becomes an unbeliever. Allah Most High says (in the meaning):
"Say: Was it Allah, and His signs and His Messenger that you were mocking? Make no excuse; you have disbelieved after you had believed." (Soorah At-Tawbah 9:65-66)
Reply

extinction
04-09-2006, 10:36 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
:sl:

Anyone who ridicules any aspect of the religion of the Messenger of Allah [saw], or any of its rewards or punishments, becomes an unbeliever. Allah Most High says (in the meaning):
"Say: Was it Allah, and His signs and His Messenger that you were mocking? Make no excuse; you have disbelieved after you had believed." (Soorah At-Tawbah 9:65-66)
I dont get what he's making fun..Im not backing the comedian ...Im genuninely asking.....
Reply

amirah_87
04-09-2006, 10:36 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
:sl:

Anyone who ridicules any aspect of the religion of the Messenger of Allah [saw], or any of its rewards or punishments, becomes an unbeliever. Allah Most High says (in the meaning):
"Say: Was it Allah, and His signs and His Messenger that you were mocking? Make no excuse; you have disbelieved after you had believed." (Soorah At-Tawbah 9:65-66)

HEY THATS THE EXACT AYAT MY MUM WAS SAYING ABOUT THIS
Reply

extinction
04-09-2006, 10:41 PM
well the salam diversity one is gone and so is the Allah made me funny video....any more I should know of? cause the rest of them didnt really have anything that made of Islam did they?
Reply

Muezzin
04-10-2006, 06:42 PM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Didn't the prophet warn ous of too much laughter as it harderns the heart.
I guess my heart is a rock then.

I've not seen this video, but I have heard some of Azhar Usman's stand-up, and he never ridicules Islam as a religion - he may, however, take the mickey out of certain Muslims who do strange things. Nothing wrong with that.
Reply

extinction
04-10-2006, 07:15 PM
yeah these people dont think so ...and their word is supposed to be divine or something but I dont care...I guess I just removed the links to avoid any other conflict....but trust me they were hilarious...
Reply

Muhammad
04-10-2006, 08:13 PM
:sl:

Threads merged.

The issue of joking has been brought up various times throughout this thread....

:w:
Reply

extinction
04-10-2006, 08:15 PM
hey I have a thread just like this but with loads of links..
Reply

Sister_6038
04-10-2006, 08:16 PM
azhar usman is hilarious....:D:D:D ive got his dvd...its tery tery good
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-10-2006, 08:18 PM
Originally Posted by Hatshepsut
azhar usman is hilarious....:D:D:D ive got his dvd...its tery tery good
:rant: he aint funny!!!!! Well some of his jokes seem halal enuff but some of the stuff he duz and his videos... it has musik... sooo much laughing... astagfirullah :rant:
Reply

Sister_6038
04-10-2006, 08:22 PM
Originally Posted by Abd'Majid
:rant: he aint funny!!!!! Well some of his jokes seem halal enuff but some of the stuff he duz and his videos... it has musik... sooo much laughing... astagfirullah :rant:
bro...me no seen no music...:hiding:
Reply

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